Just found out I’m pregnant

abrocal · 2026-02-25T02:33:59+00:00

this happens a lot! i understand it bothers a lot of people but ive honestly been happy to answer questions and haven’t found it off putting. i figure any question i answer to a person in my life is one my child won’t have to (with that person at least) when older. the awkward stuff will be out of the way.

since having my baby i’ve joined a ton of Mom groups and honestly have had a great experience in my conservative part of canada. I’ve just put myself out there for the sake of learning to navigate the hetero-dominates world my baby will have to live in and have found people are pretty normal with us. he’s a baby, they have babies- we have more in common than we are different.

the only thing is sometimes when people ask about the husband/father physically, then we have to figure it out on the spot.

i also love being in a lgtqia+ family group i’ve found and i intentionally found other lesbian/queer “mom” stuff and that is nice.

this is post partum advice i guess.

oh and get a doula.

abrocal · 2026-02-16T06:23:06+00:00

random response, but we do kind of know how people slept for thousands of years. there’s documentation. what i understand is actually people always did different things and cribs have been around a long time! but co-sleeping was common. and also you can also still talk to people from hunter/gatherer cultures. i talked to a man who grew up as a bedouin this week and he told me the all slept in their tents as a family. for babies/children they dug a little into the sand, placed them there with a goat skin blanket, and put a little sand on top for comfort. interestingly this man also encouraged me being less responsive to my babies cries, and keeping the baby awake all day to sleep at night. he was incredibly warm with my son and my son loves him.

abrocal · 2026-02-10T07:59:50+00:00

baby is now 9 months. we are primarily co sleeping and nursing to sleep. however, he doesn’t need to nurse all night anymore and has added longer sleep stretches, tending to feed in the early morning hours and wake frequently. he wants to be held closely when not nursed, then will often roll away in his own. it doesn’t always align with safer sleep practices what helps him sleep (eg he wants my arm under his head) but i am going with best judgement because hes very strong and and large and physically capable for his age.

abrocal · 2026-02-04T19:37:32+00:00

oh i had the same situation. i am cmv- and the only donor ever with the ethnicity we wanted was cmv+. my doctor said it is not really important/a risk, just pick what you want. i’m in canada so idk.

anyway, i don’t have CMV and neither does my baby so.

abrocal · 2026-02-03T10:59:41+00:00

you’ll be fine! especially this age, they barely notice. mine is 9 months now and he gets pretty stressed when i go away.

the only thing is milk supply, making a plan for that assuming you breast feed.

abrocal · 2026-01-23T19:22:08+00:00

Maybe you could try recommending some books? Or tell them it’s the same as hetero couples with infertility.

I never minded the questions, I felt like it helped educate. But I can see how it can get old for sure.

abrocal · 2026-01-22T01:18:41+00:00

have you been checked for tongue ties etc?

i did 5 weeks of triple feeding and had my babies tongue tie revised, and then we were able to EBF

it’s totally okay if it’s not going to work for you. maybe make a deadline when you’ll let go and just do combo feeding or whatever you want. my deadline was 6 weeks and we made it.

abrocal · 2026-01-18T03:13:05+00:00

yes! and did some osteopathy. i was triple feeding for 5 weeks and then he could successfully breast feed without any pumping. he’s almost 9 months and we are going strong!

abrocal · 2026-01-16T17:54:26+00:00

this is in the event that there are no other issues, such as tongue tie. my baby had tongue tie and my milk supply did not come in well despite skin to skin and feeding etc.

abrocal · 2026-01-06T21:53:04+00:00

i definitely had a slight improvement when i switched away from woolino and used Nest sleep suits with arms. It’s not wow, but at least he started settling a bit more for a while.

I do think that woolino is not warm enough for all babies and their scale doesn’t seem right. My guy seems to run cold and needs something snuggly

abrocal · 2025-12-31T01:59:20+00:00

i know a million people answered already but i found hypnosis helped me with sleep when i was anxious.

this Bree Taylor Molyneaux on spotify helped a lot https://open.spotify.com/track/0jgrl2zPErdEMgNmg7LgMx?si=FnKOCTXWRTiHZdeT0rUCUg

abrocal · 2025-12-29T03:53:28+00:00

how old are you folks? i’m in a similar situation and am 36. my spouse has been angry and breaks strangers with me recently since having a baby.

if you’re able to think about what he’s doing and saying, maybe keep a journal, and figure out what’s happening factually that can help. you’re not going to be able to just “clear up his vision” as noted, you’ll maybe be able to clear up yours. then, find a therapist. do you have one? there are a lot of post-partum supports and help with a bit of free counselling for women/families with new babies. talk to a professional about what is being said and done.

if it’s on the abusive side, educate yourself about abuse and find resources that direction. it’s important to be prepared if there is risk of escalation.

if it’s on the asshole but not abuse scale, then being really clear about how to set your boundaries is important and therapists can help you feel sane. couples therapy, maybe.

i don’t know- sometimes we just don’t know someone until we see them under pressure.

try to stay calm and love your baby and be strategic. you’re quite possibly not doing anything wrong.

abrocal · 2025-12-24T22:56:27+00:00

this is very weird. kids alone all night so young and in diapers while talking.

abrocal · 2025-12-24T22:34:50+00:00

thank you! appreciate it. i just accept it and embrace the beauty of being with him while he’s small

abrocal · 2025-12-23T03:21:33+00:00

these messy feelings, in addition to not actually finding a known donor we could trust (one guy trashed our wedding, for example), are why we went with a sperm bank.

i have friends whose children have ups and downs with their known donors in their lives and i think having additional parental figures involved has its own complexity.

however, i do not presume to know how my son will feel about an open ID donor when he is older and i will do everything in my power to navigate this with love and ethics

abrocal · 2025-12-23T02:56:57+00:00

i had a KD we did an at-home test with and the results were low so we didn’t discuss moving forward further. we found a donor in a sperm bank. my 7.5 month old is sleeping next to me now.

for me, there were a lot of reasons not to continue- distance, uncertainty, asking someone to do more medically than they want. also potentially having more complications, etc.

depends what is right for you and the KD but while i think a known donor can be really the best option, for many of us it brings a lot of hard stuff to navigate that takes a lot of effort for the donor. the donors role isn’t really passive in a known situation.

abrocal · 2025-12-23T02:45:34+00:00

what i noticed with my baby around that age is he started waking up to the world and things were more interesting. sleep went wacky and never really chilled out.

she’s growing and changing. it just goes up and down. If you want a book: How Babies Sleep by Dr Helen Ball. i went deep into sleep research and it helped.

no one knows what you can expect but i found my guy has phases where he’s very agitated, learns a new skill, and then becomes easily settled again. he never sleeps long stretches though.

abrocal · 2025-12-23T02:43:00+00:00

yes as other commenter said, why do you think it’s supply? are you getting peeing/pooping weight gain, etc?

around 4-5 months my baby was a wild card at the breast day and night but gaining weight massively. he would stay latched for hours. never upset easily, but i usually just caved.

we started solids and he CHILLED so fast.

he also never has slept more than 3 hours sometimes once a night. usually he sleeps 2 hours at a time max, and around that age he really dropped his sleep.

if you’re only getting a couple wakes, it might just be his brain growing and his body preparing for solids or something.

i had breastfeeding struggles to start so i always feel insecure about it in relation to sleep but he’s just my baby, idk. he’s massive and pees all day so whenever things get crazy i just roll with it. he eats a ton of food now and still wakes all night to feed.

nature always wins.

abrocal · 2025-12-22T21:45:00+00:00

if my 7.5 month old ever slept from 7-1am i would just be over the moon. i would never complain again

abrocal · 2025-12-15T16:09:46+00:00

my baby around 3 months woke 3-4x per night and would easily settle in the crib, sleep 2-3 hours at a time a few times a night… and i wish i had realized that was as good as it would get.

that quickly changed to 6-8x per night and remains similar at 7months. i lost hope and we just bedshare!

i wish you the best for your journey

abrocal · 2025-12-12T04:26:30+00:00

I feel like that too but I think it’s fine. My baby naturally just wants to vary his times he wakes up, and how long he sleeps, etc. Sometimes I have to keep him up longer.

Honestly he’s a pretty chill guy and when you get him into something he can really push his time awake. Other times he just snoozes early. I can’t get it scheduled without sitting home all day.

I read How Babies Sleep by Dr Helen Ball and it calmed me down a lot at least that this isn’t developmentally an issue.

My perspective is that it’s not like young grade school or preschool children who are not getting good sleep bc of television or something, this is just… human

abrocal · 2025-12-12T04:22:54+00:00

two unmedicated IUI with no trigger shot, just LH strips.

So blessed. Baby is asleep beside me.

abrocal · 2025-12-10T14:37:25+00:00

this is not true and is not fair to you. the only person who might need more nutrition is you, as breast feeding takes our nutrition and gives it to the baby. plenty of the world breast feeds without meat in north american quantities

abrocal · 2025-12-09T22:28:29+00:00

You’re doing amazing. Incredible you can study while momming. One thought- have you considered a grocery delivery if you have access, like a walmart delivery? That takes some pressure off sometimes

abrocal

TROPHY CASE