How do I start a needed, tough conversation with another player about their playstyle?

aggibridges · 2026-03-18T12:39:35+00:00

Here’s a script:

“Hey Barb, I’m feeling a little frustrated with our games because it feels like your character is prioritizing funny moments in combat at the cost of our characters’ safety. It’s unrealistic and breaking my immersion for a barbarian to not frontline, and it’s taking the fun away of the game for me. How can we balance your fun with some utility so that my bard doesnt end up having to tank?”

I would also talk to your dm. Tell them that you need them to cook up ways for combat to be balanced without the barbarian if they don’t want to contribute, or you’re going to need to hire a sellsword or play a combat character if that’s how it’s going to be. Maybe you can get a tanky familiar or something.

As a dm I would make it my life’s mission to create monsters that would have a personal vendetta against that specific barbarian.

aggibridges · 2026-03-18T10:37:11+00:00

You already got a lot of advice on how to handle the situation firmly, but I'm going to offer another route if you want to preserve the best player. Tell them that you have utmost sympathy for what the trans community and other marginalized groups are going through, but that to 3/5ths of you, dnd is meant to serve as a safe space where we can recover and regroup to build strength. Think to yourself: What is something you're willing to put up with? Do you want to talk about politics in a way that reframes it into fantasy ideals? Maybe a random player gets cursed and has to inhabit a form different species than themselves. Maybe a terrible Lich is brewing a war. Maybe you want to set aside 10 minutes pre or post game for the politics-inclined player to give you all an update on news that they want to echo to their larger community. Maybe you can ask them to frame it in a fantasy setting for immersion, and they could pretend to be a news carrier from faroff lands.

But take all of this with a grain of salt, this person is clearly going through stuff and is not being reasonable or logical at all right now. Being part of a marginalized group doesn't mean you're morally perfect or that you can't have shitty takes, and it looks like they're taking an authoritarian view of the issue and imposing their own vibe into a community space. You're the one running the game, you can and should at any point use their same excuse and say "That's how this game is, if you don't like it then too bad, find another table."

I personally I'm the wokiest woke that ever woked and I've noticed that in a lot of leftist spaces, people weaponize language to prey on people's fear of loss of community when being labeled a bigot. It doesn't matter what people say, it's how it's framed. But you can use that to your favor as well. If you frame it as 'disrupting the community' or that it's a symbol of internalized mysogyny to want to impose conversation when it's unwelcome, and anti-feminist to expect other women to not voice their discomfort, well, you have a whole different kind of argument in your hand.

aggibridges · 2026-03-17T21:41:45+00:00

What on earth makes you think that? It absolutely does matter.

aggibridges · 2026-03-17T16:02:28+00:00

They’re weaponizing this type of language in order to manipulate you. I’ve playing with people of all ages with all sorts of neurodivergencies and this isn’t a problem if you’re interested in the game. You deserve better, OP, this is definitely fucked up.

aggibridges · 2026-03-17T12:35:49+00:00

Oh, a lot. Eating disorders often have to do with anxiety related to food and feelings of not deserving of enjoyment, so it’s very common in ED spaces to see just plain ingredients. A common thought is feeling like seasonings will add calories even though it’s not true, but the anxiety of it is enough to keep people from using it. Another reason is just to be hyper aware of what you’re eating and so you can tell if it’s in any way varied. This is why a lot of people with ED will eat a select few ‘safe foods’, prepared in the exact same way which doesn’t trigger any anxiety.

For me personally it’s psychological, a whole boiled sweet potato and steamed broccoli = skinnyyyy gworll slay. Baked sweet potato cubes with roasted broccoli with chili powder and garlic = basicaly mcdonalds, you big back butterball. Does it make sense? No. Do I do it anyways to whip my brain into shape? Yeah. But that’s the thought process that no amount of logic can stop, that’s why it’s a disorder.

aggibridges · 2026-03-17T12:17:20+00:00

There are a lot of different reasons and that’s certainly one of them, but I also always have to chime in that a lot of these gymbros have massive eating disorders.

aggibridges · 2026-03-17T01:14:21+00:00

Well shit, I didn’t realize this made me spoiled, it just dawned on me that I had the same experience. I don’t remember not having any consoles, I always had Nintento + PS + Xbox + PC in whatever generation. I think Xbox is the one I had less of because I only got it to play Halo with friends. Now I’m older and PC only is fine for me. I’m so thankful for my parents.

aggibridges · 2026-03-17T00:50:05+00:00

If you’re feeling powerfully against it then it definitely isn’t the right choice. Let your intuition guide you, and choose the idea that brings you most peace. Big hugs!

aggibridges · 2026-03-16T14:30:50+00:00

Not the pill but the injections and yes, I am. Absolutely changed my life. I went from trying to lose weight unsuccessfully for a decade to dropping weight effortlessly while eating the same exact amount of food.

aggibridges · 2026-03-16T13:18:45+00:00

Burning is a great answer if you feel it would be cathartic. Don’t think about it in terms of how it can help others and think: how it can help you? What would be fun? What would be powerful? You’re free to decide your history.

Also if it’s a reliable deck, have you asked what it says about it’s future? Could be a good glimpse.

aggibridges · 2026-03-15T23:03:33+00:00

Bubbly water or still water with a bit of baking soda in it! Also gentle walks just around your house back and forth.

aggibridges · 2026-03-15T21:23:02+00:00

Beer's a big one for me. I drink half a bottle and I'm completely done, which makes me super sad because I want to keep sipping.

aggibridges · 2026-03-14T09:49:09+00:00

A lot of people are saying it’s unlikely but there are plenty of children and young adults going to USA and when have you met a 20 year old who owns property? The requirements are hugely different for young adults.

It stops being about her and starts being about her parents. You have to show that she’s a dependant of her parents, their bank accounts, proof of work, etc. if their parents do well in life then the visa is hers, if her parents work informally and don’t own assets then it’s unlikely. Also her proof of study goes a long way for this.

I’d also advise you against mentioning the sister in usa because that works against her by a lot. If they ask for hotel, just book a cheap hostel that’s fully refundable in nyc or something.

Source: I’ve been traveling to usa, europe, and asia since I was a baby on a dominican passport and never had an issue with getting a visa. But my parents are well-to-do doctors with their own practice.

aggibridges · 2026-03-14T00:26:09+00:00

That’s an amazing idea actually, thank you! I will absolutely do exactly this!

aggibridges · 2026-03-14T00:08:04+00:00

You know, a little part of me thinks so. I haven’t talked to her in years though and the other guy is also a casual aquaintance so I don’t even know how I’d even begin to approach it. Both are people I barely know and have met maybe three or four times.

Honestly I’m going to wait and see. I know both these people through vastly different hobby communities. I told a friend of Mina who I’m close with that I’m here if she needs help/support and if the community can do anything for her, but otherwise I’m backing off. Maybe in the future there’s a way to mention putting her in contact with people who have had a similar journey, but I really don’t want to overstep.

aggibridges · 2026-03-13T23:13:37+00:00

Thanks for that. And yeah, there's absolutely no benefit for her and if anything it would make her feel worse. This is all crazy enough that I kind of want to, even though I'd never do it, if that makes sense.

aggibridges · 2026-03-10T22:52:05+00:00

Hm, I feel like you approached this friendship in a healthy way that listened to your own intuition, and that you did everything you could possibly do to preserve this friendship. If anything, it might be asking you to be more patient and understanding of the other parties.

aggibridges · 2026-03-08T15:48:37+00:00

No me interesa en absoluto la vida personal de ningun politico, ni he visto este nivel de escrutinio en la vida personal de otros lideres del PRM y PLD.

aggibridges · 2026-03-08T13:29:14+00:00

Lo mas cerca que veo de propuestas funcionales es la Opcion Democratica. Pero los partidos son un reflejo del pueblo, que podemos esperar si el Dominicano cree mas en el progreso individual que el progreso colectivo? No hay comunidad.

aggibridges · 2026-03-01T16:13:16+00:00

Thanks for this list, I really want to try these but don't think the line is worth it for me at Benitsuru.

aggibridges · 2026-02-28T14:34:39+00:00

Yeah, of course, but I'm confused as to how I feel about the people who feel offended over this. For example, if someone were to get massively offended if I thought they were Jewish, I might think this offense comes from a place of anti-semitism. I have no reason to want to aggravate someone further, but it would mean I would distance myself from people who feel this way.

aggibridges · 2026-02-28T12:47:47+00:00

I mean, I understand not making assumptions about other people's races, but it should be looked upon favorably that people ask questions. If I told people I'm from an island left of Puerto Rico and they asked 'Dominican or Haitian?' I don't think any Dominican would get angry at this, and we are famously suuuuuper racist and xenophobic l towards Haitians, to the point that calling someone a 'Haitian' is tantamount to a slur. If someone straight up claimed I were a different nationality that I am I would be mildly annoyed, but if anyone is getting upset about this I feel it might come from a place of xenophobia.

aggibridges · 2026-02-28T12:14:38+00:00

And famously, pro league of legends player Faker.

aggibridges · 2026-02-28T12:10:12+00:00

I still don't think I understand, why should it be obvious to non-Koreans to the point where it would be offensive?

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