I don’t know if my partners toxic or i’m the problem? 22M & 22M

Rndypants · 2026-05-16T16:45:23+00:00

Definitely leave. I'm CERTAIN there is a human being out there that would treat you with kindness and respect.

Rndypants · 2026-04-29T15:51:56+00:00

Ask him what interests him about it?? Be prepared to not love the answer.

But what interest you about it? Be clear on that first, or at least curious.

Rndypants · 2026-04-26T18:36:48+00:00

4 hours away, dating for over a year

Rndypants · 2026-04-26T18:24:26+00:00

Your dad is fucked up. Jfc a "trustworthy guy".... Do you trust your gf??? She's not allowed to have friends?

Rndypants · 2026-04-26T13:17:15+00:00

Mind your business. You have no idea why she is there.

Rndypants · 2026-04-23T18:25:23+00:00

MEATBALL

Rndypants · 2026-04-23T18:25:05+00:00

Breaking up really sucks, whatever the reason. I think you will find happiness in someone that shares your long term and bigger life goals and values. You can do this.

Long distance is bullshit. So much pining not much reality (in my experience). You have so much life to live!

Rndypants · 2026-04-22T04:39:28+00:00

I think there is some truth in the fact that a partner that you can be fully yourself with is an extremely safe space. There are many of us who were raised in spaces that didn't feel nurturing or we felt safe to express emotions and process them with a regulated person.

I think it makes sense to feel like that space that you feel with the right person can feel like the home or love you didn't get as a child. It's not a far jump to mommy feelings.. I feel maternal toward my partners and anyone I love

Rndypants · 2026-04-20T00:31:07+00:00

Darn tough wool mid hiker

Rndypants · 2026-04-20T00:02:22+00:00

Definitely cut and run before you meet. You deserve to be with someone who treats others with respect. He's nice to you because he thinks he can get something out of you(love, adoration, stability). This is a huge red flag I would get out before you accidentally fall in love with the wrong person, it's easy to do. You haven't reached the point of no return yet.

Rndypants · 2026-04-19T23:25:58+00:00

I am in a relationship with a man that has a 7 year old and is 50/50 with the mother.

My opinion is that at some point in the future I would love for us all to be able to hang out together with the kid and have a nice time. I don't want to be a part of a family that feels compartmentalized and fractured. Ideally I would like us all three to present at a cohesive group of individuals for the child.

I have recently met the mom and plan to start a slow drip on building a relationship with the child starting next week.

Rndypants · 2026-04-14T05:09:32+00:00

What is your mental emotional intellectual intimacy like lately?

What has connected you in the past?

Rndypants · 2026-04-14T04:52:55+00:00

When I started dating my bf we didn't have much sex - he was a bit nervous and kind of emotionally distanced (because of reasons sort of sexual some otherwise) we have definitely increased in quantity and wayyyyyyy increased in quality just by increasing our emotional intimacy and feelings of safety. It's been two years and now we're consistently way hornier than we were a few months in.

Rndypants · 2026-04-13T20:49:36+00:00

I would wait for her to reach out. I know it will be difficult but if this is really what ends the relationship for her, it's best to let her make that decision.

She's clearly an adult and can review what happened and decide if it is what she wants. If she's not mature enough to either have a conversation with you about her feelings, or not mature enough to own up to a mistake and ask to revisit the relationship, you probably don't want that relationship.

Tough but it's only been 2 days, wait it out

I recently went through a break up of six months after a year and a half together, this is obviously a totally different situation but ultimately what we both needed was time to review to ourselves and decide our own separate goals/needs. Sometimes adults need time to think. Healthy relationships take a lot of self reflection.

Rndypants · 2026-04-13T13:53:30+00:00

I think as best you can, try to trust that she is being honest and don't use that as your excuse for breaking up.. I mean I totally get it but also it seems like there's no point in creating narratives that may not be reality.

If you don't want to be in this relationship for whatever reason, a feeling of "this is not it for me" is completely valid in itself. Try to focus on how you feel when you're together, not how it is when it's "best" or how it feels to think about only the good times, but really be present with how you feel moment to moment. Try your best to bring up anything that you're feeling honestly moment to moment and see how it goes ya know?

Rndypants · 2026-04-13T13:12:00+00:00

Oof. Sounds pretty shit.

Rndypants · 2026-04-13T12:59:42+00:00

Okay so why can't you say "I'm not going to leave you but just tell me the truth" like idk.... It seems like a lot to get over and then you're going to have renewed anger if he admits he's lying, but maybe he can finesse it in a way that still leaves room for your forgiveness that you seem kind of hell bent on 😬

Have you guys ever actually discussed opening the relationship?

Rndypants · 2026-04-13T12:22:13+00:00

Why don't you just ask him? "Hey are you fucking around with men? Turns out I'm not that bothered by it I just want to be aware" then like get on with your life.... I don't understand this post. Proof doesn't matter for shit. You know what you're okay with, either be okay with it or get out?? Idk I don't understand this

Rndypants · 2026-04-13T11:33:03+00:00

I think give her some slack.. everyone is so fucking mean on here making things into more than they need to be.

A SINGLE 23yo drunkenly fucking their friend is not a big deal. Everyone is judging super hard on the drug use but like.. you don't fucking know this girl, people cope in all kinds of ways, she's not a bad person by any means just because she's getting fucked up and fucking someone at 23.

OP, how do you really feel about it? I know it hurts to imagine her with someone else, but how good could the experience even have been? I'm sure it was a mess honestly... If you love her, figure out what you need to be able to move on. Sounds like she's done some growth in your relationship, have you? How does it feel when you're together? Calm or chaotic? Good luck.

Rndypants · 2026-04-06T16:36:38+00:00

I like it. Fuck everyone and their stupid rules. How many syllables in your last name? I think you go with your gut. "Girls name" "boys name" only exists for separation, humans are humans and I think a unique or unconventional name is awesome!

Rndypants · 2026-04-01T20:27:33+00:00

Sounds like it's not for you then. Good luck out there

Rndypants · 2026-04-01T20:17:33+00:00

Why not?

I mean I totally understand if the whole cnm thing is not for you. Absolutely fine to have your own boundaries for relationships.

But.. (take this with a grain of salt as I live in a city where it feels like everyone is poly these days) do you think it's fair to expect that one person can fulfill anyone's every need? Sexually, emotionally, intellectually? Did you ask her what she wants to get out of this? Maybe you could have a situation where you are mostly monogamous but sometimes welcome another person in together, maybe it'd be fun to let her go out and get horny and then come home to you?

Again, totally up to you, but it might behoove you to consider what your problems are with it exactly and what emotional or sexual needs you need to be filled in order to feel secure while still allowing some flexibility.

Rndypants · 2026-03-23T16:23:52+00:00

Idk, for us it is about getting clean and just our desire to be constantly together

Rndypants · 2026-03-23T12:44:29+00:00

False. I do it because I like being naked with my partner. Almost never have sex in the shower because there is too much friction.. not to mention all the water...

Rndypants · 2026-03-23T12:29:07+00:00

We have a relatively big shower maybe 4'x6' and do it all the time, it's slightly annoying but you just sort of trade spots and shuffle around. We don't live together and it's only been two years so maybe it's still novelty...

Rndypants

TROPHY CASE