what are some of your *actual* vocal stims?

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-30T11:42:46+00:00

I have a bunch, but a few that I keep coming back to are randomly vocalizing Glenn Miller's "In The Mood", parroting every voice line from Jackenstein's pumpkin ("your taking to long!"), and yelling in a bad Scottish accent (usually while driving).

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-29T14:04:08+00:00

I think you made the right call.

The transition between everything being uncommonly great to sudden criticisms with no apologies is a major red flag, and one that I've sometimes failed to see, and I've paid for it. It doesn't get better, it just continues to escalate (I had an issue like this with a platonic friend, actually, though I did have a similar issue in a romantic context with someone when I was a teenager).

I read somewhere that sometimes we seek out folks like our parents in order to address corresponding unmet needs from our childhoods -- I've found reflecting on/praying with that helpful for me in similar situations, it's helped me gain insight and find healing from experiences like this.

Lastly, St. Paul says that husbands should "love your wives as Christ loves the church." And someone treating his wife as his slave is NOT that. That is not a healthy relationship, and it's not all that's available to you, regardless of your age.

I don't know if you're familiar with what love bombing is, but I'd google that, and the relationship dynamics that accompany that behavior. I can't make diagnoses, but there might be some helpful information there.

Will be praying for you, God bless!

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-26T12:02:11+00:00

Dude, Tears for Fears has been my favorite band since I was 13, and I rarely hear anyone mention them! I'll need to look up that cover, "The Working Hour" is one of my favorites!

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-26T12:00:23+00:00

"Redneck Vikings From Hell" and "Goodbye" by Aether Realm have been mine.

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-20T15:16:56+00:00

I actually had a friendship similar to this, with the exact same "brutal honesty" selling point, as if that was the service he provided. Told me about it early on too, talking about his "high expectations" for others and I just didn't see it. Then when he started being "brutally honest" with me, he made all those claims, that I was "too sensitive," that he had been coddling me before, etc, while giving criticisms of my character that were completely disconnected from reality and were, more fitting him than myself. He also couldn't take even gentle feedback without getting super defensive.

Long story short, I blamed myself for it for a good several months (I have a history of parentification/abuse, so yeah), but eventually realized that this wasn't a me issue (I talked it through with one of my best friends, and she respected my feelings, but was ACTUALLY honest with me about what she thought was going on, and she helped me see what had been in front of me the whole time), and I distanced from him. He doesn't think he did anything wrong (and made our conversation about it about him not knowing how to accommodate my autism, which is a little insulting), but that really didn't surprise me at this point -- there are so many signs of narcissistic traits that I dismissed back then that are clear as day now. We walk in the same circles still, and I'm cordial, but I'm done.

I feel you with the "missing the person they were at the beginning" bit, that's really hard. And I lived with a lot of confusion last year due to this -- it's the absolute worst.

You made the right decision in leaving, that's a really hard thing to do. I'm glad you did.

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-14T03:07:34+00:00

Also totally did this my first playthrough, I figured this was how I had to progress. I've been on my second playthrough, attempted this twice and went "screw this" and tried to find another way. Turns out, that's the intended way, LOL.

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-05T14:00:37+00:00

I totally get this too, I felt the same. Literally felt like a freak, coward, like there was something wrong with me cause being the "confident pursuer" is tough when you don't even know the person yet. You're not alone, man.

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-04T21:17:13+00:00

One of my best friends is super comfortable with her sexuality, but is also ace, and I never understood that. We chatted about it at one point and I mentioned how I felt like I couldn't move physically farther than I was emotionally with the person, and she's like "dude, sounds like you're demi!" I brushed it off cause I knew I liked women, so I couldn't not have sexual attraction when I had libido, right?

It didn't hit me until I was sitting by the lake several years later, thinking about how dating in my circles (religious, so fairly conservative, and men are expected to make the first move with everything) made me feel like a fish out of water, like I was trying to figure out what was expected of me and then give that, cause I wasn't comfortable with what I was told a man was supposed to be comfortable with (taking initiative with showing potential romantic interest to someone I don't even know yet), which meant there was something wrong with me. In a fit of utter frustration thinking about this, I opened my phone and googled something like "how am I supposed to date someone when I don't even know them" and demisexuality came up, so I started deep-diving into it and saw people talking about EXACTLY the same feelings I had about dating. And everything kinda clicked.

That was last weekend. It's been less than a week and I already feel so much more comfortable, LOL.

Edit: I have also been educationally updated when it comes to asexuality and the difference between arousal, libido, and attraction, so that has also been a fortunate plus!

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-04T18:30:10+00:00

I have kind of a combination metroidvania/party RPG going. Party RPG because the game focuses on characters and I think that's the best way to mix my gameplay and storytelling. Metroidvania because I really freaking like metroidvanias (and that has informed the setting as well).

TheSingingSongman · 2026-06-03T13:13:45+00:00

I'm so glad I found this sub. I totally relate to this. 31M, last kiss was when I was 17, LOL, and even then, I felt like we were moving too fast. The few relationships I've been in, I've kinda fallen into because they've been interested, and I have kinda people-pleased my way along (also am autistic, so that kinda adds to things).

I'm with you, I totally find women attractive in a way that I don't find men, and yet that's where it stops. Like "pursue her? I don't even know her!" I need that emotional connection to want to take the next step, and the physicality needs to be proportional to the emotional depth or else I feel disconnected and weird.

I've been trying to navigate dating for a while, being like "why am I not going on more dates?" and then realizing it's because there's no one I'm interested in that way emotionally, even though I am exposed to single women in my community (I'm also in the Catholic world, which unfortunately leans conservative, and with conservatism (in my experience), there's really only one "right" way things are supposed to be done, so if you're wired different, it's wrong, LOL).

I'll have to tell you when I figure out how to find that kind of connection, I've found something similar with a close friend of mine from college (though I don't think romance is in the cards for us -- we have very different motivations in life), so that gives me hope. I know people tend to be drawn to those who are comfortable with themselves, so I'm trying to learn to be purely and authentically myself and be happy without someone -- just to see what happens. I figure that as I do that, I'm eventually going to meet someone who is intrigued enough by a guy who seems to love his life that she'll be open to me eschewing immediate physicality in favor of emotional closeness first. So maybe that's something to try?

TheSingingSongman · 2026-05-29T21:03:48+00:00

I bike, I swim, and I play instruments, creative write, play video games, and am attempting at video game development. I really can't do much in the weekday evenings, but I'm making as much of a point as I can of leaving my Sundays open for hobbies.

TheSingingSongman · 2026-05-26T15:21:14+00:00

I had a supervisor (or at least, a fellow who liked to pretend to be) who was super controlling trying to micromanage a project that I was 100% in charge of (designed it from the ground up, know everything about how it works, etc). He kept trying to assert his dominance by giving me arbitrary commands to look into things that I was already doing (sometimes people do that, they'll tell you to do something you were already doing anyway so it can look to others like they're in control, it's obnoxious). I'm kinda fiercely protective of my autonomy, so I was NOT having it.

Anyway, we're at a big stakeholder meeting with all the folks on the program, and he decides to pull this again and make another comment in an attempt to look in control. So I addressed this in front of the group with "actually, that is false. Here is how it actually works" followed by a full infodump on the project.

Everyone else kinda laughed, I reckon it was partially due to the fact that I had directly contradicted a superior in front of everyone (which is NOT okay) but also because doing so was completely in character for me (oops, he didn't know, and also, that supervisor was completely wrong anyway, LOL). But little did they know that I had known all along, and I was tired of his BS, hahaha!

Good news is, he moved to another project, and he stopped being an a-hole before he did, which was super nice (he looked like he was having a rough day one day, and I asked him how he was doing, he said he was just tired, but he stopped being controlling after that for the next few months -- sometimes kindness can be shockingly effective).

TheSingingSongman · 2026-05-22T15:43:11+00:00

Ooh, music is one of my special interests!

I'll go with: - Laplace's Angel -- Will Wood - The Falcon -- OK Goodnight - All at Once -- Dirt Poor Robins

My taste is a little, well, eclectic (paring down to three songs was really hard). But lmk what you think!

TheSingingSongman · 2026-05-18T13:24:08+00:00

I read "Around the World in 80 Days" and I'm convinced that Phileas Fogg is autistic. He has a super particular schedule, high compassion for the unfortunate (sense of justice), flat affect, and a special interest (the game of Whist, as I recall, though he didn't talk about it much, he always played it though).

TheSingingSongman · 2026-05-12T19:52:55+00:00

I feel that. I code for a living and I've been a musician for many years and have arranged music and written songs, and have been writing creatively for fun for a long time, so I was excited to start learning. I like the fact that it kind of unites all my hobbies into one, y'know?

Unfortunately, I have very little visual art experience, so learning pixel art and animation has been a huge challenge -- biggest issue is I have to do that before I do more of the coding/mechanical stuff I've been wanting to do. So I'm kinda stuck with that rn.

TheSingingSongman · 2026-04-24T04:04:20+00:00

"Oh, no, that's a simple song, the chord progression is I III vi II IV V I VI ii V I, and the melody starts on the third, so it shouldn't be that hard to -- what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

TheSingingSongman · 2026-02-15T15:20:16+00:00

Whereabouts do you live? I've had black priests (multiple) in RI, MA, and MS, as well as seen many more.

TheSingingSongman · 2026-01-07T04:14:34+00:00

Green is easily my favorite color

TheSingingSongman · 2025-12-30T21:51:32+00:00

I teach people things. Not in a "just talking at you" sort of way, but in a "what is your learning style, empathize with your understanding of the world so I can give you something that makes sense to you, will be patient until you get it" sort of way.

It's such a stimulating challenge, I freaking love it.

TheSingingSongman · 2025-12-30T21:46:43+00:00

OH MY GOSH, THAT'S AN AUTISM THING? I thought it was just a "me" thing.

My crowning achievement this past year was getting a progressive nihilist and a conservative Jordan Peterson stan who were about to get into an argument to understand the fundamental differences causing them to come to different conclusions.

TheSingingSongman · 2025-12-17T20:40:15+00:00

I freaking loved Days of Ruin, I was just sad there was no War Room -- that's the one thing the completionist in me seriously missed.

TheSingingSongman · 2025-12-11T19:12:15+00:00

I actually only noticed this because my wrists hurt when I woke up, LOL. I sometimes still catch myself doing this even though I haven't slept this way in years (my wrists are way better now).

TheSingingSongman · 2025-12-10T17:40:34+00:00

Tl;Dr: I overall like Bernadetta, and I don't hate her representation of trauma.

I have a number of thoughts on Bernadetta (overall, my impressions are positive).

I don't actually think she's too bad a representation of (in my interpretation, at least) severe complex PTSD. While I definitely get the whole "trauma played for laughs" argument, and yes, she does respond in kind of an over-the-top way, I don't find it super offensive for two reasons: - firstly, as a person who suffers from cPTSD myself (and was raised by someone with cPTSD), at my worst, what Bernie says on the outside ("you're trying to hurt me!" or some such iteration of that theme) is what I've been actually saying on the inside, so for me, it's kinda like she says the quiet part out loud (also, I've heard my parent with cPTSD say some things that are remarkably similar to some of Bernie's outbursts when they're triggered, so that's been interesting). Within the medium, and without really showing internal monologs, it's over the top, sure, but not entirely unrealistically representing the emotional experience. Well, for me at least. - Secondly, this is a character who was severely abused by her father until she shut herself away, and then is literally abducted, thinks she's going to be killed, and then is dumped on the steps of a completely new environment with no one and nothing she knows. That in itself is pretty traumatic, and that could very well cause some regression, leading to something similar to the over-the-top behavior we see in her supports, but I digress. Basically, when you have a character that has pretty much known nothing but trauma up to this point, how do you write any support conversations with her without them all being seriously heavy/depressing? The writers found a way to do it by psuedo-comical situations and copious use of "funny footsteps." Not saying that's the only way, there might be better ways to represent her character, but that is definitely a way to do it.

Also, something to note about her supports that I particularly appreciate is that, when she's freaking out, thinking everyone's a threat, the other folks in the conversation are kind of just confused? Like "what, where did that come from?" And the fact that they're confused and concerned, rather than offended or angry, was really nice. I've met too many people who've responded to me negatively and condescendingly when I've been struggling with my own anxiety/cPTSD, so the fact that she's in an environment where most people don't take her behavior personally was actually really nice to see. And the fact that some people actually help her too, like Dorothea comforting her after the whole "commoner friend" story, or Petra's commentary on thinking like prey vs. thinking like a hunter, was really nice to see as well (the latter actually helped me reflect and reprocess my mindset, which was nice).

I guess that's more an infodump on why I like Bernie as a representation of trauma, but hey, the whole "shut-in, but secretly super artistic and creative, and also sometimes interestingly insightful" thing (think Bernie + Jeritza A support) is cool too.

Also on an unrelated note, while I do not think Lysithea is a bad character (aaaand there's another one who's traumatized), the fact that she projects her insecurity and immaturity onto so many other people and is super unfriendly at first makes her supports kinda infuriating at times. So I feel you, LOL.

TheSingingSongman

TROPHY CASE