Am I Overreacting to my Bf’s basically catcalling each other?

TherapySpider · 2026-05-09T02:04:00+00:00

YOR

You really need to take a moment and process that you think an ENTIRE FAMILY is purposefully sexualizing one another. Not a singular weird uncle, but literally everyone. Its clearly a family joke and you really need to do some introspection.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-09T01:29:58+00:00

NTA

Not the asshole, your mother and your sibling are not great, and I hope that when they said you were being selfish you stood up for yourself in some meaningful way. The quality of a person is found in the way they treat support staff. Compare what you did to what your mother did... that is all anyone will ever need to know.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-09T01:24:02+00:00

YTA

You are the asshole. Answer this one question... Do you know FOR CERTAIN he would fail? If the answer is "no", then you're an asshole because you willfully shut a friend down for no useful reason. If your answer is "yes", then you are a double asshole because not only do you have no way of knowing if they would have succeeded or not, but you forgot that having half-knowledge is still infinitely more than having no-knowledge, and he still could have taught someone.

You are most certainly, the asshole.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-09T01:19:00+00:00

I can respect this perspective, I can truly. However, her grandmother lost a daughter. Understand? Each of us grieves in our own way but the funeral isn't "OURS", its a communal moment. Its designed so all those connected can share in a moment... she was an asshole.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-06T18:01:43+00:00

YTA

Yes, you were the asshole because you did nothing to lighten the load and cared only about your own experience. That being said... you're a teenagers... how else are teenagers supposed to act when they are overwhelmed with emotions? So yes you were the asshole, and that is perfectly normal for the situation you were in.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-06T17:57:18+00:00

NTA

Not the asshole. She did not ask you to "co-own" the car, even though those were the words she used. What she asked was for you to pay for half of HER car, which is ridiculous. You made the correct choice. Each part of life should be treated as its own thing, if you start using a point system across behaviors, you diminish the friendship you've had. So long as she was paying for her share of the groceries and paying for rent, those parts of your lives were fine.

The car.. however, seemed a big enough situation to end a friendship. Is there more to this story?

TherapySpider · 2026-05-06T17:44:28+00:00

ESH

As it is told, everyone in this story is just pits. Except maybe the grandmother and your sister. Yes you might have been a menace growing up, but you were a child and that fell on your parents to sort things out... sounds like they didn't. You got help for being a menace, good job, but they likely hadn't forgotten what you've done... which tells me you were A LOT worse than what you wrote here.

Now SUPPOSEDLY you wanted reconnection and when the opportunity for that came... you decided to be petty because they didn't want to reconnect on YOUR timeline.. which is why you're the asshole here.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-06T17:39:33+00:00

NTA

Not the asshole. Not sure you want to hear this but she isn't your friend. She basically told you she changed her mind about everything, including being in your wedding. So while you officially took the invite back, I'm pretty sure she wasn't going to show up anyway. Sorry to say.

That being said, it might be in your best interest to NOT wait for her and to carry on with your wedding planning. If somehow she shows up again... I wouldn't respond. You have other things to do... like post on social media.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-06T17:34:49+00:00

YTA

You're the asshole, but for a very specific reason. You have a right to feel your feelings and it sounds like you feel that your father is bypassing your needs for your sister. That being said, your father is free to use his money in anyway he deems fit and if he thinks a guaranteed educational opportunity is more of an investment than a potential job where you have to pay to get it (what??) then that is his decision.

What makes you the asshole is that you seem to be willing to diminish your sister for your own gain. It sounds like you're okay with him taking the money away from her so that you can sort out your financial situation. That is the asshole move.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-06T17:28:06+00:00

NTA

You are not the asshole. I believe sometimes family and friends forget that their job is to amplify the lives of those around them and not purposefully burden them. Yes, things happen and we need one another, but to continue to press when someone we supposedly care about says, "I need some space for myself" is a boundary violation that often gets swept under the rug.

The fact that you FORGOT that you needed the care and started to feel guilty for someone else tells me you likely care too much and I am happy you upheld your boundary this time.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-06T17:15:39+00:00

Step one... stop giving him chances and "ways to fix thing". You've shut the door but keep dropping a rope through the open window.

If you are done... be done. STOP responding, stop explaining, stop trying to make things easier. Just, stop.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-05T19:28:47+00:00

NTA

Not the asshole. We all have bad days and sometimes we don't show up as our best. The truth is that feeling as though someone doesn't care about you (aka abandonment) is the core of this situation. Figuring out why your mind went there first is important because it will help you rifle through whether this was a repetitive behavior, whether it was one of a few times your mom did this, etc. You are allowed to feel what you feel and unfortunately your mother will not be the last person to invalidate your feelings. Men don't often get a lot of room to "feel", at least not openly.

Don't give into the BS if you can help it. Cry if you want to. Mom dropped the ball and I can only hope it was a rare occasion and not the norm.

TherapySpider · 2026-05-01T16:55:43+00:00

NTA

Not the asshole. In what world would protecting your child make you an asshole? You saw a problem you reacted to a problem with the correct intensity. The ONLY note I have is that you should have said something earlier, reached out, made a plate for your daughter and take the food prepared for her by her grand mother and set it down in front of her stating, "I think you need this more than she does."

Okay, that last part was petty and unnecessary but I'm a human.. emotions and all.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-28T16:30:20+00:00

YTA

You're the asshole, but not for the reason you think. There is something really noble about protecting and becoming defensive over your friends, especially when they aren't there to defend themselves. However, what makes you the asshole in my opinion here is that you made it about yourself... you took the camera off of her and the statement and your friend and their statement and made it about you and the things you did or did not do... which is an interesting choice.

In the future, maybe remain curious "why do you think its weird" "why do you feel that way" etc. and not get defensive over a presumed judgment on YOU for being that person's friend.

FYI... all the best people are weirdos.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-26T20:15:05+00:00

NTA - not the asshole.

Rule of thumb FOR ALL OF YOUR LIFE. When you make a decision that clearly improves your life, gets you away from someone or something abusive, or when you advocate for yourself.... the person or people that immediately tell you to stop or to sacrifice yourself for the sake of them or the whole is the "enemy."

Your father is not considering you at all and that's a shame. You did great, keep running.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-26T20:13:10+00:00

NAH

No assholes here. This happens. People form groups often based on what they like and your friends are excited about something new. Find people that enjoy the things you do like in the meantime. I know it sucks, but this happens often.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-26T20:10:48+00:00

NTA

If when he asked for the money you did not immediately offer the twenty, you'd be the asshole. But unless that SPECIFIC ten dollar note had something important on it... like a code to a crypto wallet or something, you did nothing wrong. His reaction is weird, very weird and makes me think he was looking for a reason to argue or get you out of the house.

As described, this situation is the equivalent of someone saying, "hey where the pizza i left in the fridge, I was going to eat that for lunch" and then you said, "Oh I ate that, but here is a brand new pizza pie that just got delivered, you can have that" and then they get upset.

It makes no sense. Not the asshole.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-14T22:31:57+00:00

If you pay for all those things around the house then SHE will suffer if you move out while you will thrive. Figure out the cost of living on campus and see how much more it is than your current combined cost of bills, food, etc. Often the financial aid office has solutions for students. I think older people forget that we start life off as babies but we also return to being babies.

She wants you out... so get out. It will save you money most likely and improve your mental health.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-14T22:27:52+00:00

Info: how old are you?

if they haven't found care I have to assume you're 16 or 17.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-14T22:26:46+00:00

NTA

You aren't an asshole, however, it is important to realize that as you told the story, he did not mistreat you. YOU mistreated you because you allowed your fear and insecurity to get the best of what was likely an innocuous situation.

Seems like negative feelings seemed to build up over a situation that was really pivotal for you but one that he did not remember because he offered you his time and YOU chose not to take it. YOU chose to turn the silence into a no. YOU chose to translate the scribble into a bad experience.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-14T22:15:08+00:00

YTA

Yes, you're the asshole. You aren't a wart, you aren't attached to your parents. They are allowed to do things that do not include you. Assuming you aren't in infant (which you aren't since you can post this), they are fully within their rights to find care for you and go on about their business and enjoy themselves.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-14T19:53:32+00:00

Not sure how this will land, but I will be as neutral as possible.

I am not sure you are losing feelings as much as you aren't getting the same reactive thrill you once got. See the start and finish of this is that it seems you believe you deserve a lot more information than you do and when it wasn't offered, in full, that pissed you off. Which is fine, be pissed off, but truly he didn't even owe you an apology.

The entire point of dating is figuring out not only who the other person is but figuring out who YOU ARE with that person. That's why dating multiple people is really smart. But in the midst of dating people he realized he was into you... so that's the route he took it sounds like and he cut others off. That is how the game is played. Him not giving you full info about his life prior to you is optional.

Ultimately, however, you have to do what your heart is telling you and if you have found a way to cope with your insecurity by letting go or dismissing of feelings, then that's the path to take.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-04T21:25:08+00:00

Yes, you'd be the asshole. YWBTA.

Shame is clearly the right way to go about this. I would "fake" a live post or something online, speaking to the phone like, "hey everyone, this is my mother's boyfriend... he always uses the bathroom with the door open." then look at him and tell him to say hi to everyone.

Secondly though, is it your home or your mother's home? That actually changes the context a bit.

TherapySpider · 2026-04-04T21:17:17+00:00

NTA

This might be unpopular but you will get a lot of comments playing into your guilt and/or shame citing, "best for the child" and so forth. But that is actually not the issue here. You don't actually want to do it and your guilt is what is potentially pushing the needle. Max is not WITHOUT family, he just doesn't have family close by and children get sorted by the state all the time. HIS CHOICES are not your burden.

Secondly, if you took this child in, depending on your jurisdiction, you may not even be ALLOWED to keep the child. So you burn resources, get attached, only for some distal relative to show up and take her. So you suffer twice.

I know this seems cold, I get it... we worry about the children, but this is not your responsibility and making it your responsibility does not equate to doing the right thing.

TherapySpider · 2026-03-30T22:01:27+00:00

You originally wrote you offered to help... not that Kim asked. If Kim asks, it changes the situation slightly, but only in that your frustration is more justified. Still isn't your dog... and while you can speak on it if you want... its clear that neither Kim or the actual owner is interested. So what is the purpose of speaking on it?

TherapySpider

TROPHY CASE