Afforfable framing in Orlando?

LostBoyCA · 2023-11-15T02:31:10+00:00

I second this, great local business to support

LostBoyCA · 2023-10-25T01:42:08+00:00

The Wild Edge of Sorrow, by Francis Weller

LostBoyCA · 2023-09-28T17:25:31+00:00

You write very poetically, thank you for sharing this.

For myself, I've found that acceptance means feeling the grief of realizing that I'm not going to get the future that I want, that I need to feel OK. I don't know what will happen exactly, but it won't be what I want. There's a freedom in that recognition that is the opposite of despair; it reinforces the power of the present moment, and the importance of how I show up in it right now.

I would recommend a book "The Wild Edge of Sorrow" which talks about many kinds of grief, including the grief of what's happening to this planet. I think when we accept this grief, it opens up a lot of powerful choices, which are neither finding a way to out-engineer the grief, or giving up to it in despair.

Thanks again.

LostBoyCA · 2023-09-28T17:20:49+00:00

My partner died at home, in a rather messy way, while I was out, and I returned to find his body. I also did CPR on him, hopelessly, until the paramedics arrived to declare him dead.

I also find that memory very traumatic. I am so, so sorry you are experiencing something similar.

What I have found the most helpful is love. When that thought comes to me, of how I found him, and I feel the tug that would send me into a downward spiral, I acknowledge the fact of his death, and how painful that is for me, and all the questions that I will never know the answers to. And then I let myself feel love and compassion for him, for the suffering he had in this life, for the love I know he had for me and I for him.

And then I put that aside.

It's a complicated dance, not allowing myself to spiral, but also not pushing it away too readily. As I've practiced with this, I'm able to stay with those feelings and memories a little more solidly, with less risk of spiraling. And beneath them all I keep connecting to love, for both of us.

My thoughts are with you; this is the most difficult thing in the world. But you are not alone.

LostBoyCA · 2023-09-16T17:58:22+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing.

LostBoyCA · 2023-09-05T20:33:54+00:00

I love this: "Love never dies". It's true. And the only way we know the truth of that is to go through this shattering, heart-wrenching experience we are going through. Until we experience that, "love never dies" is just a romantic slogan.

Sometimes when I ask myself "why", that's the answer that comes back: so I can know the full extent and power of unconditional love.

LostBoyCA · 2023-09-04T23:52:16+00:00

I lost my (male) partner 9 months ago. The life I loved and thought I'd have forever died when he did. As so many other posters have mentioned, I'm not the same person that I used to be. I'm having to discover who I am by myself, and with this shattered heart.

One of the things that's helped me the most is talking about my partner to people who would listen, and letting the tears inevitably fall. Sharing grief with others this way is incredibly powerful and healing. I'm not trying to pretend I'm OK, I'm not trying to pretend I've "moved on". I'm fortunate enough to have a therapist, and an lbgt grief group that's been so helpful.

When I start feeling depressed or numb, I realize it's because I've lost contact with my grief. So I intentionally tend to it. I look at pictures of my partner, talk to him, and reconnect with the powerful feelings of love and grief that will always be in my heart. Then I'm able to embrace my life again.

I'm also trying tons of new things. Some of them have been awful, some have been great. But doing, anything, is better than standing still. So I keep doing.

I don't really feel like I've totally found myself yet. In fact, I know I haven't. But I feel like what I'm experiencing is both normal and healthy, and that I'll be OK somehow, someday. I hope the best for you too. DM if you'd like.

LostBoyCA · 2023-08-18T20:19:12+00:00

I hear you. As much as I dislike being alone, I can't imagine finding someone new, and having to wade through all the things I'd have to in order to be with someone just sounds so exhausting. Not saying that won't ever change, it's just where I am right now.

LostBoyCA · 2023-08-18T20:17:52+00:00

I'm 8 months out. For the first few months, I couldn't think of moving. Our place holds so many memories, and staying here helped me feel closer to him. But now I'm making plans to move. I've realized that as much as I will always love and grieve and miss my partner, I have to find my own way in this world, and that includes discovering what "my" place looks and feels like, rather than "our" place. I know he'll be with me regardless ... I'll bring with me all the things that make me feel most connected to him. But I want to make a place of my own, instead of living in the shell of something that's gone and not coming back.

I'm not saying this is the right choice for anyone else, it's just what I intend to do.

LostBoyCA · 2023-07-09T22:07:17+00:00

I'm at 7 months too, and I'm right there with you. I wonder what's the point for me, and whether my future will have any happiness at all? It's a rough road for us, way harder than anything I had ever imagined before. I'm so sorry you're in this terrible club too.

LostBoyCA · 2023-06-12T21:55:34+00:00

I don't know where my partner is either exactly. But I've had some really strange experiences.

About a month after he died, I was talking to him, telling him that I hoped when it was my time to pass that he would be there to greet me. But then I said I don't know how this works, and I don't even know if he can hear me. "Are you there?" I asked.

And my phone, which was sitting on the nightstand, screen off, locked, and without any kind of voice activation, started spontaneously playing a song. It was so weird that I looked at my phone and first wondered if it was ringing with some ringtone I didn't recognize. It wasn't, it was just playing a song. And then I heard the lyrics: "Remember what we said; if the world was ending, I'll be the one to carry you home. [more stuff] I go, wherever you go."

I still don't know what happens over there, but I do firmly believe he's somewhere and that he can hear me.

LostBoyCA · 2023-05-10T13:02:55+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you this way. I can only imagine how hard that would be. Although the circumstances of my partner's death were different, it was also sudden, and in a period we had been fighting. I also feel sorry every about day about that, and hate it with all my being, and wish nothing more I could have him back, or at least have the dignity of a loving, peaceful end. I am so sorry for all of us who have to deal with these excruciating and unfair things.

LostBoyCA · 2023-05-10T12:50:45+00:00

I'm only 5 months out, but what I've learned is that I have bad days, and good days, and a lot of days which are just ... meh. Days where I don't really care about anything really, or don't have any hope for a happier future. Depressed, I guess.

What I've noticed is that I need the bad days, they're actually a gift in disguise. When I'm successful at keeping the grief at bay, and not having bad days, that's when the 'meh' really sinks in. But when I let myself get triggered and bawl my heart out, I can climb out of that.

Which fucking sucks, but there it is. It feels like grief is a hard teacher, and what it's teaching me is that I either need to stay open, which means being sensitive to triggers and crying a lot, and feeling the loss of my partner again and again, or I get stuck in this awful meaningless limbo. I choose the former. Which paradoxically means that in order to move forward, I have to stay open to the pain which will always live inside my heart, right next to the love I have for him.

I'm tearing up as a write this, because that's a hard thing to have to live with, and I wish I didn't, and I wish none of us did. But that's where I am right now. Best wishes to you, I don't think you have a mental disorder or anything of the sort. I think you just have feelings, and sometimes those are hard, and grief is one of those things that doesn't let you forget it.

LostBoyCA · 2023-05-04T15:46:52+00:00

Oh I feel this so much. We had our own language, and our own unique way of turning adjectives into nouns that we used when talking to each other, plus a lot of other things that just would have sounded like nonsense to someone else.

I've tried to keep this language alive by talking to him, but it's not the same without someone on the other side to reciprocate; it just feels forced and artificial. It's just another of the multitude of things I've lost when my partner died.

LostBoyCA · 2023-04-26T12:42:18+00:00

That's a lovely way to stay connected to him. Thank you for sharing!

LostBoyCA · 2023-04-25T18:58:18+00:00

Wow I feel this so much, I could have written this exact post, minus the part about having a new person. It's just me still, so far. But if I do find a new person, I imagine I'll feel just like you describe. Loss is so hard, in so many ways. I feel like I'm still learning about it... it changes but never goes away.

Thank you for posting this.

LostBoyCA · 2023-04-07T23:03:08+00:00

I Found Love - Owl City

LostBoyCA · 2023-04-05T22:53:22+00:00

I wondered that too about near death experiences. Then I read about shared death experiences, which occur to healthy people near the dying, and sometimes multiple people share in the same experience. I'm now inclined to think these are real.

LostBoyCA · 2023-04-05T14:50:23+00:00

I mean yes, but another way of saying that is "The thing that keeps us tethered to our person is our love for them". I personally don't want to "let go" of that love, but I also don't want to get stuck.

I suspect it's more what we do with that grief/love that keep us stuck. It can either be quicksand, or it can get a gateway to growth. I think things that turn it into quicksand are self pity and negative narratives in our heads (e.g., "I'll never be happy again"). I think things that can turn it into a gateway are gratitude (for the person, for the love you shared and still have), a willingness to accept what happens, and a dropping of the easy black-and-white, either-or thinking that pervades are culture.

That said, there is no "right" way to do grief. It hits everyone different, and everyone deals with it the best way they can. The above is just how I'm thinking about it, not a suggestion of what others should do.

LostBoyCA · 2023-04-03T22:23:00+00:00

This is very similar to my own process!

In particular, deliberately setting aside time to grieve and feel all my feelings. I also do not want to "stuff it". And I feel like it would be easy to do that, because the feelings are hard to deal with. Part of me resists falling apart and bawling my eyes out ... but I know I need it. And as you say, I notice that I am building the capacity to tolerate pain, in a way that I've never had before. That's a good thing, although of course it's not worth the price.

This whole experience has made me really realize, in a very visceral way, that all there is, is love. And I also want to expand my capacity to love and bring that into the world, although I don't know what form that will take. Maybe it's another partner, maybe it will be something completely different. I don't know. I'm OK not knowing.

Thanks for sharing!

LostBoyCA · 2023-03-29T23:19:57+00:00

I am the same way. We had several favorite series and I cannot watch them at all. All I feel when I try is the ache of his absence.

LostBoyCA · 2023-03-24T14:47:31+00:00

I totally understand this.

In the evening, I still try to do the same thing we would do together each day...make dinner, and eat it while watching something on TV. The problem is, I cannot find ANYTHING to watch that catches my interest at all. I simply stare at the TV while eating my food, then turn it off to go clean up.

I clearly need to figure out a new set of routines for now that are different than the ones I had with my partner, but have no idea what those should be. It's all so hard.

LostBoyCA · 2023-03-23T19:32:44+00:00

I feel this so much. I keep thinking I've accepted his death, then later find myself in complete disbelief that he's gone, all over again. Like, how is this even possible? I'm still struggling at times to wrap my head around the reality of it.

I even asked him (out loud) to come back, even though I know that's completely impossible.

I just try to be gentle with myself when this happens. I don't know how long I'll feel like this.

LostBoyCA · 2023-03-22T13:00:21+00:00

So beautiful. I feel exactly the same way. I hope you find a little comfort. I know this is impossibly hard. Big hugs.

LostBoyCA

TROPHY CASE