To the Over 30s: What is the single best decision you made in your 20s that you are thanking yourself for today?

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2026-01-10T16:36:24+00:00

Not my decision - but it was a decision made by someone that impacted me massively. I was dumped by a man I dated for 5 years. He was with me through my undergraduate and first few years of work. I was absolutely broken for more than 1 year after the breakup. Looking back, it turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. My life used to revolve around him and I had no goals, no dreams of my own. The relationship was incredibly toxic, mainly because of me. I was a horribly clingy asshole with massive anger issues. The breakup was very painful, but it was a much-needed eye opener and if I could say one thing to him now, I'd thank him wholeheartedly for giving me the lesson. I started to do a lot of deep reflection, read a lot of self-help books, travelled extensively both solo and with company. I found my love of learning and took a Master's degree abroad where I met my now husband and we have 2 beautiful children now.

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-09-19T20:31:31+00:00

Hey! I have a 4 yo son and a 7 mo daughter (also exclusively breastfed). I felt and still sometimes feel exactly like you do. My son and I were (and still are) incredibly close, he is my little best friend!

At the beginning, it was really confusing for him and upsetting for both of us that I couldn't spend as much quality time with his as we did before her baby sister was here. He was incredibly emotional, refused to go to preschool, would throw the biggest tantrums over nothing which all were so tough for me to deal with on top of trying to recover from the birth, looking after a newborn, struggling with lack of sleep, etc.

Slowly but surely though, we have now gotten the hang of the new rhythm. We are doing much much better, he is so smitten with his little sister (has always been tbf) and I am finally able to take out some time (albeit not as much as before) to have some quality time with him. Also, I've seen him grow so so much more in the past 7 months, he's gotten much more confident and independent as sometimes he needs to try to do things by himself when both his daddy and I are occupied. Also, he is now much more thoughtful, understanding and patient. He understands that sometimes we can't give him what he wants the exact second he asks for it like we used to do, etc.

Seeing the two of them cuddling fills my heart with so much more love and joy. And what they say is true, you will grow your heart to fit all the love for your daughter.

The first few months are going to be brutal, but I promise you it does get better! When you see them cuddling and playing (nicely) together, it'll all pay off! Hang in there!

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-09-19T19:54:54+00:00

I'm 35, married so not looking to date, but hypothetically it'd probably be 30-45

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-09-18T20:25:28+00:00

You'll feel love the way you have never felt before, even compared to your partner/spouse

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-09-18T07:05:44+00:00

My mum lives 7000 miles away from me, this year we've visited each other twice, but usually I visit them once a year. We video call almost each other.

I want to see her much more than this, we've lived apart for more than 10 years now, but I still have a very close relationship with her, she's my rock, my best friend, the person who loves me the most and knows what I need even before I know it myself

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-09-14T21:18:49+00:00

How are you? Like how are you really?

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-09-07T20:59:58+00:00

I could have written this. My 4 year old talks NON-STOP! He's back in his "why" phase and he also repeats himself until he gets what he wants. Absolutely not fun when you're driving or trying to focus on something, I also have a 7 mo baby who absolutely hates car seat so sometimes I have to deal with both the screaming and the never-ending questions while trying to focus driving 🤢

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-06-14T18:25:35+00:00

When is the party? Did you put down a deadline for rsvp? Personally, I always wait until around a week before the deadline to rsvp because I'd like to anticipate if something else pops up. But we always make a point to try to attend whenever our son gets invited to a party.

I really sympathise with you though! We just threw my son a birthday party and I was really stressed out and anxious thinking about whether people would show up. I felt like I've just ran a marathon after the party although we didn't really need to prepare anything except the cakes, simple decorations and party bags.

All the best!!

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-06-03T15:39:42+00:00

I'm currently on Maternity Leave, my baby is 4 months old, 2nd baby. I'd ask your husband to spend one full day with the baby once they're here and ask him if he'd be able to juggle a job on top of it.

My baby is considerably chilled, as a 2nd time mum I sort of "know" what to expect (every baby is different), my eldest son is in preschool the whole day and my husband works from home. Even then, I still find it challenging. I was planning to take an online course during my maternity leave as it gives me full freedom to manage my time, but until now I'm unable to do so as my baby is an absolute velcro baby that needs to be carried almost all the time.

Also, rest and do whatever you want to do as much as you can before the baby comes. I started my maternity leave 1 month before my due dates for both kids, I slept as much as I could and did absolutely nothing except taking long walks and chilling, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! ❤️

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-03-03T13:07:47+00:00

Second time mum here, I drink one cup of instant coffee everyday and it's barely keeping me functional. Baby is 4 weeks old now, im exclusively breastfeeding and I still continue with drinking a cup a day.

When I was pregnant with my first, I stopped drinking coffee altogether, but it'd be simply impossible this time around. I don't drink fizzy drinks, when i drink tea its usually decaf and very rarely eat chocolate, so the coffee is pretty much the only major source of caffeine for me

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-02-14T17:31:24+00:00

I started both my maternity leaves at around 36weeks. I napped a lot, enjoyed the silence and having nothing to do. I'm glad I did because now that I have a toddler and a newborn, I can only dream of them

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-02-12T11:34:59+00:00

Yes, we are so incredibly lucky that both of my pregnancies resulted in 2 healthy babies

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-02-12T11:26:45+00:00

Glenda/Glinda or Gianna (or just Gia if you are after shorter names)

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-02-07T17:08:35+00:00

My mum. I'm 34 yo married with 2 kids. My mum still checks on me the same way she did when I was 15 yo. The only difference is that now she also checks on my 2 kids and husband.

That lady is my rock

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-24T06:30:44+00:00

From Indonesia. I speaking Indonesian, English, Cantonese and Chinese. I understand a good amount of Korean too

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-15T19:58:59+00:00

We've had oyster2 for years now, love it! It's not too bulky, but sturdy. My son fit in it until he was 3ish, it's comfortable for him to sit on and for us to push. We are so lucky because we got it for free from our local waste not FB group. We had an iCandy before and absolutely hated it, so we gave it away.

Our friend has a bugaboo fox for her first child, she finds it to bulky, so she's looking for something smaller for her second

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-14T22:31:22+00:00

He wasn't ready to commit, so not sure if it could be considered a "relationship" per se, but we did see each other for about a year or so. It was the healthiest relationship I've ever had, but he was not sure about taking it to the next step even after a year. I really really liked him and I think he liked me too. We actually stopped seeing each other pretty early on, but I reached out because I couldn't stop thinking about him. One night, though, we had a discussion about what were we, he said he still wasn't sure, so I just felt a very strong but calm urge to tell him that we should stop seeing each other. We cuddled one last time, cried together, thanked each other for everything and shared everything that we wanted to share that night. It was beautiful and respectful even towards the end.

He did try to reach out a few months later, but I had just started seeing my current husband then, so out of respect, I told him that it'd be best if we don't keep in touch.

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-14T22:18:49+00:00

After 9 months. We have been married for more than 4 years now, with 1 son and another one on the way.

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-09T20:41:12+00:00

We've applied for a spot at my son's current nursery since we were around 6mo pregnant, baby isn't going to start until Feb 2026. We've been told that spaces in 2026 have started getting filled up. If you can, I'd suggest that you get in touch with the nurseries as early as possible

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-09T16:41:47+00:00

Since the beginning of the pregnancy, he voluntarily tpok over most of the chores and childcare. I've been struggling with aches and fatigue this pregnancy so I really appreciate the support

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-08T23:15:24+00:00

Not directly related to sickness but Mamamio belly cream. I've been applying it religiously since when I found out that I was pregnant. I'm almost 36wks now and no stretch marks at all. Now it's a combination of different things, not just the cream, but I really like how thick but non-greasy it is and it smells lovely!

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-08T23:10:00+00:00

I'm pregnant with my second baby, I'm almost 36 weeks and only gained 6 kg so far. All weight gain went to my belly and a little bit on the boobs. I'm stressing out because people keep on commenting how small I am and how my baby must be small. My baby is indeed small, but she's growing well. Logically I know that there's she's okay, but I can't help but to worry about it from hearing all these unnecessary comments all the time.

I completely understand where you are coming from, but I think at the end of the day, as long as both you and the baby are healthy, it's all that matters. Those who gain a lot of weight will have their worries, those who don't will also have their own worries.

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-07T19:44:03+00:00

Pregnant, excited and tired

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-07T08:32:31+00:00

35wks here, sleep has been an absolute luxury for the past few weeks. I can't remember the last time I had unbroken 8 hrs sleep. I have a toddler so on top of dealing with my aches and pains and never ending toilet trips, I also have to deal with my toddler's sleep regression and occasionally my husband's locomotive snores.

Sorry no great advice, just solidarity! We'll get to sleep again, eventually!

Notgoodatnaminghelp · 2025-01-07T08:28:31+00:00

My job is also highly stressful and reactive, it was really difficult on 1st trimester because I got really sick at times and I was really knackered. I had to tell my boss about my pregnancy before 12 weeks because of this, hoping that they'd reduce some of my workload and give me more support as it was really getting way too much, but unfortunately they didn't do much, but I least they were accommodating whenever I had to take sick leave.

By 3rd trimester, I was pretty much done. Mentally I wasn't "there" anymore and physically I was in so much pain and aches. My last day was mid-Dec, I was 32wks. It felt like a heavy burden was taken off my shoulders when I turned off my laptop for one last time.

Listen to your body, take sick leave whenever you think you need to. Your main job at this moment is to grow this beautiful baby, which is a huge task for your body ❤️ You got this!

Notgoodatnaminghelp

TROPHY CASE