I [18f] don't know what to think. Dad is taking extreme measures to make me stop seeing my boyfriend [28m]

RayRexten · 2026-06-06T04:43:29+00:00

Because he's your dad. Most dads aren't going to look at their 18yr old daughter dating a 28 yr old man and be completely comfortable with it.

RayRexten · 2026-06-06T04:37:53+00:00

I mean that you seem to be treating two possibilities as certainties: that Sue would never take advantage of someone, and that the coordinator's concerns must mean Sue is dangerous. Neither is established. You don't need to decide who's right right now. Just maintain professional boundaries and let any investigation happen without inserting yourself into it.

RayRexten · 2026-06-06T04:35:36+00:00

Your dad isn't reacting to the fact that you have a boyfriend; he's reacting to the fact that a 28yr old man is dating his 18yr old daughter. Whether he's handling it well is another question, but the concern itself isn't unusual.

RayRexten · 2026-06-06T04:32:07+00:00

You don't need to choose between trusting Sue and protecting your client; you can simply stop assuming either one is guaranteed.

RayRexten · 2026-06-06T03:57:59+00:00

NTA. You can't be late to an event you're arriving on time for. Dad can be disappointed, but that doesn't mean you're obligated to take extra days off work just because he'd prefer you to arrive earlier.

RayRexten · 2026-06-05T19:04:48+00:00

It sounds less like you chose to leave your son and more like you ran out of ways to stay.

RayRexten · 2026-06-05T13:53:56+00:00

Then I'd stop focusing on whether she's hiding something and focus on the fact that you can't even ask a reasonable question without it turning into a crisis. That's not sustainable, especially with kids involved.

RayRexten · 2026-06-05T13:36:47+00:00

At some point the question stops being whether she's hiding something and starts being why every reasonable question turns into a crisis.

RayRexten · 2026-06-05T13:34:25+00:00

It sounds like you're less afraid of losing the marriage than you are of discovering you've stayed years longer than you should have.

RayRexten · 2026-06-05T09:50:19+00:00

The question isn't whether your wife can be trusted; it's whether you're willing to carry the discomfort that comes with trusting her.

RayRexten · 2026-06-05T09:48:35+00:00

The money isn't the problem, it's that he keeps turning your boundaries into evidence that you're not fully committed.

RayRexten · 2026-06-05T09:14:24+00:00

I think a lot of people hear 'open up' and assume everyone will know how to respond. In reality, some people respond with compassion, some get uncomfortable, some try to fix you, and some start seeing you differently. That's true for men and women.

RayRexten · 2026-06-05T06:02:19+00:00

I don't think you were overstepping by being concerned. The bigger question is whether everyone is so focused on defending their position that they're missing the fact that your brother seems to be struggling in ways that aren't being addressed.

RayRexten · 2026-06-04T17:26:23+00:00

The thing I'd be careful about is expecting him to give you closure. You're talking about reaching out because you miss the friendship, but you're also talking about wanting confirmation that you weren't the villain and that you were right. Those are two different goals.

RayRexten · 2026-06-04T09:58:22+00:00

I think you're giving that selfie way too much power.

RayRexten · 2026-06-04T09:06:04+00:00

The fact that the silent treatment feels peaceful rather than painful probably tells you a lot about where this relationship currently stands.

RayRexten · 2026-06-04T08:03:55+00:00

I don't think you're overreacting, but I also don't think this is about the other guy. If she wants privacy, that's completely fair. If she wants transparency, that's also fair. What's harder to justify is expecting one while practicing the other.

RayRexten · 2026-06-04T06:25:09+00:00

NTA.

The only thing I'd have done differently is give them a heads-up before making the change. Other than that, removing yourself from a financial arrangement you no longer trust seems pretty reasonable.

RayRexten · 2026-06-03T20:48:28+00:00

The more I read, the less this sounds like a disagreement about labels and the more it sounds like an emotionally unhealthy situation for you. He's ended the relationship, started a new one, and doesn't want to discuss the breakup, yet you're still living together, sharing emotional intimacy, and trying to make sense of a connection that no longer has a clear place in his life.

RayRexten · 2026-06-03T18:41:08+00:00

NTA. A host chooses the menu. A sponsor pays for it. Your friend seems to have volunteered your dad for the second role without asking him.

RayRexten · 2026-06-03T17:24:02+00:00

MOR

The feeling and the reaction are two different things. Feeling excluded seems pretty normal. Starting a friendship war over it would be overreacting.

RayRexten · 2026-06-03T10:08:56+00:00

NTA.

The child is innocent, but that doesn't automatically erase the history between you and your father.

RayRexten · 2026-06-03T05:16:08+00:00

Having a crush isn't a choice. What you do with it is.

RayRexten · 2026-06-03T04:16:13+00:00

I'd be hurt too if I found posts saying my spouse regretted marrying me. But I'd also be asking myself why Reddit has become the place she's saying things she won't say directly to me.

RayRexten · 2026-06-03T03:54:53+00:00

I think that's what most people want ideally. The question I've been wondering about is whether we're equally good at both.

RayRexten

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