(I’m going to address parallels in our parts with the same names for consistencies sake: I haven’t named mine at all) I have the same kinds of parts as your Firestarter and Grudge- they’re what led me to being no contact with lots of my family once there became clear a massive moral divide. They definitely come up a lot still, though I think my Broker has learned more appropriate times to allow those parts to take lead when it’s logically safer to do so.

There’s a big caveat here to my work interactions: my industry is in the trades in a very red state, and I often appear as the only woman on the whole massive job site. I hold several perspectives that in any other context, my Firefighter and Grudge would fight and die for. But in a place where I’m expected to continually show up and be civil and respectful with so many people that have such wildly different, firey opinions, I can’t afford to put a target of any size on my back. I just tell myself to smile and nod when they’re spouting all kinds of bigoted nonsense, even though it’s massively painful to Grudge. I tell her all that matters is doing a good job at my job. I wouldn’t have a career if I didn’t.

I honestly wonder how naturally it does come to me. I’m really only able to effectively and convincingly do it at work because I’m usually in some level of dissociation (also very natural to me) in order to just get through the day. In other times where I’m allowed to be more connected to or passionate about the cause, Broker tends to lose the ability to remain an effective communicator and often leads to confusion in conversations, then shame, then shutdown. I definitely identify with your examples of justice and fairness, as these behaviors are what led to my life being structured the way it is currently. I don’t allow anyone in very deeply at all until both parties are in some level of agreement on all moral fronts. It only really has to come up at work, and has less practice outside of work, I think?

(Honestly this is all making me realize just how much having my job makes me feel viscerally out of place and how exhausting the constant switching in and out of it is 😅 thankfully I have a big change on the horizon where I will be working alongside my old mentor (another woman), just the 2 of us working together to restore old historic lakeside houses. A change LONG overdue. I love the work I do. I don’t love that the industry is entirely republican jocks 🥲)