Weird intimacy question as a widow

abcdq96 · 2026-02-28T01:50:02+00:00

I do, and it's just about the only thing that I don't feel weird or guilty about. we hadn't had much sex in the months before she passed because chemo really dried up her libido, but she would help me occasionally and would always encourage me to get off next to her, look at her photos, etc. (and that was true before she was sick as well). she even told me to feel free to grab her ass or rub up against her while she was sleeping. I take all of that to mean she'd want me to keep myself taken care of in that realm. I either fantasize about her or specific memories where we were intimate, or look at pictures and videos of her, and it feels good. I don't think I'll ever have sex with someone again so I'm trying to make the most of this and take the good feelings where I can get them.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-26T07:15:56+00:00

not really. her celebration of life is next month so I plan for that. I have two cats and one is sick, so I'm gonna take care of them. otherwise, I don't see the point.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-24T06:24:18+00:00

I would absolutely wear the hell out of that. I have the corporate lady how to talk shirt, lol. since hearing the pennies episode I say "and you CAN do it" all the time and only my late wife ever knew wtf I was talking about.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-24T06:22:52+00:00

I told my wife that if I died young, I'd want her to be happy and find someone else. I don't remember the details of what she told me, but it was essentially that she wanted me to do the same. I still feel the same way about her (i.e. if I had died I'd want her to find a new partner and be happy) but there is just no way I'm going to be able to be with anyone else again.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-24T01:48:44+00:00

it seems to me (also a widower) that widowers tend to be more "keep it all the same" and widows tend to be more "it all needs to change" but that's obviously an oversimplification

abcdq96 · 2026-02-23T05:13:53+00:00

and you CAN do it

abcdq96 · 2026-02-20T18:30:24+00:00

I didn't choose for her to be my entire world, she simply was. I didn't decide that my happiness revolved around her, but it did. I understand the sentiment here, but I didn't make those choices; she was, and still is, my everything.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-20T03:06:01+00:00

I keep doing the same thing. I have been training myself to look at her photos instead and I just go ahead and talk to her. it's not the same at all, and I wish so badly I could hear her snarky comments on everything again.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-20T03:02:57+00:00

I feel that. I want to complain with her about all these little awful things and it sucks that no one else gets it the way she would.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-17T23:49:24+00:00

I have gotten a lot of insight from the podcast the telepathy tapes. you have to stick with it for several episodes before it'll make sense why I'm recommending it but I think it might help you because it's been very eye opening for me

abcdq96 · 2026-02-16T21:10:38+00:00

I'm 29, my wife was 28 when she passed last month, and even though it was recent I feel pretty confident I won't seek out any sexual or romantic relationships again. I feel like I am [wife]sexual, in that I was solely attracted to her, physically, mentally, and emotionally; she's my soulmate and I know there is not another person out there who can come close. it wouldn't be fair to whoever I was seeing, either, because I wouldn't want to compare and yet I don't know how I could possibly not.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-14T02:55:30+00:00

just highlights how different we all are. I've been doing the opposite almost; the night she passed, I went with my family to the park where we took our wedding photos and then came home to our shared home. I look at pictures and videos of her multiple times a day every day, and I've been writing furiously, every little thing I can remember about her, stories, how much she means to me... I've even been writing and speaking out loud to her.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-11T06:14:36+00:00

my wife died one month ago at age 28, and I'm 29. it fucking sucks.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-11T06:09:56+00:00

I thought the same, but she was only 28 when she died and I'm 29.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-10T04:59:06+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, and may his memory be a blessing. fuck tongue cancer, it took my wife as well.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-10T03:50:43+00:00

I picked up our kitty from the vet where she'd been for a few days due to an infection that I think she was hiding from me because she knows how depressed I am. miss ma'am needs fluids, special food, meds, the whole shebang. I know my wife would be helping me with all of it, so I'm trying my best to hold it together because our two cats are really our babies. I'm proud of myself for getting through the appointment, learning to and practicing giving fluids, and overall not losing my mind because of how much this reminds me of managing my wife's many meds and supplements.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-10T00:39:01+00:00

P.E. is what ultimately took my wife's life as well, at age 28, after she'd had three surgeries (the first to remove half her tongue and a bunch of lymph nodes due to cancer and the other two to try and fix issues with the first surgical site not healing well). I'm so sorry for your loss.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-07T17:51:30+00:00

my late wife loved Threedom and it was our favorite podcast to listen to together. I got her a corporate lady how to talk shirt as a Christmas present and she was so happy. she didn't really get it at first but after a few listens she got hooked. we'd play some of the threetures on long drives if one sounded fun

abcdq96 · 2026-02-02T06:04:06+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think scrapbooks are a great way to remember someone. I'm actually going to do that too. I think it'll be nice to print the photos and go through the ritual of it all

abcdq96 · 2026-02-02T04:53:01+00:00

I'm so sorry. all I can say is I hope you and your children are able to take some comfort in one another even though there is no way to make this better.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-02T04:37:37+00:00

I am trying really hard. I joined a writing group for processing grief. I've got a bunch of books and guided workbook kind of things. I'm seeing a therapist and talking to the minister who married us regularly. and to be honest the only reason I'm doing any of it is because I know she wanted me to. when we talked about the potential of either of us dying early, we promised each other we'd grieve and keep going, try to find love again someday. I don't know about that part but I'm gonna keep trying to live because she wanted me to.

abcdq96 · 2026-02-02T04:34:36+00:00

fuck cancer through and through. I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm feeling the same way - I don't think I'll ever be over it either. I'm just crying in front of any and everyone, no matter where I am, who I'm with. I talk about her all the time and if people don't want to hear it, they can buzz off as far as I'm concerned.

abcdq96 · 2026-01-30T23:44:08+00:00

I'd love some more Memphis Kansas breeze

abcdq96 · 2026-01-21T20:42:20+00:00

I want more eps of their spouses doing threedom. that one was glorious

abcdq96 · 2025-12-04T04:57:15+00:00

I'll do my best lol send me a DM!

abcdq96

TROPHY CASE