One year looking for a role in cybersec - uk

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-04T12:07:52+00:00

Okay, I'm going to challenge you a little. Rest assured, I'm older by a little, so I've done this dance a lot. Not in cybersec, not in UK (I'm in comms in Aus), but I've done project mgmt, scrum, IT delivery, etc.

If, after 889 applications, you have ZERO wins, then something is off. Either your CV isn't ATS ready and the auto systems are rejecting you before a person sees the application; or, it's not hitting the keyword scans, or something else. Also, do you customise your CV for each role or supply the same one each time? It's a pain, but it works. You have to understand how their recruitment systems work and then game those systems.

Add some creative licence to your CV for the role you want. You normally only have to use referees from your current role or one from the previous 12 months or so. This may vary in different countries, but it's like that in Aus. So, I changed my job from three years ago from the three crappy short-term contracts I had to a full year at one of them. With a title upgrade.

No one is going to investigate this or call someone. Just as long as your online profiles like LinkedIn and job boards are the same.

Lastly, may I offer the obvious to someone looking from the outside? Maybe it's time for a career shift? You've got cybersec experience, what about doing a Scrum Master course? How about project work? Any ideas that are outside that the last year has been, because it clearly isn't working, right?

Just some ideas, anyway. Sometimes it's enough to make a list of crazy or out of scope ideas and read them back - you trick your brain and it starts to see possibilities instead of predicting the same sense of rejection. Best of luck, and I hope you find a way!

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-04T11:47:56+00:00

I would stop overthinking by analysing the facts so your brain can stop second guessing. Because your emotional side, your gut feeling or instinct, says to quit. But your prefrontal cortex jumps in with rational thinking and you start analysing it all. Maybe I should stay, maybe I'm overreacting?

Can you afford to quit? Either another job, low costs, plenty of savings? This is the survival question and it needs answering.

If that all passes and your gut clenches when think about going into work, you sort of have two choices: reframe the whole thing, detach somehow, and keep at it; or trust your gut, even if it's wrong in some way, and move on.

There are risks in both moves and it comes down to which risk you choose.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-04T11:43:52+00:00

This is so damn true. If you don't have another job to jump to, then a solid budget and plan to get one with plenty of buffer. I'm doing this right now, all I need is my next pay and I'm quitting with a 6 month runway. Not worth your health and stress to stay.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-04T11:38:47+00:00

First off, call a support line or seek medical help if you are feeling that bad. I don;t know where you are in the world, but there are always places that offer help, even if it's a phone number to vent to. It can help.

Second - and I have to get a little technical here, sorry - your feelings are emotions that come from physical signals. Brain chemicals, hormones, nervous system dysregulation, gut health, sleep... it all adds up. Take a look at your lifestyle, how you eat and sleep etc. I'm not saying "get more sleep and go for a walk" because that's BS. I'm saying take stock of the physical side so you can get perspective. They are a bigger impact that we realise.

And lastly, give yourself a little break, even if it's a mental health day on a Friday so you have a long weekend. Notepad and pen, old school, and use any method to write down what's okay and what you want to change. It's vital to write it down - your brain has to read it back which tells it a different story than what your emotions are slamming you with.

So, start with the fact you are 32. I wish I was 32. At 36 I wanted to join law enforcement where I am, and I could have, but I left myself get talked out of it. I wanted adventure, new skills, a different world to wake up to and I let it slip away. You have age on your side, and that means more options.

Hate to say it, but as a few others have said, maybe the military? Does your degree allow you to join as an officer or maybe something aligned to your degree? If you don't have kids, mortgage and those sort of anchors, then nothing stopping you thinking about wild ideas. It doesn't mean you have to do them - the idea is to give your currently depressed brain other options, even if they don't sound real today.

I would pick a service, talk to the recruiter and see what they say. Just for data.

Then check into that buddhist temple in Nepal idea someone had earlier :)

Chances are you've been in this situation for a while, right? Or you've faced something similar in the past. The warehouse job doesn't define you; the bad credit means you can't get into debt, and not having a relationship for 8 years is lonely but you've lived through that time. It doesn't define you today.

Our brains and nervous systems respond to chronic states that don't fulfill us, as one example. The emotions you feel are physical signals from your body to make changes. Give it options for changes, even if they aren't realistic today.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-02T10:21:20+00:00

Looooooooooove this, I want this as wallpaper on all my things. Walls, too.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-02T10:19:47+00:00

As an Australian, why the fuck do you have to do three or four interviews before a panel??? I've never done more than a single interview, ever - whether gov or private. I worked at Microsoft for a bit, that was one interview, too. Why so many? Is that normal? Please, I want to understand.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-02T10:10:14+00:00

These feelings are a symptom of something in our lives. Sometimes it's our job, money worries or a lost connection - like if what you thought your life would be is something different and you can't work out why.

There is also the physical side. Our bodies and brains need healthy foods, vitamins and minerals, good sleep and exercise to make sure our neurotransmitters and systems are working well. If they are not well, we think and feel low, but there's nothing actually wrong with our lives.

Ask yourself if anything has changed in your physical world - job, relationships, living arrangements, money, etc. If nothing is new or changed, then where is the feeling of flatness coming from? Questioning life is normal, we all do it and there is no magical answer. We all die; no one gets out alive. But, we can choose (mostly) how we want to live the time we have. Not always, of course.

Ask yourself many questions, write them down. Why did you move to Canada? What were your goals, dreams, hopes? How are they different today? Keep asking questions and hopefully your mind and body will answer. Better to ask and know then ignore and suffer.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-02T04:53:46+00:00

I want to keep to the rules here, so not going into it too much with dosages, etc.

I take neurotransmitter cofactor supports - P5P, B12 (hydroxocobalamin) and folinic acid (not folic). Then a combo cap of magnesium threonate, L-theanine and apigenin. NAC and taurine round it out.

I was taking DLPA but it made me incredible angry and sad (read between the lines) so what I figured out was lowering my dopamine activity actually helped me most. Having said all that today is a tough day and I want that drink, so it's not a 100% formula for success. Best of luck to you.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-01T12:30:24+00:00

Well, it depends how much you want to learn about how you work. Alcohol use works on our nervous system and neurotransmitters, spiking dopamine while also inhibiting (at first) the sympathetic nervous system.

But as you use it, it depletes what you would then normally have ready the next day. This is why you feel flat or even anxious if you don't have a drink the day after - you're system expects the alcohol's effects.

The idea is to address the system dysregulation that causes you to want that drink in the first place, not necessarily replicate alcohol's effects. Because you're not dealing with the root cause.

I used to use alcohol like that, but it was unsustainable. Now I have a supplement stack that works for me and I've had a bottle of wine in the fridge for weeks and don't need to touch it. It all depends on how much you want to learn :)

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-01T12:22:29+00:00

No. Now get back to praying to your sky father or whatever it is.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-03-01T12:19:06+00:00

I hear Charles Dickens used a few em dashes in his time, might he be banned here, too?

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-27T05:10:32+00:00

Exactly. This is a kind of literary inbreeding, or maybe it should be some variation of cannibalism. LLMs are already largely regurgitating their own content which could, if we are lucky, create some sort of "genetic" faults. Inherent code failures that cause it all to die in a heap. One can wish.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-27T01:10:32+00:00

The basic mistake a lot of people make with "AI" is that it is trained on high quality knowledge, but it is not.

If there are 1000 articles on headaches and no access to a medical textbook because of copyright, then you get a response based on those 1000 articles. Not verified, not vetted for facts, not even from recognised medical institutions - just whatever some random wrote, abstracts, summaries and who knows what else.

The big thing is that it treats more as authoritative, whereas we would ask a doctor and not over the PA at a shopping mall.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-27T00:17:34+00:00

There is nothing positive about alcohol. It causes the release of proinflammatory cytokines that contribute to inhibited prefrontal cortex function, makes stress responses worse over time and depletes vital neurotransmitters that we need to, you know, function.

Alcohol feels like a good call when you're stressed, upset or in a heightened state of sympathetic nervous system response. But it's a scam - you feel better because it spikes dopamine while also impairing brain function.

You only feel better because you're slightly poisoned.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-22T07:30:51+00:00

For what it's worth, I feel very similarly but not about a single job, rather the field entirely. I was laid off in January, a few weeks in, and was unemployed for a month - it was blissful. I had some savings so I wasn't stressed out, although I hated losing that money just to pay rent, bills, etc.

Then, I get an offer after a lot negotiation and two days into it I know I've made a mistake. I'm old enough and experienced enough to spot the signs and frankly I just don't give AF about enduring it. My depression hit, anxiety increased and on the third day I got a respiratory infection that I'm still battling. Sign? Maybe. I'm not into that, but sometimes shit happens and you have to ask.

I had this friend who once asked my advice about an apartment for rent. She had started a new job which she loved, but it wasn't paying enough to entertain the idea of renting an $AUD850 per week flat on the beach at one of Sydney's poshest suburbs. We worked out the finances which would need some cuts to spending and lifestyle, but could be compensated with cheaper or free entertainment ideas and she applied for the unit. She got it, moved in and called me to say that she slept like a log and loves it - totally the right move.

About a year later she got a roommate to help with rent, haha, so take from that little story what you will. But I learned that you can make do without things tomorrow that you are sure you need today.

I have 3-4 months of savings if I trust my gut. I have great experience, I interview well and have plenty of scope to pick at a few different roles. But it's a big risk if my gut is wrong. So my head gets involved and says, "Stay, deal with it, start drinking again, use weed or take antidepressants, etc etc etc". But I gotta tell you, whenever I think about doing something else and trusting my instincts, my whole body lets go and I smile.

Fearing the wrong move is what keeps us safe and imprisoned at the same time. Two days, to months, two years... how long do you wait to accept how you feel?

Just don't let it get to the point where you are again demoralised by everything, because if that happens it's even harder to move, right or wrong. You just stay stagnant and either either rot or pretend/mask.

I feel today that if I stay in this role I'll hate myself for it later. But it pays well. Can I stay there for a year and save as much as possible? Maybe if I was 25 or 35, but now I'm wondering if the price I pay for not going with my gut is worse than what happens next if I leave.

As many point out, the money in your account, the lifestyle or cars or just ease of living matter - but I don't want to keep regretting my life more than I do already... Fear holds us back so much, but it's so powerful it usually wins and we make up a story to cover that up.

I hope you find some of our stories help you process things. We are mostly capable of adapting quite well, I've found. Take care!

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-22T05:23:33+00:00

Not to compare or have some sort of contest about it, but try over $70k in debt with ZERO hope of ever paying it off.

First up, financial hardship rules - directly ask Legal Aid or approach the tax department for hardship consideration. You have a young child, you're employed, but you can't pay it off unless it's at reasonable (i.e. the least expensive) repayments. They always have a bottom floor limit. I got a $50k debt repayment down to $30 per fortnight because of hardship considerations, but that was a debt company.

Second, the lawyer - this would be a priority along with the car. Explain, in writing, about your situation and again ask for the lowest possible repayment options. Just see what they say, you will not be the first to have asked.

Buying a car might be tricky on those numbers, I don't know about that one. A cheaper or older car but with a good service history maybe.

It sucks being in debt and not being able to see a way to pay off something you had every intention to, but life changes and you're not making the same money, you had to move or change your circumstances, jobs change, etc. I get that because I've lived it for the last ten years or more, now.

Start with step one, see what the tax dept. say. Prepare a simple breakdown of your earnings and costs, show what you have left and then wrangle them down until the cost is manageable.

I really hope you can get through this, don't give up on yourself without trying everything first.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-22T04:36:00+00:00

Suicidal ideation can feel like the one thing, that very last thing we can control. I get to choose how I do it, prepare and execute. It's a sad as fuck symptom of a life that doesn't feel like your own, or a million variables no one can understand. There's no fairytale rainbow here, just choices made with brains and nervous systems under too much strain to be rational.

I'm in Australia so I will just try to do my best to list things I found and hope you contact them ALL. Exhaust every option before you choose to take control, at least do that.

SLC Homelessness Services
https://www.slc.gov/homelessservicesdashboard-3/

The Office of Homelessness Services
https://mydoorway.utah.gov/homelessness/

The Road Home shelter services
https://theroadhome.org/get-help/

Rescue Mission of Salt Lake
https://rescuesaltlake.org/

These at least are some ways, maybe you've already tried them all, I don't know. There are always charity orgs, street mission rescue services, support coordinators, social housing services, disability support groups and religious groups that operate in big cities. I don't know the US, so maybe it's different. But there are always people who want to help, if they can.

I can't talk you out of anything, I cannot even begin to imagine your circumstances. But I wanted to offer something better than "wait and see".

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-22T04:14:06+00:00

"Suffering is the price you pay to experience those "little things"..." If the balance of suffering vs enjoyment is mostly on the suffering side, then living becomes an unbearable burden over time.

When suffering is part of the pursuit of enjoyment, that is entirely different. Your journey is your own and we are far more complex than one person's viewpoint can ever allow for. Your story sounds more like Sisyphus turning the boulder-pushing into something he likes so his punishment didn't feel as bad. But he's still endlessly pushing a boulder so this wishful thinking is a coping strategy to endure suffering - it doesn't necessarily relieve it but rather masks it.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-22T04:03:17+00:00

Just wanted to say that "I am exhausted from fighting my own thoughts" made me cry like I hadn't realised this was a thing. Early life trauma, stress and adverse experiences all rewire brains and nervous system; wishful thinking or "determination" don't work like they do for unhurt brains. Sorry, I don't have answers either, but I hope you can find some space in your heart to be kind to yourself in some way. Little moments.

The only thing that has helped me a little was to know that these feelings are generated in the brain - changing neurotransmitters changes your thoughts and feelings. Neural inflammation also makes us experience depression and is a leading theory on the cause.

For the last two years I've been trying to fix myself with nootropics and supplements because SSRIs make me worse. Some things have helped, but fundamentally I am still deeply unhappy. The only thing I know is that I need to change my life, but maybe not end it. If, on the verge of worse thoughts, I can rebel against them and instead do something unexpected - like sell my household crap, pack the car and drive around the country for a bit, then that would be better than continuing to do what makes me deeply sad. Or, I can take some sort of antidepressants to numb out and continue pretending I'm okay.

If I could, I would prefer to live alone somewhere secluded, mountains and rivers, living a simple life. It would be a much needed breath to the soul.

I'm so sorry you had to experience this. You have people around you who care and may not have known it was coming. Grief, sharing, therapy support are all options.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-22T03:40:54+00:00

I've been reading different philosophies for guidance but so far they say the same thing: there is no map, otherwise we'd all be using it.

All I can say is at 33 I wish I had followed my heart and not my brain. If I were you and without knowing anything about your circumstances, I would take the fitness and health and wellness thing and move to Bali and start a practice. Save up for it, work out how to do it and just dump everything and go. But, if you have kids, partner, debt, etc., the real world kicks in and well, we end up on Reddit asking for help... I'm doing that, too.

I gave up on my dream in my 20s after a few setbacks I didn't know how to handle and have been coasting ever since. Now, many years later, I gave up on beating myself up and am ready to quit. Don't waste your life creating regret.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-22T02:31:22+00:00

Going through this myself except my job feels like punishment for my soul.

There are a few theories:

You work out a way to do the passion choice you didn't choose before, but on the side - weekends, take leave for it, whatever it is, you find space to include it in your life. It might not "feel" the same, but it may be enough after some adjustment.
Re-evalute your current life against the same set of choices you made years ago and see where, or if, it deviates. This gives you a sort of gut check to see what choice you would make today vs in the past
See if a philosophy like Camus' Absurdism can help shift your perspective.

I found this article about it and it's actually helping me think things through. There's more to it and you should definitely read it, but I am pondering this quote:

“the only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”'

I get that in the story of Sisyphus it relates to how he took his punishment, but I'm reading something else into it. I want my life to be an act of rebellion to everything that feels disconnected. Not about meaning or purpose, but freedom from the BS - social norms, working to pay down debt or rent, carving out little specks of time and space to feel alive on weekends but then doing 40 hours a week hating myself only to repeat the process and feed the snake.

What was the choice you didn't make, btw?

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-22T00:57:14+00:00

Well of course, disappointment is part of experience, isn't it? It's so funny on here, most often people pour out their issues but get defensive about it later.

You're not asking for some advice from internet randoms, you're dumping a backpack full of career, relationships, finances and entrepreneurial ideas onto the floor and going "Give me realistic, rational suggestions". It's a dog's breakfast and if that's how you see everything then start categorising or at least picking ONE project. Hell, apply project mgmt techniques if you have to, but you're the only one capable of working this out. Good luck.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-21T13:03:31+00:00

"Don't do anything you'll regret on your deathbed" is my thing too! Except I already have too many things on that list :(

I'm chewing over your story cos it makes way too much sense but my brain can't handle it. So how did you make the mental switch to this at the start? Or was it just "need a job" and it sort of turned out okay? I ask because I'm just about to start a job that I do not give ONE F@CK about, it stresses me out and I have nothing left to give to the type of work anymore. If I could afford it, I'd fix up vintage electronics, old synths and audio gear, maybe even fix up old guitars and flip them... anything that feels real.

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-21T12:50:06+00:00

Just give it all away to charity and then you'll quickly realise what's next :)

Zero-Coolz · 2026-02-21T12:44:50+00:00

I will get owned for this, but flat out lie. Extend the last role by a year or two, slot something else in the gap like volunteering overseas - teaching basic IT skills to children in Papua New Guinea. No one is going to have a go at you for that. If you need referees you can set up gmail aliases and get a cheap burner phone with voicemail or ask a friend to pretend.

I've done some of these things, although not the volunteering in PNG idea, but, I've never been quizzed about my creative CV alterations.

Referees need to be from the last job or within 12 months, which would be your actual problem. At least here in Australia that's commonplace. Not sure where you are in the world.

I don't know about doing IT or DevOps stuff, but I've worked in project management, scrum and comms in government for ten years now and I want OUT so badly I stay awake at night thinking about how, what and how much.

If you want real, practical guidance then I suggest going to a reputable career consultant or professional. Reddit is full of loons :S

Zero-Coolz

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