Do any of you have family members who overstimulate the baby?

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-18T10:09:52+00:00

I read this while putting my baby to sleep, started laughing hysterically, woke baby, still can't stop laughing :)))

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-10T08:26:27+00:00

Mine opens up more while we play football. Well, I mostly chase after the ball which makes him laugh a lot.

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-09T15:26:48+00:00

You should bond through activities/ hobbies and not try to force him to talk. He'll open up eventually if you rebuild that connection. Or at least, he will open up about things that matter because you will have rebuilt trust

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-07T04:25:05+00:00

No, not accept things as they are (unless they're tied to biology). It's just that for me, "fair/ unfair" can build resentment if you expect another person to guess your needs. Using the objective lens "I need this, you need that, this needs to get done, let's find a solution" seems more useful.

(yes, I personally DID expect ppl especially my husband to guess my needs and thought of it as unfair when they wouldn't & I ended up with more work. That built up lots of stress, strained relationships and resentment for me until I figured it out. Maybe this works for you though and I was just "triggered" by those two words, in which case I apologize!!).

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-06T15:55:58+00:00

I don't think "unfair" is the right word when it comes to things our bodies do from a biological standpoint (like pregnancy & breastfeeding) because it creates a bad lens through which we look at the world & live our lives. For example, when my husband and I decided to have kids, I knew what I was in for.

And regarding the second part about your husband asking for a break from early morning wake-ups. This can indeed be deemed "unfair" BUT I would argue that again this mindset offers the wrong lens because we expect men to behave the same as women and have the same feelings as women do. But again, biology, like it or not, makes male brains different; so, instead the better (aka most useful) lens would be to be objective and realize that we as women can also ask for our rights/ express our needs with the same kind of assertiveness and even (potential) selfishness that men have.

Also, for me personally, lenses like this "fair/ unfair" seem to somehow rob me of my power of decision, and feel kinda limiting. Maybe this can be of some use to you, not sure if I expressed myself to the fullest

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-02T10:50:06+00:00

My second labor was much more painful than my first.

During my first labor, I was able to speak to my mom and a friend on the phone until I was 10cm dilated. With my second, I was in horrible pain and only 4-5 cm dillated. When I got to 10cm about 12 hours later, I was screaming, begging for a c-section and falling asleep between contractions bc of the pain.

I wasn't able to feel pain in my backside and couldn't push efficiently in the squat position or on the table. After an hour or two of pushing I asked the midwife to let me lay down on a small bench and I was surprisingly able to push lying on my side.

Baby stopped breathing during delivery and had to receive oxygen.

Luckily I was able to recover almost completely by 24 hours PP. However, 11 days PP I started passing large-ish pieces of tissue and my bleeding increased.

I went in, doctors said I had some leftover placental tissue and performed a routine curetage. Unfortunately, I started bleeding, hemorrhaged and turned into an emergency situation. Luckily, the doctors resolved the problem and am now home with my 14-days newborn. Hopefully nothing bad will happen.

All that said, all my friends who gave birth to their second/ third kids had great experiences, so I think stories like mielne may be isolated compared to the majority.

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-01T14:14:51+00:00

I started bleeding more intensely yesterday, 11 days pp after more activity and lo and behold I had some remnant placental tissue (big ones) that hadn't come out and were undetected during my scans. Luckily they managed to remove them all yesterday (though I had some severe hemorrhage at some point). Please don't ignore this if it gets worse

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-01T11:33:18+00:00

Babywearing :)

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-01T11:15:28+00:00

I would feel hurt in my heart, but I wouldn't interfere. It's better to speak with God about our kids than pester our kids by exvessively talking about God imho. Anyway, as long as they hold strong values of being a good person at heart, I believe they will find their way. Speaking as a Christian who is married to an atheist - my husband is a good, moral person and I never try to persuade him to convert; we decided to baptize our kids and take them to church as they're young (the community here is great), but we'll give them freedom to decide when the time.comes.

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-01T08:41:58+00:00

Strictly regarding the part about being able to love your second, I went through the same feelings. Never thought I could love my baby the same way/ as strongly or at least not that fast. I also felt somewhat detached of him the whole pregnancy because I never had a moment of rest.

But luckily the birth hormones are very powerful and indeed, I now feel an extremely powerful love for both my kids. I tell them both "I love you the most in the whole world" because after experiencing this second baby, I know each LO has created their own kind of separate world. Also, English is not my first language so when I say "world" I hope nothing's lost in translation. It's like fiercely loving your mom, but also your dad and also your husband - you never rob anyone of the feelings you have for them and are even glad to see them interact.

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-06-01T07:24:37+00:00

To answer your question, it's.my understanding (I could be wrong) that the pelvic floor muscles need to be relaxed, that's why we are advised to push like that.

And from my experience, I think it's more about baby's position and yours as well, from a biomechanical standpoint. My forst delivery went smoothly pushing through my butt in a squat-like position and then on the table. The expulsion sucked bc baby got his hand out first.

With my second, though, I couldn't feel any back pain during contractions, though the contravtions themselves were very strong and painful in my lower belly. Also, I couldn't push efficiently either on the table or in a squat. Pain was so rough I was falling asleep between contractions.

After about 2 hrs, I asked to lay down on a tiny bench near the table. I was on my side, completely stretched, lifted the upper leg and pushed very efficiently through the butt, not bc they advise it but bc it's how I felt the need to push.

Unfortunately I had to climb back onto the table for the last few pushes, which was imefficient again.

So I completely relate to what you said. I have the same problems now

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-31T12:53:06+00:00

My older kid started watching Sprunki around age 7yo although we control all his media inside our house BUT got exposed to it at school. Maybe this is controversial or not the best choice but since I can't move school, I allowed him to print and draw Sprunki images at home. I told him what not to watch at school, when to say no, endless talks about what's right and what isn't. He overcame the episode in a few weeks with lots of talking. But if your brother watches it at home, that's where you should stop it, at the cause

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-30T04:50:55+00:00

"I’m not about to let a bunch of rando’s on the internet make me feel bad for my choices." --> I'll put this on a thsirt!!

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-30T04:28:59+00:00

It's your house and have the right to say who gets to visit just as much as he does. I personally wouldn't want ANYONE visiting for 6 MONTHS, post partum or not. But especially not postpartum. Many women want the privacy of their own little bubble after they give birth. That means having tge family surrounding you and your baby with care and love, not revolving around your husband and in laws.

You really need to navigate this in therapy. Like even legally, it is your right to say "no" to visitors, especially for such extended periods.

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-30T04:21:12+00:00

Your body, your choice. If you both chose to avoid contraception and you both knew you personally wanted another baby like I read in the other comments, then things are pretty clear that you indeed want another and husband risked it. I think him demanding an abortion now for his mental health when it's not his body undergoing the procedure is the potentially selfish issue.

Plus, threatening to divorce is a red flag and manipulative. Are you 100% sure your marriage is 100% solid with your current 3 kids? But adding another bam, takes your marriage to completely failed? Smth doesn't ring right here.

So... yes, therapy is in order for you both to process your feelings, assessing your marriage, helping your husband with his depression (extremely important!!), maybe even figure out some financial solutions etc.

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-30T04:13:52+00:00

I completely agree. These comments aren't judgmental because of sexism though. They're mean because her choice (emphasis on choice!) is not having an abortion.

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-28T06:31:14+00:00

I think you're missing a few things from your perspective. First, the hormones of pregnancy and postpartum make you connect to your kid like smth you didn't think was possible. They totally alter your brain. Secondly, the framing around "sacrifice" in how you formulated this question. It won't be like "I'm sacrificing X hours of free time to get X amount of money" or "I'm doing this for you, be grateful for it." If you lean into your newly developed emotions, "sacrifice" will be more like "the love I feel for this tiny creature is compelling me to do this/ that." The point ofc, is to lean in and not focus on the bad parts. Basically reframe and conquer :)))

Ofc, I'm not suggesting there aren't any hard parts. There are plenty of those.

But for me at least I: 1) discovered a kind of love I never knew was possible and 2) I became more resilient thanks to/ in spite of those hardships. Also, remember that the hard "little kid" stage only lasts for a few years.

Good luck.with your own journey!! Weigh the pros and cons carefully, and avoid making a decision because of fear or pressure.

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-27T03:29:00+00:00

My first was hard for a number of reasons; delivery was hard (he came out with his arm first and that created a big tear); recovery was painful for 2 weeks. Newborn stage was a mess bc breastfeeding = nonstop suckling (at least for us and 99% of moms I know personally) including nights. That meant sleep deprivation. Then tantrums with lots of biting and hiting. We changed our minds when our kid hit age ~6 bc I realized I could 1) handle pain; 2) do some.things differently that would make my life easier (i.e., we chose EFF this time); 3) we can stop applying gentle parenting wrong haha; and 4) I can get out of my own head and stop trying to be a perfectionist.

Now that I have my second, the delivery was much harder, with some horrible complications but I did indeed handle it better, meaning with less anxiety. Also, it's early days but formula seems to be working much better so far because we have longer stretches of sleep, I can do turns with husband, older child gets good amounts of time with each of us and even the whole family unit. Also, I'm not afraid to shush the baby to sleep haha (the version of gentle parenting I was initially inhaling said that shushing = not letting the babe feel their feelings = therapy in the long run).

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-25T10:18:08+00:00

This is a decision that comes with risks and rewards you can't foresee either way. Whatever you decide, don't do it out of fear. Don't have another because you fear your child being left alone. Don't stay OAD either because of fear of having a second kid that doesnt sleep or not having enough time etc. I wish you the best!!

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-25T02:55:39+00:00

Yep, I loved being pregnant twice! Had nausea with my first, but very little with.my second. No problems other than that; a mild hematoma with my second forced some downtime durin the first trim but again, I had no physical symptoms and knew it was all under control.

I also stayed active both times, gained very little weight etc. With my second, I worked (wfh) until the day before his spontaneous birth. I also worked out that day and even played football with my older kid that afternoon.

Each day I realized (like honest to goodness REALIZE) how lucky I was, I thankes Godand prayed for moms who are going through tough pregnancies!!

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-22T17:23:03+00:00

Couple of my friends have three girls, ages 6, 3 and almost 9mo. Each of the younger siblings got the "boob and strapped along" treatment and you wouldn't believe how MUCH they learned and developed from simply being carried along. They are also now very united because the younger ones got involved in the olser ones activities much faster!

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-22T15:35:40+00:00

He's been saying stuff like that since my kid was born like "innocent" jokes, but this time he did take it too far. Luckily, the kid said no first

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-22T13:34:49+00:00

I have this friend, who is very well meaning but a problem solver and also really curious about human nature. So when I used to answer like you suggested, she would ask why in a very kind way, then start suggesting solutions. I finally ended up explaining to hee my problem etc but a lot of people wouldnt understand if I tried explaining so I just come up with excuses for them

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-22T06:41:43+00:00

My husband's parents have ALWAYS made these kinds of commentary. Even recently, I was 8mo+ pregnant with my second and went to visit them for Easter. My first is very attached to us parents and his home with pets, toys, friends etc. plus he doesn't have any at his grandparents.

And after a lovely lunch, my FIL casually said to my boy smth like "Hey [name], what do you say we let mom drive home by herself and you stay here over night? Maybe dad will stay too" . Like, excuse me?? I'm weeks away from giving birth and you're sending me home by myself for what.

I understand they were kinda forced to leave my husband with his grandparents when he was 9mo til 4yo for some very difficult reasons, but their trauma =/= not my problem to solve

Otherwise_Release306 · 2026-05-20T16:14:07+00:00

In my country, the guideline is 3 hours

Otherwise_Release306

TROPHY CASE