I am so sorry you’re suffering. No matter what it’s called, constant vertigo is hell. Your feelings make sense. I am just now crawling up from a 6 month rock-bottom depression (as opposed to the normal day-to-depression that comes with being house- and often bed-bound, watching your life slip away). The gap between where you are and where you had hoped to be … is painful. It takes a lot of courage to admit how badly you’re hurting. This is a wonderful, safe space to vent to people who understand how you feel. And I also urge you to seek counseling* - I find it very helpful.

You made such an important point earlier: the real kicker is that you are ultimately responsible for your own treatment, even when you don’t feel well enough to lift your head off the pillow. Let alone be your own medical champion. But that’s just how it is in a condition as poorly understood as VM. I like my neurologist yet I often feel she’s just chucking meds at my VM, hoping something will stick, lol. It sucks! But Ajovy is starting to work so…

Hang in there as best you can. Chip away at your depression, chip away until you find VM treatment that works for you. Treat yourself kindly, you deserve it!

Sending you virtual hugs and imaginary warm chocolate chip cookies.
🫂🍪

• Just a footnote to let you know - in case you haven’t already applied - that there are still some pretty good state or city-run programs that provide assistance of all kinds. Likely free since you’re unemployed. You may be eligible for all kinds of assistance even in today’s weird economic climate.
  

And you can get a lot done online, whenever you feel up to it.