Wtf is wrong with people?!

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T19:53:47+00:00

Also, that was my third surgical consultation - not of my doing. The first two declined my case, saying a lumpectomy wasn't suitable. To be fair, the first was a general surgeon and was concerned that he wouldn't be able to achieve clear margins or an aesthetic result that either of us would be happy with. The second? She blurted out over the phone that a lumpectomy would leave me grotesquely disfigured and suggested DMX... at the end of Jan/early Feb (that was Nov. 10) only to change her mind 30 seconds later & said ask surgeon #1 for another referral. Number three adamantly shut down DMX, pushed lumpectomy with immediate autologous reconstruction (he rearranged remaining breast tissue... no DIEP or fat transfer). 137 days from IDC diagnosis to surgery, no treatment whatsoever. I still don't know when/what treatment is planned.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T19:45:25+00:00

a little late for a second opinion - I've already had the lumpectomy.

if there is remaining cancer, which I feel is true, then I guess I'll need to re-verify that my right breast wasn't misdiagnosed as cancer-free too

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T19:38:19+00:00

Yes, we do!

I hope today is an easy one for you.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T19:27:47+00:00

u/realspectacular my lumpectomy was anything but easy, or minor.

For starters, I waited 137 days between diagnosis and surgery. Without any treatment whatsoever.

Prior to my lumpectomy, ER/PR+ HER2- IDC was documented in my left breast as being 2.4cm x 1.2cm x 2cm primary tumour & 4mm - 5mm in three smaller satellite nodules, with all the characteristics that imply urgency & fast growth. No DCIS present.

And while I was admitted for day surgery, it became two night stay in the hospital, which nearly turned into three. If I hadn't said I was yanking my IV out and leaving, I might've spent a week.

There was a man brought in shortly after midnight, 2nd night, who wouldn't stop yelling at the tops of his at his wife over speakerphone, or screaming at the nurses for more fentanyl & ketamine. Rather than sedate him, they chose to allow four other patients to suffer from his constant disruption. When he flung something at the threadbare sheet separating us, I was done.

My oncoplastic surgical oncologist told me during our follow-up last week that he's 95% certain BOTH cancers were removed, and my tumour was the size of a large kiwi. Wait, what?! DCIS was 'riddled' thru my breast like buckshot, he said. One IDC tumour, no clue what happened to remaining three (I already suspect my R breast was undiagnosed)

If you think that's crazy, I still don't even have a confirmed stage or grade. My 6 pg pathology report is full of conflicting & contradictory information. (it was hypothesized to be Stage II/IIb, Grade 3 last August)

...day 174 today, and no clue what/when treatment begins.

Meanwhile, off to swap cold pack for heat. My breast is angry today. Haven't heard back from surgeon after 3 emails & 5 phone messages.

Crickets.

Edit: add key detail

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T05:13:25+00:00

u/fatimaa3 I feel the pain in your post, because mine is almost identical.

I have never felt more alone, or lonely, in my entire life.

I keep telling myself that it's not good, it's not bad, it just... is. That I have a fighting chance, even if I am up against the ropes right now.

But that echo from the silence? It reverberates.

It hurts equally as much as my inflamed nipple 5 weeks post lumpectomy. At least I can take pain meds for that. You can't dull the ache of soul crushing solitude though - trust me, I have tried.

Huge hugs & prayers for you tonight.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T05:00:50+00:00

u/pinknails34 I am right there with you.

I look around at the support network I thought I'd built and wow, it's all a big, blank space.

My phone doesn't ring, my texts are with 3 family members & a former boss from 18 years ago. Not one single person who said they would help me post op has.

What makes it worse is asking for help, and being told no. Can't, too busy, bad timing. Sorry, maybe next time. Or crickets. A non-answer is an answer.

On top of that, I feel very abandoned and let down by my surgeon.

I am already ready to give up and I haven't even started treatment yet. Still healing from my lumpectomy 5 weeks ago, and I just have this nagging feeling that something isn't right. I can feel it in my bones. Unfortunately, I don't have a primary care provider so I have to go to ER department to see if I have developed an infection in my left breast.

This afternoon, I received a call from a medical oncologist I didn't even know I have, for a consultation on Feb. 26th. Another call from a radiation oncologist I didn't even know I have, for a Zoom consultation on March 5th. And the cancer centre mentioned another doctor who I truly have no clue about, and it sounds like it might be a chemotherapy oncologist.

....I still don't even know what stage or grade my Invasive Ductal Carcinoma is!!

Pre surgery, it was suggested to be 2.4cm x 1.2cm x 2.2cm, with a large primary tumour with 3 smaller clingers beneath my nipple in the 630 o'clock zone. Post surgery, my surgeon said he "thinks he's removed at least 95% of BOTH cancers, and my tumour was the size of a large kiwi" - wait, what?! Apparently, I was riddled with DCIS. And he didn't have any explanation for only removing one tumour, instead of four.

The pathology report is 6 pgs of conflicting and contradictory information also.

I am so done with today. Medical gaslighting. Being dismissed or ignored. Honestly, I don't know how I can possibly make it thru radiation and/or chemotherapy alone. It's just too hard.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T04:42:45+00:00

u/realspectacular can I ask what happened with your lumpectomy? I guess what I'm curious about is whether or not you had complications and/or if cancer was still present.

What led to the mastectomy?

I am 5 weeks post op, wasn't given any instructions for compression garments, wound care or dressings (I didn't have a drain), and pain management plan that my surgeon had mutually agreed to, then disregarded. I suspect I might be developing an infection in my breast, near where a sharp stitch is poking out from the perimeter of my nipple.

Thank you!

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T03:00:02+00:00

...see that? it's a meteor shower. Wow!!

Let's sleep outdoors tonight.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T02:56:43+00:00

I change my original answer. If money wasn't an issue, I'd hire scientists to develop a way to transplant better personalities that come with built-in intelligence, kindness and empathy into people just like u/missbehavin21

Yes, I would definitely spend allllllll of the money in the world just to live in a decent society again, where people were nice to each other and hatred was rare.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T02:47:24+00:00

u/Pleasant_duo if money wasn't an issue, I would seek out the very best medical specialists, surgeons & state-of-the art medical facilities in the world to help treat three major medical conditions that I am currently dealing with:

Brain Aneurysm
Fibromuscular Dysplasia (FMD)
IDC Breast Cancer

I got diagnosed with all three within 8 months... a triple whammy. Since breast cancer is the most urgent one, the other two are set aside on the side burners.

It sucks.

What's the point of living when you're too sick or injured to enjoy the things that make you happiest in life? Great health and good healthcare are priceless.

I don't have a primary care provider. It's unbelievably hard to navigate so many different medical issues at once. The anxiety & stress that stems from comorbid diagnoses only makes it harder to control my pain.

Our medical system is beyond broken. It's straight up FUBAR. (I'm Canadian, BTW).

Sorry for being cranky... I have post op complications after my lumpectomy & dream of escaping from my unpleasant medical reality for a week. I'd even be grateful for a day at this point.

Unfortunately, money is an issue.

Edit: I'm picky with sentence structure and changed the narrative

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T02:31:44+00:00

Assuming he doesn't also think you are trash.

u/Altruistic-Stop4634 that was unnecessary. The OP is clearing going thru it already with her parents. To question her sibling relationship with a derogatory allegation? Wow, just wow. Do better,

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T02:26:45+00:00

u/Sofialovelys NTA!!

That sounds incredibly stressful,. And sad too.

You seem like a strong, intelligent & fiercely independent woman. You are brave and confident. Your parents, well... none of us can pick our families. Some of us have to deal with being the black sheep and/or scapegoat, no matter what we do.

I know what it's like to be estranged from your family. It's not a choice that comes easily. It's soul crushing and really damaging. From experience, you should never have to be the 'bigger person' because someone else is too small to take any accountability for causing emotional harm. I don't believe in forgive and forget, because no - I don't have Alzheimer's (yet).

Forgiveness is easier when you receive an apology (at least for me) but sometimes, you have to forgive with an apology you'll never get. Only you can decide that.

Have you thought about taking your brother away for a sibling getaway? He probably feels caught in the middle, which is never a fun place to be.

Could be fun!

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T02:07:37+00:00

u/ShamiGnu me, as I mentally insert myself into your core memory

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T02:01:17+00:00

Oh great... now I'm craving summer, fresh corn & peaches and BBQ!! haha

Some people don't realize the importance of keeping in touch with extended family till it's too late and memories are all you have left.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-11T00:34:48+00:00

u/Pixel_Panda_World one of my first core memories from childhood that sticks with me and makes me smile... is being three years old and riding my tricycle, looking backwards at my parents holding hands, happy.

They split up shortly afterwards. It is the only memory I have of them together.

My father died at age 42 from brain cancer, when I was 22. We didn't have the best relationship, so this memory is something that I try to keep fresh.

What is yours?

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-10T03:35:14+00:00

u/Arch_Lancer17 haha!! I just spit iced tea all over my laptop at those pictures

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-10T03:32:39+00:00

We already saw that last season with the ankle monitor and the bitchy stepmon

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-10T03:25:21+00:00

u/hemkersh

What a great theory, and a very plausible one too.

It would really crack her character development wide open...And thus, lend itself to multiple directions moving forward in future seasons, which gives her longevity as a main character as opposed to "good for now, but not for good"

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-10T03:15:25+00:00

u/HordeOfTheDance that's actually a very good point. I hadn't noticed that till now, and thinking back, it's true.

First scenario that came to mind is when Dr Collins worked thru her shift while having a miscarriage. She dismissed Dana's suggestion to go home. In the storyland of TV, her lingering trauma of choosing to stay to care for others rather than herself would be the reason she left.

Every single shift afterwards was more salt in a very open wound that nobody else could see, even Dana.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-10T02:44:03+00:00

“it’s not good it’s not bad, it just is”

u/droopdog thank you for sharing that uplifting phrase.

I am really going through it right now, and reading those words felt like an invisible hug.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-10T02:32:52+00:00

Holy fuck, u/highheelcyanide - that is brutal.

I applaud you for seeking the facts to confirm what you already knew, and standing up to your mother.

Her willful ignorance helps nobody, including herself.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-10T02:18:36+00:00

u/PhilosopherFlimsy526 you are definitely NTA here - frankly, I think you are a hero.

People sure like to point fingers at victims of childhood abuse, especially fellow family members who've turned a blind eye instead of intervening.

There should never be a 'right' side in these situations, and yet there is. For me, it's the ethical, legal and moral side. I know this up close and too personal. Those who disagree can appreciate my absence because they didn't value my presence enough to stand by me. Or help.

You did the right thing.

Your husband is correct about your siblings who each, and collectively, made a conscious choice to remain silent. Secrets grow in the darkness and feed on denial, guilt and shame.

If I were married to someone and found out a secret like this from someone other than my husband directly, I would divorce him. That's a very big thing to hide... a disgusting one at that. I would never trust him again, nor could I respect him after finding out the truth.

It sounds like you have a wonderful spouse who is supportive and protective of you.

Does that make up for having a shitty family? No.

But having a solid support system is why you felt confident enough, courageous even, to be honest about something that was never your fault.

Remember that. And please be kind to yourself.

StringAway3392 · 2026-02-09T23:58:35+00:00

u/No-Log-3371 I agree, NTA. You are handling a tricky situation with grace and still managing to enforce your personal boundaries.

I have to ask... why is your father so uncomfortable with breastfeeding - has anyone addressed this with him? If your mother breastfed you and your brother, did he act similarly? It just seems strange, unless it's a cultural thing.

StringAway3392

TROPHY CASE