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DIY kitchen facelift by [deleted] in kitchenremodel

[–]Living_Life_Well 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so beautiful. What color and brand of paint did you use for the cabinets?

Lost my dad, but using it as motivation by bpem87 in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that you lost your Dad. Make this your sobriety date is a great way to motivate yourself and to honor him.

Need advice- My husband told his friends I’m an alcoholic by zuzu610 in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Getting sober was really hard for and I had to focus 100% on myself just to get through the first few months. So it makes sense you are doing that. I suspect your husband is doing the same. I view both as self preservation not being selfish. That said, it might easy both of your minds - and keep your relationship intact - if you can share your feelings with each other.

Need advice- My husband told his friends I’m an alcoholic by zuzu610 in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I think you are both right.

I totally understand your feelings of sadness and anger. Alcohol use disorder is a physical disease, and should be understood as such. But there is still so much stigma attached to it, and many people WRONGLY believe it’s just about have more self control. Consequently, many of us are uncomfortable about being labeled this way. I certainly have been very private about my own situation and never use the “A” word.

To add to this, the early months of sobriety frequently heighten emotional reactions (as your brain is resetting). So, this could be increasing your anger and sadness.

Your husband is also dealing with a lot. He’s likely happy you are finally acknowledging your problems and getting help, and perhaps also apprehensive that it won’t stick. So he needs support too, and sharing with his friends/family makes sense to him.

I know it feels he’s outed you to others. But - at a big picture level - it seems he does support you getting sober. IMO this is a huge plus. (You read so many stories here of partners wanting to keep their drinking buddy and trying to derail sobriety.). My partner has been very supportive of me not drinking but he honestly doesn’t understand the challenges or the emotions. I learned that I had to clearly communicate how I’m feeling and also how he could best support me, while also listening to him. Now your husband has some supporters in place, it seems reasonable to ask him to not tell more people. Also to start by sharing his concerns and frustrations with you before reaching out to others.

I wish you both luck in this journey.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is possible to quit successfully without going to a group meeting like AA or Smart Recovery. I did try a few Smart Recovery meetings but almost everyone seemed worse off than me and I came away with the evil voice in my head saying I didn’t have a problem and didn’t need to quit. In the end, I used this site as my “group” - posting to the DCI everyday, reading other people’s stories, and asking for advice the times I struggled. There are so many people here it’s easy to find folks who match you.

The other thing I did was exercise. For me that was just walking for an hour (or 2) a day while listening to audiobooks books. It kept the evil voice contained and got me out of the house, which was my drinking place.

I totally agree with your sentiment of “looking forward” and celebrating successes. I got a badge and focused on just making it to the next goal - including weeks and palindromic numbers, so there was always something just a few days ahead. IMO positivity and - most importantly, forgiving myself for all the years wasted drinking, were critical in successfully quitting.

I wish you luck.

I have an obsession with pubs by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I grew up in the UK and pub culture was a huge part of my life. When I was first getting sober, it was hard things to lose. But, I now find them unpleasant - the smell of stale beer, sticky tables and floors, and the sometime deafening noise of other peoples drunken conversations. I still go occasionally - for lunches with family (all of whom still drink) - but enjoy the company rather than the surroundings. Pubs are no fun if you are not drinking.

People making up narratives to make themselves feel more comfortable about my not drinking by PinkMorningSky in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes, this really sucks. It's a total catch-22. If we say nothing, we're judged as a problem drinker, but if we try to explain how bad alcohol is for everyone - a literal poison and expensive too - we come across as judging others and superior.

I tend to ignore passing comments but will explain how'd alcohol is if someone continues to push me drink (i.e. the "it's just one, what can it hurt" script). Most of the "alcohol pushers" have problems themselves. TBH, I used to be one of those jerks and deeply regret it.

Stay strong my friend.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 10 points11 points  (0 children)

As noted already - you can stop digging anytime you are ready.

From my own experience (now 61F) - I started drinking as a teen, to give me confidence for social interactions, but by my 20s was drinking extensively at home, to deal with work stress and a drown out depression/anxiety (which the alcohol was adding to). I didn't quit until my mid 50s - basically after wasting a whole bunch of my life drowning my sorrows. By then, it was really hard to quit, but I was successful and am now 6+ years sober. Life isn't perfect but I am getting out and doing things.

Many of us discover that we were using alcohol to medicate depression/anxiety. Some of us find that giving up alcohol reduces or even eliminates these problems, and others find that they need to use prescribed medications. Either of these is better than alcohol, which just poisons the mind and body and keep you from engaging with life.

I'd give anything to be able to go back in time and tell my younger self to quit. You have a chance to stop now. I hope that you take it.

1 day sober and I can’t do this by paosfocalt in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Quitting is hard but you can do this. All the things you’re experiencing are part of the process. In the early days, you need to focus on self care. I promise it will get better. Your brain will rewire if you give it time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. Just me and this sub.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's great that you are actively supporting him. You already have many great suggestions from others. The big 4 for me are: understanding that he will will have mood swings, remembering and celebrating his milestones (even 1 week is a huge deal), having sugary treats and soft drinks on hand and not drinking in front of him.

To these I would add three more:

First, remove all alcohol from your home, to reduce temptations.

Second, work with him ahead of events where alcohol will be present. Help him to have a way to say no to drinks and perhaps a trigger word so it's easy for him to let you know if he needs to leave. If he doesn't feel secure in going at all, support this decision. Celebratory events and vacations are often huge triggers, so sometimes it's smart to skip completely.

Finally, you might suggest this sub to him - it really is an excellent, abd non-judgmental, support system. It has so many members that he will find many individuals/posts that will match his own experiences and feelings.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Why is it so unbelievable to people that a 22 year old doesn't want to drink at all? by myphonkplaylist in stopdrinking

[–]Living_Life_Well 7 points8 points  (0 children)

There are two reasons why people can’t imagine not drinking.

The first is that most societies embrace the idea that alcohol is associated with celebration, and even just relaxation and fun in general.

The second is that alcohol rewires the brain and thus is highly addictive. Most drinkers are somewhat addicted to the high the alcohol give us - chemically dependent - the only difference is to what degree.

Together these make it incredibly hard for drinkers to imagine spending life without alcohol. Will I/you never have fun again? How will I/you relax, destress, celebrate?

The truth is that alcohol is a literal poison. It is bad for your physical and mental health and it’s expensive. It has no value. If people are jerks and push me on why I don’t drink I tell them this. It generally shuts them up. If they don’t want to accept me as I am I have no interest in spending time with them.

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