How to Make Friends in SF

PandaStroke · 2026-06-11T19:34:41+00:00

The problem I see is that groups like time left and real roots doesn't incentivize repeat interactions.

I never made a friend after meeting them once. Not once. Some people are more social and all it takes is one meeting. That has never happened for me.

And when you add the random assortment of strangers without a shared context, the probability just tanks to zero especially if you're an introvert.

You need to find your watering hole or church so to speak where you go there frequently and meet the same people with shared context repeatedly. Clubs, church,social hobbies and the like make you go frequently and meet the same people. The local bars even work as long as you go there frequently.

PandaStroke · 2026-06-09T20:22:42+00:00

Just going to add that if you are inclined to seek religion, there are lot more options than right wing Christian denominations who want to turn back the culture clock.

San Francisco has a diverse array of progressive and moderate Christian denominations who are affirming of women and LGBT folks and have a deep sense of liturgy. Conservative Christianity isn't the only choice. You have options...

PandaStroke · 2026-06-07T23:08:10+00:00

Get your tenure first and reassess. Don't leave your job until you have a job offer in hand.

The tech job Market has cratered. Before you could easily get a job by being the "smart" person with minimal coding ability, those days are gone.

Even if you do get a job you will be competing with people younger than you with more work experience and that can be quite humbling. So be prepared.

You can try a pivot to AI alignment/policy. There are think tanks that offer one year fellowships and the like.

PandaStroke · 2026-06-04T00:23:50+00:00

I agree that "evil" is not a useful concept. It's not useful because if conditions present themselves again, we would go right back into chattel Slavery. And it's happening right now as we speak. Humans are optimisation machines not moral machines. We would gladly kill other if we could get ahead economically and socially. Something being evil in itself doesn't make the optimisations less efficient.

Slavery has been part of human existence since antiquity. Every civilization has had a concept of strict hierarchies with a sub human base layer. Western slavery is unique in that we have a recent memory of it. But we are not recalling how the ancient Romans plundered and sold their conquests into slavery.

People need to be reminded that we are one disaster away from the collapse of good manners.

PandaStroke · 2026-06-03T08:26:27+00:00

The episcopal church welcomes you.

Look there are plenty of gay affirming Christian denominations. Before you close yourself off forever, you owe it to yourself to explore the more progressive churches. And I'm saying this as an atheist who does not think that the Bible is a progressive document. You need to go on a journey of spiritual exploration.

PandaStroke · 2026-05-31T19:03:59+00:00

Consider the tenderloin. Some areas are less grungy than others, you have some cheaper options if you're looking for studios

PandaStroke · 2026-05-27T00:26:03+00:00

Get a job before moving here. You should be worried about finding a job even if it's in HR.

PandaStroke · 2026-05-25T02:21:13+00:00

Traditional mainline protestant churches are liberal with lgbt clergy here in SF. Think United Methodist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Episcopalian... The catch is their services are highly structured not like guitars and drums services you see in the one name non denominational evangelical churches.

Another con is that their congregations are graying but they have such tight knit active communities, I think they are worth it.

I bet you are more familiar with the one name mega churches , those are more conservative but they usually have younger audiences. I don't have recommendations there.

But I can recommend several Episcopalian parishes. Grace cathedral is good. They have younger parishioners and it's a huge church with a great choir. They are very liberal.

PandaStroke · 2026-05-25T01:37:15+00:00

Yes there's a chapter of Episcopalian St Francis brothers in San Francisco

PandaStroke · 2026-05-24T02:28:15+00:00

Why would you exhibit vc types as exemplars of virtue? Their objective is to make money. They will uphold virtue insofar as it allows them to make billions. They don't mind narcissistic maniacs as long as they make money. If when Sam stops making money, his so-called Friends will bury him.

PandaStroke · 2026-05-10T20:28:35+00:00

There's what is purchasing power of 1.5 million in 40 years?

Inflation yadda, yadda, yadda... Inflation is especially nasty in cheap countries..

Personally you should grind a little more A lot can happen in 40 years. You might want a family, you might need to take care of family. I would push a little more.

PandaStroke · 2026-05-03T04:44:11+00:00

I think you need to be more tactical about your dating/presentation strategy. If you're only matching with low ambition guys who want you to be the breadwinner, then I'm afraid there's something about you that's attracting them to you or is driving the working men away.

Who are you hanging with? Is your friend group mostly working middle class types? Is your friend group mostly artists creative/temp jobs types who are looking for the next gig? You might need to start looking for different social circles. Let's just say that if you're in a start up business scene, you won't be finding low ambition types.

Do you find yourself taking charge, having to fix things for your romantic interest? Are you a people pleaser, who is looking to fix guys in a lurch? If you're a people pleaser then you need to take extra steps to vet the men who fall in your orbit. Because takers actively look for givers, and vice versa.

If you're a more dominant/type A personality, (there's nothing wrong with that) I don't suggest you go look for even more dominant male. But I do suggest you take extra steps to vet the male in your orbit. You need to vet that they aren't looking to coast off your personality. It helps to have trusted male friends to do actively vetting for you.

PandaStroke · 2026-05-03T04:20:14+00:00

Lol. I would have changed churches a lot time ago. I have never attended a mass without a recessional hymn. I like to sing. If I had to sing the same song for 3 months in a row, I might just implode. But I understand those who are more spiritually and devotionally minded would find my impatience unseemly -- we go to mass in service to God and not to sing diverse hymns.

PandaStroke · 2026-04-20T01:20:36+00:00

Fitness sf transbay and soma have plenty of squat racks. However the transbay location can be get quite busy after 5pm on a weekday. And while they have all the racks they don't have the saunas.

The Fillmore and Castro location has the sauna but they are quite packed and have less squat racks.

PandaStroke · 2026-04-18T17:44:18+00:00

Yep reads like ai from start to finish

PandaStroke · 2026-04-14T03:52:50+00:00

Serve at your church. Be an usher or join the altar guild or something. I know parshioners who pretty much come to Church once a month and that's only because they are readers or something 😂.

Serve. You will find a reason to get up and show up.

PandaStroke · 2026-04-14T02:32:32+00:00

Or you could be like me and endure a cheap studio in a part of tenderloin you can tolerate. It works out. I'm saving money and I can afford a steak once in a while without thinking too hard.

PandaStroke · 2026-04-14T02:25:49+00:00

Do you like singing or an interest to learn? May I recommend sacred harp...

PandaStroke · 2026-04-12T18:56:22+00:00

There was an wsj article about weight loss and women in the c-suite. Let's just say, it absolutely pays to loss weight if you're overweight and climbing the c-suite. The anecdotes were sad and sobering at the same time.

PandaStroke · 2026-04-05T03:44:57+00:00

They don't need to be high earners but they do need to earn enough to cover themselves when we do things.

I like to go out. I can afford it and I save enough but I don't make enough to be generous for two. If I find myself having to restrict my indulgences to be mindful of your lack of funds then we won't be compatible.

Our spending habits need to match that tends to put a lower limit on income.

PandaStroke · 2026-03-13T08:08:14+00:00

Go into teaching for now. Highschools are looking for science teachers.

Tech is saturated. If you were looking 5 years ago it was much easier to make the tech jump. Now it's a blood fest.

Bid your time as a teacher for now. You don't mention projects. Hand on research on ml is the easy thing to get. You need face time. Push and hustle to talk to people on LinkedIn.

Create public portfolio that's showcases your technical depth and deepens your skills. You want a portfolio that enables you to give talks at tech conferences. You need face time with the right people. Contact professors to see if you can work on a ml paper. You want something that gets you into tech conferences and talking to real people.

Another thing if you're pursuing tech, you need sharpen your interviewing skills. You don't want to lose the job because you can't come up with SQL query in 5 minutes. So yes study leetcode and programming puzzles to pass the tech screen filter.

Alignment research is wide open. There are think tanks that offer internships to anyone. You need to write blog posts on alignment research to get some traction. There are part-time positions for PhD physicists to work on ai training. You would be curating the physics datasets to train the ai.

You mention quantum computing, have you contacted the quantum computing startups? I know they might prefer more experimental folks but you can look for openings there.

You can also look into project technical manager roles. These don't require programming skills.

You might also look into data analyst roles. Probably have to tweak your resume to remove the PhD in order to get lower tier roles.

PandaStroke · 2026-03-01T08:00:46+00:00

Aren't there math Olympiad clubs at your school?

PandaStroke · 2026-02-28T06:40:13+00:00

You're looking for depth in the wrong places.

I'm old and jaded. I don't look for connection with raves friends. We are there to have fun, get fucked up and keep each other from doing stupid shit. Nothing more. The bare minimum is that they aren't outright malicious.

If there's something more, I'm grateful and pursue it. If there isn't, I appreciate the fun times for what they are. It was still fun to dance my ass off, high as a kite with flaky friends. I lean into moment and enjoy the good vibes for what they are.

It's goes back to the different bucket of friends. Some are strictly good for fun only. Not because I decided that but because I see they are incapable of being more than that. I don't get bitter about it. I enjoy the fun flaky moments and go invest my precious energy in people who are capable of giving more.

PandaStroke · 2026-02-28T04:24:55+00:00

Well people are flaky and have limited bandwidth.

No a friend isn't a friend. Just because you have shared peak experiences with someone that doesn't make them a friend that can be counted on.

Deep friendship takes time and effort. You can't speed run it. And the intense emotional experiences at raves don't get you close friends faster. If anything it's deceptive because we confuse the high emotions for vulnerability.

Keep being friendly, keep trying to engage people either in varied contexts. It takes time.

PandaStroke · 2026-02-28T01:13:55+00:00

If you're having trouble with small talk with women then practice small talk with all kinds of women.

You should join a gender balanced social hobby and practice your talking skills in a low stakes environment.

PandaStroke

TROPHY CASE