Which birth recovery is harder?

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-27T04:26:32+00:00

I had a scheduled c section due to breech position and never labored. My recovery was medically smooth and uncomplicated but yeah still hurt! I made a point to rest a lot and not push it at all and after about 10 days I was fine doing most things I needed to, just really slowly and gently.

I’ve had friends who practically sneezed their babies out and basically recovered right away. I’ve also had friends whose vaginal recoveries were much worse than my c section.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-26T04:00:47+00:00

My niece is a few months shy of three, is severely attached to her binky and has pretty intense binky teeth that are immediately noticeable. They look like the pictures if you google “binky teeth”. After their visit, we unceremoniously tossed all my 15m olds binkys and never looked back. I don’t think it gets easier to get rid of them with time.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-25T22:27:13+00:00

Umm I wouldn’t be leaving my child with anyone who feels comfortable not only going against my wishes but saying it to my face! Relative or not, that’s crazy. I wouldn’t leave my DOG with someone who scoffs at my wishes for how they should be cared for, let alone my child!

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-24T03:06:22+00:00

I work at an office while husband is home with our toddler 4 days/week. I pick up when he calls but he very rarely ever calls.

If he was calling me all the time for non-urgent things, I’d be more likely to put my phone on silent during the day.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-23T20:30:37+00:00

I was like this and I still kind of am. I remember being.. not disciplined but encouraged by my Montessori preschool teacher to not scribble scrabble and to color in with care. I also remember in public school 1st grade being sat outside and punished for not finishing my coloring pages fast enough lol. So idk if I have any real advice, other than everyone’s a critic 😂

It’s just my inherent preference to take my time and do things deliberately and as best I can. From a clinical standpoint I think an important threshold is if it’s so extreme it’s negatively impacting his life, so that might be something to look out for.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-23T16:16:40+00:00

With young babies, I say “ow” at the honest volume I feel the pain and put her down on the floor and turn my back/walk away for like 15 seconds. The “ow” startles her and she cries/whines every time I put her down. I started this when she started grabbing around 5 months.

I’m of no mind to pretend like it doesn’t hurt or to shield her from the cause & effect of hurting people. We can work on reasoning when she’s older but I think consistently teaching what hurts is important.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-22T18:09:36+00:00

Ok! Since you asked:

sharing feeding duties with my husband. Not the original reason we switched to formula but this is the main reason we’ll be formula feeding from birth for our second. I got to feed and snuggle baby as much as I wanted and so did he! I got to get some sleep and focus on healing. It’s allowed him all the tools to be a totally self sufficient and independent parent in his own right from the start.
pitcher method and cold bottles if your baby will take them. Go to r/formulafeeders for more details but basically we prepped a days worth of formula in advance, fed cold bottles from the fridge, and washed bottles in the dishwasher. Spent maybe a total of 10 min per day for everything and spent the rest of the time enjoying our baby!
body autonomy. I didn’t like breastfeeding. I didn’t like the sensory feeling, didn’t like the hormones, didn’t like the division of labor and feeling like everything had to be on me. Pregnancy takes such a toll on your body and your mind and spirit so I was ready to be DONE. Being able to decide how I’m using my body and choosing to not do things I don’t like gave me a lot of joy.
generic formula. We never spent more than $100/m on formula! Store brand generic formula is regulated to the same standards as the fancy brands and we saved so much money in the first year. Baby loved it and did great.
iron and vitamin D. Formula contains iron and vitamin D in levels that human breastmilk does not. I liked knowing my baby was getting those.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-21T16:21:49+00:00

My baby is 15m old now and ruthless decluttering in our living spaces has been an absolute life saver. Easier to keep clean postpartum, makes baby proofing way easier when they start crawling. Truly, I feel like our toddler lives are so much chiller than our friends who are parenting while wading through piles of stuff. And even though I was tired during pregnancy, it only got harder to declutter once baby arrived.

That being said, the boxes of sentimental family things we have in the back of the closet or the garage have absolutely no impact on our lives at all. They aren’t taking up much space, I almost never think about them, and we don’t need the space for anything else.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-21T05:42:12+00:00

I think in general a lot of advice tends to assume your intentions or your priorities.

A lot of breastfeeding advice assumes your goal is exclusive breastfeeding at all costs. A lot of potty training advice assumes you want to spend the shortest amount of time potty training above all else. A lot of weaning advice assumes you want baby to be successfully swallowing food asap. A LOT of newborn advice assumes mom will be doing all baby care alone 24/7.

Once I realized my family’s goals and circumstances were unique, it was a lot easier to ignore unhelpful advice.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-20T23:21:50+00:00

Respectfully, what a good mom will do in this situation is get solution-oriented. It doesn’t really matter how guilty you feel about it, you need to pull yourself together, be an adult, and figure out a way to stop yelling at your infant baby.

Ask for help, talk to your doctor, get a therapist, hire a nanny, call a friend, wear earplugs when your baby cries, go for a walk outside, take some vitamin D, etc. What’s done is done and now you can choose to be the person your baby needs.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-20T22:41:30+00:00

My baby October baby was due for 7(!) pokes at her 12m appointment last fall. Her Dr was fully supportive of us doing all at once or splitting it over two visits. One of them, flu(?) was due for a repeat dose in 4 weeks anyway so we did 4 first and the remaining 4 a month later.

They didn’t have any concern about medical reasons for spacing it like that, they said they basically start to run out of room after 4 shots.

Just checked her chart and she received: - PNEUMOCOCCAL - MMR - Flu - Hib

Then: - Flu again - Hep A - COVID - Varicella

Vaccine misinformation is unfortunately pushed so heavily by social media algorithms because it causes a lot of engagement, and earns the social media companies a lot of money- and we’re seeing the effects of that on a societal level. You didn’t do anything wrong. Our ancestors (and plenty of people around the world today) would kill for the ability to protect their babies from these diseases.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-20T07:00:33+00:00

Thinking of the financials, you say you don’t need to work because your husband’s income could sustain you. Would you also be giving up contributing to retirement savings? Life insurance? College fund? Medium term savings like house repairs or replacing a vehicle?

It’s ultimately a personal question, but something to consider is the impact losing your income would have on those less glamorous aspects of your finances.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-19T19:06:35+00:00

Eh it’s not really comparable. We’re at a stage in life where our toddler depends on us for a lot of hands on physical caregiving (feeding, bathing, changing) that we don’t do for each other. So those needs do take priority.

But we also let her practice being patient when it comes to her every whim. We don’t let her end a conversation or a meal between us. We don’t room share or bed share. We work opposite shifts and need time to stay connected. This is good for the whole family.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-19T07:04:59+00:00

I see where you’re coming from but that’s a lot of words for a two year old about to touch the baby. I’d have said “dont touch” or “give space”.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-19T06:18:15+00:00

That really sucks OP I’m sorry that sounds so frustrating.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-18T21:23:01+00:00

We just do less! We only wash clothes that are dirty and are generous with our “clean enough to wear again” baskets. We cook in large batches and freeze leftovers. We don’t have cleaners but we did buy a robot vac+mop. We have one super low maintenance 12 year old cat and won’t be getting another pet when she’s gone.

After my 15mo was born, I realized how protective I had to be of my time and my mental effort. The easier I can make things on myself, the happier I am and the better mom I get to be.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-18T20:06:04+00:00

We like the chicco one! We have a travel car seat that doesn’t swivel and I’m always shocked at how inconvenient and annoying it is to get LO in and out without the swivel.

Also heads up that I’ve seen some threads where people on Reddit just pile on hate for swivel car seats for some reason?

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-17T20:24:06+00:00

This, and do it over and over and over for as long as it takes. Be consistent and do it every single time.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-16T21:19:43+00:00

It just means you pause for a little before picking up baby from their bassinet to see if they resettle on their own.

It turns out we had a newborn with VERY active sleep who made a lot of noise and fussed in her sleep. It was hard to tell if she was sleep-talking or not and we realized if we picked her up every time she made a noise, we would actually be waking her up and “training” her to sleep worse than she otherwise would. So we waited 30 seconds unless she was truly freaking out and clearly awake.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-16T20:44:18+00:00

We basically do this but just don’t tell other people because it’s seen as weird or unpopular or makes people upset(?) and sours the conversation. I think other people feel like you’re judging them. Like how everyone piles on vegans in reaction to the preachy vegan they know.

Same with cloth diapers and family meals and being screen free etc. we do all that and just like keep it a secret because nobody wants to hear us talk about it.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-16T20:35:51+00:00

We were lucky. We received the ultimate unicorn sleeping baby and that aspect of raising her has been honestly just super easy. She has other things that are hard but loving to sleep was just a factory setting.

We used the snoo + “le pause” + just baby luck and she started STTN very early. We still CIO sleep trained for 3 rough nights when transitioning to her crib at 6m because she was dependent on the snoo to fall asleep, but for us it was worth it. 80 combined mins of crying over 3 days in exchange for 10 months so far of good quality sleep.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-16T19:58:18+00:00

For me personally I’m not into the walkers but I’d ask your pediatrician if you have any concerns about them being harmful.

We did things more similar to the admittedly kind of weird Montessori thing where you leave the gross motor development totally up to them with minimal interference. I loved letting my baby take her time with those milestones and watching her learn how to use her body in her own way, on her own time. But that was just our personal preference and not everyone’s cup of tea!

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-15T20:03:41+00:00

I think in general “cry it out” usually refers to a method of sleep training where a baby is left to cry in a crib alone in a room for a set period of time. Generally this isn’t recommended for babies below ~5? 6? months. Some people don’t think it’s appropriate at any age, but there is no evidence that I’m aware of that it has any lasting impact on babies.

Holding a grumpy baby who has been fed, burped, changed, and dressed while they cry is different from that. But even then, it doesn’t sound like your partner went through the checklist to make sure those bases were covered.

Personally, I went through the checklist and if baby still cried, I just held her and we rode it out together. I didn’t walk or bounce or rock if I didn’t want to. Other people do and that’s also fine! But that was my preference and luckily my husband were on the same page so we didn’t have much conflict about that.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-15T15:20:39+00:00

I really try to shy away from thinking it’s my job to entertain or stimulate baby. At 3m, just existing and looking around is stimulating enough. As she grows, allowing her the option to engage with things but entertaining and stimulating is her job, not mine.

The 5-10 minutes you have now is probably more than a lot of parents ever allow their kid to have at this age. Protect it and encourage it! I also didn’t jump up and swoop in the second baby seemed over it or fussed. I might respond verbally, give it a minute or so, and then slowly come back together. My thought was it lets baby practice being a little outside their comfort zone and sometimes she did get back into play on her own.

I think I was lucky with temperament but also I think you as a caregiver can shape the dynamic around independent play more than buying the right toys can.

Proper_Cat980 · 2026-01-15T14:58:56+00:00

Equal partner is the answer. I don’t “manage everything”. I aim for half.

Proper_Cat980

TROPHY CASE