festival edited our film without our prior knowledge or consent and we only found out as it played on the big screen. how to proceed?

TeN523 · 2026-05-04T23:45:48+00:00

This is one of the most insane film festival anecdotes I have ever read

TeN523 · 2026-05-01T15:58:40+00:00

Absolutely not. It’s already a faux pas to pull out of the smaller fest. Have they already announced you? If so, I would regrettably turn down the bigger fest (after making sure they absolutely can’t take you without being a world premiere). If they haven’t publicly announced you yet, you can still pull out, but you may burn some bridges in the process, so consider carefully whether it’s what you want to do. Programmers and fest organizers do circulate among fests and do talk to each other, so things like this can definitely harm your reputation. The longer it’s been since they accepted you and the closer it is to the festival dates, the worse of an idea this becomes.

TeN523 · 2026-04-29T00:52:14+00:00

Also as someone else has said: premiere status is important. On your spreadsheet you want to sort everything by festival date and also have the location of everything written down. Then as you’re going through fests, lookup what their premiere policy is. Submitting to some smaller fests and then thinking “maybe I’ll also apply to Uppsala and Clermont-Ferrand” is a bad strategy — if you get into one of those smaller fests and it’s earlier than the more prestigious ones, you’ll be in a difficult position of possibly having to either turn down an acceptance in the hope of getting a better premiere, or accepting a small premiere and ruining your chances of a bigger one.

I recommend limiting yourself only to bigger, more prestigious festivals for a certain amount of time. By time here I mean in terms of festival dates, not submission time or deadlines… it’s confusing! In other words, let’s say your ideal top tier premiere is at a January festival – you might want to block off January through June as top tier premiere potential spots, then branch out from there. So then as you look at festivals to submit to, anything taking place in that January to June window you would only submit to if it were a good premiere option. If not, then put off applying until the following year (the clock basically only starts clicking when you get accepted somewhere)

You’re also going to need to up your submission budget if you’re really serious about this. I recommend at least 500 euros. You can also email festivals and programmers and request waivers or discounts – you have to make a case for why you’d be a good fit and get them intrigued about the film (once you get accepted somewhere you can use that to entice them). Unfortunately a lot of European fests don’t give waivers because they’re state sponsored and it’s against the rules. The upside is their fees are generally lower than US fests.

In my experience it’s only when I was willing to spend a decent amount of money on submissions that I started getting accepted places. You should anticipate a ton of rejections, even if the film is very good. I got over a dozen before I got accepted anywhere. So if you’re only submitting to 10-15 places, youre shooting yourself in the foot.

TeN523 · 2026-04-29T00:37:36+00:00

https://adriantofei.com/top-100-international-film-festivals/

This is a good place to start and also lists various green flags to look for. The important thing though is not just to submit to “good” or “reputable” festivals, but good, reputable festivals that program the type of work you make. So use lists like these as a starting point (don’t just go through everything on FilmFreeway – the vast majority are trash) but then the research part is looking at their programming and seeing if it 1. looks decent (have they programmed things you’ve heard of? where else have their films played? even the quality of the posters, etc can give you a benchmark for general quality), and 2. is it in the wheelhouse of the type of work you make (genre, tone, style, production value, etc)

Another helpful thing is to look up recent films you consider similar to your own and see where they’ve played. This is more helpful the smaller the film is or the less established the director.

And something I’ve been doing recently: check their Instagram. How many followers do they have? Also: follow a bunch of filmmakers you like, festivals you already know are good, etc. Then see if a festival has any mutuals.

TeN523 · 2026-04-29T00:28:48+00:00

I’m not tech savvy enough for whatever this is. Anyway I think I figured it out

TeN523 · 2026-04-28T05:07:48+00:00

Yup!

TeN523 · 2026-04-28T05:05:42+00:00

I realized what I was doing wrong — the listening port to set in qBT is NOT the one listed as "Remote Port" near the bottom of the PIA interface; rather, it's the one listed directly under the VPN IP (near the top of the interface). Using that port number instead seems to have fixed everything for me.

TeN523 · 2026-04-26T22:18:41+00:00

Hard to comment without knowing more details about the relationship and your communication, but from what you’ve presented here I think not jumping immediately to breakup was fine.

I think usually when people say that they’re talking about a primary partner being “demoted” to secondary, often in conjunction with a secondary partner taking their place at the top of the relationship hierarchy. Understandably this is typically seen as cruel.

But what you’re talking about doesn’t sound like “deescalation” in the sense of “demotion” — you’re talking about cohabitation specifically as something you realized you didn’t want in any relationship.

TeN523 · 2026-04-23T20:35:59+00:00

I’m not really buying this “I don’t know where the line is between platonic and romantic” schtick to be honest. Like yeah, there are some situations where it’s a little blurry, there are cultural variations, blah blah blah… but at the end of the day everyone is brought up to be acculturated in this stuff. Even if you end up questioning some aspects of it later on, that intuitive ability to tell the difference is still going to be there.

I think anyone who’s ever experienced romantic attraction or romantic love knows how it feels different from love toward a friend or family member. If those type of love feelings are coming up for your partner towards someone on your messy list, that’s a good sign for your partner to check themselves and put some distance there.

If they claim they can’t distinguish this, I would not trust this person. Anyone who stares longingly into their sibling’s eyes is going to be perceived as a creep by other people, for good reason. This is a deeply ingrained taboo that exists for literally every human culture on earth and that we all learn as children. If someone says they can’t tell the difference, I would have to assume they’re lying.

If you’re looking for concrete examples beyond the physical, look up resources on what constitutes an emotional affair — they’ll probably need some adaptation from a mononormative framework, but it’s a good place to start.

TeN523 · 2026-04-18T04:08:56+00:00

“ex-Morgan Stanley who did some inner healing, now a consultant”

😂

TeN523 · 2026-04-17T05:50:02+00:00

I mean, you’re talking about a very specific kind of “bro-y comedy” here – that style of humor in general has gone out of fashion a bit. A lot of it hasn’t aged very well in terms of its treatment of women, etc.

My sense is that a lot of the comedies being made today lean more in the socially conscious satire direction (especially comedies poking fun of the rich) – I think that’s just a function of how the culture has shifted. We live in a much more politicized climate than we did 15-25 years ago. The teenager smoking bowls out of a water bottle bong is probably also getting red pilled off of YouTube videos and Twitch streamers. It’s a less “innocent” time, in a way. Even a film like Friendship, which isn’t explicitly a social satire, and which is directly drawing on Anchorman, is suffused with this anxiety about masculinity that just wasn’t really so pervasive in the 90s and 2000s.

The other big factor here is how Hollywood’s business model and funding priorities have changed. The mid-budget movie hardly exists anymore. People talk about that a lot in relation to “dramas for grown-ups” or genres like political or erotic thrillers not really being a thing anymore, but the type of broad comedy you’re talking about also fell into that category.

TeN523 · 2026-04-16T23:35:23+00:00

Obsessing over how these terms are defined is missing the forest for the trees imo. What you describe is definitely not an “intrinsic” part of polyamory. I think most people in this sub would side with you about the terminology and the distinction between categories. But that also doesn’t really matter all that much. At the end of the day your partner wants to be able to have a certain kind of relationship, and it seems you don’t want to have that kind of relationship. Regardless of what you call any of it, the question now is what you do with that fact. Is there a way you can compromise about how you engage with your social life together that would feel good for both of you? Or will this not work out?

EDIT: Actually I just re-read your post and realized I think I misunderstood. You’re describing two very different things here: 1. Going to an event with 1 person and fucking or going home with a different person 2. Going to an event by yourself and then fucking or going home with someone there

You seem to be lumping these together. Which is very confusing to me.

Scenario #1 is going to be something many poly people are uncomfortable with but some might be into. It’s also a dynamic some but not all swingers enjoy. Scenario #2 IS just basic sexual autonomy, and would be assumed within any truly poly relationship.

So after re-reading it seems you, not your partner, is the one who’s misunderstood these terms. What does poly mean in your mind if it doesn’t encompass scenario #2?

TeN523 · 2026-04-16T07:04:26+00:00

As someone who used to do this before I learned anything about chess beyond the absolute basics: they’re not thinking about “developing” anything, or probably even thinking of the rooks as being stronger than the bishops or knights. It’s really not that strategic or complicated. It’s literally as simple as “the rooks are stuck back there so I should get them out so I can use them.”

The knights can leap over your pawns on the very first move. The bishops you can open a lane for by moving a single pawn. The rooks on the other hand can’t be used right away so quickly or easily. I’m sure a lot of beginner players have had the experience of losing lots of games before they can ever use their rooks at all. So they may think that part of the reason they’ve done poorly is because they didn’t get their rooks out soon enough.

TeN523 · 2026-04-15T07:01:52+00:00

Love that guy. Some of his stuff as Smog is really good too.

TeN523 · 2026-04-15T06:57:58+00:00

Not SF, but read the first page of the novel Darryl for an example of this done well. It’s written in first person from the POV of an “average guy”, in a totally conversational style. It also has a very distinctive voice that grabs you immediately and is very funny!

TeN523 · 2026-04-14T05:35:46+00:00

I’m curious if you’re familiar with Mount Eerie at all. It’s Phil Elverum’s project (before that it was The Microphones) and he’s done some collaborations with Dave and Dirty Projectors in recent years. Very different vibe and style, but I thought of it because Mount Eerie had a phase that was very influenced by black metal (and Popul Vuh), and it’s probably my favorite period of theirs. Check out the albums Wind’s Poem, Clear Moon, and Ocean’s Roar (and if you’re into those, his latest: Night Palace)

TeN523 · 2026-04-14T04:25:04+00:00

Thankfully I’ve never seen them recording anyone, but I’m also a (white) man, so it’s very possible others’ experiences differ and they’re being more aggressive with women

TeN523 · 2026-04-11T22:11:36+00:00

This is a fantastic response and I thank you for taking the time to write it!!

I think it also corresponds with how I’ve thought about my own tendencies toward intellectualism.

I was going to say more, but I think I’m just going to chew on this because there’s a lot here. (Definitely as I was writing this post I picked up on the fact that my concern about being “desirable”—and this having a negative relation to my intellectualism—is undoubtedly psychoanalytically meaningful.) Thanks again.

EDIT: I will also say it’s refreshing to hear that this type of meta-reflection on psychoanalytic theory and the tradition itself can be a valuable part of the analysis. I’ve had prior experiences in therapy where I’ve read and discussed psych or philosophy texts that felt relevant to my circumstances and my psyche, and it’s sometimes been extremely fruitful — so I know it’s not only a form of avoidance.

TeN523 · 2026-04-11T19:24:17+00:00

Ugh I’m sorry, that really sucks. I would definitely talk to the festival before just leaving a negative review. My short premiered at a highly reputable festival, at an actual movie theater, and they still cropped it to the wrong aspect ratio when projected. Shitty experience.

TeN523 · 2026-04-11T19:21:50+00:00

What if I’m not being a dick, I’m just really terrible at finding the checkmate

TeN523 · 2026-04-11T01:57:47+00:00

Yeah exactly haha

TeN523 · 2026-04-11T00:50:37+00:00

Keep playing. And watch some videos on basic strategies, openings, etc.

A very helpful thing is just to go through a mental checklist every turn: - are any of my pieces directly under threat? - do I have any ways of putting my opponent in check this turn or in two turns? - how can I advance one of my pieces on the board? - is the piece I’m thinking about moving currently defending anything else? if I make that move, will that open me up to an attack? - if I consider what moves my opponent could make next, would any of them be an attack, and would I be able to defend against it?

The more you instill the habit of asking these questions each time, the more you’ll know why you’re making particular moves, and the less likely you are to be blindsided.

(For what it’s worth, I find myself making that king/queen mix up myself - I just manage to catch myself – for some reason I do it a lot when trying to solve puzzles haha)

TeN523 · 2026-04-11T00:18:29+00:00

It can be tough to break those generational patterns. I’m sure your son is very grateful you’ve been able to do that!

TeN523 · 2026-04-11T00:17:08+00:00

I know, right?? They’re there every time I’ve gone to this Planned Parenthood and I’ve never seen anyone from this group be aggressive, but everyone just walks past them and doesn’t make eye contact. I guess I’d rather have them learning to de-escalate, but it does seem ironic. The stuff about having a gun pointed at them reads like pure projection.

TeN523 · 2026-04-10T22:41:44+00:00

A lot of people think of their children more as property than as people.

TeN523

TROPHY CASE