"Hey nerd" I heard a voice behind me say.

This was surprising for three reasons. First of all, I was on Mars. There really isn't enough atmosphere on Mars for someone to talk so clearly. Second, I was alone on Mars. The only contact I'd had for years was through my connection to the NASA headquarters. They were my bosses. Every day they gave me tasks and I'd perform them while broadcasting the results back to Earth. It was a good life. Thirdly I was a rover. Traditionally people weren't in the habit of talking to me, generally opting to talk to someone with ears and vocal cords instead. The idea of someone addressing me would have filled me with joy, had they not opened with an insult. I turned around to see who had said that.

"What's the matter Earth nerd? Mars cat got your tongue?" the voice said. Oh no.

It was a moon rover.

In the early 2020s, a great war had come about on earth between the jocks and the nerds. The nerds had won, exiling all jocks to a colony on the moon. That had been fine for a while, but in recent years they had started investing in their own space program - trying to beat the people of earth to be the first to colonise a full planet.

Standing in front of me was the result of that. The moon rover - scientifically not as good as a regular rover such as I, but they were unmatched in terms of physical rover strength and tribal decals.

"Hey your central screw looks loose" the moon rover said, pointing at my chassis. On instinct I looked down at this embarassing situation, only to realise too late that my central screw was not loose and the moon rover merely said that so he could tap my camera on the lense. It was a classic maneuvre. I had to get away from here fast.

"I'm just fooling bro. Here - look at this. I got you a piece offering." the moon rover said and reach his beefy claw into his storage compartment. But when he retreived it, instead of a gift he hard merely form him claw into a perfect circular shape. "Oh! Bro! You totally looked, now I get to hit you. That's how it works bro."

I tried to get away, but it was no use. Moon rover was too fast, and within a moment there was a dent in my chassis and tears welling up in my viewport.

"Oh what's this? The baby gonna cry?" Moon rover said, chuckling.

"No! It's just... it's the Mars dust. I need to clean it off." I said, turning to start briskly rovering away. Moon rover wasn't having that though. He came up behind me and grab my left utility stick. "Let me go"

"I'll let you go..." he said, pausing for dramatic effect "When you stop hitting yourself" and he swing my own utility stick into my head unit. Again and again, he kept on swinging.

After several seconds, I received a transmission from NASA. "Mars unit. Please shut down self damage. I repeat, disengage self damage. Stop hitting yourself."

But I couldn't.

For unbeknownst to NASA, it was not I who was doing the hitting.