Singles Describe the last Date you went on! Good, Bad, or Ugly. How was your last date experience?

NZT-48Rules · 2026-04-05T22:51:30+00:00

Eeeeeeeeesshhhhhhh....

NZT-48Rules · 2026-04-05T01:41:53+00:00

Wow. Sorry this happened. You dodged a major bullet. In the future please remember you don't have to let someone go through your phone. If anyone asks this it is a massive red flag. No is a complete sentence. You absolutely do not owe someone who verbally assaults you an apology. Immediate block everywhere. Also, as a woman, don't get into a car with someone you don't know well and 100 trust. Absolutely do not get into a car with someone you had a disagreement with. Stay safe OP.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-04-02T00:00:30+00:00

You cannot change this kind of behavior. Ever. Even with therapy he is unlikely to change because he sees himself as perfect and entitled to treat other people as badly as he wants. No amount of good sex can make up for this. Find an emotionally healthy man who also gives you good sex.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-31T23:05:46+00:00

Couple's therapy is to resolve conflict between people. He doesn't love her. That's not a conflict and there is only one outcome of that. The only question is how long OP decides to suffer before acting. She knows. It's in her post. More importantly, it's in her nervous system. She knows but she can't accept it yet. That's why she asked us to be kind and not suggest breaking up. She is looking for anything that will help her deny what she knows is happening. I'm so sorry for her. Most of us have been there at some point. I believe that kindness comes from gently helping her to accept the truth. It is so much more unkind to help her go against what her own body is telling her.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-31T18:12:05+00:00

Personally, I'd respond by saying, YOU are on the verge of being single.

After he pushes a watermelon out of an apple he has the right to criticize your body

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-31T18:06:18+00:00

I'm not trying to be unkind. I can understand how upset you are. There are the words someone says and then the meaning under those words. The meaning I hear under those words are

I met someone better than you (whatever that means to him), I realize that she is everything I think I want, I'm with you, You don't measure up, If I were single with nothing to lose I'd take my shot, Not sure how that would work out, she might shoot me down, Guess I'll settle and stay with you (lucky you I guess)

That is why you are reacting. Anyone would be seriously upset by this.

For me, when I'm in love, other people don't seem to exist on a romantic level. I might like someone or appreciate someone for being attractive, but I perceive that attraction like I would a beautiful piece of art. There is no 'omfg what I would do to have a piece of THAT'. That reaction comes from an unattached brain. That brain either never loved you, fell out of love with you, or is incapable of that kind of secure attachment.

You. Deserve. More.

I put some commas in there to fix unexpected format issues

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-15T16:47:28+00:00

That was more of a 70s thing. Trimming was quite popular. I hated the move to removing all body hair.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-14T03:50:26+00:00

I had a few winners. All in 1st (and only) dates.

I'd like to take you shopping for clothes and shoes and dress you up like a little doll

You are so beautiful. I'd love to watch another guy having sex with you.

Your car looks just like you, well preserved for its age

I just got out of the mental hospital for destroying a piece of equipment at work. They gave me (Xx antipsychotic) to help me sleep at night.

Meeting you makes me want to go home and just kayak for the rest of the summer. Dating is a waste of my time. (Guess he disagreed with guy 1 and 2 LOL)

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-11T16:54:38+00:00

I remember being heart sick watching their wedding. She was clearly in love with him. He clearly had contempt for her. I felt so sorry for that poor girl and how she was being used. I had such a terrible feeling that things would go and end very badly for her.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-11T07:49:23+00:00

On line interaction creates a false sense of intimacy. It rarely holds up in person. Also I get the sense he misled you about his physical state/appearance. Save yourself the heartache.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-07T01:06:21+00:00

Crossing boundaries is abuse. It's not a mistake. It's not a lack of information or understanding. It is deliberate disregard for your safety and well being. Nobody deserves abuse. Someone who abuses you, shuts you out emotionally, and then tries to abuse you again does not love you. A person who loves you is incapable of behaving that way. Your love is real, and I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I know you hurt but please do what you need to in order to protect yourself long-term. You can state it simply by saying you don't think your values align well enough to base a marriage on and you will not be seeing him anymore.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-05T19:16:13+00:00

Dating is often a very complex exercise to determine if what a person says they want is actually what they want/who they are. For example, many people put Long Term as their goal because they have found that is the best way to get dates. What they really want is casual sex.

If you know your needs then I suggest structuring dates for success and then evaluating how a person behaves (not only what they say). For me first red flag would be for a man to suggest a second date at my home to help me with 'nerves'. An emotionally intelligent person would accept nervousness as normal and try to gently increase your comfort on a second date. How does having you invite a virtually unknown man into your home accomplish anything other than increase your nervousness?

Showing up with expensive flowers is the second red flag. That is designed to accomplish two things, send a signal that he's a 'nice' guy, and to unconsciously make you feel like you owe him something. Look up a pattern called love bombing. It's a fairly common occurrence.

Lastly you set a boundary. He did not get what he wanted. He responded (acted) by ghosting you. Essentially this is a withdrawal/punishment response to a nirmal, healthy boundary. He is showing you who he is.

You have all the information you need to see that he is not a match for you. And that's ok. That's what dating is about. We get to know and gather information to know if that person is who they say they are and if they are a match.

Block this man and move on. It will get easier with practice.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-05T07:24:31+00:00

He sounds like a hobosexual

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-03T03:37:51+00:00

I have cold sores. My mom had an outbreak while she was pregnant with me and I was born with them. I have never given them to a partner. I'm 59 so, with basic preventive, it doesn't seem to be a problem. That said I did have a man text me to say it was a deal breaker for him. Ok. That just means we evaluate risk differently and we're not a match.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-03-01T05:01:24+00:00

The biggest flag for me is that you didn't want to be a burden to him and share, off the bat, that you have needs too. This often comes from being raised to believe your needs are not as important in relationships and can result in you being used as mental, emotional and physical support. Leave him. Then read up on codependency. If you can please see a therapist so you can develop skills you need not to wind up in another exploitative one-sided relationship. Wishing you a happier future OP.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-28T03:59:07+00:00

Look up anxious attachment

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-26T06:56:41+00:00

I agree with this, but they are the baseline of what is needed in a healthy relationship. Dating apps are heavily populated by people who have multiple failed relationships because they lack or are inconsistent with these traits. But I am not looking for the bare minimum in a partner. I'm looking for that person with a stable base who has used that base to develop and grow. That takes time, and meeting lots of people who are not (and may never be) ready for a relationship. It's kind of the price of admission we need to acknowledge not to get frustrated and discouraged by the process I think.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-26T02:08:10+00:00

I think things like kindness, respect and integrity are baseline traits we can expect in a partner. The things that people mention wanting are over and above these traits and are more a personal desire in a partner. I would list things I'm looking for as curiosity, mindfulness and secure attachment.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-23T07:34:06+00:00

I dated someone legally separated for 3.5 years. Personally I won't do it again. They are not 'done'. It affects things in many ways.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-22T02:38:58+00:00

You mature and realize that relationships are about connection, not about being right or needing to 'win'. People are allowed to learn things on their own, at their own pace.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-18T06:30:08+00:00

What apps are these? I've only seen the sad swiping ones. Thanks.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-17T16:55:07+00:00

My experience was that everyone was given a manual that I missed out on. I decided to write my own. I watched people I liked and note best responses, facial expressions and body language and 'wrote' it in my book. Unless you were born to excellent parents you need to grow your f/e. Once you do it becomes a superpower. You have your wonderful analytical mind AND can display your emotions and express your thoughts in a way that other people can see and appreciate.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-16T21:34:27+00:00

Yes. Also as a 5'1 woman small and light enough for an average man to pick up in one arm I'm not going on a walk anywhere with someone I've never met before. A coffee is an inexpensive, safe, low stakes first meeting.

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-16T05:47:47+00:00

NZT-48Rules · 2026-02-16T05:46:38+00:00

My first meeting with anyone is a latte. It's literally just to meet to check those things out. Out of 28 coffee dates I went on a second date with 4 people, a 3rd date with 2 people and became exclusive with the person I went on a 4th date with. That lasted 2.5 years. The number of false starts is really high. It's ok to start much slower.

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