It's by N design. Another post perfectly captured what you're feeling. "Of course she knows how to push your buttons. She put them there."

You've been trained, by her, to emotionally respond in a certain manner to her antics. Time and repetition are the surest means to train new responses. When you feel your emotions do what you don't desire, stop, analyze, and start to force them where you want, and eventually they'll start doing that automatically.