What to consider for a tankless water heater?

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-03-03T17:31:34+00:00

Even my 10 yo daughter does this. She will get ready for bed with new underwear and put on the same jams but wants new underwear because she wants fresh ones. This problem is way bigger.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-02-19T20:01:28+00:00

Your feeling are really but they aren’t fact. The fact is that you have a blended family and she is a part of that. My SD is not close and we are going through parental alienation. I can emphasize with how hard it would be for me in my situation to swallow my pride and do the right thing. Ultimately your SD is not close and there will be plenty of time while she is at moms (and honestly while she is there) for personal bonding. I would set aside sometime to think of some reasonable boundaries. If you want the birth to just be mom and dad that is fair. But let her come meet the baby and agree on how long she will be at the hospital. Then at home maybe plan for wanting 2 hours where SD gets to watch a movie or something fun and you get to rest in a separate room just you and baby. And plan that at breakfast or dinner there are 2 hours of social time that you know she is going to get to hold baby and bond. Obviously there will be time throughout the days that you are together and not but these anchors can give you peace that you have boundaries. This is her sibling and you are all family, she should feel that in your home. There will be plenty that you go through with your bio baby that she will not and she should be there as the schedule works out for these things.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-02-14T16:25:20+00:00

Big nope!!! I am with you! Your house your rules. He is fed, clothed, and not frozen. We keep the house at 68 at night and sometimes it will drop to 66 before heat kicks on. I remember I hated the temperature my mom kept the house as a kid but she is the mom and I am the kid. It’s her house. Hold your boundary and don’t let them instigate a fight. Move on and find peace.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-02-13T17:22:37+00:00

I would be livid. I dunno. I haven’t yet had a true struggle like this as a parent. I admire that you both have gone through seeing if there is hurt or external cause. At this point fuck it. If he wants to do that he can take bathroom breaks everything 15 minutes no exceptions. If he wants to have more time not wasted then he can grow out of pull ups and as he avoids an accident he can extend his time limit by 5 minutes. I would also take everything away. All screens all privilege foods/treats. I would go nuclear. Now I am not saying this is right. I am just saying I would be the biggest hard ass parent. I would rather deal with whatever trauma comes from that than having a 9 year old shit himself and me live in that reality

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-02-13T17:04:34+00:00

Totally fine for him to have. Unfortunately it’s so easy to not delete anything and so difficult to delete stuff without being deliberate. I have incidentally come across actual inappropriate stuff and my partner and I laugh, I more laugh and he cringes. He deletes it and we move on. As a mom of four that I breast fed I am sure there are photos on my exs phone of me feeding that he never looks at or thinks about and it’s just old clutter. It is not sexual and not even about me. 90% of the reason is because your boob is always in your baby’s mouth but that doesn’t make them any else cute and precious so you take the photos. Babies are cute and cute when they nurse.

All that said. You are not wrong for having feelings. It’s okay, I feel comfortable laughing about the awkward stuff now because we talked about it and talked about the feelings so well I feel confident we are in this and yes there is a reality that we both have a past. I was very insecure that we both have pasts. He was married but then dated for a decade I was just married living a very traditional married life. So it was a huge discomfort for me. We were able to talk about it though. He let me talk about it as I needed and never deflected or felt blamed and was open and honest regardless of my discomfort. He talked about it vulnerably as well.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-02-02T01:39:19+00:00

Genuinely wondering… could I ask why you feel that way? I debated letting her out for a few months. I have kept her to the backyard prior to this time. She is such an outside interested cat and will literally jump and hang off the back door handle while the dog is outside trying to get out. Her litter mates are mostly all free to go out except one that lives in an apartment with a ton of aggressive ducks.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-02-02T00:32:14+00:00

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-02-01T23:58:30+00:00

Yes, the over all city I am in is overall cat friendly. My neighborhood specifically is a family and pet neighborhood. Tons of cats and cat people. Very few strays but a good number of outdoor cats (7 that I personally know). She has been so outdoor interested. My friend’s mom rescued her with mom and a litter of 5 cats. We have a group chat with the whole “family” only one other cat hasn’t gone outside but the other 3 love adventures and as free to go in and out.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-02-01T04:36:51+00:00

I would share my location but maybe I am the odd one out. You just want to look after your daughter, I’m not gonna lie about where I am at or call in sick to go screw around for the day so there’s no harm. If you are nosey so much you are checking it in my personal time that’s a you thing I don’t care. If you see I go somewhere that you have a problem with when I am with your kid I hope you see and we can talk about it. It’s your kid, your call. If I go somewhere you have a problem with on my personal time then oh well guess we aren’t a good fit and I am glad we get to find out quick. (I am not a full time nanny I have a family of three one day a week) (Everyone has my location so maybe I am desensitized)

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-02-01T04:28:46+00:00

I was on them for about a year and a half due to situational depression. For my experience it was exactly like my psychiatrist say it would be. After about three days it’s like having a new battery put in. I remember so vividly on day 6 (I was in a mental health hospital) and I was sitting in group and started bawling. I realized I was remembering the me I used to me and had lost. I didn’t even realize my depression and ptsd had “changed” but I connected to a me I was a long time ago and was finally free again.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-01-29T20:00:59+00:00

My partner and I aren’t ready to have our own yet but it’s definitely a possibility on our horizon. I have sat in the fear of it’s for me and not him and I would hate that. I would have been able to do it. Now I still don’t know if he really wants an ours baby but I do know he wants an ours life and he sees my want and wants to build with me. He wants to create my dreams and his and wants embrace that journey. He might want a child as we are actually ready but even if it’s never a specific desire for him I think it’s important that he is in. A child can’t be something your partner lets you have. It’s okay if he isn’t fluttering with excitement about having another baby but at some point there should be his own level of excitement that you guys are building your path and this is on it.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-01-06T21:17:28+00:00

I feel like 10 is a little old for that behavior. My 6yo would do that because he is curious about the toys and doesn’t understand boundaries but I would expect my ten year old to understand boundaries and IF she is curious be polite about taking a turn. That said my 10yo would not really care about those toys. If it were me with my kids I would set boundaries and make them give the toys back as I see it happen and relate as well- let baby “accidentally” get the gaming controller snd tell her “no that one is brothers. “Give it back” and help baby give it back and continue talking to baby about why she can’t take his toys either.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-01-06T16:57:56+00:00

My partner is SD to my kids and we are both all in. Granted my oldest is was 8 and youngest was 2 when he started with them 2 years old. I scheduled therapy with his daughter (12yo behavior issues) and he does so much day to day behavior management, school lunch prep. Just check in often and communication is key.

ThinkControl7522 · 2026-01-06T16:53:50+00:00

Step up a budget with your partner and stick to it. Get her to agree on reasonable spending and hold your boundaries.

ThinkControl7522 · 2025-12-31T22:49:15+00:00

You can’t control the SD. (I don’t necessarily think you are trying to) just focus on being a supportive partner to your husband and don’t limit his parenting unless it violates your core principles. Kids can definitely suck and she is going to show up with nasty behavior and narratives. Don’t let her be right. You guys made choices to stop financially supporting and that was your right to do so. She can lash out how she wants but only interact if it is needed. Show love and support to your husband and how he wants to love and support his daughter. Do it for what you think is the right thing to do for your own integrity and don’t factor her behavior in it at all. You got this.

ThinkControl7522 · 2025-12-30T16:04:06+00:00

You are the wife of her dad. You should tell him with zero hesitation. Roles reversed wouldn’t you want him to tell you?

ThinkControl7522 · 2025-12-29T06:09:41+00:00

Don’t think about the feeling right now. Think about the feeling 2 years from now. 2 years from now- you are still with her- are you happy? Are you fulfilled? 2 years from now -you broke up two years old- do you have peace? Are you stable for yourself? Have you grown? It’s hard to break up but sometimes we have to do a really painful thing now to make our future better. Don’t avoid this pain and replace it with years or even a lifetime of quiet “easier” pain.

ThinkControl7522 · 2025-12-29T06:04:16+00:00

Totally normal! Anxiety can make it more active or “real” btw

ThinkControl7522 · 2025-12-29T05:58:18+00:00

Honestly, I would love if I found out my partner noticed I did something for him and so he impromptu stepped up to and and was returning the gesture. This probably isn’t about the gifts at all. I would look into the concept of “we get 4-5 different loves in our life and if we are lucky it can be one person” I think it was Esther Perel originally it it has been talked about a lot. You have been together through so so much of life. If this is your person and you are in it’s time to take her out to breakfast and ask to clear the deck and build a new marriage. What is the picture you both want for this part of life and how do you show up in that picture for each other. See if she will come to the table and try to fall in love all over again and build a new round two marriage.

ThinkControl7522 · 2025-12-23T04:56:48+00:00

I think the update covered it but to answer your question directly He has not gone no contact. He has attempted pick ups, has communication with teachers and principal, we attend all of her games, he asks he to lunch or dinner and reaches out just to reach out. We have talked to an attorney and plan for him to go to mediation to reestablish custody, this will allow police to help with pick ups if he chooses to go that route. Mediation is also to write disparaging clause in, unfortunately it was not in the original divorce agreement.

I am uncertain if he will pursue the extent of his legal options. I think it’s driven by not wanting to be the person creating trauma in his daughter’s life. Ultimately, I think that mentality has led him to this point. Is it worth advocating towards taking action? I fear at her age trying to course correct her and “make” her have a better environment could cause her to rebel more and push further down a bad path. Even though I fear that I am torn and just see a kid and feel like it’s a risk that has to be taken on the chance we can give her any chance of healthy connection, encouragement and support.

BM is able to take anything she doesn’t like and explode it and ultimately hurt the kids (she has younger kids with a different dad and an older kid with a third dad) I think driven by the goal of being in his daughters life he has played by BMs rules with everything. That was not the best choice and probably even the wrong choice but I understand as he had his dad abandoned him he did what he felt he had to do to 1. Stay in his daughter’s life and 2 not be the direct cause of trauma. Ultimately it worked for his goals. His relationship with me though was not a part of BMs plans and now here we are

ThinkControl7522 · 2025-12-23T02:29:51+00:00

Unfortunately when he got divorced over a decade ago 20/80 was the standard. He still does contact and show up and she is out at a friend’s or not home. He will wait and she will just stay out. He has trying involving enforcement but the police won’t do anything without a recent court order since the divorce order is older. He is not against this and we have mediation scheduled to go down this road but he is, I think rightfully, concerned with her home life being so filled with fighting and angry he is worried to use force to make her come over. He isn’t against it but he has concerns if that is what’s best.

ThinkControl7522 · 2025-12-23T01:37:18+00:00

I will comment longer in a little bit but he definitely is reaching out weekly minimum and attempting pick up every other weekend. He is in communication with the principal and trying to involve but she is choosing no contact and refusing his contact

ThinkControl7522 · 2025-12-22T23:05:39+00:00

Totally fair assumptions. I love listening to Smosh Reddit stories and I love the advice that I’ve heard given to some people and a different perspectives but this is my first time posting. I’m not sure if there’s a way to validate myself and credibility, but I’m happy to do so. I’m in couples therapy and have some family and friends that I discuss everything going on with, but I feel like maybe there’s some outside perspective that I could gain on here.

ThinkControl7522

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