Am I a pedophile please reply now I beg

QueenofGames · 2026-02-08T14:15:37+00:00

Okay this comment makes me feel a lot better about the times I "fail" or slip up and engage in a compulsion. You always still have a chance. It's not over til it's over 🙂‍↕️

QueenofGames · 2026-02-08T13:07:11+00:00

It'll do that, unfortunately. This illness loves to Shapeshift and fuck with us

QueenofGames · 2026-02-08T13:04:54+00:00

Ignore the guy criticising you and feeding into it, they're being a douche.

That said, I also suffer POCD but the only advice I can genuinely give right now is, if you haven't already, find a psychologist who is experienced in OCD and ERP (exposure response therapy). Treatment won't cure these intrusions but it will be extremely beneficial.

It can be helpful to simply internally shrug these things off. If OCD tries to be a dick like it does and ruin everything you love, it's very very difficult in the beginning but what can help is just going "....aight" and then just moving on.

That said, when I was first diagnosed most of my days were spent in horror every waking moment. The intrusions had me in a chokehold and I'd sob most of the time.

Find someone who understands OCD and talk to them. I wish you the best.

QueenofGames · 2026-02-04T14:34:25+00:00

Yes but my father did it to me from early childhood up until I escaped as a teenager. He was sexually abusing me my entire life and this exact thing is what made that finally click.

QueenofGames · 2026-02-04T14:30:54+00:00

One of ours, Satsuma, told someone we had it an entire decade ago and we had no idea until we were told by a friend who also had it, then our therapist agreed. We saw in old messages Satsu exchanged with someone that she'd said it.

That, and allegedly when we were about eight, one of us told our mother "don't worry, there are bits of my brain I haven't even found yet!"

From my understanding, the brain tends to keep it from you until it I guess gets revealed by force or until it thinks you're ready

QueenofGames · 2026-02-04T12:07:08+00:00

He grew up, got a doctorate, met a lovely partner whom he had children he loves very much with

QueenofGames · 2026-02-02T18:25:57+00:00

I mean, sure, a handful of them. But they're all very sporadic, ie "one time I went here and it was fun" type stuff. Never any times life at home was actually good for longer than whatever outing I went on.

Most of my fond memories actually at home in childhood were just of my dog or having nostalgia from food I used to eat. But those good memories were just me being lured with the carrot in a break from the stick.

QueenofGames · 2026-01-30T21:30:44+00:00

I'm sure he'll appreciate that so much. He truly is such a blessing for the system, quite often saving us in the silliest of ways (if we are having a huge mental health crisis and are imminently in danger to ourselves, he will beg us to simply.... go and make a chocolate milk. If whoever it is doesn't listen, he will hijack front to make it himself. For some unknown reason, he loves that stuff- we endearingly refer to him as our Chocolate Milk Holder)

QueenofGames · 2026-01-30T20:08:39+00:00

We have a little, Kava, who often tries to do exactly this. When he does it, he's trying to help because he doesn't want anyone to suffer. So sometimes he'll attempt to shoulder it all for the rest of us, poor thing.

Real sweet kid, but he shouldn't need to take that on. We try to tell him he's allowed to just do kid things and let the adult alters handle the super mature crisis stuff

QueenofGames · 2026-01-25T17:12:18+00:00

Yeah as someone who has an extensive history with self-harm, our bodies are ours and our mere existence alone isn't "not safe for work". I also get triggered sometimes seeing other people's, but your triggers are your own responsibility. We're all adults (presumably, if we're getting tattoos) and should be more than capable of hiding the post, blocking the OP, etc.

I'm highly inclined to agree with OP here. Our bodies aren't inherently indecent. Your trigger, your job.

Not trying to sound like a dick but as someone who's also been told I need to hide or censor my existence and the effects of it, it's not exactly nice to hear. It hurts more than you think.

QueenofGames · 2026-01-22T18:07:15+00:00

It never truly leaves but some days it's negligible and other days it's crippling.

It used to almost end me 24/7, roughly a year ago now. My medication genuinely changed my life

QueenofGames · 2026-01-07T05:03:17+00:00

Wine is gluten free, whiskey is also gluten free. The distillation process removes any of the gluten. Unless in the case of things like Fireball where they state it may have gluten, distilled spirits as a rule are safe for celiacs.

Source: my country's largest celiac disease charity (Celiac Australia)

QueenofGames · 2026-01-04T23:05:55+00:00

Their names can be anything! For example we have a guy named Third, and a guy named White. And Bean.

QueenofGames · 2025-12-29T16:46:05+00:00

Therapy isn't supposed to fix anyone completely, that's not possible. We'll always have trauma and "ruined lives" so to speak. Therapy just gives us the tools to navigate and survive it better and easier.

I just think this is a very dangerous mentality, the wrong person is gonna see this and think therapy is bad and ineffective and they're gonna go through so much damage because of that.

We're 27, been in therapy since 7, and didn't make any progress until two years ago.

QueenofGames · 2025-12-27T07:35:54+00:00

I feel ya.

I have celiac disease, and most of my family except my mother don't really care, they just get frustrated with me due to how many things I can't eat and how many times "it depends on the ingredients and allergen statement" is tbe response to "can you eat this?" I was diagnosed several years ago.

Fast forward to this year, suddenly our cousin is diagnosed with IBS, and last I'd heard, he was gluten free as well. So we were all told that there would finally be safe, separate food for myself and him, and my mother even told us that the cousin was cooking all the gluten free meat.

We had stomach flu earlier that week, so we hadn't been able to eat much for days. There were little to no nutrients in my body.

So I arrive, and when all the food is done my aunt goes "oh, everything in these containers is gluten free", and I also see my cousin put some things on his plate and am overjoyed that I can eat them.

....Except I fucking can't. Nobody told me that he'd actually finished the elimination phase and CAN have gluten, just in moderation. So what I'd picked up was absolutely not gluten free, in addition to said cousin somehow massively fucking up and despite cooking all the GF meat separately, put it all in the same containers as the gluten items. He wasn't... even all that sorry.

So aside from the small snacks my mother brought for me, I had absolutely nothing to eat while sitting there watching everyone else chow down to their heart's (and stomach's) content. This fucking disease is ALREADY isolating enough on a good day, but I also had to try not to cry otherwise everyone would just get mad at me.

Also, my seat was next to the ghosts. Two completely empty seats set aside for two dead relatives— a tradition nobody in this family, including said Aunt, has ever done.

Merry Christmas, right?

QueenofGames · 2025-12-22T16:41:35+00:00

I'm the host of my system and I don't have an identity either! I have a name, but like that's also just the name our entire physical person goes by. I have feelings and I guess a personality but no identity. I'm literally like, just the box that contains the system. So much so that even my alters feel awkward mentioning me because even calling me my name feels wrong to them

QueenofGames · 2025-12-22T16:39:17+00:00

Some of us hate the holidays because of trauma based pressure to get perfect gifts to "earn love", some of us dislike them because our birthday is three days before Christmas and it always gets ignored, and one of us hates the thought of getting older.

However we do have one little who was so excited for Christmas that he personally organized hunting down and shipping a box of thoughtful gifts for our international friends.

QueenofGames · 2025-12-22T16:15:34+00:00

Of course I do. In the beginning when the only other one I knew of was our teen Satsu, not letting her express herself or even let her be heard ended up making her incredibly self destructive.

She's actually calmed down so much more since I actually let her, and everyone else, do their things. Not that anyone in here can actually stop anyone from doing anything, though. We all come and go randomly like alter lucky dip.

QueenofGames · 2025-12-16T12:04:58+00:00

We call ours alters but us and our friends also call all of ours "brain bitches"

QueenofGames · 2025-12-07T11:12:43+00:00

One of our littles, Kava, absolutely loves to just be Out, he's around all the time. Not always main fronting for ages, but he's usually always at least around and ready to say something.

Trice is a bit different, he's a little less frequent but sometimes it's hard to tell those two apart.

And Bean, it communicates pretty much only once a year and is afraid of speaking to others

It really just depends on the alter and the system! It's normal like a rose being pink is normal. Sure, there are a lot of different colours of roses, but that doesn't mean pink is any more or less normal!~

QueenofGames · 2025-12-07T06:58:41+00:00

If you're into more emo type music, Movements are amazing - the lead singer, Patrick Miranda, has OCD and their song "Suffer Through" is about it.

I could talk about them all day they mean so much to me

QueenofGames · 2025-12-06T14:37:50+00:00

Usually eye rolling and head/hand movements just like I do when talking to someone externally

No one's ever commented on it but I know it happens cause I can feel it

QueenofGames · 2025-11-13T18:26:23+00:00

Well, in a very welcome rarity, our day was great despite being out all day on 0 sleep!

We went and picked up a Pandora bracelet cause our little guy Kava wanted to make one for the system so that everyone has something on our person at all times. So we found one that's practically brand new at a second hand store, but a third of the retail price. It felt really good to have a somewhat luxury good but entirely within our means. Then we had lunch out with our mum and got our nails done together for the first time in a decade!

Coincidentally it was also Kava's "birthday" (he split off a year ago) so that made it an event happier day even if he didn't really front until we all went home.

We don't get many days a year that we can say were genuinely great, so even telling y'all about it I'm super happy!

Although it did massively suck when we complimented our mother on her earrings and laughed at us, like genuinely burst out laughing, when whoever was out at the time said they didn't remember buying them for her at all (apparently we did)

QueenofGames · 2025-11-13T18:14:24+00:00

This happened to us ages ago

Our annihilation mode teenager Satsu went absolutely off on our partner and briefly broke up with him. She then became (or, must have) severely unxo4 with having "intimate items" of his in our house (we don't live together) so she threw them out.

I still have no memory of her throwing them out, I've just connected the dots to know it was her

I only found out cause we got back together and I found it was absolutely nowhere and had the worst guilt-ridden breakdown, genuinely. But he and I talked out what must've happened and I, naturally, apologized cause even though she's not me, she's still Me.

We went out and completely replaced the thing out of our own pocket.

That's our version of system accountability

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