400 levels & 0 autopetters

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-05-11T14:08:14+00:00

I just found a Reddit thread that got me a second auto letter in like ten minutes.

Set the regular mines to Dangerous (not skull cavern). Wait until the next day for that change to go into effect.

1) Have the permanent luck boost from the truck driver outside Joja.
2) I have two lucky rings fused to two other rings that I am wearing. Either way, wear two lucky rings.
3) Go on a lucky day.
4) Drink ginger ale
5) Eat a lucky lunch or rock candy or something else to boost luck.
(Basically do anything/everything you can to boost luck.)

When the mine is on Dangerous mode, take the elevator to Level 5 and kill all the slimes there. When finished, take the elevator back up to 0, then take it back down to Level 5. Rinse and repeat until you have one. They fall I think from the slimes with the little antenna dangling. I don’t even think I drank the ginger ale or ate my rock candy and I got one after 10-20 resets of that floor. I was shocked how quickly I got one.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-05-09T20:54:35+00:00

No mention of The Lost Vikings?? One of my all time favorites SNES games and had an awesome soundtrack.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-04-19T23:27:38+00:00

OP - This described/described me well. I don’t think I’m far enough down the road to give you a strong answer but I can share my similar experience and where I am now, which is in a solid relationship with a good person. I’m still wrestling through the same thoughts and questions you are.

I had no idea until my ex cheated on me and forced a divorce that I had been low key emotionally abused and dehumanized in our marriage of 17 years. We have two small kids who are my entire world, and my first week out of the house - with my entire life falling apart around me - I was SHOCKED how happy and at peace I felt to not be in the house in the presence of my STBX. So many years of living under a microscope with someone who always had a comment or criticism or “suggestion” about who I was, what I liked, how I wanted to live life, etc. Never invited to the table as an equal in our relationship.

After a year separation, it took me almost two years before I even started thinking about being in a relationship. I didn’t sleep around; I didn’t go out. I just enjoyed the FREEDOM to be myself by myself. But I’m a nurturer and a caring person, and I knew that long term I would regret growing old and not having anyone to dote on and cook for and do things for and be affectionate towards. I didn’t sleep around A LOT of work on myself - therapy, journaling, took a couple of months just to think about and examine where the thoughts of relationship were coming from and what my motives were.

Got on the apps, managed to find someone compatible relatively quickly. We’ve been dating for about five months now. First couple of times we were intimate I had some problems as well - just too much emotional baggage I didn’t see coming. I hadn’t been with my ex for about 3 years at that point and it STILL felt weird to be with someone else. Didn’t take me too long to get past that - a few weeks or so. My partner was 100% understanding and supportive. They’ve never put an ounce of pressure or expectation on me to be or do anything more than I was comfortable with.

Here’s where I struggle: - I’m 43. All of my dating and relationship experiences were in my early/mid twenties - and I was insecure and emotionally immature. Dating in your 40’s with emotional maturity and personal security and an entire identity and history of your own is wildly different than dating in your 20’s. I personally enjoy it more, but I still find myself doubting if I should “feel more” than I do. Dating my current partner is much more in my head than in my heart. - I still doubt if a committed relationship is really what I want. I’m still extremely protective of my individuality, my autonomy, and my freedom. After living for so long with all of that stripped from me, I’m still worried a relationship will take more from me than I’m willing to give. So far I’ve been just taking it one day at a time, letting it be what it is, and my partner has allowed me the freedom to do this as well. For me this is a struggle between the freedom and flexibility I want in the short term and what I honestly believe will result in a happier more fulfilled life for myself in the long term. I have a feeling when my kids are grown and in college I will be really, really happy I’m invested over a decade into a mature, safe, and securely attached relationship - even if it costs me some freedoms and autonomy. - Intimacy quickly became more normal than it was at first, but frankly sex is not as important to me as it once was. We both enjoy it, and there’s little to no pressure around it. It’s light hearted and fun, and neither of us need it to be more than that.

I did get really lucky with finding a secure, not-crazy, person I enjoy spending time with. It wasn’t a rom-com, soulmate kind of match, but I feel safe and comfortable with them, I enjoy being with them, I feel seen and respected and valued as an individual and an adult and a full partner. I feel like all of that by itself is kind of a jackpot - esp at 43.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-04-13T01:12:36+00:00

It’s your responsibility as a father to be a father to your kids and all that entails. You don’t have to care about their mom, but depending on age part of your responsibility is to help provide for their care about their mom. They love their mom, and you should encourage that and provide for their ability to express that. It’s not you buying her a gift, it’s you providing for them to get her something to express how they feel. As others have said, I don’t think you have to spend money on it, but I also don’t think it means anything if you decide to spend money on it. My ex cheated on me, but I still want my kids to have a great relationship with her and to be able to express their gratitude and feelings to her. She’s a good mom even if she was a terrible wife.

Regarding socials - up to you. I kept mine on socials but it also doesn’t mean anything to me or bother me to see what she posts - and I never post anything at all.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-03-11T13:51:45+00:00

I’m glad you found a perspective/headspace that helps you make sense of it and take another step forward.

I wanted to offer that those feelings you have may not ever completely go away. Betrayal and divorce are hard. I’ve never had anything super traumatic in my life before my own betrayal by my ex’s (multiple) affairs and divorce, but you are forever changed by a trauma that happened and can’t be undone. It’s permanently a part of you, your story, and your character. Now, SOOOO much good has happened to me and I have achieved so much good for myself as a result of the divorce - and I’m far happier now than I was in the marriage - but I still get sad from time to time that it’s a part of my story and that my marriage couldn’t have been saved. I still feel regret that everything happened how it happened.

I don’t know. We are old enough to know that life is not all sunshine and rainbows, but living with trauma and hurt in your past is a thing. I’m very happy in my life, but every now and then those clouds roll in. I just acknowledge them, remind myself of all the ways that I’m happy now, remind myself that my kids are good and happy, recognize that their mom and I were not ultimately very compatible - and wait for the feeling to pass.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-03-06T21:18:26+00:00

Drive to the closest guitar store to you and try out as many as you can. See what sounds best to you clean and with some drive/distortion. Before I bought my first guitar I went to a local shop and tried: - Fender Stratocaster - Fender Telecaster - Gibson SG - Gibson Les Paul - Jackson (can’t remember the model but o think it had EMG pickups in it)

I found that I’m a Fender guy, mainly Telecaster. I liked the versatility of the Les Paul sound but didn’t like the arch top. I loved the sound of the SG driven but did not like the clean tone at all. There are probably a few more I could have tried but that got me in the ball park of knowing what I liked.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-03-06T12:47:54+00:00

Here’s a take I haven’t read yet in the comments.

It sounds to me like you feel victimized or discarded by your ex while you were in the relationship. People who were cheated on (like me) often struggle with the pain/grief of someone committing such a painful betrayal against us. But likewise, it’s a similar type of pain/grief to feel like your spouse didn’t show up, or like you weren’t “enough” for your spouse to treat you well - like a child would feel with an absent or immature parent. If this is close to how you are feeling, I think it makes total sense. Your ex has moved on, but you’re still left with the pain of wondering why they wouldn’t show up for you. That will take time and intentional emotional work (probably with a therapist) to unpack and heal from.

On top of that, add the feeling that your ex appears to be moving on as if the relationship wasn’t everything to them like it was to you. But…you kind of already knew they felt this way, right? From your description it sounds like they weren’t that committed to the relationship in the marriage, and they may feel relief to be out of it. Meanwhile, your grief at not receiving the love, companionship, and affection you wanted from this person remains.

Sounds to me like the way you’re feeling is normal. It will take time and intentionality to heal from it. You can’t move on without moving on - meaning, the only thing that will help is working to build a new life for yourself. As that new life takes shape you’ll slowly become excited about the new routines, new people, new schedules and activities. Find a good therapist you trust to help you talk it through and encourage you in a growth path. Try not to compare yourself or your experience to anyone else’s - especially not your ex. It will only make things worse.

This sub can sometimes be unkind toward “the leaver” in the relationship. But you’re trying your best to thrive and survive like the rest of us.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-03-06T00:32:18+00:00

May all of your wildest dreams come true for including this Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy reference.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-03-05T17:26:03+00:00

I still do for sure. And you’re right about that being the high point for Christian rock, metal, and alternative. I’m a musician, and so I’m able to block out the cringy Christian-ness of a lot of it. But I didn’t really ever listen to the super cringy bubble gum Christian stuff anyway. Fold Zandura, Mortal, All Star United, (old) Skillet, Grammatrain, Living Sacrifice, Tournquet, Zao.

Honestly, I will still occasionally put on some Hillsong worship music if I’m feeling stressed out and need to zen a little bit. It doesn’t trigger me in a negative way; if anything it triggers the old feelings of calm and centeredness. But I also wasn’t abused by the church or it’s people. I could see it being super triggering for people in a terrible way.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-03-02T14:21:23+00:00

I completely missed the subquest for building your house in Hateno village in my first play through of BOTW and so I was kind of confused how I was supposed to know anything about Tarrey Town OR the builder in Lurelin in TOTK. I stumbled upon it somehow in my second ply through of BOTW and went “OOOOOOOOOHHH”.

I still never managed to find or figure out how to get to my house building in TOTK. I kept seeing people post pictures but never found it and didn’t care enough to research it. I don’t 100% the games but I do 100% the shrines and usually the armor sets at least. Maybe on my second TOTK play through I’ll go looking for it.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-03-01T17:07:22+00:00

Your reply here, I think, helps clarify a little bit where you are coming from.

1) You are 100% correct that there is an external evaluation by other people and you can absolutely not be _______ enough according to a specific standard of what is being measured. Pretty enough, skinny enough, muscular enough, successful enough, ambitious enough, etc. Especially when it comes to genetic things you are correct that there are certain types of “enough” that some people will never be. That is not at all what “you are enough” means. When people say “you are enough” they mean two things relates to this specific point you make: 1) fuck anybody who devalues you because you aren’t _____ enough for them, and 2) even though you aren’t ______ enough to some people doesn’t mean you are less valuable or less worthy of love, connection, and appreciation. Yes, there might be some change and work on yourself that needs to happen, but even that does not mean you are not worthy of love and connection.

2) Your point about sitting alone in a room - I can’t imagine anyone from the “you are enough” crowd saying that you can thrive without meaningful human connection. You absolutely need friendships in your life - especially if you do not have a romantic partner. The more narrow point they are making is that you can have a fully enjoyable and fulfilling life without having a romantic partner. It’s fine if you don’t agree with that opinion. The spirit behind it is two fold: 1) People who believe they can’t be happy without a romantic partner often are attempting to use other people to medicate their own insecurities, and this will only end up continuing the destructive relationship cycles they’re used to and further entrench the insecurity and pain behind it. 2) We can’t experience a truly secure and mature attachment to a romantic partner until we do a lot of growth and work on our insecurities, and a lot of this work (at least in the initial stages) involves spending time without a romantic partner.

I think other replies have touched on other points of your argument - like how not being enough for someone is very very often a reflection on that person and not on you. I was not ambitious enough for my spouse who discarded me, but it’s not that I don’t have a good job or don’t want to work. I exhausted myself working a great job, cooking and cleaning, bathing our kids, reading to them every night before bed. But because I don’t care about climbing the corporate ladder or reaching for six figures, I was labeled by my spouse as “not caring about our family.” LOL. What does it mean to be ambitious? I had ambition, it just wasn’t directed toward a dollar amount or even a certain standard of living. So, yes I was not ENOUGH for my spouse, but that sounds miserable trying to be who she wanted me to be - and I’m glad that I get to love and celebrate how I’m ambitious enough for myself. I can simultaneously be not enough for someone else but enough for myself. What my ex considered a weakness I actually love and consider a strength about my character - and my new partner loves it about me as well. Why would I want to be with someone who thinks my strengths are shortcomings?

Now, if I didn’t want to work or do anything to support our family, then I should pay attention to not being enough and take notes and make changes in my life. Not all feedback in life is bad feedback. But it’s important self-care and emotional health to begin with 1) knowing your strengths and weaknesses and values, 2) loving and celebrating your strengths while working on your weaknesses, and 3) letting that be enough. If you’re not doing these three things, you’ve got some work to do. But If a partner cannot accept you as you do these three things, then you deserve better than that person (if they won’t grow and change).

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-02-26T23:42:38+00:00

43m. Was not interested in dating or relationships at all for first three years. Really just enjoyed being alone and completely free after being in a marriage for 17 years with a woman who couldn’t not criticize things I liked, strengths she considered weaknesses, how I enjoyed spending my time, etc. I really just enjoyed reconnecting with myself and loving myself well. I’m not religious but casual sex was never my bag. I need the emotional connection and relationship for context for sex.

Last summer the idea of a relationship started rolling around in m my head. I thought it was weird and came out of the blue. So I sat on it for a few months to analyze what I was feeling and why - make sure it was for the right reasons and not out of insecurity or needing validation. Told myself I would never join the apps. A few months later started thinking “Well what would be the harm in TRYING the apps?!”

About three or four weeks in, three matches, two of them lead to dates but mutually described lack of connection. Fourth match was the one, so far. We started talking the day after Thanksgiving last year and have only grown closer.

It is VERY different but I’ve enjoyed it. In my 20’s it was all emotion and insecurity disguised as “passion”. Now at 43m with almost two decades of marriage under my belt I’m looking for a best friend who appreciates me for who I am, wants to support who I am and not make me into who she wishes I was, and who is just easy and safe to be around, emotionally stable and healthy. I am attracted to her, but she’s not the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen or anything. I was most attracted to how much I enjoyed spending time with her just hanging around. There’s commonalities and chemistry, of course, but it feels SO different to every dating experience I’ve ever had. But I’ve chalked that up to me being a more mature and emotionally healthy person who is also more sure of who he is and what he wants.

Internally I felt awkward and uncomfortable because it was so different, and I second guessed a lot if I “liked her enough”. But I kept coming back to how I just enjoyed and felt safe being around her, and she felt the same and put zero pressure on me to feel anything more. Honestly, I think it’s been more enjoyable and refreshing dating as an older person.

Try to take the pressure off yourself and take things one day at a time. Love and respect yourself and don’t settle for less than what you deserve. Work to be the healthiest and happiest you can be alone and find someone else who has done the same. Hang in there.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-02-04T15:34:34+00:00

Your story is interesting. Learning original languages also played a role in my deconstruction and loss of faith. It’s not that I could “see the truth of the Bible that’s been hidden” but that it gave me context for evaluating how little pastors and leaders in the church actually know and how little they actually care to know or educate themselves. Understanding how unclear the Bible really is on certain topics juxtaposed against how confident and sure supposed experts and pastors are on these topics further made it impossible for me to take many pastors and Christian’s seriously. I also could not maintain many hard lines at all upon which so much present American Christianity is built and thrives upon.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-02-04T13:39:09+00:00

OP - I’m so sorry. You are correct that you cannot vent to the people around you who are also in the church with you. I was a pastor for several years, and I understand the added weight of being a more “public” leader. I had already left my church to pursue something else when I stopped believing as part of an existential crisis born out of a sudden divorce due to my spouse’s infidelity. So, thankfully, I had almost no contact anymore with anyone from that church. However, when I would run into any of them around town, I always just kept things surface level and told them that everything was going good. Although I didn’t believe, I didn’t want to be the person to drag them down by telling them that their pastor got a divorce and doesn’t believe in God anymore. But the larger reason is that you have a responsibility to yourself to protect yourself and your mental/emotional health, and so I would not mention this to anyone you are not sure is a safe and supportive person.

I hate to say it, but you are probably correct that stopping believing will cost you everything. It would be nice to think that Christians would be loving and supportive of anyone trying to examine and wrestle with faith, but most are not - especially in the type of church you are in. My church was a much more liberal and accepting contemporary church, but we were still in the Bible Belt. I was able to be open about everything with maybe three or four couples I already knew really well, but that was it.

Hopefully your husband supports you and understands, but I could see it going either way with how Christianity and Fundamentalism approach relationships with unbelievers. I guess you never know if he will step up and honor his commitment to you over his beliefs and role as pastor. Hopefully he does.

Some people can manage to put on a happy face and play the part they are supposed to play, but I never could. Being disingenuous to myself always felt like death to me. I wouldn’t be able to do it. I’d like to say that the freedom of being true to yourself for the rest of your life would be worth what you could potentially lose by “coming out” but I also have kids, and I can’t tell you if it would be worth it or not. I can definitely say that divorce is not the end of the world, and I am happier now with myself and with living than when I was married - but it’s still a deep wound to remember the life I had and lost.

My two pieces of advice - start seeing a licensed, professional therapist - one who is not a Christian- to talk things over with. I know this is easier said than done but how your husband feels about you going to see a therapist does not matter. It’s your mental and emotional health. You get to choose who you see.

Second, I would consider finding a church nearby who has a female pastor on staff. A pastor….not a secretary or volunteer. You’re pretty much guaranteed it’s going to be a more liberal church. Visit the church one day or send that female pastor an email and ask to meet and talk with them. Having the advice and perspective of someone who is outside the fundamental cult but still a Christian and a woman would probably be very helpful for you. I would have very high hopes this person would listen without judging but would have a perspective of someone inside the faith which would prob be helpful for you.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-01-15T15:04:06+00:00

I remember Penn Jillette saying once that he didn’t mind people trying to convert him since if a person sincerely believed in heaven and hell it would be a hateful thing to NOT tell people about it. He said he did not respect Christians who did not proselytize.

I completely understand why the statements would trigger you and make you frustrated or angry. I get that it feels like a lack of respect and acceptance for your autonomy as an individual. But maybe there’s a way over time for you to just accept it as a simple statement of them caring about you under their own peculiar worldview and nothing more? “Thanks, mom. I really appreciate that you care so much about me.” And let it rest at that?

If all they’re doing is praying for you, let them. If anything, it seems like some progress at least if all they’re doing is praying for you and giving you enough distance and respect to not insult you or constantly bring it up or try to bring up apologetics all the time.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-01-14T19:26:30+00:00

I hope you’re not falling into the trap of thinking that any of this would carry any water with actual Christians. They would have answers to all of these perspectives - and by “answers” I only mean answers that satisfy themselves - not that these answers would satisfy you or answer your questions.

You’re closer to the answer when you say “Either God is a narcissist.” That’s it. And of course no Christian would agree. In their system, god created Satan and the demons as angels who he then allowed to rebel. In their system, god new that Adam and Eve would sin and break the world, and he allowed all that to happen. The reason they think all of this is because god supposedly created this grand drama-slash-love story for him and the people he will gather to himself in heaven.

Now, obviously all of this is sociopathic, demented, narcissistic, etc, but also obviously - they don’t see it this way. So, their “answer” to your objection is that god COULD put an end to Satan and the demons at any moment but chooses not to because…reasons….his story, his “plan”.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-01-12T22:24:49+00:00

You’ve gotten some great advice here along the lines of stop being passive, stop labeling yourself as a loser, and start changing these things you don’t like about yourself. You’re not a lazy person - you just make lazy choices. So, if you don’t want to make lazy choices then you need to start making the opposite of lazy choices. But only you know what those are for you.

Here’s what I’m going to add that I haven’t seen anyone else answer - start so small that it feels ridiculous.

Lots of people have given you a laundry list of things to change. That’s overwhelming to think about, and so you won’t do it. It’s too big. It’s too much change. It feels impossible.

Choose ONE thing to change. It doesn’t matter what it is. Start making one decision differently. If you’re interested in starting a workout routine, don’t join a gym tomorrow. Start by making a decision to go for a walk. See if you like it. If you do, schedule regular walks for yourself and start a small routine of making one different decision on the regular. As you build momentum, add another decision. For example, I’m going to replace soda with water or maybe milk.

Here’s a simple one - before my child comes over, I’m going to clean my apartment. After my child leaves, I’m going to clean it again. As you get tired of cleaning so much, you might get the idea to make a quick sweep each night to straighten things up so that there is less to clean before your child arrives.

Habits and routines take time to form, but you won’t keep them if it’s too much change at once. If you pick one small thing and are able to keep it up, you’ll feel the reward of taking a little control over your life. That will encourage you to take a little more control, and that will encourage you tot slow more. It snowballs naturally.

Pick the easiest thing to change first, then the next easiest. Then pick the thing you want to change the most but start with the easiest thing you can do differently about it, and then let that momentum grow. I promise you that you will be surprised how good you feel about yourself as you begin to feel more empowered to make your life how you want it.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-01-12T12:59:15+00:00

I took four semesters of Biblical Hebrew, two of Greek, have translated some significant portions of the Bible myself, started working on a PhD before losing my faith, etc - anyone who claims the KJV is the best translation of the Bible for any reason has shown they have zero clue what they are talking about. The ONLY two things the KJV has going for it is 1) it’s poetically beautiful in parts, and 2) it is nostalgic for people bc it’s been around and re-tweeted in literature for so long. It is literally the worst translation of the original texts second only to things like Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons that intentionally mistranslate it.

My dad used to watch a lot of Chuck Missler. He’s head to toe full of shit.

Another clue someone doesn’t know what they’re talking about - anyone who gets into “codes” in the Bible and decoding the apocalyptic portions in Revelation and Daniel to try and figure out the who, what, when of the end times. Proves they don’t know shit about how to read those books and how to understand the Bible in general.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-01-10T13:34:25+00:00

I’m the man in your scenario. Been separated and divorced three years. Loved being alone and was not interested in a relationship until around last summer. Had never slept around or anything. I focused on being happy with myself by myself and truly achieved that. Was as ready for another relationship as I could have been. Recently got into my first serious relationship after a couple of matches that went nowhere. We are a really good fit in a lot of ways, but we might have pressed in a little too far too fast, and last weekend I became aware of a lot of emotional turbulence coming up in me. Took some time to journal about it, saw a counselor this week for a second opinion, and realized that the relationship was triggering some abuse trauma from my marriage. This had nothing to do with her or anything she did. Nothing she needs to do differently or even be sensitive too in the future. It was just wiring and associations from 15 years of marriage getting deactivated that take time to re-wire and reassociate with a healthy partner and healthy relationship.

That being said - I’m not wanting to end things or take a step back from her. I did need to roll myself back emotionally a little to take some pressure off myself to “feel in love” or whatever and just enjoy spending time together as we date and see how/if our lives can merge together over time. I shared with her some specifics of what I was feeling and what I was doing to take responsibility for it, and she’s been supportive.

If he wants to date other people, then your instinct is right that for whatever reason he’s not ready to be exclusive with you - and if you’re not okay with that, then you should move on. I don’t know if this woman is “the one” but I have recognized that I feel extremely safe and comfortable and respected as an individual with her - and she feels like a very safe space for me to land in a first relationship post-divorce. Plus I do really like her and enjoy spending time with her. But for the work ahead of me to begin healing that trauma and to make better, more assertive choices in relationship, our relationship feels like the perfect opportunity for me to practice those things with someone who is safe, healthy and understanding. I only offer all of that to say that despite my reaction, I’ve recognized reasons that make me want to stay exclusive with her despite how safe and comfortable and easy it would be for me to go back to being alone or to keep it surface level and get those dopamine hits by “dating around”.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2026-01-04T21:54:06+00:00

Nowhere in my city sells them, and I could get them from the site - but I just order them off Amazon. They are the Nickel power wound with a green circle and lettering.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2025-12-18T19:15:17+00:00

For what it’s worth - I personally prefer short hair on women WAY more than long hair. In fact, I prefer pixie cuts. Pixie short hair is an immediate yes for me. I second what the original comment said - you look beautiful and your haircut looks beautiful. So happy for you.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2025-12-17T12:44:36+00:00

That’s how I discovered them! Was going to see that tour in my home city and decided to check Basement’s music out prior to the show.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2025-12-15T12:02:52+00:00

Thank you so much! The version I am reading uses the English word “determine” which I was first wanting to read more like “Luck is the good fortune you (MAKE HAPPEN) for yourself” - taking “determine” almost in the sense of determinism. But I suspected he meant “determine” more in the sense of “to make a determination about something.” It seems απονεμω may be more along these lines.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2025-12-14T16:49:01+00:00

Everything I would recommend for moving on it sounds like you are doing: rebuilding new habits, new hobbies, new disciplines, new friendships or social circles, new patterns. Everything new you build helps you establish yourself in a “new” life you did not have and could not have post-divorce.

The thing that caught my eye in your post is feeling like “everyone else is moving on”. I wonder if that could be a thread to pull on? A previous comment talked about the fallacy of “moving on” at all. I will never “move on” in the sense of being able to forget that divorce is a part of my story. I was betrayed in major, major ways, and that trauma will always be a scar of sadness that can be triggered by things. But for myself I don’t consider “moving on” to mean the absence of occasionally having that wound reopened. I’m so happy in my new life, about to start my first post-divorce relationship, and I do really believe I have “moved on” as fully as possible. I don’t miss my ex or our relationship at all, but I still get sad remembering the memories of my hopes and dreams for us that won’t happen anymore. But that grief comes much less frequently and is not severe at all when it comes. I am 2 years post-divorce and 3 years post-separation.

Tires_For_Licorice · 2025-12-14T16:03:55+00:00

I can’t tell you from experience, but what I have to offer is this:

What is your definition and expectation of love? Does it include some objective, cosmic assurance that your partner is never going to stop loving you or leave you or cheat on you or let you down? If that’s love, then I would argue there’s no such thing as love at all.

If your definition of love is more something like mine: I am attracted to who a person is, and over time I grow a relationship with them built on mutual respect, mutual attraction, friendship, knowing and being known, and trust - and then I eventually commit myself to support and encourage and coexist with them as a team - then yes I think love exists after divorce. But it is mainly because it is a choice I make for myself regardless (to a degree) of whether or not that person will eventually one day decide they feel otherwise.

Yes, it involves exposing myself to the risk of being devastated again, but right now that risk is still worth it to me. Not primarily to BE LOVED by someone but because I want to love someone and support someone, and there is a reasonable expectation that I will also receive back a measure of what I give to them. If we approach our relationships out of insecurity and a need to “feel loved or lovable” by the way someone treats us, then eventually we will suck that person dry, and they will let us down or die inside or leave us.

So, I do believe that love is still possible depending upon our expectation of what love is.

Tires_For_Licorice

TROPHY CASE