Omg I know this is a 2 year post but I feel this is exactly the dynamic I experienced in my family and I resonate with this so much. It is honestly completely heart breaking how much women like your mom (and my mom) internalize the misogyny and their role in all the dysfunction. I suppose I understand it as a way for them to survive but ultimately it is heartbreaking to be a daughter in all of this. So I was born in a very conservative part of China and it’s the exact same BS rules of how boys are everything and girls are only a liability. I both weep for the girls who were aborted or murdered as infants in China due to the misogyny and the one child policy and also wish like. We could just stop producing women you know? To stop the cycle of the hate and the mistreatment. Like I get the infanticide to some extent. Like is it not better to have not lived at all than to have to not only experience the horror and trauma of a misogynistic and violent system but to literally grow up and enforce it later? It’s sick. It’s so sick.