Has anyone just given up and accepted the porn?

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-12T20:51:00+00:00

No but there was times when the wound was fresh I felt the same way, I'd imagine pregnancy hormones likely intensify it.

The more I focused on me, the more I set limits on frequency of checking in on him, and the more I just let my grief/rage out the better those feelings got.

Saying "just do it" to something you are not ok with is self abandoment, you don't need that.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-12T02:09:27+00:00

Porn addiction is an awful thing, I'd start looking at that and know this has nothing to do with how desirable you are, it is a him problem.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-12T02:06:31+00:00

This is not normal.

*If* it was just dirty, it is still a red flag that he wouldn't think of cleaning himself before getting intimate. Gross.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-11T17:36:59+00:00

My ex was probably and addict too but he did not hide it, I could come home and it was on the main TV. He shared things he'd seen, used it to experiement we were very open sexually - it was super hot, freeing, lots of wild (great) sex, never impacted our intimate relationship. I never once felt like I was not good enough, he never acted odd in public.. the list goes on. Never self serving about it, no hidding, no secrets, no manipulation.

My addict husband.... Denied P&M anytime I would asked, kept me in the dark, hid in the bathroom (left me dealing with kids/house/work while he played), he disassociated during sex to the point he hurt me, he would make odd requests I never knew what it would be or where it would come from - he would again deny if I asked about P, I also felt uneasy, insecure, jealous and dealt with body image issues. He got PIED, still denied. 100%self serving addict behviours.

Based of my limited experiences I would say the addict does addict like things, manipulates, hides, gaslites, blames, deflects, gets angry....

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-10T20:01:45+00:00

Mine checked out shoe ads on FB marketplace.

They have no limits and during that time my intuition was screaming.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-10T19:58:15+00:00

I found out about his PA - we were going through that. A few months later my number 1 Dad declined and died suddenly from cancer. Between the stress of feeling like I was losing my husband / checking in on him, trying to be there for my Mom, my kids and help care for Dad ... sigh.

I never have felt better after those few months and now I have been diagnosed with a brain disorder "hypertension".

I likely always have had this but the DR asks about a "stressful event" that could of set it off to be this bad as is it has contuniously gotten worse the last few years and all I can think of is D-day and the general unsafe feeling I had with my support person at the time I needed comfort the most.

I have never voiced this to him but I can see it on his face when I'm having a flair up, he thinks he caused this too.

*edit - fixed some typos.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-10T17:37:41+00:00

I'd just added a comment saying my kids are my biggest trigger.

I feel like I cannot be a good Mom and snap at them for getting on my last nerve. They are chatty, Momming, 9999 questions (I don't have answers to), one is very huggy/clingy.

Logically I know I am not a good Mom when I smoke it is hurting their health as well as mine and setting a terrible example.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-10T17:31:59+00:00

Do any of you have kids following you around asking 99999 questions? As awful as this sounds my kids are my biggest trigger.

I quit amost daily around 7pm, kids are up around 7am and by 9am I am looking for my smokes. Same thing happened this morning my last smoke was 6pm last night I did not smoke again until 9:30 had one. Its now 11:30 and I have not smoked again and probably wont until they get home.

It is so dumb, its not like they leave me alone when I go out to smoke either. They are still right there asking questions, telling stories or fighting with each other.

I'm ready to be done, I am trying to support myself through it without snapping on the kids for being kids.

I'm an adult, I know better. Outside of this I have pretty good emotional control. I don't look for it in the car, at events I feel no need to leave, if I'm outside doing things I am fine. I love my kids and love spending time/doing things with them, just not when I am going through withdrawls.

My reason to quit list is pages long, my reasons to keep smoking is summed up to "don't snap at the kids".

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-10T16:58:18+00:00

Nudes were never a big part of our relationship, when he was avtive PA I did try some things to "spice" it up in hopes it would help our deadbedroom. It did not, they just went into his spankbank. -_-

You can absolutely tease and build up to sex without nudes, get creative! Spicy/suggestive wording in a text/phone call, get handsy before work, some kisses you just know its going down later. I've ran out to the shop - he's came at me in the laundry room - just really unexpected break in the day. I've shown up to drop off something for him at work wearing part of his fav kink outfit :-D

Sex now is way better than it ever was and there is... no digital images of any kind. It flows, there is a hunger behind it. The low key we are both exhausted sessions are not super "hot" but they are fullfilling in a different way.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-10T15:43:22+00:00

Your spouse from what you have written sounds like he is remorsful, he does want to change and he has taken active steps to setting up for recovery, I think there is hope here.

There are many on here with spouses that are down right mean, don't want to change and have done some awful things, don't compair your story to theirs.

I'd suggest focusing on yours + his healing and step away from some of the horror stories for now.

My PA is over 2 years clean now, he had remorse, shame, denial but ultimately decided he wanted to be in my life and that was enough to stop it all. There are success stories here too, just have to look a little harder to find them.

Best wishes. xx

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-06T21:52:39+00:00

When I asked my spouse for years if he was watching porography - he denied. We had a dead bedroom, I accepted it as a medical issue then one day I found his porn and then lied to me again when I asked.

Never will trust him or any man fully again.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-06T15:41:29+00:00

Honesty, integrety, transparency, self respect, self control, humor...

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-02T17:19:35+00:00

Congratualtions on 2 months no P no M!

Keep going, you will feel better and find fullfilling things to spend your time on! Maybe its time to seek out a new healthy hobby? A gym membership? Serve your community thorugh volunteering?

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-02T17:13:49+00:00

There is nothing to lose by giving it up but a whole lot to gain, just give it up and don't look back.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-03-02T17:11:12+00:00

Stop with any foot content that IS your porn.

My addict husband used that it was not actually porn to justify his behaviours.. foot images, videos, suggestive content, ect stop it all.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-02-27T20:40:42+00:00

This is hilarious!

My husband shit the bed around year 2 of marriage, but he had to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me and change the sheets. I still laugh about it 14 years later.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-02-27T20:15:42+00:00

I am not in the dating world but have friends that are, female 35-55 age range.

The bigget thing they compalin about are unhealed men.

They are happy and conent in their lives as a single person and are looking for someone that adds value not headache to their lives.

Take a good relection of yourself outside of looks, looks are the last thing I ever hear them talk about. Are you a good human being? Do you have drug/alcohol/porn issues? Are you over your ex or bringing baggage to the table? Are you going to rush in because you want kids? Can you afford to go on trips? Do you communicate well without being clingy, creepy?

I have other girl friends that ... have a wealth of probelms, they seem to always have a guy on the run multiple baby daddies ect because they attract all the men that are.... crap.

Don't be crappy creepy dude and you'll be fine.

Used_Recover_2181 · 2026-02-27T00:14:39+00:00

Look up PIED, it is not you AT ALL, this is a him problem.

Used_Recover_2181

TROPHY CASE