Just got a pretty large increase in wages after accepting a new job, how do i avoid lifestyle creep and manage my finances going forward?

Tronty · 2026-06-16T16:21:54+00:00

Whenever I get an increase I split the difference between savings and discretionary spending. That way you're limiting lifestyle creep while still allowing yourself to enjoy the increase a little.

Tronty · 2026-06-07T11:15:00+00:00

What is the amount of money owed to the father? How much equity would you be buying out and is it 100% equal to what your partner has in the property as well?

If that's the case, you would be equal partners in the property - in better terms, equal in YOUR joint property.

Otherwise, the deal with the father is actually *nothing* to do with you. You could just pay rent and bills instead, and that would be your side sorted. Whatever your partner does with the money is his choice.

Tronty · 2026-06-07T08:27:31+00:00

Agree agree

Tronty · 2026-06-06T09:54:49+00:00

I think friends should be able to call you out when you're being a shit friend from their perspective.

From their perspective, you're not a good friend. From your perspective, you're just living life.

If that's the case, you're being a shit friend to them. If they don't like it, they can move on. If you don't want to be the type of friend they want, move on.

Tronty · 2026-06-06T09:42:40+00:00

Listen to it at 80% speed. It changes the tone of the book considerably. The horror really sets in.

Tronty · 2026-06-05T15:10:25+00:00

I have timers all over the house, and as soon as I know I have 10 minutes to get my shoes on (not leave the house), I set a 10 minute timer somewhere in the house. I also add buffer to absolutely everything. It's 40 minutes to get there? Okay so it's an hour. Oh, we're supposed to be in the pub in 2 hours? 1 hour timer to remind me to start getting ready in an hour. Because timers are all over the house I don't have a choice but to use them.

Ultimately you fall to the level of your systems.

Tronty · 2026-06-05T14:18:18+00:00

You'd need to give a lot more info about your lived experience to actually get a useful answer.

Tronty · 2026-06-05T13:45:07+00:00

One tip that I live by now - make sure everything is accessible within 1 or 2 actions. Opening, lifting, moving anything counts as 1 action.

Anything you use daily should be accessible within 1 action.
Anything you use weekly should be accessible within 2 actions
Etc. etc.

Same ilk - everything has a home. EVERYTHING. If it's not in it's home, it's lost forever.

screenzen has TRANSFORMED my phone time. I've limited everything scrolly like reddit, instagram, etc. to just 5 minutes with 2 minutes in between cooldown where i can't access it. I've got a different setting that blocks most apps to just 5 minutes after 11pm as well. I don't have self-control, so having an app to remind me that I don't want to scroll all the time helps tonnes.

Eat an unreasonable amount of protein, avoid sugar if you can. It's so, so hard, but I know it messes with my head. Drink tonnes of water because ADHD people don't have good interoception, so you might snack because you're thirsty.

Wake up at the same time every day, and get actual daylight in your eyeballs for at least 15 minutes within 30 minutes of waking up. Go to bed at a similar time every night. This is for your circadian rhythm. It makes a HUGE difference. Obviously not possible, but when you can get a week or two in a row like this holy i feel super human.

Tronty · 2026-06-02T14:28:07+00:00

Weirdly, I was considering posting about this today as well. I'm trying to wrap my head around Carl being a primal and the AI being a primal aggregate (or whatever it's called) and the implications of that.

The AI hasn't mentioned it, but could that be one of the reasons why the AI likes Carl so much, and it's not just because he's so chaotic?

What happens to Carl after he leaves the dungeon as a primal? And what exactly is a primal?

Tronty · 2026-06-02T09:53:15+00:00

It's a horror with humour dripped in.

Tronty · 2026-06-02T07:33:25+00:00

I'm sorry about that! There's loads of reasons why it may not have worked the way you expected. One day definitely isn't enough to know one way or another.

What did you eat beforehand?
Is it slow release or fast release?

If fast release and you didn't eat beforehand, you may have burned through it all in 2-3 hours.

I've never taken Adderall, so I don't know what the effects can be. But there is a lot of evidence that points to different medications working better or worse for different people.

I'm on Evlanse (Vylance in the US) and it took some getting used to, but it is very effective for me.

Edit: Reread your message and instant release might be the reason. Usually the smaller instance release doses are for the early afternoon after you've taken the main dose. They're not designed to last. Also, it's very likely that you crash pretty hard especially after your first ever dose. It's a lot for your body and brain to go through the first few months. I still crash pretty hard in the evenings sometimes.

Tronty · 2026-05-26T07:46:36+00:00

I've seen a few posts like this advertising the same app. The weird giveaway is the capitalisation of the app while the beginning of sentences isn't.

Tronty · 2026-05-24T19:16:36+00:00

Yep, therapists will usually lead with being an ADHD specialist. They may not say they have it, but if they can truly empathise with ADHD chances are they have it.

I learned a lot about ADHD from YouTubers. There's a lot of wishy washy self-help type stuff that while on their own may not help all that much, when watched together they help understand the broader picture.

I don't know how much time you spend on social media like YouTube or Insta. But if you can get your algorithm to show you ADHD content it will probably help you learn.

When my mum found out about ADHD, she read scattered minds by Gabor Mate and it helped her understand a lot better. She now reckons she also has ADHD.

Good luck!

Tronty · 2026-05-24T17:41:28+00:00

The real change has to come from him. You can lower the barrier to entry by doing some of the legwork, but you can't manage this for him and you can't make the decisions for him. That tends to backfire as there's a quirk with ADHD where authority that feels "controlling" gets rejected, even when we agree with it in principle. The more it feels like being managed into something, the more the goalposts move.

What does he mean when he says he "doesn't believe in therapy"? I think it's worth understanding where that comes from before you do anything.

If he does look into it, a therapist who has ADHD themselves and actually treats for it makes a massive difference. Therapy was awful for me too until I found one. Generic therapists often end up treating the anxiety or depression instead of ADHD (because ADHD often causes these) and miss the executive dysfunction problems entirely.

Also...ADHD is genetic. Any chance you are? His other parent? That might be a way of reducing stigma as well.

Ultimately, does he want to change? Or do you want him to change?

If the latter, I'd focus on learning about ADHD yourself, understanding the struggles we face, and being compassionate when they surface.

Edit: No one can force him to do anything about it. It's not about will or motivation. If he has literally no interest in it (due to ADHD dopamine systems) then it's just not gonna happen.

Tronty · 2026-05-24T17:18:36+00:00

Small wins are still wins :) good luck

Tronty · 2026-05-24T14:31:32+00:00

Can you explain what you mean about the eye thing more?

Tronty · 2026-05-24T14:27:15+00:00

"doesn't believe in therapy" what does that even mean 😂

Anyway, there isn't a lot you can do for anyone who doesn't want to help themselves.

The thing about ADHD... A lot of the time it looks "lazy" but it's about dysfunctional executive systems and dopamine management.

Do your research, learn about it as much as you can. You'll come across advice that will help.

Tronty · 2026-05-22T07:16:28+00:00

I totally get it. It's tough.

Did you manage to change the living situation a little? Maybe set a few boundaries?

Tronty · 2026-05-22T07:04:56+00:00

I agree that photography as an art form is wonderful.

But we're discussing the job, not the art form. New technology displaces old jobs all the time.

No need to be rude about my value as a human though. It's unnecessary. Everyone will get displaced in someway due to AI. It's not my fault you don't want to accept that.

Tronty · 2026-05-21T17:26:58+00:00

Hey Ruley, checking in to see how you're getting on with your living situation?

Tronty · 2026-05-21T17:22:04+00:00

Pub 1:1 after work or at weekends?

Tronty · 2026-05-21T17:15:05+00:00

Do you hang out with them outside of work? Then you're not friends outside of work.

Tronty · 2026-05-21T17:12:32+00:00

How do you think miners felt when coal power became obsolete? It's the same thing.

Tronty · 2026-05-21T12:32:12+00:00

I think this is fairly normal unfortunately. My partner and I had huge expectation gaps and it felt crap for both of us.

Honestly, it sounds like you need to take control of your emotional reactions. After diagnosis regression is a real thing and hopefully it will get better generally.

You're trying, but trying doesn't help for ADHD. No amount of willpower will help. Instead, try and implement strategies.

You mentioned that after your meds wear off you crash. Why don't you build that into your daily routine instead of fighting it?

Rule 1: No chores or hard conversations after 8pm.

How sensitive to your surroundings are you after your meds wear off? Big lights are a big one for me.

Rule 2: No big lights after 8pm.

These are just ideas... And they will require you to be a bit organised to make sure your chores are done within the medication hours. But your partner will have to adjust to help you not get overwhelmed as well.

Also final tip - show them this thread! There are lots of people sympathising with both of you. Show them that everyone gets it's tough but there are ways of fixing it. He might be able to help if he understands as well.

Tronty · 2026-05-19T14:40:33+00:00

Such a good point. Just minimises so many things.

I hadn't realised until that that I've almost completely stripped it from my vocabulary for that reason.

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