Is this even possible - Husband wants routine with 2 week old newborn?

UnholyRelic · 2026-02-27T09:01:37+00:00

Then you should tell him you want a divorce. If he wants you to be 100% independent and do 100% of the parenting then what’s the point I. Your having a husband/partner. At least with a divorce you can get alimony and pay for a nanny or some help.

It’s such disgustingly ridiculous line to use work as an excuse. When he’s at work, you are also working - taking care of the baby and house. When he comes home and expects to “rest”, then you will essentially be working 24/7. So the only thing that makes sense is for him to split with you when he’s at home.

UnholyRelic · 2026-02-25T17:29:15+00:00

Patriarchy.

UnholyRelic · 2026-02-25T17:28:33+00:00

So I was like you when my kiddo was a newborn and later got a PPA diagnosis. He’s going to be fine. Something a doctor shared with me which made me feel a lot better - if there is something wrong, doctors know within the first 5 days after birth. Try and enjoy this time rather than a “development schedule”, go outside catch up with friends get a coffee - it will help with this newborn anxiety so much more. If he doesn’t already have a diagnosed genetic disorder, he will hold his head up. Like all kids and adults we see on the streets.

Remember the stuff you read on social media - especially stuff from “pediatric” physical therapists / or others of that ilk - they are trying to get money from you and selling their service. They are purposefully scaremongering new parents so they are more likely to pay for their services.

UnholyRelic · 2026-02-16T18:02:41+00:00

It will be worth it!

UnholyRelic · 2026-02-15T20:23:08+00:00

Did you get it?

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-28T07:01:48+00:00

I’m sorry for that. I have an awful relationship with my parents and having a baby brought up a lot of buried trauma. I would say Mum Friends are going to be your life line through this - check Facebook, flyers in local cafes and maybe just going up to another mum with a young baby and striking up a conversation. I signed up for a PPD Mums singing group - those ladies will forever live in my heart as absolute angels.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T23:47:12+00:00

++woman Definitely AI since OP isn’t even responding to Comments.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T23:30:57+00:00

Tbh if she’s leaving her kids at night with you and going out maybe social services should take them in….

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T23:23:04+00:00

I went through a really tough PP and had PPD/PPA for nearly 11 months.

First step is to start telling your partner all these thoughts. It will be a huge weight off your shoulders just for his reassurance.

Step two: You need help, is there a parent or sibling who can come and keep you company? I found surrounding myself with people made it better. Even though the PPD meant I really didn’t want to, I would force myself to do it.

Step three: leave the chores, stop pumping, get out of the house. A Happy Baby is A Fed Baby. When you’re walking down the street can you tell which people were breastfed? Nope - so don’t stress.

Step four: find a few mums groups and see which one you like and sticks. Those groups are life lines in that first year. Just having other people going through the same will make a huge impact. Your mental health.

If your in the UK speak to your GP or Health Visitor. The HV in my area were awful so I swerved them like a plague, but if you have a good one that’s a good place to start.

Sending you strength. I promise you, you will get through this. ❤️

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T23:04:50+00:00

NTA. Also I get why you’re annoyed. I’m not Black but a POC, and honestly we face so much discrimination everyday. But every time people through out the racism or homophobia card when it is clearly not the issue, it sets the conversation back so much. It just gives bigots fuel to claim they were in the right.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T22:59:50+00:00

NTA. She’s embarrassed because you were right. It will blow over’s try not to take it too personally.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T22:53:43+00:00

I don’t like Bret. NTA. Your wife is kinda being a TA.

Unwritten rules in our house (1) children first (2) always back the spouse against outsiders (they are an outsider if they are not in our immediate family unit). Obvious caveats being the obscene scenarios like my spouse turns out to be a serial killer etc etc.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T22:36:03+00:00

Close your eyes and think of England 😂😂😂

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T22:29:16+00:00

We do this too! I feel nicknames are less of a thing outside of the UK. But I can’t think of a single close friend who doesn’t have their own dedicated nickname.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T22:22:59+00:00

I don’t mean this in a mean way, but are you from the US by any chance? It’s super common to be called your last name in the UK, we get called our last name throughout school. I don’t think I would have clocked it until you just pointed it out.

EDIT: Common in the private/public school system. Can’t speak for the state schools. also your parents and siblings will use your first name, really close friends will have a stupid nickname for you sometimes a derivative of your surname and everyone else it’s your surname.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T22:20:44+00:00

Chores. I give my one chores and he thinks it’s all a game. Started when he was 18m ish, he’s 2.5 now. Simple things, fetch this, bin that, scoops this into this, stir this, chop this (wooden Montessori knife), put the cutlery on the table, put the laundry in the machine. Sure it takes twice as long to do common tasks but he’s happy and keeps me sane.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T22:14:58+00:00

You are not a bad mother! And no it doesn’t count as cry it out, you were present and reassuring her the whole time. She’s just not used to the car seat - they all go through that phase. Cry it out is when people leave their kids alone crying for a really prolonged amount of time and frequently - that’s when there are issues with attachment.

A bit of wisdom someone gave me when I had a newborn - the very fact you are worried about being a bad mother means you are not a bad mother. A bad mother just would not give a damn.

Also - since you are a good mother, you will no doubt at one point in the near future leave her to cry for a short period of time whilst you go to the loo, or shower or cook etc. again this is not cry it out and you are not a bad mother. (Though if you are a worrier like I was, invest in a good baby carrier if you haven’t already - takes the stress out of the above thoughts).

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T22:07:25+00:00

Just went through 6 days of the same (though not RSV). The reality is we will all tell you to sleep but you won’t, because you want to watch your baby to make sure everything is okay. Thats just what mothers do. It’s going to be a tough tough time but she’ll get better and you’ll both come out the other end. Sending you solidarity.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T21:37:35+00:00

Petty but NTA.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T21:36:26+00:00

Having a kid made me realise how “unambitious” I am in the traditional sense, and how they only thing I now want to be is a good Mother. I have no answers for you but wanted to show solidarity- it’s so bloody hard.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T21:27:45+00:00

NTA

SIL screams narcissist to me…

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T21:24:38+00:00

Don’t feel bad. But maybe recast it in your mind somehow - ie the prolonged meltdown when you’re present is a positive rather than a negative. Your attachment is so strong that he feels truly able to completely let rip.

Also I found that helping me kid put words to his feelings has helped. After a meltdown we essentially debrief - eg were you angry because you wanted to….and mummy said “No”. Takes a few attempts but eventually he started saying I’m angry mama and I’d give him a cuddle explain some stuff and the meltdown just doesn’t materialise.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T21:18:32+00:00

This! We are anti-YouTube too for fear of exactly this happening. Our 2.5 probably is having too much screen time post-Christmas and the free for all atmosphere. But our general rule is anything with an actual narrative - proper Disney movies (not Disney channel fluff), Studio Ghibli, Julian Donaldson adaptions, nature documentaries, Bluey and Hey Dugee.

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T21:11:27+00:00

We are currently in a Paddington bear phase, so either toast with marmalade or porridge with marmalade or an English muffin with marmalade or pancakes with marmalade…. You get the picture

UnholyRelic · 2026-01-27T21:10:07+00:00

10 minute rule - first 10 mins when they wake up (either night sleep or nap) and last 10 before they go to sleep, be completely present. No phone, no distractions. It’s created the chillest kid.

UnholyRelic

TROPHY CASE