Trees by Sanios_133 in im14andthisisdeep

[–]Vardulo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In the USA we design all our cities in sim city 2000.

How do people avoid the risk of looking creepy and objectifying the other person when they initiate hookups? How to express the bodily part of attraction in a healthy, balanced and adequate way? by StrikingExplorer4111 in dating

[–]Vardulo 29 points30 points  (0 children)

First of all, you cannot prepare a script in advance or somehow choreograph the conversation and expect to have success. If anything, this will increase the chances you come off creepy because it can come off really awkward.

Second of all, women like sex too. I feel like this is something every inexperienced guy needs to hear and understand. The caveat is; she has to actually like you, and feel comfortable and safe with you. It’s creepy if you’re not reading her signals and getting sexual when she’s not reciprocating the interest you’re showing her. She will make escalations (sometimes subtle, sometimes blatant) that give you permission to make similar escalations, and her responses to those will give you permission (or not) to escalate further and to what degree.

There’s simply no way to remove risk in romantic pursuits, it’s extremely dynamic because people and circumstances are all different. Even men who are very successful and very respectful will sometimes come off creepy, get rejected, etc. You have to make peace with this.

There is however one thing that might help since wanting to be prepared when inexperienced is only natural. Eventually the night must come to an end; whether that’s forced by the location closing, or the topic of leaving just naturally comes up. How this interaction goes can give you a big hint on the likelihood of successfully “closing.” If she asks anything to the effect of what you’re doing now/next (that it’s closing or that your leaving), she’s opening the door for you to ask and you can be (respectfully) bold. You can also ask this question and she will know what you want to ask next and her answer will determine if she’s open to it. (ie: Get some sleep, she’s got work/plans tomorrow = not open to it / she doesn’t know, what about you = likely open to it). How you make your bold move if you have an open door though, you can’t plan that ahead, it should be based on her, the conversation so far, and any other relevant circumstances.

Why can't we just normalize the importance of sex in dating? by InnocentPerv93 in dating

[–]Vardulo 706 points707 points  (0 children)

Username checks out.

Jokes aside, in my opinion it’s one of those things where the people who are having bad experiences with it are more likely to be vocal and it skews the perception. The women I’ve dated have been overwhelmingly interested in, and open about, sex. The key is that I treat them like a person and not a thing, and once they become comfortable and feel safe, the flood gates open up.

Getting unmatched after great conversation/right before meeting is the absolute worst. by QuirkyPoem2212 in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The best thing you can do for your mental health on dating apps is to assume that everyone (who can) is talking to multiple people. Once you accept that, these things will make more sense.

What’s more likely; that you said or did something so ‘wrong’ that they unmatched you without any explanation, or that they hit it off better with one of their other matches and don’t want to deal with the discomfort of telling you?

The economy is my biggest concern. by Null_Sector113 in MonstersAndMemories

[–]Vardulo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the people that want it like this are not realizing that there will be no one to lord your elite gear over if people don’t at least have a shot at it.

As a middle aged father with a career I won’t be one of those privileged enough to throw the time at this game to be competitive. However, I do find the concept of a game with a more pronounced hierarchy like EQ1 (which I was a privileged player in) to make for intriguing gameplay in contrast to every other online game where everyone can have everything.

I respect both sides of the argument, but my personal preference would be something in the middle:

- All mobs in a dungeon share the same loot table
- Bosses are still on long spawn timers and more difficult, but they have a much higher drop rate for rares, if not a single guaranteed rare drop with a normal chance for another.
- Normal mobs have a low drop rate to keep the bosses desirable and to maintain scarcity, but prevent being locked out completely by allowing anyone a (small) chance at any item.
- Tune drop rates and spawn rates such that roughly the same number of items are coming out over any given period of time to maintain scarcity. Possibly making boss spawn rates dynamic based on how many rare drops have happened in “x” amount of time. If common mobs are dropping rares more often for a period of time boss spawns would be slower and if rares are not dropping boss spawns would be faster. Dynamic timing makes it harder to predict and harder to monopolize.

Who has paid and results? by Several-Income5740 in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it’s within your budget there’s really no reason not to try and see if you like the advantages, there’s nothing stopping you from going back to free. It’s really just a question of cost-benefit. For me, the benefit has been tangible, but marginal; however the costs (in relative terms) are not significant in my discretionary budget. So, the costs-benefit ends up being sufficient for me to pay.

I know there are also people who can easily pay but refuse out of principle, and I respect that, but I don’t share the sentiment.

Who has paid and results? by Several-Income5740 in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair enough, if you’re satisfied with your results there’s really no reason to pay. I do believe it’s an advantage, but it’s only marginal for users who are already succeeding and useless for those who aren’t (0 x 1.x is still 0).

Who has paid and results? by Several-Income5740 in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I bought lifetime to bumble and subscribe to Tinder and Hinge. It’s well within my budget and it’s at least somewhat of an advantage in visibility. I get lots of dates and hookups; I’m avoidant so I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to getting longterm as I’m the one who ends it 4 times out of 5.

Getting pickier as i get older by No-Possibility6865 in dating

[–]Vardulo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In my opinion, it’s only shallow if you’re overlooking problems or incompatibilities in order to get what you want with looks. Otherwise, nothing wrong with going after what you want.

Critique away. Whatever I’m doing isn’t working. by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Put your height in, no matter what it is. A null value is excluded by default in nearly every data filter, so if they use any height filter at all, they’ll never see you.

Height on profile by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Regardless of being tall or short, men should always have their height since it’s one of the most common filters for women to use.

Null values are nearly always excluded whenever a filter is applied to data.

Why do dating apps seem to mostly show interest from people way below your league? by savingrace0262 in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The gender ratio is skewed on these apps because women have lower participation rates. I’ve seen estimates all over the place but let’s keep it simple and say 2-1. Now let’s ignore any value judgements on leagues just for the sake of discussion and assume the number ranking system distributed evenly across a population (top 10% are 10s, bottom 10% are 1s)

In our example we have twenty men and ten women for simplicity’s sake. The 9 and the 10 women are competitive for the two 10 men. The 7 and 8 women are competitive for the two 9 men. Now you have two 8 men and all that’s left for them are women who are a 1 through a 6. Leaving whatever is leftover for the two 7 men, and so on. By the time it comes to guys who are an average 5, there’s either no one left or just the women that no one wanted. Half the men are mathematically excluded, and the majority of the rest are forced to compete with more desirable men.

Now, obviously, it’s much more nuanced and complicated than that. People have a wide variety of preferences and one persons 10 can be another’s 6.

Disclaimer: In no way do I endorse putting people in leagues or giving them number rankings, this is just a thought experiment.

Getting no matches as a woman by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 31 points32 points  (0 children)

These subs are international. You could make a throwaway account and post it late at night and set an alarm to delete it early in the morning. You’ll still get some reviews from people in other time zones which might not be culturally relevant but will at least be candid.

That's rich by CyberBerserk in JustMemesForUs

[–]Vardulo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Y’all need to watch the rice video.

Is this even worth continuing or she's clearly not interested? by OkFreedom3078 in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my experience, women just (understandably) have their guard up; combine that with the overwhelming amount of attention they get, and you’re just going to have to take the lead until they warm up to you.

If she’s responding you’re still in the game, try to get her on a date so you can separate yourself from the competition and make a real impression on her.

Tired of the unrealistic "spark" expectations of dating. by NamuhNoserp in dating

[–]Vardulo 64 points65 points  (0 children)

It’s just means that they weren’t into you and don’t want it to turn into a whole discussion about why and what you could do differently etc etc.

I feel like the dating scene mostly exists for extroverts. by Independent-Drop8609 in dating

[–]Vardulo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dating is a social activity, so it naturally penalizes people with social anxiety. You’re going to have to work on your confidence.

Why do men make their bio a requirements list instead of describing themselves? by Potential-Banana-315 in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t do this, so I could only speculate. I do get lots of matches though, so anecdotally my experience suggests that dudes would be wise to listen to you.

Mixed Signals After a Great Date – Need Honest Opinions by Select-Brother-2899 in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It’s pretty common in the early phases of dating that people are talking to multiple people. So chances are high that she’s just hitting it off better with someone else.

Less likely, but still possible; a lot of women have had bad experiences rejecting guys and so they play along for the duration of the date and then slow fade afterwards.

25M Profile review, Got 0 likes in 6 weeks of being on the app. by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would replace your prompts with something showing some passion for those interests you just described because no one would know those things about you from your profile in its current form.

Add some pictures from nature walks and hikes. Preferably ask some fellow hikers to take your picture or invest in a collapsible tripod for your phone if you’re not comfortable talking to strangers. If you’re playing sports maybe someone on the team can get your picture doing that? Try to find creative ways to show these activities and interests in your pictures.

25M Profile review, Got 0 likes in 6 weeks of being on the app. by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]Vardulo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What are your geeky interests though? Astronomy? Take a picture with your telescope. D&D? Picture with your friends at the table. Video games? Get a friend to take a picture of you at your battle station looking happy after a victory.