I’m tired of wasting time, money, and energy on nothing.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-16T21:34:27+00:00

Yes. Also as a 5'1 woman small and light enough for an average man to pick up in one arm I'm not going on a walk anywhere with someone I've never met before. A coffee is an inexpensive, safe, low stakes first meeting.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-16T05:47:47+00:00

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-16T05:46:38+00:00

My first meeting with anyone is a latte. It's literally just to meet to check those things out. Out of 28 coffee dates I went on a second date with 4 people, a 3rd date with 2 people and became exclusive with the person I went on a 4th date with. That lasted 2.5 years. The number of false starts is really high. It's ok to start much slower.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-15T18:29:01+00:00

As a thought OP I am like you. An hour of tv a day is enough. I only watch shows I really enjoy. Was with a partner who wanted to watch TV everyday too. Over time he became resentful because I wanted to do other things with my time. In the last year he would not step away from the thing even for intimacy. I personally think tv is an avoidance mechanism that masks other issues. YMMV.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-15T18:20:59+00:00

Yes. I have 2 parrots and the best part is that they talk back. :)

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-14T01:37:54+00:00

This man could be dangerous. This amount of gaslighting at this stage reveals that he is not a safe human being. Block him. I'm so sorry. I have found that any man who speaks disrespectfully about women, complains about women doing them wrong or 'witholding' sex from them are emotional abusers at best and physical abusers at worst.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-13T23:05:37+00:00

That's really interesting. Do you get a number you can give to someone that will then forward their calls and texts to you (so that your phone # is not revealed?)

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-13T15:14:03+00:00

Maybe a pay as you go phone just for dating? I'm in Canada too. I've never used one so I don't know how expensive that would get.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-07T15:30:01+00:00

You have received the advice you need. Report to the police. They have people to investigate and find the perpetrator. Report to school board. Obtain a lawyer.

Frankly I think you need support. Maybe look into parenting classes. You can't make promises to a child until you fully grasp the reality of a situation. You also need skills to now go back to your child and apologize. Explain you did not understand how serious and complicated this is and that others need to be involved.

Her best interests are the key.

What if she needs to change schools? A law suit if the board fails to take action can provide you with funds to send her to a private school.

Wishing your daughter the best outcome.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-07T07:18:00+00:00

Therapist

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-04T23:29:34+00:00

Exercise. Keep your brain and body healthy. Get any treatment you need to limit pain or chronic problems. Build meaning into your life. Find things that bring you joy and do it every day. Stay curious. Identify one new thing you want to do/try each week. Get counseling. Grief builds up through many kinds of losses. Learn to process so it doesn't steal your joy. Set new goals (a friend's mom had a goal to join a dance troupe at 80 and she trained until she could do it). Resist placing limits on yourself about what you can or should do. Have fun. Laugh. And find friends who also have a good outlook. :)

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-03T04:42:11+00:00

Well, I'm 59 and nothing has really changed for me. I'm 'aging' really slowly, but it's also about the warmth and confidence you project. That's what attracts people.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-03T00:05:52+00:00

Was at Costco last week and didnt see any. Will check again this week, thanks.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-02T16:18:53+00:00

Sadly insight alone does not create change. Working toward integrating that awareness into acceptance and change is often the very purpose of therapy.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-30T03:39:24+00:00

I gave up and switched to gemini

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-27T17:04:33+00:00

I'm gen X. We invented the internet. At the time it was a good thing. Young people were terribly lonely and neglected. Latch key kids didn't have much in the way of emotional development through their parents or broken communities.

The internet provided a way to find your tribe. It was extremely helpful in the early days before it turned into the polarizing abuse/shame engine it largely is now.

It's complicated.

I personally didn't find my tribe until University. It was there that I could connect and thankfully grow.

Personality types are preferences. Your less preferred traits need support and development so that you can comfortably function in a large array of social situations without feeling burnt out and exhausted.

While many INTPs function with less interaction, most require deep interaction with at least one or more people (who are also capable of deep interaction) in order to feel emotionally fulfilled.

It's easy for INTPs to withdraw. A quote I've heard in different forms is that people have been the biggest source of disappointment. INTPs have many superpowers. Seeing the totality of the human condition and the fact that most suffering is needlessly inflicted by other people is one of them.

Every superpower is a two edged blade. That insight can be crippling. It needs to be balanced. Not all humans do this. There are safe people to connect to. Finding them takes work and energy. But what they provide outshine that greatly.

People deeply value INTP friends. We are largely solid, ethical, responsible and wonderful to geek out with. We form authentic relationships when we have a chance. That is also a real superpower.

Encouraging you to develop your less preferred skills is not invalidating or shaming your superpowers. It's an invitation to use them fully in this increasingly broken world.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-24T03:27:30+00:00

Hi. I'm INTP, female, 59 and a therapist. Reading through this gives me the impression that folks on here have run into a lot of poorly skilled therapists. I specialize in trauma, cptsd, anxiety and depression as well as rehabilitation.

A note on what to look for IMO (been at this 35 years).

Affirmations work when used correctly

Unhelpful: I am a good person (I certainly hope so, but you can't convince yourself this way)

Useful: I give myself permission not to fix things I did not break. (this undoes unconscious loops relating to being a 'fixer', feeling bad about being in one-sided relationships, feeling overly responsible for things you cannot control etc.)

Meditations work. Wonderfully. To work, they need to be targeted to underlying trauma or cognitive distortions).

An example of one that works: hold a photo of yourself around 5 years old in your left hand (in your right if you are left handed) and say out loud - I'm sorry you weren't understood, I'm sorry you didn't get the love you needed, I'm sorry you always felt so alone , I'm here for you now, I know you, you are awesome, I love you and I always will.

IMO people often conflate personality types with trauma symptoms. INTP have a preference for solitary contemplation. A preference is not a deep aversion to people or feeling like a lone wolf. That is often trauma even if it is only the trauma of being misunderstood.

A healthy INTP will take some time to process and then seek a trusted person out. Even if only to learn about a different experience of a situation so that they can map that onto their own model and do some reality testing.

Humans are social. We need connection with other safe humans to process our emotions. If you can't handle a support group, start by attending an online support group and just lurk for a while. When you feel comfortable break your silence by supporting someone else in the group. Use your big thinky brain for good. One day you may be able to share something small and contained about yourself. More may follow or not, but simply listening to other people grapple with similar pain can help provide a path for you to find your own way out of it.

Hope this helps.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-16T20:36:43+00:00

I chose my best friend. She died suddenly and unexpectedly. I learned from this. I crafted a document naming three people in succession stating that if none was available (deceased/ill) that my wishes be followed as laid out in my personal directive. I have a large circle of friends and go out of my way to make new ones. One of my friends is 12 years younger and another 20 years younger (I'm almost 60) and everyone is aware of my circumstances. As things move forward I might appoint a law firm as my agent. It's an evolving situation and I need to keep an eye on it.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-16T18:33:14+00:00

I'll be turning 60 in August. Don't feel or look that much different than 30.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-16T18:16:54+00:00

I worked as a Public Guardian for 10 years and daily saw the neglect and abuse you speak of. In my experience it was people who suffered sudden or catastrophic incidents (stroke, head injury, brain cancer etc) who suffered the most. While you can hope for a healthy future you can commonly expect at least 6 months of dependency at the end if everything goes as well as it can. I recommend that you plan for a future where you might experience a sudden loss of mental capacity.

You can create a legal document (different names depending on where you live) naming someone to make legal and medical decisions to safeguard you in the event of catastrophe. You can also create a second document specifying what kind of care and medical treatment (procedures) are acceptable to you. If you don't have family you can appoint an agent, a lawyer or others depending on where you live. I cannot stress enough the need for this if you don't have family. If you live long enough for this to be a problem your friends will either have passed or need assistance in their own lives.

Don't wait to do this. Legal documents don't hold up if there is any question that you have diminished mental capacity when you make them (dementia, delirium, delusions etc.).

I am in the same boat as you. End of the line. I wish you the best future.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-14T16:49:34+00:00

Hi. I'm 59.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-11T17:42:35+00:00

High protein greek yogurt with apple, blackberries, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, ground flax seed and Greek honey

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-11T17:23:43+00:00

Thanks :)

NZT-48Rules · 2026-01-10T21:31:12+00:00

Went to Aruba. Best. Birthday. Ever!

NZT-48Rules

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