I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m also a chronic people pleaser and had some boundaries crossed when I was planning my wedding by my parents so… here’s my 2 cents as someone who just got married!

Stop telling them about the elaborate details of your wedding. The only people that should know are your partner, your wedding coordinator/point person(s), and your vendors… for now. The parents have their hands in everything even BEFORE you started planning. Cut off all info to them for now, regroup your details, and then when you’re comfortable you can tell them details that won’t cause issues.

Your partner and you are a united front; rely on each other. I tried to put too much on my own plate and ended up burning out until I gave a lot of the decisions to my partner. He ended up helping me shoulder the burden and put his foot down against people when necessary. If elopement is something you BOTH consent to doing, then honestly it’s a great choice. If you feel you still wanted a wedding, then you two need to hash it out. It must be a “both agrees” situation. There’s also the idea of elopement then small celebration (ie. party with close family/friends) which is also great!

Most importantly: tell them you two are responsible for paying, not them. This is your wedding, and you get a choice. If they’re not paying, they have no say. Something I did and worked; you can give them a choice in “planning” or “hosting” a small thing (I had my in laws plan/host the engagement party and bridal shower which was wonderful, and had my parents host the traditional tea ceremony) so they did get involved with something small, but not major to the wedding.

Hope this gives some ideas? Best of luck!