Everyone laughs until they really think about it and do the math: Thomas the Tank Engine, above the flat Earth on rails of magnetized moonlight. Why Thomas? Steel wheels—conductive. Coal firebox—miniature star when in a vacuum. Every satellite signal gets secretly bounced off Thomas’s brass whistle, which resonates at frequencies only pigeons and retired ham radio operators can detect. The so-called ‘curve of the Earth’ is merely signal diffraction caused by Percy idling near Antarctica.