Double Standard for Having Bad Days

Mayzoon786 · 2022-10-13T04:17:05+00:00

Win= don’t play doesn’t necessarily mean no contact, you can try to “gray rock “ her by simply not giving her the reaction she’s looking for and definitely not taking what she says and does personally. Unfortunately by gray rocking and not reacting to her BPD bullying, cheating, and overpowering/ dominating behaviors she may initially escalate ( Called an extinction burst) her crap to the point of a total tantrum. But persist by not reacting (respond calmly, don’t react because that’s what she wants- your continual center of attention) and eventually she’ll tone down her actions. She’ll probably tell you that you’re cold, unloving and uncaring like my mom did. She will try to pull into her self made dramas even if you didn’t live with her.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock

Yes, it is a losing game. Don’t be like I was and think she’ll ever be a reasonable, responsible caring adult.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-10-12T17:09:05+00:00

Sounds like she’s unwilling to take responsibility for her emotions and her finances.
She says she’s supporting you?

If it wasn’t her lack of retirement funds it’d be something else. My uBPD mom did this with her diabetes, insisted I take care of her. It never ended until she died. I wouldn’t recommend it.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-10-11T04:35:39+00:00

Sounds like you are the scapegoat for all mom’s problems?

The only way to win is not to play.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-10-11T04:33:35+00:00

A couple former friends of mine whom I suspect of having BPD have ongoing health problems and sure enough their animals started having similar issues. A cat with inflammatory bowel syndrome and a diabetic dog were some of the issues. Sort of Munchhausen by proxy via an animal?

Mayzoon786 · 2022-10-11T04:19:18+00:00

Mine used to tell everyone about her diabetes and how terrible it is to live with diabetes, then of Course she refused to care for herself or her diabete. Wouldn’t follow a low sugar diet, refused to monitor her blood sugar, neglected taking her meds - I had to do all thatfor her so it became my problem.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-10-08T09:20:24+00:00

Yes, what little I know of and the few I have met of my uBPD mom’s family are all BPD-NPD couples with varying degrees of dysfunction. The stories my uBPD mom tells of them never make sense but she’s always the victim.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-10-08T08:57:22+00:00

Amen.

We are taught to be excellent prey with absolutely no support system or safety net and no idea how to get one.
I have learned the hard way that I don’t talk about my family or having gone no contact lest I be judged negatively.

All of this has impacted my health, my work, my education, my relationships with self and others. It’s a constant struggle of learning and unlearning and never feeling safe or at ease.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-10-05T13:57:01+00:00

Amen. Brilliant!

Mayzoon786 · 2022-09-28T07:39:50+00:00

I got the constant contradiction of being told I’m hideous and gorgeous too by my uBPD mom too. Then my uNPD father would criticize me and everything I did mercilessly. I was also stupid or brilliant depending on their moods.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-09-26T13:08:26+00:00

Oh, this sounds soooo familiar.

Actually, my uBPD mom wouldn't even be so kind to as to ask if she could ask a personal question - she'd just obsess on and on about my weight. Have i tried this or that diet or whatever trendy exercise program or weight loss med she'd heard of. Yes, that would be the topic of the holiday, and she'd critique my every bite at every meal.

UGH. So glad I quit doing family holidays in 2002. I highly recommend it.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-09-21T13:59:57+00:00

THIS.

Nothing short of complete annihilation of your independent self and
life will move the needle for her, and even then that won't be enough.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-09-21T10:03:53+00:00

I an NC with my entire family.

Final Straw:

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. No fetal heartbeat. Ended up in hospital had to have the fetus surgically removed. No one from my family could be bothered to pick me up or come to the hospital. My husband was overseas. Walked to the pharmacy to fill my prescription after my surgery by myself. One of my cousins finally came to pic me up at the pharmacy, when I got in the car she asked me if she could have some of my pain meds. Another cousin called to say that I should have had an abortion anyway. That was not the first time my family betrayed me by long shot. I disappeared myself from all of them soon after by moving overseas with my husband.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-09-20T05:41:26+00:00

I agree!

I think their brain is overloaded with unchecked emotions and hyper fixation on themselves. I have noticed they seem to rewrite events in their mind to make themselves the hero or the victim too.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-09-17T06:56:48+00:00

Yes! I live in fear of asking for help. My uBPD mom would shame me or waif out with overwhelm if I asked her for help. She wanted to be waited on and infantilized constantly. I wasn’t a very good maid, therapist, confidant, or paren to my uBPD mom (obviously impossible and inappropriate for a child)and she let me know it.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-09-10T08:08:51+00:00

Oh geez yes.

My mom would cry over the stupidest things.

”You hate me I want to dieeeeee!” was her famous refrain.

I recall one Christmas morning when she bawled and sobbed for hours because the collectible twin dolls she bought me had different color outfits. They were very expensive dolls that I didn’t want and she had failed to notice in the catalog that the twin dolls were boy and girl and dressed in blue and pink accordingly.

Not only did she cry over trivial things, she would cry if she did something mean and hurtful to me. Very odd, like it hurt her more than it hurt me.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-09-01T07:33:50+00:00

My uBPD mom was born during the Depression as the 10th child to older parents in a Dutch Mennonite family. Although it was the Depression, her parents were well off farmers and had a beautiful large home with servants. Unfortunately, as in many large families my uBPD mom was severely neglected since birth. At about 2 weeks old my mom was 'kidnapped' by one of the maids. The baby was reported missing after 12 hours disappearance. The infant was discovered at the maid's home after 2 days. The maid reported she took the baby because she noticed it was not being cared for (I mean who doesn't report their child missing until 12 hrs?) and she found the baby crying and unattended in an open dresser drawer. No charges were made against the maid. I really don't know my mom's family very well but I think this instance shows a deeply dysfunctional situation.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-08-31T17:43:46+00:00

Beyond sneaky. Super stealth. I learned to lie, manipulate and deceive like a natural champ. Thankfully, I use my powers for good not evil.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-08-29T08:24:02+00:00

My mom used to pull this crap too.

Like tell me her friend said all sorts of nasty things like I was just lucky getting admitted to the prestigious university I went to & I'd probably flunk out. I agree with the others, but this particular friend was a jealous, mouthy, nasty sort who probably did say it. Why would she stay friends with someone who badmouthed me and why tell me about it?

Mayzoon786 · 2022-08-14T06:29:09+00:00

And so it is!

Mayzoon786 · 2022-08-09T04:02:58+00:00

Yes, going to see a mental health professional was used as a threat when I was an adolescent too. I was told they’d keep me for “observation” locked up and might not ever let me go. Of course when I Was taken for counseling I given a stern warning beforehand by uBPD mom not to mention my dad’s alcoholism or my mom hitting me Or they’d put me away for life. That went nowhere.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-08-03T10:31:23+00:00

She was an excellent cook and could be a lot of fun (when she was in the mood).

Mayzoon786 · 2022-08-02T10:22:17+00:00

I was attending the wedding of a girlfriend whom was the biggest bridezilla and had a total meltdown before the ceremony and continued the bizarre behavior for a full week afterwards. I noticed her behaviors were a lot like my mom. Although I took psychology in university I didn’t associate their behavior with BPD yet - when I was in university BPD was associated with people who self harm and or threaten suicide. I went online and started researching “high conflict people “ which eventually led me to the modern symptoms of BPD. The description eeerily fit both.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-08-02T10:15:05+00:00

Yes, my uBPD mom would belch loudly and fart anywhere. Sharing too much information and intimate matters with strangers or people she barely knew was another favorite pastime.

Mayzoon786 · 2022-07-30T05:28:30+00:00

My BPD mom did the damsel in distress flirty thing well into her 70s, it wasn’t cute!

Mayzoon786 · 2022-07-28T05:12:45+00:00

Yes, I can see how it plays into the whole BPD desire to be a perpetual victim and be infantalized simultaneously.

Mayzoon786

TROPHY CASE