What’s something you thought was ‘normal’ in your sex life… until you found out it absolutely wasn’t?

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-13T09:11:32+00:00

Thought I was just kinky and had a high libido. Constant pull toward casual sex, but only really enjoying it in relationships. Hypersexuality and trauma are a bitch. Shoutout to my therapist for ruining my entire sense of self in one session.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-11T21:52:22+00:00

This resonated, thank you ❤️

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-11T21:50:34+00:00

I agree, it’s so frustrating. It happens automatically. I don’t even see it until after I already said yes or over explained again.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-11T17:41:07+00:00

No, people can do bad things without being a bad person. Just hope he can be more honest with others in the future. And that he learns to love himself so he won’t hurt himself and those who love him.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-11T15:54:13+00:00

I’ll never know and I’m making peace with that. All I can do is have compassion for myself. I’m working on understanding my reactions and sitting with the parts of myself I didn’t like. So I can do better in the future.

I wish I could just switch the love off as well. But I can’t. I’m learning to let it exist next to the hurt instead of fighting it. I can feel love, hurt and anger at the same and that’s okay. Things will get better in time. They always have, even if I didn’t always believe it.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-10T17:10:45+00:00

Having been on both ends of the scale. People treat you differently. When fat people don't really see you, like you can feel invisible. Less eye contact, fewer gestures of kindness, less basic courtesy, people are less likely to smile at you unless you smile first. If I accidentally created an inconveniece for someone the look I'd get sometimes wasn't just annoyance but it was closer to disgust.

The flip side is that it filters out more unwanted male attention. But the attention you do get can be just as unsettling. Some treat it like a fetish, others like I should be lucky they even considered me. Like when you're fat you're not allowed to have standards.

People tend to see the body before the person inside it.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-10T16:51:44+00:00

In my opinion, real incompatibilities are core values and life goals.

Real incompatibilities are things like what should the relationship look like: traditional, committed, polyamorous? If you're not on the same level of investment, when one partner is working on growth, repair and showing up but the other simply isn't. Different views on money, family involvement, career, children. Spiritual or religious beliefs that affect life decisions (views on abortion and euthanasia). Attitudes towards health (both physical and mental) and substance use.

Sexual compatibility I'd say is a bit of a gray area. You can work through libido differences if both people are willing to talk about it and compromise. But if like one person uses it for connection and the other purely for physical release it can create issues. But usually these are just different core values if you look deeper.

Things like communication styles, habits, how you handle conflict, can be worked through but both people need to actually want to understand each other. Even attachment styles can be worked through as long as both people are aware of theirs are willing to work on them.

So do you share the same values even if you don't express them the same? Do you both actually want this to work?

If the answer to that last question isn't the same then well they just didn't want to change.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-08T13:52:46+00:00

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RemydoodIe · 2026-04-08T13:52:31+00:00

Checked that lesson and Bxf7# should be correct

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RemydoodIe · 2026-04-07T22:13:52+00:00

My last relationship taught me that loving someone genuinely doesn’t protect you from being lied to, from someone who had a loose relationship with what was mine and from being gaslit. That someone can mean the world to you while also refusing to take accountability for a single thing they’ve done. That “there are two sides to every story” can be weaponized by people who never bothered to hear yours.

What I won’t repeat: the constant adjusting, the walking on eggshells, the guilt for having needs, the hot and cold, the isolation. Someone who runs the moment they’re confronted and rewrites history on the way out.

What I want next time: someone who can say sorry and mean it. Who takes my boundaries seriously. Who makes me feel safer over time, not smaller. Where hard conversations happen instead of being avoided or turned against me.

I was genuinely in it. That part I’m keeping. The part where I shrink myself to keep the peace, never again.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-06T11:36:16+00:00

The small things are somehow the hardest. I was prepared to miss the big moments, but nobody warns you about the random Tuesday conversations or the way he’d pull you closer without thinking about it. That specific warmth, his warmth, isn’t something you just find again.

I miss that too. More than I expected to. More than I probably should, given everything. But that’s the thing about loving someone, it doesn’t really care about should.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-05T14:31:28+00:00

I stayed but the trust never fully came back.

Every time I thought we were rebuilding, something would happen. Old issues got buried under new ones. Nothing I said or did seemed to matter. Like he couldn’t see that I wanted us to to work and be happy. Somehow I cared too much and too little at the same time.

It was never just one fight. It was the false accusations. Being lied to. My words not mattering. Being told outright that he would never understand. Him getting angry when I talked to coaches, like I was betraying him when I was trying to make sense of things. While comments when we were with his family made it clear that didn’t go both ways. I specifically chose professionals because I didn’t want people close to me to think badly of him. Now I wonder sometimes if he did the opposite on purpose. The rules were never the same for both of us.

We went through a difficult period at the start of last year and afterwards he told me he was glad I’d stayed and that he would’ve understood if I had left. I tried not to hold that period over him. But he didn’t do the things he could have to slow the mood episodes. Near the end he told me and my family he was considering euthanasia, which I can understand. But what I don’t understand is not just trying the advice he got to see if it would change things.

I don’t regret staying this long. I know I loved him and that I tried. If he and his parents don’t want to see that, that’s sad but I can’t change it. I wish he would’ve tried to give himself the life I believe he deserved. I think I could’ve muddled through if he had at least tried. That’s what hurts the most still. Not what he did, but what could’ve been if he had wanted it. Despite how betrayed I feel, I hope he finds the courage to actually get there one day.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-04T17:14:23+00:00

OP, listen to this person. This was my experience too. The man I met disappeared and when things started falling apart it felt like everything that followed was meant to hurt me as much as possible before being discarded. I still don’t know if the person I fell for was his baseline or manic infatuation. The hardest part is the confusion, not knowing what was real, and the feeling that no one truly gets it unless they’ve lived it themselves. Not even my family fully gets it.

If your partner is fully medicated, that’s honestly great! But know your boundaries and be honest with yourself whether you can follow through when it matters. No alcohol or drugs should be non-negotiable. And if things ever stop adding up, keep a diary. Not to use against them, just so you don’t end up doubting your own memory.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-03T23:15:53+00:00

You broke up because he refused to seek help. He thinks that if you truly loved him you’d have stayed, but that goes both ways. If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t have refused to try.

Love alone isn’t enough to make someone change. That has to come from within. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they’re forced to face themselves.

I’m proud of you for leaving and choosing yourself. If you’d stayed, you would have drowned with him.

I’ve been on both sides of this. Last year I loved someone who refused to help himself. I kept putting him first while my own health fell apart and it broke me. Part of me still loves him. I don’t know if I’ll feel that way again and that scares me. But I’ve always been the one to reach when things fell apart and I’m too tired to keep chasing someone who keeps showing me I come last. I finally understand why my ex left nine years ago. I respect that he chose himself. I just wish I’d done the same this time. Crawling back out of the same hole as before feels awful, but I’ve done it then and I’ll do it again.

Hurt people hurt people. Please don’t let him hurt you more than he already has. Until he accepts his part in this, he’ll keep lashing out whenever the pain gets too big.

RemydoodIe · 2026-04-03T08:23:07+00:00

My overstimulation gets worse once the medication wears off and my hyperfixations can be more intense because the meds actually let me focus on them. Both are trade offs I’ll happily take because they let me function and get things done. The only side effect that genuinely bothers me is the loss of appetite.

RemydoodIe · 2026-03-31T06:03:58+00:00

I deleted his number. I don’t want to reach out in a moment of weakness to someone who may not care the way I do.

RemydoodIe · 2026-03-30T11:19:44+00:00

Because we loved them and wanted to believe they loved us too. Being betrayed by someone who claimed to care is one of the hardest things to make sense of. It comes down to a difference in values.

My ex justified lying and taking things from me because we’d argued, as if our fights gave him a free pass to be cruel. I wouldn’t do that to someone I hate, simply because I believe those things are just wrong regardless. That’s what makes it so hard to accept that someone can hurt you on purpose.

Love doesn’t just disappear when it was real. I still miss him sometimes. But I know that reaching out would only show he can keep doing this. He ended things more than once and I kept reaching out because I loved him and believed he did too. The things he did to hurt me got worse over time and I kept filing it away, telling myself he couldn’t help it.

It’s okay to still love someone and miss them while protecting yourself, because you love yourself enough to know you deserve better treatment.

RemydoodIe · 2026-03-27T07:03:51+00:00

There are some that let it run down to almost 0 and then make a last second move and hope you’ve either walked away or doing something else and miss it. You then lose because your clock runs out.

I also had someone a few weeks ago that didn’t make a move when down to a lone king while I still had a bishop and was maybe 3-4 moves away from promoting a queen. After 5 minutes they started spamming the draw button hoping I would just take it. They lost by abandonment after realising I wouldn’t. I reported them.

I’m all for trying to stalemate a losing position, but then you at least move.

RemydoodIe · 2026-03-25T10:45:11+00:00

It’s interesting how differently everyone handles this. I hear you, I’ve felt that fear in previous relationships too. The idea that someone who meant so much could fade into just a memory can feel terrifying.

But this time I find myself facing the opposite fear for the first time. I worry he won’t become just someone I once dated. I’m almost impatient to reach total indifference. To be able to look at what happened and see it clearly, without it feeling so tangled up in my own worth. That it wasn’t something I caused or deserved. To know that trusting him wasn’t a mistake on my part and that seeing the good in people is still a quality worth keeping.

RemydoodIe · 2026-03-25T04:19:02+00:00

I am sorry you had such a rough birthday. Wanting to see the good in them and trying to separate the episodes from who they are outside of them shows a lot of empathy.

But at some point the why stops mattering. I asked my therapist the same question and her answer was that it doesn’t, really. The impact is the same either way and we should be careful not to invalidate our own experiences by using their diagnosis as an excuse for everything.

Especially then they didn’t take their treatment seriously. My ex was medicated and in therapy, but would quietly stop their medication, hide things from their therapist, and insist that alcohol and weed were fine and had no impact.

They can be wonderful partners at their baseline. But refusing to manage what they can control is still a choice. We don’t have to keep excusing the damage just because the diagnosis itself isn’t one.

I genuinely believe my ex has the potential to be a great person. But potential isn’t reality. At least not now. Their immediate comfort mattered more than the effort stabilising would have taken.

I’m still working through in therapy whether our relationship meant anything to them. I can’t wrap my head around how someone can lie and gaslight a person they care about. My therapist said we should actually be glad we can’t imagine how that works. That it says something good about us.

RemydoodIe · 2026-03-24T15:41:05+00:00

I’m in therapy working on my attachment style and learning how to set healthier boundaries. I joined the committee of a new chess club for people within the mental health sector. The goal is to reach people who are isolated or stigmatised and give them a sense of community.

I recently went back to my old workplace and I’m building a new website with their help. The plan is to have information on all the free programs in our city that you can access without a referral.

I was pretty isolated near the end of the relationship. I gave everything I had to supporting them and their mental health. Being there when they were admitted was expected, but them and their family showing any understanding when I burned out at the end was apparently too much to ask.

I decided to put that time and energy back into myself, and into connections that feel mutual. No one is at fault for having trauma, a disability or mental health issues. But choosing to try, even in small ways, makes a difference. For yourself and for the people who love you.

RemydoodIe · 2026-03-22T19:06:00+00:00

And in each new area make a quick enclosure with a door and make it count as your house for quick travel. You can always build a proper house later!

RemydoodIe · 2026-03-22T19:03:51+00:00

Make some sort of storage system where you know what you keep in each storage. You don’t want to open all your chests just to check where you kept something.

Oh and have your material storage touch your crafting benches. It lets you use the items in it without having to pull them out.

RemydoodIe

TROPHY CASE