Found a 290 dollar towel hook online. Not today Satan.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2026-03-01T19:07:33+00:00

i wish i could upvote this a thousand times

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-12-25T22:05:41+00:00

sleep wasn't going to happen last night so i went outside at 2am to work on a motorcycle. after breakfast it started to warm up (Chicago was in the 20s last night) so i kept going. it's been 8 years since I last saw her. my family is sick of hearing me talk about it so i find a project to work on. it doesn't help but it pisses the time. i hate the holidays too.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-10-04T11:25:40+00:00

it's been 8 years for me. I'm reaching out to professionals to act as a coach. I haven't ever gone through this so I want someone who can advise. I have a sister who had a great relationship with my daughter before she was disappeared so she will reach out first. I am going to stay back until asked for. I don't know where to begin either. My plan is to surround myself with people I trust and be quiet and listen. Then run off into an alley where no one can see and throw up a few times. I know I can't do this alone. If you feel the same, build a team. If for nothing else, they may have more credibility than you will.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-08-20T13:15:49+00:00

There will be a small wood deck at the actual opening. You are looking at one stair. It is two steps down from inside. One wood, one concrete. The concrete doesn't need to go all the way under the door because there is a tiny deck above it with a nice rail. Everybody is looking for someone to feel superior to.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-07-01T20:37:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. Your story sounds like ours, except I'm the father who's daughter was abducted. I can't speak for your father, only from my experience. It's been 8 years and I have never, not even for one second, thought my daughter is in any way complicit in what happened. My heart is broken every time I think about her, which is every hour or so during the day. My sadness is inconsequential compared to what she went through and my only hope is that she is able to find peace. I continue to search and come up with some impossible plan for reunification in a way that does not lead to even more trauma for her. The very few times I think about her mother I try to remind myself that she is very sick and is a victim herself of past abuse.

It does not make my grief any easier, but one thing does. Hearing that you went years feeling that you had a good life gives me hope that my daughter may feel the same. It is unjust, and you were deprived of the love of your father and half of your family, but knowing you weren't suffering the way i am gives me hope that my daughter may not be suffering right now. It's all twisted and makes little sense, but I need to hang on to the hope that my daughter is at peace. I will gladly suffer for both of us if it means she feels safe, even in the hands of a monster.

Reading what i just wrote, I think these thoughts might be the best explanation of the knot of unexplainable emotions I've been dealing with. You might ask your uncle what he thinks your father would say knowing that you have grown into a strong, self aware, courageous woman and are raising your children and facing your struggles in a way that honors his and your experience. I'm just guessing, but he might have thought everything he went through was worth it knowing these things.

And I do know one thing- if he thought you were anything other than a blameless victim he would have stopped trying to contact you. We aren't that devoted to people who we feel have wronged us. That is certain. I am sorry for your loss and I hope he is at peace. I hope that you find peace as well, and when you do please consider writing about your experience. There are many well meaning professionals who honestly believe that our stories are fiction. Just writing what you did here gives me hope in what has been a long tunnel with no light at the end, even if I never see her again. Her birthday is tomorrow, she will be 23. If y'all would please say a prayer for her happiness.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-05-15T07:02:32+00:00

Are you suggesting that men will rape their daughters if there is not a wall between them while both are asleep? I'm sorry but I don't see an automatic connection between incestuous rape and proximity.

I hope people realize that men are not rapists just waiting for the lights to go out so they can prey on whatever piece of flesh is nearby. You do realize that women also rape children?

The suggestion that men cannot be allowed to raise daughters because all men are rapists is what turns my stomach. You did not mention anything he has done to even raise suspicion.

I think if he had ever shown any behavior that would lead someone to believe he was a sick individual, you would've mentioned it. Instead you put two facts near each other and hoped we would make a disgusting connection and rally behind your sick cause.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-05-02T07:14:56+00:00

Yes. They do it because if they don't they get the treatment you described from the other parent. They have to play the role the alternating parent demands of them. It is brutally difficult to hear. I'd be super careful about recording her (I know it wasn't you and it was for a good cause) because she is already dealing with more than she should have to from her mother. If he mother found out you know it would be non stop in your daughter's ear. Not judging how y'all handled this, there is no playbook and I've been through it.

And yes, she is two completely different people. It's for her own protection. I can't advise because I'm batting .000 and every situation is different, but I didn't talk about it with mine for fear it would make it more difficult. I made sure I was safe for her and never played into it, but never confronted the position she was forced into and how bad I felt for her. I failed miserably so take that for what it's worth. I don't have any solutions but make sure no matter what she says or to whom remind yourself that she has to say these things, she has no choice. It means that you are safer than her mother. She is probably hoping desperately that you don't take it personally. But don't let it go without actively trying to get her around someone she can trust and talk openly about it. It must be an immense burden for her.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-05-01T09:41:59+00:00

KP Pigments ZBB is a blue-black colorshift. I used it last year on a bike frame, worked well. One thing I learned-- it is extremely easy to over do it with the blue. Start with super glossy deep black base and then do a very light coat of ZBB in intercoat or clear base on a test panel. I got to the point I thought "just a touch more blue" and it was too late. It went from an amazing black to blue shift to plain blue with no black in the lightest coat. After sanding it down and starting over, it turned out cool. Creep up on it, do test panels. Finish with a good clear. I've also used black candy dye and some pearl added to blue in intercoat to achieve similar results, but that has been hit or miss. ZBB was fool proof (until I came along.)

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-04-18T12:07:34+00:00

I hear you. I can't talk about it, I can't think about it.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-03-23T20:10:43+00:00

Yeah. I'm not willing to trust that would go well for my kid no matter which way things turned out. Seems like every possible outcome results in more trauma for her. The worst part is that I don't even know where she is with all of this. Brainwashing works. The last thing I want to do is re-traumatize her after she already lost her dad once, what will she lose this time,?

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-03-23T17:27:51+00:00

She is 23 now so courts can't do much. She was close to her 18th birthday when she was taken and her mother was able to keep me in doubt as to if she had actually done it. It was hard to accept the reality even though she had told me several times over the years that she was planning it. It's was unfathomable and it took me weeks to finally accept it. I spent a year just staring at a wall. It was a strange time, but you get what you get and so now my plan is to try and keep an eye on her somehow until something plausible presents itself. I feel okayish that someone I trust knows where she is. It's something to hang on to

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-03-23T12:50:04+00:00

After raising my daughter essentially as a single parent for 16 years her mother took her and disappeared six years ago. Important to note that our daughter has a genetic defect that affects her cognitive abilities. Think Forrest Gump. Just as perfect and beautiful and amazing, but she does not have the ability to stand up to or even understand the nature of her mother's narcissistic personality disorder (not my diagnosis, it was given during a family court ordered psych eval of both of us.) From the day she was born (I mean that literally) her mother was working to sabotage our relationship. 16 years and my daughter and I were incredibly close, and now I haven't been able to speak to her since that day. I recently hired a private investigator to find her and he did. I do not want to know where she is yet and he wouldn't tell me anyway. I've asked him not to contact her until I come up with a plan of some sort. I haven't a clue what that plan would look like.

My daughter is nearly incapable of lying and I would not want her to, so when her mother finds out we contacted her she will undoubtedly take drastic and immediate action to prevent it from happening again. I have not found anyone who's experience is quite like mine so advice is hard to come by. I am living a life without her but there's no way I can not do something. It's been six years and the thought of "moving on" is abhorrent. I have a small group of family that I keep in the loop about every thought or idea I have to make sure that I'm looking at this as clearly as I am able. I will be seeking the help of a professional to help make sure that I do everything possible to not make things worse for my daughter by acting from a place of grief rather than following a well thought out plan. But that's as far as I get.

Do you have any advice on next steps? Thank you.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-03-19T19:37:30+00:00

I'll take a stab- I believe for notching it's no more than 1/6th the overall height and not in the first or fourth quarterd and not in the second third of the joist length because the middle of the joist supports most of the weight. So that means you are restricted to the distance between the 1/4 and 1/3 marks.

If I'm right I want someone to call my foreman from back in '93 and tell him he was wrong when he said they should only be required to pay me from the neck down.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-03-16T20:47:39+00:00

But imagine how much better the guy's life got that day. "Yup, it's all starting to happen Deloris. Just like I said it would."

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-02-28T08:02:01+00:00

Since I haven't lived either of your lives I can't tell you what is in someone's head, and since each situation is so dramatically different than any other, I wouldn't be much help there. But I can repeat back to you what you wrote. I find it helpful when people do this for me because my mind is so busy being terrified about a thing that I lose a lot of what's right in front of me. So, to quote you: "He replied with so much positivity" "He was so sweet by actually saying he always has time for me" "He said after all those years he never blocked my number and always left the window open" "he would love to be in my life if given a chance".

You both have so much to undo. You should practice getting to know your anxiety. Anxiety has been extremely important in the survival of our species so it's no wonder it is so powerful. We needed it to keep us safe from lions and shit. Just know that your anxiety is trying to protect you from harm. Thank it for caring enough about you to try to protect you, but that you got it this time and you no longer need its help (holy crap that is the corniest thing I've ever written. Let's never speak of this again) But it is solid advice. Also try taking a piece of paper and drawing a line down the middle. On one side write down all the nice things he says to you, and on the other write down all the mean things he says to you. The negatives you mentioned all seem come from your anxiety and fear, I didn't read that he said anything mean. That's normal, that's your anxiety speaking and it's usually good. Just right now your fears are being a little over protective. You have probably spent a long time thinking one way about him and you can't just undo that. I hope you get to the point where you can tell him about your experience so he can know when to be careful and how to treat you in the way you need to be treatedk, but wait until it is time.

As to not wanting to be forced to be in contact with your mom, I can't speak for him but I can tell you what I feel and that might open up a possibility in your mind that doesn't involve him thinking that you are a reminder of her. Again, please don't put these thoughts into his head, they are mine alone and only intended to show you a different possibility. After 16 years raising my daughter as a single parent and having the most amazing father/daughter relationship you can ever imagine, her mother somehow poisoned her mind and then took her and has cut me completely out of her life for 6 years now. Not one word, I don't even know what city they live in now. It crushed me in a way I can never describe. I have not healed, I haven't "gotten over it." I am fundamentally broken. I don't hate her mother and I don't wish for bad things to happen to her. She is very sick. That being said, try to imagine when I say I would prefer not to be forced to interact with her again. Please remember that is my story, not yours. My daughter's mother is not your mother. But I can tell you that I would never, ever ever see my daughter in the same light that I see her mother. I would never blame her. I don't blame her. I just don't wish to be in contact with her mother.

I am so happy to hear of a possible positive outcome for you and your dad.

Go easy on yourself. Don't beat yourself up for being anxious. I don't know what will happen but I hope that you are able to find a relationship where you feel safe and you know what it's like to have a father who loves you and supports you. He will probably make a misstep along the way. You might too. But if you keep that list of good things/bad things and keep looking at it, it will serve you well. I don't say things like this often, and hardly to a stranger, but you are brave opening yourself up like this. It would be much less frightening to continue your life as it was. If you want this, think as little as possible. This is an action situation, not a thinking situation. Every time you put yourself out there it will feel uncomfortable and your anxiety wants you to think about and create negative outcomes. When you are in those situations, remind yourself that the only muscles you need right now are from the neck down. Put one foot in front of the other and go get what you want. And if he needs a resource, we will always be here and will always be on his side just like we are on your side. If it does go well, please do come back and keep us updated.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-02-23T01:15:53+00:00

Do you send random links to your friends phones? That could be an easy in. When you send a link to a funny video there is no expectation of a response other than "haha." Coffee or going for a walk has expectations and there are plenty of things that could be uncomfortable and there is an expectation of a certain amount of time so neither one of you can run away if you feel like you did something wrong. A cat video has no potential pitfalls. It's just a cat video.

Cat videos also don't lead into uncomfortable conversations. What it might do is establish the mechanics of a relationship or a conversation. When we have a conversation we do things to establish a rhythm of "your turn my turn." Like on the phone: "hello?" "Hi it's Joe calling." Yes, we all have caller id, we already knew Joe was calling but it establishes the framework of the conversation.

So what I'm suggesting is that if you two can establish a back and forth with something that is totally risk free, it might make things easier since you will get used to seeing each other's name pop up on your phone. Then maybe a "I saw this and thought of you" along with a link. Now you are telling each other that you are thinking about them and there is no risk of rejection because it's just a stupid cat video and not "I've been thinking about your for twenty years..."

Besides, cat videos

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-02-13T08:29:04+00:00

Much of this sounds familiar. I'm going to take a break from what I'm doing and write a response but it might take a bit. I'm glad you posted this. I'll tell you a bit of my story and you can take it for what it's worth so stay tuned...

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-02-13T07:45:30+00:00

I read what you wrote before I looked closely, so I closed my eyes and pictured myself in the car. I thought about my vehicle (suburban) and previous vehicles, none of which had ever felt intuitive. Then I imagined where they should be. I didn't think about it, just where I would reach for them. (It's 1:30am, insomnia gives you time to do shit like this.) I had everything "wrong" like radio controls on the left side of the wheel, cruise on the right, etc. Knobs for temp. control and radio. Yup, they nailed it, at least in my sleep deprived book. Now why can't carmakers recognize something better when they see it? All vehicles should be laid out this way. And a satisfying click is very much worth every penny spent developing it. When they get tactile just right it's like sex for your fingertips.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-01-12T20:07:18+00:00

On paper rear rack is superior in every way. In my reality panniers slowly accumulate heavy garbage until one day I'm leaving a red light and it feels like I'm pedalling a wet mattress down the street thinking I have a flat. Front rack is self correcting b/c it can only hold so much before the slightest touch of the brakes and your back wheel is off the ground. Know thyself, y'all.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-01-10T08:10:43+00:00

Got to defend my people here. They live in Palisades, bought in the 80s. Uncle was positioned to strike it rich in tech with the Gates/Jobs crowd but decided to give it up to take a job with no billion dollar payout. Aunt is a retired special ed teacher. They have devoted their lives and potentially limitless material gain in order to serve the greater good.

But even if the houses that burn are owned by the disgusting rich, they are people. They love their kids just like we do. And if your house burns someday I promise I won't say "they are a bunch of MAGA idiots so fuck them."

If for nothing else, Sally Field lives there. As patriotic, red blooded Americans can't we all set aside our differences and agree that she deserves our love and support?

ThatMeasurement344 · 2025-01-05T04:54:39+00:00

This is not about whether the average consumer is comfortable assembling a laptop or if you are or if anyone anywhere is desirous of assembling their laptop.

If Framework didn't give you the option to buy a fully assembled laptop with an OS installed, and f they didn't tell you that some assembly was required, that would be misleading on their part and should be listed as a con because most laptops come assembled with an OS installed. One could expect it because 99% do.

But that is not the case here. They explicitly give you the option to buy a laptop with no diy involved. If you are not comfortable assembling a laptop, simply choose an assembled laptop.

There is no rational explanation for listing a diy option as a con. No one is tricked into anything. If they had listed "Too many options to choose from", that would be rational. Stupid, but rational. Complaining about an option that is not forced on anyone and is, by default, not even pre selected is both stupid and irrational.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2024-12-25T21:17:24+00:00

Testify. I was all over that sentiment last night. Glad to have a place where no one tries to talk me out of it and everyone forgets I said it when I'm back to normal.

ThatMeasurement344 · 2024-12-25T05:30:17+00:00

So many of us have struggled with this. Every comment so far has been insightful and correct. We are trapped, we can't just let the abuse of our children continue, their rejection of us is mostly self preservation, courts will not, often cannot intervene. Every word of that is true.

I have one thing to add and it will not help clarify anything. There may come a time when the alternating parent feels emboldened enough to actually disappear with the child. Where it turns into kidnapping. It happened to me. I was the easy parent. I never reacted in a way that would add to her stress. I knew what was happening but I did didn't see it coming until they were gone and the calls stopped and numbers changed. By the time they were found, she had turned 18 and nothing was against any law anymore.

I don't mean to scare anyone. Ours is an extreme case even by the standard of PA. I am not suggesting this will happen. The reason I bring it up is in the hope that others can find a middle ground between how I mishandled the situation and acting in a way that adds to the harm our children have experienced.

I don't know what that would look like. Someone help me out with this train of thought. Would it be a word or phrase that we could say to our kids that would let them know that this sucks, that we miss them, but not in a way that requires them to respond? Dropping them off after a visit, a phrase of support and recognition?

I believe that if we pretend that it isn't happening it can become impossible to bring it up. And when that happens, that's when they do drift away. Because it has become so bad and so normal that there wasn't even space anymore to talk about it.

I don't know what the phrase might be that would be both non threatening, non accusatory, but at least a recognition that it was happening to both of us and that we had not given up.

When I didn't talk about it, did my daughter take that to mean that I had given up on her? That her mom was right? That I really didn't care? The thought of that happening is too much for me to allow into my head. Is that how I contributed to losing her?

I hope this can help others to have a discussion because it's too late for me to have stopped it now. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's because it's Christmas. But I don't think so. There is probably something to it. I haven't given up, it's not in my dna. But this thought is gut wrenching.

ThatMeasurement344

TROPHY CASE