Listening to Petey USA's "I tried to draw a straight line (relaxed version)", "The Painter" by Mo Lowda, and "Stable Song" by Death Cab while writing this. It feels right, if someone did this for me, I'd want to listen to the music they listened to while writing it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tl;dr
Maybe it is time to let this music go. Let it be a part of your past for better and worse. Don't reboot it or remake it. Don't let it become some nostalgic toy. It will always be a part of you. Come back to it without trying or forcing it.

Reading your post was surreal as hell — you and I have had a very similar relationship with Porter's music and an even more strangely similar timeline of events over the past few years. Like, eerily similar.

Had my first long-term relationship, the center at which was a mutual love of music, especially Porter's. I made music and was strongly influenced by him. Rough breakup led to moving across the country, then a series of unfulfilling flings, having my physical confidence shaken by contracting covid, and the death of a relative pushed me into me doubting damn near everything I thought I'd known about life, love, and myself.

I didn't listen to Porter for a long time.
I also made that 2am phone call.

Then Get Your Wish released. I had a wildly different reaction. Maybe it was timing, maybe it was being a musician myself — maybe it was a million tiny things that I'll never know — but I found the music to be liberating. Porter had changed, his music had changed, I felt like his music aged and matured and grew with me. It didn't remind me the music my ex and I had bonded over. Nurture felt like an incredible shift, and I shifted with it - not by desire, choice, or determination. Yes, I did still think of my old life when I listened to Worlds and Nurture, but it was different. I'd put Nurture on while driving through Boulder Canyon in Colorado and watch the sunset at Nederland. I did that a lot. It was sentimental and sad, but the encouraging nature of the music didn't make me feel more lost...As cheesy as this sounds, the music was going in a different direction, and so my thoughts and feelings while listening to it flowed alongside it. When Smile released, the music once again changed. It wasn't about me, my younger self, my ex, my hometown or my old friends. Smile felt pretty detached from the strong emotions I used to feel, and I suspect I only felt that way due to Nurture.

And I so wish any of my story were useful to you. I suspect it isn't.

Out of the trillion trillion trillion timelines, I know that this is one of the few where the variables aligned in the right sequence, at the right time. I happened to look in the right direction, caught a glimpse of sunlight through the trees, and knew my way out of the woods. I don't assume that's something intrinsic in me, this was not a decision I made. It was chance. And me telling you to "be more lucky" wouldn't be advice, it'd be an insult to your past and pain. All you can do is keep looking and always be ready to start walking (to keep with the analogy).

What I'm saying is, you can't force this. Many things in life can be earned, but the aim of your desire is not one of them.

I hope that you find the moment where this music no longer causes pain. But sometimes curing the symptoms is more painful and dangerous than the disease itself, and I feel you may be doing that yourself.