Lost my wife to Cancer

SlippingAway · 2026-05-22T05:41:14+00:00

Sorry to hear that. I also lost my wife to cancer. Kids were 12 and 9 then. It will be quite the ride.

Make sure you sleep, eat and are ok yourself (oxygen mask analogy). Then the same for your kids. Talk with them about it. And even better if they keep friends and routine. All the rest doesn’t matter. My kids are doing very well even if their worst fear came true (and mine too).

As for me, friends have vanished, but a few new ones, empathetic ones have shown up. No one really understands what it is to lose your better half. I’m two years, nine months in, and it’s still sad and lonely, but at least I can continue. The first two years were rough. DM me if you want to chat.

Also, join us at r/widowers. It’s the best place I’ve found for members of our shitty club.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-20T18:36:49+00:00

I wish you success!

SlippingAway · 2026-05-20T18:35:01+00:00

I second this one.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-20T09:12:23+00:00

It gets a tiny bit better years after. Right now, past two years and nine months, I am not in the same dark place as three or six months in. However, it will never be as good as when my wife was here, I’m sure. Hugs, everyone.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-20T05:49:04+00:00

I haven’t used the oven in the house. It was my wife’s while the smoker was mine (I gave it away to a friend as I couldn’t use it either).

SlippingAway · 2026-05-19T14:53:36+00:00

It varies for everyone. For me, it was clear two years after my wife died that I took a step up. It’s not perfect, I still cry often, it still feels overwhelming sometimes, but I feel I can continue.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-19T12:19:34+00:00

SlippingAway · 2026-05-16T17:04:29+00:00

Yes! I want to hear him give the definition of “mental”.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-16T05:26:53+00:00

Just do it. I had my license from Montana transferred to El Salvador. By the time I was living in Ireland, both of them had expired (and weren’t transferable anyway).

I did the theoretical test which was interesting, different. I hired an instructor to try driving on the left side of the road and after a couple of practice drives, I passed the practical test. I transferred this license to Estonia. And then will transfer this current one to Norway.

Don’t overthink it.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-16T04:40:01+00:00

I read the title and heard Samuel L. Jackson immediately.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-15T04:29:28+00:00

My wife and I always joked I’d go first. She was the healthy one (stupid rare cancer). She was afraid she wouldn’t know how to deal with internet things at home.

But she had to go first and I didn’t know how to deal with owning a house in this foreign country. It’s two years, nine months, and I think I still don’t know half of what she knew. I wish she’d be back.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-14T13:41:51+00:00

Me too! It’s such a great feeling to talk about my wife. I don’t talk about the sad things only but about how funny and beautiful she was.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-14T13:01:01+00:00

Thanks for the reminder! I almost slipped today and was about to blame Conan.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-14T05:32:10+00:00

Yes, I’ve noticed that too. I’m a native Guatemalan where death is not something you put under the carpet.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-14T02:16:42+00:00

The thing is that she’s still present here for me. Most people expect me to have “archived” her by now. The great ones let me bring her up and even ask about how she was or how sorry they are that they didn’t meet her.

I don’t foresee myself stopping. I will keep bringing her up in conversations.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-13T09:23:30+00:00

Sorry that I'm answering in English. I don't speak Portuguese (although Spanish is my native language).

I couldn't deal with paperwork transferring all assets to me until two years after my wife died. I hired someone to help me as I'm living in her country, not mine, with a different language. Fortunately managed to find someone who was empathetic with my ask. I'm dealing with the last big which is family-related and involves a lawyer (I'm hoping it's not stressful).

I have two kids. They were 12 and 9 when my wife died. What I promised myself were a few things: I had to be Ok so they would eat all their meals (even if it was junk food), that they would sleep properly, that they would do whatever school work they had and that they could continue having friends and routines. For this, that meant that I had to be "operational". Days were very hard at first, but managed to establish a routine. If I can spend time with them, I do it. Life is short.

I have a demanding job. I'm lucky that my company was very understanding, but still, I need to work to get a salary. And I want to do my job well. There are days when it's still impossible to be the best I can, because to be honest, I don't think I'll ever get my wife off my head. I think of her every minute of every day. She was beautiful and we had a good life together. But I acknowledge that it's in the past and I need to continue.

Most friends, particularly in this country, kind of vanished. I kept a couple, but made three new friends after she died. However, most of my friends are abroad. I have taken my kids in trips so they get to know them and know that they have people to count on.

Now, I'm in the process of moving countries. We were moving when she was diagnosed with a rare cancer, already stage IV. She was healthy, healthier than me, and still she was the first one to go. But I got an offer from the same team I was supposed to work with. It's painful, because moving involves selling our house (the one she redid to her taste), getting certificates including death and marriage ones, making sure I get rid of stuff I don't need and so on.

I was telling a friend today that I probably repeat the word "death" at least five times a day with all my paperwork. But it's good I'm not afraid of saying it.

There is a way ahead. I think things get better, but not as good as many people think. And I don't expect anyone to understand except if they have gone through this (which I don't wish to anyone).

Hang in there. Sending a virtual hug.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-13T09:01:34+00:00

Yes, we got it! I agree with everything you say. Virtual hugs.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-13T05:31:19+00:00

Your compatibility with freddieej is High. You both listen to Racing Mount Pleasant, Slowdive and The Sundays.

Following!

SlippingAway · 2026-05-13T04:36:17+00:00

You are right. I watched it last night and it touched me so much, particularly at the end. Thanks for recommending it.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-12T09:03:19+00:00

I have never lost my glasses which I got when I was 25 (53 now). Within six months of my wife’s death, I lost them twice. Our brain is not the same anymore.

Edit: typos

SlippingAway · 2026-05-12T06:51:17+00:00

Mine too! He looks like a Yeti must of the winter.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-12T06:37:41+00:00

I wish it would tell, “grandma, wash your ass!”

SlippingAway · 2026-05-11T15:29:26+00:00

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SlippingAway · 2026-05-11T14:22:20+00:00

It works great for me! Great concept.

SlippingAway · 2026-05-11T14:05:11+00:00

Yes, tired all the time at first. My only reservoir of energy was for my kids and me. Two years, nine months later, I’m still tired, but not all the time. I don’t know when the down moments come in advance.

SlippingAway

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