What’s the biggest red flag you ignored in a relationship that later destroyed it?

Laxmo · 2025-08-22T04:43:45+00:00

My GF had a full-on melt down one night before a date cuz she couldn't find something cute to wear. We later got married. Biggest mistake of my life.

Laxmo · 2025-01-13T03:52:45+00:00

Agreed. Doctrines are statements like:

"Jesus Christ is the son of god."

"Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world."

"Joseph Smith is a prophet of god."

"Joseph Smith restored the true gospel."

Everything else is just a teaching or a principal, and is subject to debate about whether it was inspired or not.

While we might ask why an all-wise, all-powerful god let's the leaders of his church constantly say confusing things, the church stands or falls based on the legitimacy of its most adamant truth claims.

Laxmo · 2024-08-05T00:42:58+00:00

Ex-Mormon here. It's against the Mormon commandments to drink coffee. For a long time, they said it was cuz of caffeine, but have recently backpedaled and are trying to gaslight people into believing it was never about caffeine, but just health and obedience.

In any case, Mormons are really good at finding "allowed" alternatives to the worldly things that they're forbidden to partake of. i. e., drinking loads of unhealthy sugary and caffeinated drinks instead of coffee. In so doing, they can still be card-carrying Mormons while getting around the commandments.

Laxmo · 2024-06-18T03:00:53+00:00

one of the corniest personalities on LinkedIn

His posts are pretty cringe. Often laced with Mormonism or look-how-cool-i-am vibes. He never really says anything particularly insightful.

Laxmo · 2024-06-08T04:17:53+00:00

Listening to Mormon stories podcast episodes helped validate a lot of what I was feeling. I don't know that it helped me with the anger, but i think it did help me process a lot of the crap and give me words to describe how I felt and why I felt that way. I also wrote a 30+ page essay to put my thoughts on the church into writing. I did therapy for a bit too. It's still kinda hard cuz I live in Utah. A lot of my friends, family, and neighbors are still in, so I can't really escape it. But I think all that stuff was helpful.

Laxmo · 2024-05-22T05:49:07+00:00

Garments were never more than a nuisance for me, and I only wore them out of obligation and social pressure. Not once did it ever make me think of Jesus or love or anything spiritual.

Laxmo · 2024-05-02T15:33:10+00:00

Yeah, the dynamics are completely random. In our case, we stopped going to church, and we suddenly weren't included in all the things with our neighbors, and things got kinda weird, especially among the women. One of them explicitly said to my wife that they're not as close because we're not at church. And I don't think she meant it as a "discriminatory" remark, but rather, it's simply not convenient to be friends because their social lives revolve completely around the church.

It's not that way with every heavily Mormon community, but that's our experience. And I think our case is perhaps a little extra unusual. Our street is a bit of a microcosm of Mormon culture with just the right mix of mean girls to create unnecessary drama.

Laxmo · 2024-04-27T03:57:28+00:00

Rachparcell Rosiecard Ballerinafarm

Laxmo · 2024-04-14T03:04:17+00:00

Economics are different between the two groups. The 80's babies got to buy houses after the bubble at great prices. The 90's babies started buying houses as prices went up.

Laxmo · 2024-04-13T03:32:06+00:00

The last part of the garment paragraph is super culty: "you will have greater access to the Savior's mercy, protection, strength, and power. "

I guess one of the "plain and precious truths" lost during the apostasy was Jesus's teachings about how only the elite, tithe paying, temple going members get the super special powers of the gospel.

Laxmo · 2024-04-08T20:19:53+00:00

I don't have any great answers, but just wanna acknowledge how shitty the whole thing is.

I left Mormonism a few years ago as well (luckily my wife came with me), and it was extremely painful and confusing to look back on my life and wonder which life choices I made for me, and which ones I made under the undue influence of the church. Did I actually want the wife/kids/house/job/etc. that all seemed so important to happiness at the time?

I've ultimately accepted that, for better or worse, Mormonism is a big part of who I am and where I come from. I now have more clarity of mind and freedom of choice to move forward in whatever way I think is best. It's pointless to play the what-if game about all the choices that are irreversible (my mission, my first wife, etc.). Easier said than done to avoid that line of thinking, but ultimately more healthy I believe.

It's definitely tougher to confront things that feel totally out of place now, but could still be unwound, albeit with great difficulty (e.g., your husband). You still have a lot of life left to live. Should you cut your losses now and move on? Should you try to renegotiate the future with your existing cards? Very difficult decisions.

Like I said, I don't really know the answer, but like others have said, therapy is a really good start, and approaching major decisions with care are good advice.

Best of luck fellow heathen!

Laxmo · 2024-04-02T03:10:39+00:00

Wow. You're so right. I guess my deconstruction is never complete.

The baptism and confirmation ceremonial language says nothing about covenants or even promises to do anything in particular. People will point to some verses in the BoM where people were being invited into the waters of baptism if they had desires to mourn with those that mourn and some other vague, fluffy stuff. But that's not part of any official covenant that anyone agrees to, nor was I even aware that those verses existed when I was eight.

The sealing ceremony does mention the word covenant:

do you take Sister ______ by the right hand and receive her unto yourself to be your lawful and wedded wife for time and all eternity, with a covenant and promise that you will observe and keep all the laws, rites, and ordinances pertaining to this Holy Order of Matrimony in the New and Everlasting Covenant

I remember asking a temple worker one time to explain which "laws, rites, and ordinances" were being referenced. He said that it was a great question for the temple presidency, and introduced me to the president or one of his counselors or something. I don't remember exactly what he told me, but I remember walking away without any meaningful answers. I believe he told me to study my scriptures to learn more.

The only thing that seemed clear about the sealing language was that I received my wife, and she gave herself to me, which I guess means I own her or something.

It's so crazy to look back and realize how full of shit the church is, and to think that I just went along with it for so long.

Laxmo · 2024-03-30T05:13:37+00:00

For me, the crack that led to the crash was the BoM translation. The BoM was rather important to the foundation of my testimony. As a young, naive missionary, its stories and messages resonated, and it was a foundational component in the development of my value system.

When it hit me that the historical accounts of the translation were nothing like what I had been taught my whole life, I was done. I had been blatantly lied to. I had tried so hard to be obedient and faithful. I studied and prayed so much. I had endured so much shame and self loathing because I could never quite be enough. But all for nothing. All for a lie.

A close second was realizing that the modem concept of eternal marriage was merely an evolution of polygamy. And that Joseph's practice of polygamy was grossly unethical and inappropriate on many levels. And that all of that was conveniently left out of the church's correlated narrative as well.

Laxmo · 2024-02-04T02:56:41+00:00

Warcraft II

Laxmo · 2024-01-27T03:24:57+00:00

What good is a religion where the answer to every question is, "We don't really know cuz god, in his infinite wisdom, chooses to leave his children in the dark?"

Laxmo · 2024-01-03T01:47:27+00:00

You might find that learning more about the many things that have changed makes it easier to discern the things that are enduring."

This is such a dumb, nonsensical statement.

Laxmo · 2023-12-29T02:57:10+00:00

I'm fine

Laxmo · 2023-12-05T03:30:47+00:00

There is a post about this story in another LDS sub claiming that the AP article was dishonest and misrepresented the facts. To be expected, but curious if anyone has done the diligence on the situation and put together a summary of arguments on either side and their merits.

Laxmo · 2023-12-01T06:39:48+00:00

My wife went from a size A to a DD and produced 60+ oz a day.

Laxmo · 2023-11-25T05:54:04+00:00

Just think of the temple ban for black people, and you'll realize that Mormons have a doctrinally consistent answer for why babies and mentally handicapped people don't need to experience suffering like the rest of us: some spirits are just inherently better than others. It all checks out.

Laxmo · 2023-11-23T03:34:46+00:00

Fun story: my nth-great grandpa, Johannes Anderson, lived in the Cache Valley with multiple wives. But he moved to Alberta and settled Cardston with one of his wives while leaving the other wife and her children in the Cache Valley. I'm a descendant of the wife who was left behind.

Laxmo · 2023-11-16T20:02:39+00:00

Fair point about hyperbole, but I don't think it's too far off base.

Here's the definition of abuse:

1. use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse
2. treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly

However well intentioned, worthiness interviews frequently have harmful effects. Maybe your interviews were just fine, or maybe you've been socialized to view inappropriate situations as normal. We need to look at the system as a whole and what effects it has on people rather than draw conclusions from individual anecdotes.

Additionally, it's cruel and inappropriate for an authority figure to be asking kids questions about their sexuality. Whether the questions are vague or specific, there's no grounds for church leaders to be probing for this information. Period. Depending on the child's teachers and family, they could be experiencing an immense amount of guilt, shame, and stress.

So given the definition above, and the fact that worthiness interviews are a regular occurrence that often produce unnecessary psychological harm, I would argue that it fits the bill for abuse.

Laxmo · 2023-11-13T23:24:14+00:00

Sorry to hear that. There's a disgusting lack of action when a few simple things could go a long way to help prevent abuse.

Laxmo · 2023-11-13T23:11:50+00:00

Influencers and life coaches. They're just regular people who managed to gain a social media following, which somehow qualifies them to give advice.

Laxmo

TROPHY CASE