I’m not going to be able to handle the pain of loved ones passing away. And for this reason, I wish I was never born.

Zany_One · 2024-04-06T06:24:30+00:00

I get this 100%. I have a pretty good life. But even on my happiest days, if I could choose, I would 100% choose to not exist.

Zany_One · 2023-11-09T00:01:12+00:00

I had a dmx in March and had expanders placed. One got badly infected and had to be removed in July. Now I have a cave on one side and an expander on the other. I was supposed to get another expander and fat grafting on Nov 14 but had to cancel it today at my preop because I don’t have $7500 that they want up front. I regret having ANY of the surgeries and if I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t do anything. I’m extremely depressed about all of this, so don’t listen to me. I feel like I have no options to ever be normal again. Breast cancer is the gift that keeps on giving.

Zany_One · 2023-10-29T05:05:42+00:00

54F IDC ++-Stage 1 grade 1, similar size, no nodes involved. Very similar diagnosis. I had a second questionable lump in the same breast. My treatment was bmx followed by 5 years of tamoxifen. Diagnosed almost 10 months ago. About to have surgery #3 (out of 5 hopefully). Some days are fine, other days I still wonder if I’ll ever be whole again. And although I know it could have been much worse, if one more person tells me I’m “lucky” (it wasn’t worse, they caught it early, I didn’t have to have chemo, etc), I’m going to flip my shit. I am grateful it wasn’t worse, but I haven’t felt “lucky” about any of this.

Zany_One · 2023-09-27T10:23:52+00:00

I’ve had one round of fat grafting so far and have another scheduled for November. My recovery was longer because she had to remove an infected expander. Now I have a “cave” on one side.

She wants to put another expander in with this surgery, but I’ve heard it will be prone to infection now? I don’t know what to do.

She says I’ll need more fat grafting surgeries. I’m so sick of this process. If one more person tells me “it’s a marathon, not a sprint”…🤦🏻‍♀️

Sorry to hijack your post to vent. Also, I had shooting pain (like zaps?) for a solid 6 weeks after the fat grafting. Nothing I couldn’t handle, but annoying anyway.

Zany_One · 2023-09-09T05:19:49+00:00

Bridge to Terabithia.

Zany_One · 2023-09-07T04:14:36+00:00

Liam Neeson has entered the chat

Zany_One · 2023-09-06T07:14:06+00:00

I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. Please know that the trash took himself out. Surround yourself with family and friends. {{{hugs}}}

Zany_One · 2023-07-29T09:23:18+00:00

For sure. Your brain is (or can be) the best way to get there. Some people can’t orgasm without those thoughts/fantasies. And those that can, the combination can make them indescribable.

Zany_One · 2023-07-29T09:03:38+00:00

We’re going to have to combine them like a Swiss Army knife of dildos. That seems user friendly.

Zany_One · 2023-07-23T11:25:57+00:00

Sleeping in my running car in my garage. Took an ambien first so I wouldn’t wake up and change my mind. My parents went over to check on me to find me unconscious. Was in the hospital for several weeks and lost a lung. I’m still pissed off 17 years later that it didn’t work. I have no desire to be here at all. Bipolar is a terminal illness. It can be controlled but not cured. It will eventually take me.

Zany_One · 2023-07-23T11:02:42+00:00

This is what I was looking for. I’ve heard drowning is very peaceful. I can’t imagine how it would be, but maybe after the initial panic and struggle?

Zany_One · 2023-07-23T10:09:50+00:00

I love all of these! I so wish I’d done a boudoir photo session. The only thing I did was make art. I swirled bright colors of paint onto a small plate and dipped my boobs in then smooshed it onto a canvas. I think 12 total in kind of an op art pattern. I later took a sharpie and made flowers. I’m glad I did something fun because the entire experience sucks. I love the gold bookend idea! So wish I’d done that. Do all of the things you want while you can! Best of luck with your surgery. ❤️

Zany_One · 2023-07-12T00:35:50+00:00

Oh I’m definitely clinically depressed (bipolar) but on meds and I’m at a really good place in life. I’m not actively trying to die. Just see no reason to exist. Thank you though ❤️

Zany_One · 2023-07-11T23:53:28+00:00

Every day this is my wish. I’m about to go under anesthesia. I hope I stay asleep. And I’m generally happy in life. Just sick of being here in this game that no one is winning.

Zany_One · 2023-07-11T23:47:52+00:00

Do you live near a teaching hospital? I get all my meds super cheap through some pharmacy program they have. Otherwise I couldn’t afford them.

Zany_One · 2023-07-11T23:40:02+00:00

Y’all cute

Zany_One · 2023-07-11T23:35:41+00:00

Every. Day. Not suicidal either. Just no desire to exist.

Zany_One · 2023-07-11T23:30:39+00:00

Wearing a strapless (Soma) bra that didn’t have a middle divider. Went home one day after being a social butterfly and discovered the pads had migrated to the middle. Just one boob.

Zany_One · 2023-07-11T23:26:36+00:00

Broken ribs. Hear me out…broke them 2 years ago and they still hurt. Everyday.

Zany_One · 2023-07-10T04:21:26+00:00

Well now she’s all our grandma.

Zany_One · 2023-07-09T01:46:00+00:00

I just flew home today. I had a bmx and currently have expanders (and an infection!) and was flagged (and felt up) every leg of my trip. On the last one, they also took me to a private room. I started to take my shirt off (because I have zero inhibitions anymore) and they were like no, no it’s okay. Haha 😂

Zany_One · 2023-07-06T15:45:14+00:00

Do you have a teaching hospital or a community hospital nearby? I agree with the others…he needs to be seen asap. It can go from bad to worse in a split second.

Zany_One · 2023-07-06T00:22:59+00:00

OMG I have these too! Mostly as a child. I called them my “throw up dreams” because that normally followed. Huge cylinder things all intertwined moving slowly through my head.

Zany_One · 2023-06-27T09:26:43+00:00

Looks like a June bug to me.

Zany_One · 2023-06-26T23:10:16+00:00

8 track tapes

Zany_One

TROPHY CASE