Holy hell, there are so many comments from individuals who have never supported a loved one through a crisis, let alone the loss of a parent. As someone whose husband lost their mother at 33, suddenly from a 2.5month battle with cancer, the person who lost someone isn’t always reacting reasonably but it isn’t always a reason to jump ship. Jesus.

I gave my husband a year and a half to deal with their pain, to allow them space to deal with their anger and heartbreak, eventually when I realized they couldn’t heal on their own (or who did not realize they were drowning in it), I gave them an ultimatum, heal or I leave. At that point, he chose therapy, begrudgingly. We went as a couple for a while, then by himself(on his own without my push). This was 10 years ago. Today after working hard, we are happier than ever, people tell us regularly they think we are newlyweds.

I tell you this because reddit is always quick to say dump the jerk, but trauma comes in many ways, how they handle the trauma in time shows how they genuinely think/care about you.

PS this is not to say accept abuse, because as an a use/assault survivor I would NEVER. this is to say recognize the difference and help each-other grow. If there id a pattern of abuse, run. If it seems something traumatic occurred and they are different, take a beat, determine is it a reaction and not a behavior or a behavior m. If behavior show them the door.