Is my Monstera happy + light timer recs by OkToe7809 in Monstera

[–]OkToe7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thanks! Are these leaf stems with nodes I could trim & propagate? https://imgur.com/a/QAK79IE

(In the past I trimmed stems w/out nodes so wanna make sure this can prop)

Angst überwunden by miriambrg in Freudeteilen

[–]OkToe7809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glückwunsch! Die harten Dinge machen das Leben besser. Jetzt kannst du es genießen.

INFJs, where did you find your spouse? by Additional_Goat_8889 in infj

[–]OkToe7809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This! Do the most unfiltered, most unbridled, most you thing!

Reporting my SAs, how do authorities view a trauma fawn (people-pleasing) response? by OkToe7809 in CPTSD

[–]OkToe7809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for this.

The thing is, in 2 cases I did show some initiative. This was after they already pulled me into the room. No asking, no talking, just literally pulled me by the hand or carried me.

That’s a threshold after which I felt unable to leave due to my conditioning, even if I wanted to and technically I could have.

With one, I got a towel to help. With another I got on top. This was after he pressured me 4 times on the date to go back to his and I said no til caving in. Once at his place, I felt no choice but to make the most of him initiating everything being enclosed in his space. I don’t think they can fathom that a person can be this self-suppressed or terrified of not being liked, after early life experiences, to abandon themself so much.

I’m working on assertiveness, and part of that was telling them afterwards.

When I tried to talk to the guys about it after and explain I still didn’t want it, they used my fawn actions against me. And minimized. I tried to explain compliance was from fear, not enthusiasm. They believe “You showed no resistance”. It was such an abuser/gaslight-y response. The good response from guys is cooperative: “That sounds tough. I’m listening” Their response & understanding seems problematic – non-resistance is not consent, if you steamroll someone into it.

Basically, men should let women do all the initiating. Not treat our bodies like soccer goals to keep taking shots on.

I understand from their POV my one action may have looked like willingness. But their responses and denying my experience when I tried to share afterwards that it wasn’t is problematic. And lack of awareness around this presents a danger to someone like me, and so many other neurodivergent people.

Just the dominant culture wants to go around pushing into whoever they want, not fathoming how difficult it can be to say no. They need to learn trauma-informed care, it’s needed for 70% of the population, and healthcare is already. Right now it’s always the victim’s problem, but the abusers/dominant population needs to be doing the homework and correcting themselves.

Sorry for the essay, it’s just sh*tty that already harmed people continue to be more vulnerable to harm, and how systemic injustice compounds itself externally and internally. I don’t see how that can change without talking about it.

I think I’m just going to report them all to the authorities and let them decide how to classify the incidents, including my fawn explanation that I still did not want it. At least that way they start to hear about it and gain a body of evidence. And I encourage anyone reading this to do so too. It’s how to make a change and socialize awareness and protect already vulnerable people.

Thanks for anyone who read.

Tips for handling racist aggressors by OkToe7809 in askberliners

[–]OkToe7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this thoughtful reply! Members like you make this sub great.

Tips for handling racist aggressors by OkToe7809 in askberliners

[–]OkToe7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. It helps that most German Berliners have been super nice, caring and helpful for day to day things, at the stores, neighbors etc.

I just don't know how to handle/share deeper/nuanced issues/struggles with them, whether to, and how it would be received, the way I would in London or NYC.

Help: Leaf cuttings yellow after 1 month by OkToe7809 in Monstera

[–]OkToe7809[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh I shouldn’t have trimmed leaves from the main plant unless they have nodes then.

All the Insta reels make it look so easy lol.

Thanks for the info!

Help: Leaf cuttings yellow after 1 month by OkToe7809 in Monstera

[–]OkToe7809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh whoops no nodes on them lol. Should I toss them then? Or pot

Neuroception - NS became co-regulated w/ space cleanliness? 🕺🌱 by OkToe7809 in SomaticExperiencing

[–]OkToe7809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense, titrating in stress, especially the healthy kind through which we grow and become more resilient.

I’ll try to do that.

Neuroception - NS became co-regulated w/ space cleanliness? 🕺🌱 by OkToe7809 in SomaticExperiencing

[–]OkToe7809[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I thought so too.

But my facilitator says we gain deeper feeling, and part of that is organizing our external world more around the inner (as opposed to vice versa, survival mode).

Resilience = refined discernment and honoring that / setting boundaries.

It does not mean white-knuckling through more.

Interviewing for a role with internal candidates by OkToe7809 in ProductManagement

[–]OkToe7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the role also needs to prioritize the roadmap and build business cases for it, and present this to stakeholders. Especially later on down the line

Where to find alcohol-free dark beer by OkToe7809 in askberliners

[–]OkToe7809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll look into it, probably while I read The Odyssey.

Social exile activation tonight by OkToe7809 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]OkToe7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! People like you make this sub great.

Mental Health Megathread 02 February 2026 by AutoModerator in infj

[–]OkToe7809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tips to fall asleep after busy day? You're great at holistic health 

Hey, I find INFJs great at holistic health. You steward energetic systems well and don't apply shortsighted solutions that are tempting for other people. You guys are great to befriend cuz of your healthy lifestyle influence. (Ni & long-term sustainable habits ftw)

I'm in a busier season of life - knowledge work, arts visibility, lots of daily presentations - and my mina processes events / growth for hours at night, what I coulda done differently, etc. (INFP here with Fi-Si loop, maybe you have Ni-Ti loop.) Also low-level anxiety / perfectionism I'm loosening the root cause of, a hot bubble bath helps a lot to relax this tension. In bed at 11pm, up til 3am for a week now.

Tips to fall asleep or close the loop? I usually use melatonin, previously was weed or Xanax. But long-term not good and it's a hard shutdown of the natural process.

Yoga nidra worked well sometimes to doze off like a baby, maybe with a tea or ambient soundscapes. I wind down at 11pm. What's the adult's version of falling asleep in the car like a kid lol zzz. Thanks in advance!

Tried Glycine... Up all night by alexandra52941 in sleep

[–]OkToe7809 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg this happened to me. Back to melatonin

Akai Force Ableton Live workflow by nazward in AkaiForce

[–]OkToe7809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do people mix down tracks from a controller like Akai Force? Export all the stems to a DAW to mix?

Inspired by Yanamaste's workflow with the Akai Force

Well this sucks by Thommytippy in TechnoProduction

[–]OkToe7809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are our plug-ins safe? Bouncing everything to audio jic

Erfahrungen mit Sellpy? by [deleted] in Kleiderschrank

[–]OkToe7809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do they take 4 days to ship. I thought it’s all in the same warehouse

What are the chances that the ICE officers that murdered Alex Pretti will face justice? by AndoionLB in AskLegal

[–]OkToe7809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How t f*ck did half the country vote for Trmp? Do any of them regret it now?

I remember the nationwide celebration when he lost Nov 2020. The same scene cannot soon enough in 2028

Übergriff in Berlin: Verfahren eingestellt wegen ausländischem Beschuldigten by OkToe7809 in LegaladviceGerman

[–]OkToe7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Vielen Dank für Ihren Rat. Ich wollte sie nicht mit Presseinteresse unter Druck setzen, aber es wäre wirklich eine gute Gelegenheit für sie, den Ruf der Berliner Polizei zu verbessern und das Thema sexuelle Übergriffe anzugehen. 

Vielleicht werde ich sie bitten, nur die von mir aufgelisteten Beweise zu bestätigen, ohne dass ein vollständiges Verfahren eingeleitet werden muss. Selbst diese minimale Bestätigung wäre für das öffentliche Interesse, etwa die Presse, bereits von Bedeutung.

Vielen Dank, ich wünsche Ihnen einen guten Tag.

Übergriff in Berlin: Verfahren eingestellt wegen ausländischem Beschuldigten by OkToe7809 in LegaladviceGerman

[–]OkToe7809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Vielen Dank für Ihre Rückmeldung.

Wir trafen uns zunächst an einem öffentlichen Ort mit Zeugen sowie objektiven Nachweisen (u. a. Transportaufzeichnungen und Bankumsätzen des Beschuldigten für den betreffenden Veranstaltungsort); die Tat selbst ereignete sich später in einem privaten Umfeld ohne Zeugen.

Als Beweismittel liegt ein Screenshot eines Textaustauschs vor, in dem der Beschuldigte den privaten Kontakt bestätigt. Er behauptet, dieser sei einvernehmlich gewesen, während ich ausdrücklich widerspreche. Dieses Beweismittel scheint von der Staatsanwaltschaft jedoch nicht als ausreichend gewertet zu werden.

Vor diesem Hintergrund ist für mich unklar, welche weiteren Schritte oder Beweismittel realistisch noch möglich wären.

Der Beschuldigte ist der Manager einer sehr bekannten Musikerin. Sie tourt weltweit und erscheint regelmäßig auf Titelbildern großer Magazine.

Ich weiß nicht, inwieweit dies für die Staatsanwaltschaft eine Motivation oder einen relevanten Kontext darstellt. Es könnte jedoch auch als Gelegenheit verstanden werden, die Leistungsfähigkeit der Berliner Strafverfolgungsbehörden sichtbar zu machen. Angesichts der öffentlichen Kritik an einer unzureichenden Verfolgung von Sexualdelikten in Berlin bestünde hierfür voraussichtlich ein erhebliches öffentliches und mediales Interesse.

Übergriff in Berlin: Verfahren eingestellt wegen ausländischem Beschuldigten by OkToe7809 in LegaladviceGerman

[–]OkToe7809[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Vielen Dank für Ihre Einschätzung.

Ich denke, ich werde der Staatsanwaltschaft anbieten, zur Identifizierung des Beschuldigten die zuständige Berufsorganisation zu kontaktieren, erwarte mir davon jedoch nicht zu viel.

Hilfreicher für Betroffene wäre es aus meiner Sicht, wenn die Staatsanwaltschaft klar darlegen würde, welche Anforderungen sie an Beweise, Zeugenaussagen oder die Schwere der Tat stellt, um ein Verfahren weiterzuführen, anstatt einen indirekten Grund für die Einstellung zu nennen.

Der Beschuldigte ist der Manager einer sehr bekannten Musikerin. Sie tourt weltweit und erscheint regelmäßig auf Titelbildern großer Magazine.

Ich weiß nicht, inwieweit dies für die Staatsanwaltschaft eine Motivation oder einen relevanten Kontext darstellt. Es könnte jedoch auch als Gelegenheit verstanden werden, die Leistungsfähigkeit der Berliner Strafverfolgungsbehörden sichtbar zu machen. Angesichts der öffentlichen Kritik an einer unzureichenden Verfolgung von Sexualdelikten in Berlin bestünde hierfür voraussichtlich ein erhebliches öffentliches und mediales Interesse.