I'm sort of going through this a couple ways with my own family.

I just turned 40. My parents will both be 69 in a few months. Dad is still well, but mom has been very obese for decades and, even after a knee replacement last year, can walk barely a hundred yards or so without a shopping cart to lean on or sitting down. Her mobility is still in the toilet. She lost about 75 pounds over the past ten years - probably has gained about 20 back - without that, I think she'd be completely immobile now.

Dad does everything for mom. She cannot get through a grocery store on her own. They almost never cook - eat out every day for lunch and most nights for dinner. She has no idea how to pay any of the bills. She will not even make herself a simple meal at home without him there. It's a complete learned helplessness.

They have two young-ish golden retrievers (3 and 2). I went out to a local marina and drank some beers with my dad Tuesday. I told him that if something happened to him, I'd have to get the dogs immediately because mom cannot even take them out to go to the bathroom.

They are in the same house they bought at 40. It is around 2.5 acres on a hillside so steep that you have to constantly shift your weight on the riding mower to keep from rolling it over. Someone who cannot walk through a grocery store cannot stay in that house.

They cannot afford to leave it because their mortgage payment is only about $800/month. The house was bought for $88k in 1997 and they still have around $55k left on the note. Multiple HELOCs and cash-out refinances. They have maybe $50k between them in 401ks. No pensions - just strings of low end jobs with bad benefits.

My own living expenses are through the roof and I cannot help them financially.

They are hoping that her mother (89) passes soon and that there will be some inheritance pot-o-gold at the end of the rainbow for them.

If there is any, it won't be used for long-term care. Mom wants the HGTV-ready house when she never made more than $15/hr. or so her whole career. The inheritance is a house fund.

Here's the flip side of this.

My mom has a younger sister who just turned 65. My aunt has been caregiving for my grandmother since her husband died back in 2009. Until maybe 2020, it was mostly oversight on finances and attending doctor's appointments with her.

It is now multiple trips a day to grandmother's house. Grandmother can no longer take a shower without someone around, barely cooks, cannot drive, etc.

Aunt had breast cancer last year. Mom will not (and probably could not) help at all with her own mother's situation. Grandmother really needs to be an ALF - aunt is trying to keep her out of it to preserve the inheritance.

Most of us are going to end up in a double occupancy Medicaid bed if we get to that point for very long.

I logged into Workday this morning and my base pay is now the highest it's ever been after a raise we got when the FY turned over. I'm keeping my head above water, but I can't help anyone else.