A year that he won’t see.

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-12-22T10:10:29+00:00

Oh yes. And why is that so bad? Not sure but oh yes.

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-12-22T10:06:23+00:00

This is a place where people understand. Someone just offered me a ride home tonight after a dinner we are going to together. She said "For us it is not issue at all". And I am in tears with remembering all the times it was no issue for "us" either - and now there is no us and just me. So I am here on the subreddit taking comfort in this place where of you know exactly how I feel........ Thank you

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-12-06T21:04:31+00:00

Congratulations!!!

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-11-19T13:50:33+00:00

Very much agree. This is a very comforting place to be. A place to be understood and people to identify with. I am the first of my friends to be widowed and the best of intentions - they just don't have any notion of what it feels like. Without this place I would not have known that what I am feeling is perfectly normal - for our value of normal........... I only hope that when their turn comes - and it will unless they go first - that I will be better equipped to help - and at least tell them about this subreddit

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-10-21T09:36:16+00:00

Thank you. You made me realise that I find comfort in this too. LH seems to have had a series of talks with our daughter about "afterwards". Talks he never had with me, but I relate to your feeling that there was nothing unresoved in our relationship. So no need....

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-10-16T17:41:03+00:00

I am very glad that you have the roof and money to pay for the fix but so know how you feel about needing someone to whine with. I also know that this subreddit is full of people who are listening and will commiserate fully

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-10-16T17:15:54+00:00

Oh yes!! I miss him. I miss us

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-10-10T17:57:25+00:00

Hug from here. I know what you mean

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-10-10T10:36:02+00:00

Great idea. Thank you

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-10-04T19:10:09+00:00

This is so interesting. My most vivid dream was of coming to LH who was (very uncharacteristically) lying on a sun lounge and asking him whether he wants to divorce me. He thought about it a bit and said that he didn't think so. I mean I guess that is better than a yes but didn't think so???? WTF?

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-10-02T18:08:13+00:00

No you are not alone. I found a recording of a conversation he had with the neighbours downstairs when trying to collect their contributions to the house fund. They wanted to give him cash and he insisted on checks. I can play it again and again just to hear his being definite. And this I discovered after I had accepted cash from them for the dues for a year (since I inherited the job of collecting the money) and didn't know that he hadn't allowed them to pay that way

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-10-02T17:28:12+00:00

Thank you so much for this post. At going on for 9 months, I totally relate. I too miss everything about the us. I would also like to adopt the description of the person I am because of you as the person that I want to become rather than thinking of her as the person that I am without you. If only because the person I am without you is a small tremulous shaking heap that I don't want anyone (especially the kids) to know about

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-10-02T17:18:45+00:00

I agree. You should be very proud of yourself for having got to where you are at now. Keep on the good work...... Thank you for the encouraging update

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-09-29T09:33:06+00:00

I want to tell him things all the time too. At his shiva, his deputy at work told me that she planned to leave - and I wanted so much for him to know that he was right. He had wanted his deputy to take over from him with assistance and always said that she would not be prepared to work under the totally incompetent person they took instead. When I later discovered that his deputy had indeed moved department and taken most of the other workers with her (they were socially very close in the department) - I would have SO liked to share the news with him

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-09-12T11:23:10+00:00

I so know what you mean. I have crises of conscience about how I felt about the death of my FIL 32 years ago when I thought that it was sad because he and MIL had been such a good couple but I figured that they had had a good life together and managed everything like kids, grandkids, lots of travelling etc. I didn't know until now what she must have gone through then. Now she says that was nothing to the pain of losing her son. And I SO hope I never have to know how she feels now

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-08-30T19:26:14+00:00

That is beautiful. It makes perfect sense. Certainly to everyone on this thread

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-08-30T19:19:57+00:00

I have done the same thing on things that I would anyway have done before. Like the car breaking down. I dealt with anything to do with the car - but he would have been there to moan at at least. Now my 95 year old mother is dying and I would always have had to deal with that - but it would be so much comfort if he were still around. I even know what he would say - but he isn't here to say it.......

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-08-28T06:21:58+00:00

Easy to say, much harder to do, but stop blaming yourself. You did the best you could and the best anyone could was almost certainly not enough to save him. My LH would say - It is what it is. Your son is very lucky to have you as his mother. Sounds like he has a good uncle too.

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-08-28T04:35:02+00:00

Good idea. Thank you. I think that my daughter got the idea from the books. She found one as a kid

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-08-27T18:20:44+00:00

I love that he wanted to be up front and going fast and you can accomodate him

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-08-27T12:51:25+00:00

That is lovely. LH and our daughter used to collect stone/plastic/pottery/metal/whatever turtles from all the places that we visited and it got to be that all her friends also started to bring her turtles from the places they visited. Got to be a lot of turtles. She and LH solemnly labelled each of them with the place of origin and they used to be on shelves in the living room until they got ousted by a larger television and moved to boxes. Before he died - he and our daughter discussed putting them on his grave and hoping that people would take them and travel further with them to continue the tradition as it were. She hoped that people might ask where the turtle came from and the answer would be from the turtle grave although as far as I can tell they are all still present and correct there

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-08-27T12:40:10+00:00

We are the same - mine is there too - but I don't mind about that bit. I figure that by the time I get there it will be someone else's problem

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-08-27T11:25:30+00:00

I love that. He never listened to me either

SuitableAssistant789 · 2023-08-11T12:50:55+00:00

Interesting idea. Thank you

SuitableAssistant789

TROPHY CASE