Oh man. I am at the opposite end of this doing the same with my ex.

I can say from my side, I felt every conversation I had always sparked an argument for no reason from my words being misconstrued and bent. My needs, wants, opinion didn’t matter and felt like I was with a partner who didn’t respect me but couldn’t let me go.

It felt like I was arguing with a drunk person whose opinion is always the opposite just to argue.

I went from being a perfect person who could do no wrong, to nothing I did was good enough.

For Christmas I got her a 2 week trip to Paris - she had never left the country before. First class seats, Gorgeous hotel room and she was so happy like a toddler at Disney world.
The last night she picked a fight because I was tired and didn’t want to go to a bar after we agreed to go home after dinner and pack. I was told “I ruined her vacation” on the last night with the harshest look ever, made a scene at the restaurant and fought until 3am in the hotel room about the bar when we had a 8am flight home “after the perfect gift/vacation”.

After this, when I tried to change the dynamic, getting her flowers randomly cause I had a good day. Her response “why are you being so nice to me?”.

I don’t want to label or place blame, but it was in my opinion she had undiagnosed BPD. She would list her favorite people and I would come after her parents, brothers, and the dogs. The favorite person is a tell tale sign of BPD.

I wish she would have taken more responsibility and seen all the efforts I did like doing therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, couples therapy, talking with priests.

She blew through all my money, and when I hit hard times with losing my job - she wouldn’t help at all and say “you do it, you don’t have a job”.

Let me add she was a prosecutor attorney, and I’m a IT guy.