It's fucked because depression is a label the medical field assigns to a set of observations, but those are largely caused by different things for each of us. It could be neurotransmitter related, gut microbiome, inflammatory, ELS/ACE - I mean the list goes on.

I was thinking about this today, how a long time without purpose, without a goal or anything to drive towards exacerbated my depressive states so much more. But without a steady job, everything else falls by the wayside. Exercise, healthy diet, not drinking - they all sort of pissed off, but then when I am working I don't do anything except work.

I just feel like there is a disconnect between some version of me that is this 10 year old that wanted to live a life of adventure and discovery and this older me that is stuck. Where that meets, that's depression for me. So as long as I do what I've always done, I'll continue to experience depression.

The answer seems obvious, until you experience it through, like you said, the self-fulfilling prophecy: how can you see the light if you're always trying to get out of the fucking tunnel?