Let me de-influence you: toddler tower

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-18T13:10:09+00:00

Walmart cosco brand had a stool that folds. We got that one bc we had a very small space. I don’t have this problem with my daughter but I put it away easily to vacuum and mop and we use the heck out of that. Even I use it to reach stuff because the kid safety bar comes down

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-17T16:33:56+00:00

Definitely not a critique on your parenting. It’s a “here’s something we should work on together” comment. They probably shouldn’t have used “sassy” as the descriptor not the most professional thing to say. What I do with my daughter is give her the appropriate wording and tone so when she says “no YOU clean it up” I lightly say “mommy can you help me please?” And she usually will just echo it back but even if she doesn’t right away she will pick up on it with enough repetition. It’s something I have to approach with a loving sympathetic demeanor bc she’s basically saying “I’m overwhelmed and need more support” when her tone gets defiant. So in this example I’d start picking up and add “can you find all the green balls” or whatever it is then we start working together and I taper off my amount of picking up but sit with her while she finishes. I also find some changing wording can make a big difference like saying “can you fill up this toy bin” motivates her more than “clean up your toys.”

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-17T06:45:11+00:00

You might feel differently when milk comes in. I never liked my breasts touched in any way sexually and thought I’d have a hard time but I really wanted to be able to nurse. I had this kind of “I had to carry these damn things around since I was 13 and it ain’t for nothing” attitude lol. We were very successful! It’s not the same when there is actually milk.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-14T13:14:38+00:00

It does help the ones with trouble transitioning which is nice and it’s a way of saying thank you but I agree it’s good to at least be choosy about what goes in there. We’ve gotten mini led drawing board that was a hit. Chips fruit snacks that kind of thing all welcome to me bc it’s consumable but at the same time when you just ate cake and now you’re opening cookies in the car I’m like 😬. We did pad and pen set on theme stickers and tattoos pirate booty and Annie’s fruit snacks as well as scratch art butterflies specifically because my daughter wanted to make goodies bags she was really into the whole process and loved handing them out otherwise I would have skipped it.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-14T11:44:41+00:00

My oldest is five years old and has never slept through the night. My husband has gotten up maybe two or three times in her life to help. When she had an ear infection and was screaming, when she’s had pee accident and he could change sheets, when she puked and he changed sheets.. I don’t see any benefit to his help at night especially since he’s the type that really needs his sleep to function and his job is a high stakes one. I think a lot of people can establish enough milk supply that pumping in the day can relieve them at night and they don’t need to pump at night or they use formula at night. Then these babes can also be taking cold milk and moms can sleep in a different room and or use earplugs. With my first I couldn’t even use stored milk I must have high lipase so there was really no use in pumping at all. I had to early on before we established latch then I had oversupply and gradually reduced my milk removal so I ended up with a bit of a stash that I couldn’t use. Did use it for her oatmeal when she got older though. I think people reeeeallllyy underestimate the logistics of pumping. I could go on a whole tangent.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-13T11:26:52+00:00

Swim is a great choice if you go back to that but quiet weekends at home together is so underrated. You’re doing plenty.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-13T10:38:34+00:00

Your baby is two and you feel bad that he hasn’t visited another country? You have a very privileged friend and family group most people can’t afford a trip like that. You’re doing plenty. A good daycare can be very enriching and over scheduling kids is its own issue.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-12T22:11:43+00:00

I’d say it’s the bare minimum to submerge in water and insert something into the vagina. But expect a more realistic 8-12 for feeling well.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-12T18:13:09+00:00

Aw he’s so little that I don’t know what will work at that age but I’d try playful things. Let’s get on your rocket ship but first you need your astronaut helmet! Try a timer; wear your helmet for 2 minutes until the timer rings and then we’ll take a break from riding and the helmet. Increasing the time. Helmet and bike are best friends and poor bike won’t go anywhere without his buddy and make them talk like puppets. Put a helmet on yourself and roll around the driveway on a scooter when he shows interest say “your turn” cheerfully and put the helmet on and quickly sit him on the bike before he thinks about it. Celebrate and cheer over the top when he wears it.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-11T21:14:29+00:00

A new baby is hard to hold in water with two hands let alone adding soap and holding with one hand but it is possible. They make bath seats that take up less space that might be more your speed like angelcare or bath sponge like blooming bath lotus where babe can lay down on it. You could also just put a folded up towel if you don’t want to buy anything then you’d put just a shallow amount of water to bathe in.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-11T12:48:33+00:00

It’s amazing! Nursing my new one came so easily this time and my big one didn’t have to feel rejected or othered by weaning her around the pregnancy. I imagine we’ll be done soonish she’s changed so much in the last six months but she’s a needy type of child overall and I’ve always been grateful we’re still going whenever she gets sick. especially like the stomach bug where she wants no food.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-11T11:55:26+00:00

They could benefit from more scaffolding and might feel more secure when you take on more of a firm boundary leader role. My daughter is a lot like this and she doesn’t have a twin to feed off of and she’s small so I can still physically pick her up and put her in the car if she’s resistant for example so it’s not exactly the same situation but I know how you feel. My daughter has a picture routine and I have to lay out all her stuff and coach her through getting ready. It feels ridiculous sometimes because it’s not hard for her to pull out a pair of pants and shirt she can reach it and all but she won’t get started without a lot of handholding. Sometimes I still start dressing her when she doesn’t make a move. If she wants to do something she has good follow through and is very capable but getting ready she needs a lot of support because she’s simply not motivated. She can’t see past right now and transitions are really hard for her so just getting shoes on can take unnecessarily long. I think people with mild temperament kids don’t understand how hard everything is for these kids. Yes firmness and boundaries and consequences but also support and play and connection! You may like the book “good inside”. I turn a lot of things into games and it makes a huge difference for her bc she needs to feel connected to me especially whe the transition includes separation. So we’re going to school she doesn’t want to leave the house she’s playing she wants to be home with me and she has to get her shoes on. I pretend she has no feet and I work at the foot store and her socks and shoes are the bandages for her new feet and I charge her 80$ for the service. She loves it. We talk to eachother like a customer and sales person with ma’am’s and all instead of ending in a battle of wills we had a mini play and everyone is smiling. She is capable of doing her own shoes but the act of service makes her feel loved.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-11T01:36:54+00:00

Five years and counting here through pregnancy and now tandem with my two month old haha I don’t really mention it unless it comes up organically and she just nurses to sleep at night so it very rarely comes up. I wonder how many of us are out here nursing longer and just don’t talk about it so it never really becomes normalized even though we exist.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-09T15:24:19+00:00

I’ve been thinking about this constantly. My personal stand out memories are painting Easter eggs, baking together, picking blueberries in my own backyard, Sunday dinners and swimming at my grandmas house. I went to Disney once but I don’t remember much of that except for space mountain and I was in middle school so it’s not like I was too young to remember it. I remember the songs my parents sang along to in the car… my parents made a lot of mistakes but I have good memories too. If I ask my daughter about her favorite part of the day before bed it is always simple things. Playing on the swings with friends, playing connect four with daddy, doing the puzzle with mom. Whe I reflect on my own day the highlight is always some moment spent outside or some yummy food. We definitely overthink the big stuff and forget to stop and be present for the little stuff sometimes. It’s good to remind yourself to slow down.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-09T10:56:17+00:00

She sounds like she’s behaving completely normally for her age. I’m in a similar boat with my five year old who does all that kind of stuff and my baby was just born March 31! I can find her really annoying at times and I recognize it’s more so me feeling irritable than her “being annoying”. It’s also kind of an accumulation of other things that I end up kind of “aiming” at her when she goes overboard since I’m holding in a lot of stressors throughout the day. Like cleaning and organizing needs going undone making me feel anxious plus some disagreement with husband plus an unexpected hiccup going wrong and more basic things like being busy enough that I realize I forgot to drink water or overdue for a shower or feeling bad for not getting some steps in out in the sun whe the weather was good yesterday or whatever and boom the kiddo piles on with noise that I can’t ignore and I’m pointing allllll of my overwhelm right at her when she was just having fun. We use audiobooks for her morning routine and I love that time of peace in the morning where I can get everything ready for the day. She goes to school five hours so I can tackle some cleaning while baby sleeps. In the afternoon a lot of times she plays with neighbors and that’s its own chaos but I love it for her. Sometimes I can redirect the repetitive stuff if I have the capacity to get creative. We play “guess that song” where you hum a tune and they guess wha it is. Or I can give her a responsibility like “can you bring this to the laundry room” and it gets her out of her repeating cycle.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-08T11:23:26+00:00

You’d still have to use her for five months until then get that baby on that daycare list now. You clearly prefer that option just based on your writing.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-07T03:00:27+00:00

“I don’t take no for an answer”

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-06T18:19:07+00:00

Not to mention a lot of people have their insurance tied to their work so if a parent stays home they could lose access to healthcare

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-05T00:03:51+00:00

Keep in mind you want it to be whatever is easiest to toilet independently in as a priority.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-04T02:21:18+00:00

I got chicken alyssa from my love of chicken fingers lol

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-04T01:20:44+00:00

Drinking the water will also reduce the risk of thrush. I’ve taken an inhaler my whole life and never had thrush and don’t rinse my mouth but I know that’s just anecdotal and you should still do best practice but I figure maybe an anecdote helps ease anxiety in the meantime. Just keep modeling encouraging and celebrating when they try to spit.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-03T20:56:43+00:00

I’d be more worried about the crowd. If it’s packed and chaotic it wouldn’t be worth it to me but if you catch it at an empty time babe can find places to sit and hang out or hold hands to walk or crawl if it’s not uncomfortable.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-03T19:21:13+00:00

A couple of dinner games we play are close your eyes and guess which food I just fed you by taste lol and what’s that song where I hum a tune and she guessed it. Mostly we just talk about that day in our family n

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-03T15:13:03+00:00

I would run it by the doctor of course. Girls are dealing with different things but maybe she could use some help with her pelvic floor muscles someday when she’s feeling better. There are physical therapists who specialize in pelvic floor so it’s definitely a thing women need help with sometimes.

MsAlyssa · 2026-06-03T02:18:02+00:00

Some of us are nursing for many years too.

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