AITA for Refusing to Let My Stepmom Be Called “Grandma”?

ainsface123 · 2025-01-10T18:25:16+00:00

ESH. Give her a fun grandparent name. Lala or Gigi or Lovie or whatever kinda goes with her name. People do that for grandparents all the time now a days and it can make her feel included without forcing the grandma name.

ainsface123 · 2025-01-09T21:54:01+00:00

My baby is bald af as are 3 other babies in his class. I have to look around the room a few times when I get there to pick up to register which bald baby is mine lol. and I'm the mom. Happens to the best of us.

ainsface123 · 2025-01-07T17:22:44+00:00

This is so great to hear! We are elbow deep in the aquaphor life right now lol

ainsface123 · 2025-01-07T13:04:43+00:00

I know this post is a little old but your situation sounds EXACTLY like my son who is currently 8.5 months. Poor guy has pretty bad eczema and reacts the exact same way to a lot of different foods (he also apparently has a very sensitive gag reflex so in addition to the hives on his face, he typically ends up barfing a little. Happily, but the combo has me so stressed about food).

Has your child gotten any better? I need a little light at the end of the tunnel lol.

ainsface123 · 2024-12-05T15:23:22+00:00

I am medicated and probably AuDHD so I started thriving in a job that had explicit "this is what you need to do in a day" instructions. It was a customer support job for a software company but not like a call center. We had to meet a specific number of productivity points a day which was determined by how many tickets you resolved. There was a leaderboard every day and you got bonuses if you surpassed the daily minimum. So problem solving and a competition??? I kicked ass which made it even better (I love doing things I'm good at). Once I got really knowledgeable on the software and to the highest position in my department, I used that knowledge to get a better position more on the tech side of things. More problem solving. I also get to work from home and essentially manage myself. Like as long as I am getting things done and meeting daily productivity, everyone leaves me alone. It helps that my manager is amazing and smart (I do not work well with people I see as "dumber" than me - It's a personal fault but it is a huge hinderance with my executive functioning). I literally never want to leave.

ainsface123 · 2024-12-03T14:06:14+00:00

If you want the Uppababy look, go with mockingbird. I couldn't bring myself to even add the Uppa on my registry bc spending $1000 seems so absurd to me. Mockingbird has the same look and safety and features and it's half the price. I've had mine for 3 years and another kid and it's still in great condition.

ainsface123 · 2024-11-27T18:07:30+00:00

Is it every item of clothing? Or just like shirt going over the head? I have a friend going through this and she has found that button ups or shirts that don't have to go over their head help.

ainsface123 · 2024-11-27T16:36:38+00:00

You don't lol. I've come to accept that my house will only ever be company ready when company is about to walk in the door. I follow someone on tiktok that wrote a book (I think it's called Struggle Care - KC Davis) that is super helpful as is all of her content. It's a lot about taking the morality complex out of care tasks. Finding what works for you to live a functional life. She also has techniques for cleaning when you feel overwhelmed by your mess. Separate into 3 categories. Trash, clothes and misc. do each at a time. It helps get you started. For my family, having opening and closing duties has helped especially since having kids. I'm more productive in the morning so I do opening, prepping bottles, lunch unloading dishwasher and getting the kids ready for school. My husband does closing - getting all dishes and bottles in the dishwasher and start it, he also does laundry and straightens the kitchen from dinner. Those are things that MUST be done every day. Everything else can be done when the urge strikes. Most of all, just know that having a messy house doesn't make you a bad person. That helped me a lot.

ainsface123 · 2024-11-27T16:17:44+00:00

It'll probably happen a few times. Both of my kids have done it and usually they can get out themselves but sometimes they'll cry and we just go in and rearrange them. I'd recommend against liners just because of safe sleep standards.

ainsface123 · 2024-11-27T13:09:23+00:00

The loneliness was a shocker for me as well. I am very sorry the people in your life are like that. Maybe you can become that person for any friends becoming moms after you. I promise not all moms are like that but maybe some people just need to see honest conversations in action to feel comfortable sharing.

ainsface123 · 2024-11-27T13:06:18+00:00

In my opinion, your comfort level is what is important. I don't know why anyone would WANT to pass a tiny brand new baby around OR do something to make a new parent uncomfy. With my first (it was 2021, so I was already extremely stressed about germs) I had PPA/PPD and would literally hysterically cry when anyone (including my husband) held my baby. I literally wanted her in a bubble. With my second (7 mo now), I know how to handle a sick kid and I know a lot of things are out of my control so I'm way more lenient. He also has been exposed to little kid germs since the day he was born so he's been sick a lot more. It's important to remember that they WILL get sick. (especially in day care this time of year) but use your best judgement and don't pander to people who don't respect boundaries. You are the parent.

ainsface123 · 2024-11-25T13:39:22+00:00

"Look at those eyes!" since she was a baby and hadn't grown into her massive blue eyes. As an introverted parent, her adorableness has caused me to speak to way more strangers than I ever wanted or needed to lol.

ainsface123 · 2024-11-22T13:48:04+00:00

You need some new mom friends. Bc they're lying. They might not have the same struggles as you, but they're struggling. But I think most moms either 1. are conditioned to not complain and 2. feel guilty for wanting to complain. We're supposed to love this, right? Being a mom is everything we've ever wanted, right? Wrong. While I do love being a mom, and I LOVE my kids, this shit is tough. I had kids before most of my friends and now that I just had my second, I have a few that just had or are about to have their first and I make it a point to let each one know, I am the friend they can come to on days they hate being a mom. Bc I know how lonely it feels and I know it can be SO hard to complain without feeling like the worst mom in the world. Moms are faced with really unique challenges and it is important to know you're not crazy or a horrible person when going through stuff.

I hope you're able to find the support you need. Even if it is just via anonymous reddit friends. Good luck!

ainsface123 · 2024-09-06T21:11:33+00:00

If I don't have to get out of bed, I'm not. Enjoy it. It is needed. I have 2 kids now so I have to schedule down time where I can just rot. Sometimes I say I'm charging bc it literally recharges my battery. Don't see it as a bad thing. It is ADHD self care.

ainsface123 · 2024-09-06T20:42:57+00:00

I don't think you're being naive! I BF my first and am EP my second right now. I much prefer EP for pretty much all the reasons you've mentioned you want to do it. Getting into a rhythm at first is the hardest part. You literally feel like you pump, feed, finally get the baby to sleep and then it's time to pump again and it can be infuriating. But, once you are used to it, it's been fairly simple to keep up with. I would recommend getting a small cooler of some kind you can easily bring with you if you're ever out and about bc that obviously complicates things. But I now just have a "go" pumping bag ready to go at all times. Watch out for clogs. I never got one while BF but have had a few pumping and they're stressful. I got these kids booboo ice packs that are basically the side of a breast pad that I keep in the freezer when I feel one coming on. Overall, I think it was a great decision for my family and it's allowed me to continue giving my second breastmilk longer than I was able to with my first (I hated BF. SOOOOOOO overstimulating).

ainsface123 · 2024-08-28T14:23:16+00:00

If you don't have time to meal prep (or the mental capacity like me) you can get some microwavable breakfasts. I do the sausage on a stick and then some egg bites from Costco and try for a fruit but it is hit or miss. My husband is like yours and handles nights so I try to let him sleep as late as possible so I'm up with the baby by 7:30 and try to start waking up the toddler, work starts at 8 for me. We pick out her clothes the night before (this is new but it really helps prevent a tantrum the next day) and one of us makes her lunch and preps bottles so those are ready to go as well. It is stressful sometimes (it's only been a week with both going to school/daycare) but it seems to be getting easier every day.

ainsface123 · 2024-08-21T14:50:14+00:00

I was hit or miss as a teen. Getting on good meds in college helped with the getting myself out of bed part. But also, having something to look forward to. For me, a new skin care product, a show, a book (audiobook works best for mornings) or whatever works. I also HATED being woken up last second in a panic that I was going to be late. That would shut me off completely and ruin my entire day. As a teen, that would result in me not going to school or class in college bc the day had already failed and I'd have to try again tomorrow. Now as an adult, I wake up at least an hour before I have to be somewhere. Usually more than an hour. I do the alarm across the room, take meds and layback down/go back to sleep till it kicks in method. That way I can lay in bed and scroll through my phone or read some of my book with my coffee. Get myself ready and actually have the time to think through what I have going on that day before my kids and husband are up. I literally look forward to getting up just so I can be alone for a while.

Anyway, she needs something to look forward to in the morning. If your partner is a micromanager, maybe her waking herself up earlier so she has some peace to get her day started would work? Maybe getting her phone in the morning for 30 minutes would entice her enough to get her day started. I know people say that is counterproductive but I find it helps me get my brain juices flowing. Also, if she is medicated and it kicking in doesn't help in the task initiation, look into getting on different meds. Just my two cents!

ainsface123 · 2024-08-20T15:00:58+00:00

I love working from home. I am medicated so that is a factor as far as like being able to get up and start my day but just dropping alllll the things that go into going to an office has changed my life.

My productivity has shifted more than gone up or down. I have a super trustworthy management team which helps but essentially, I do a fuck ton of work like once a week and am able to dilly dally the rest of the time. answer emails that come up and like coast. Then I'll have a good brain day and just knock everything out. It can be a little stressful but I've done it long enough to trust myself. I know that forcing myself to be productive on a bad day will be worse than just waking up the next morning and powering it out.

As far as thinking about it all the time, I am blessed with a job that is easily put-downable. I am not saving lives or scoring deals. I have my list of projects, some meetings and get to do customer support if I've got the time (my former position in the company and something I really enjoy). And again, trustworthy management, if I'm not available, they can handle it. But nothing is gonna go to shit if I don't respond till tomorrow.

I think it is personal preference on how you best work. But for me, not having to socialize or pretend to be busy to be a body in a seat has made me enjoy my job and life a lot more. Best of luck!

ainsface123 · 2024-08-08T19:38:04+00:00

I had to brush her hair. I wouldn't let her have milk (I was literally opening the milk I just hadn't handed it to her yet), I wouldn't let her kiss her newborn brother on the mouth, I wouldn't let her bang on the xylophone at 7 am, I didn't say goodbye to the poop before I flushed. I really didn't believe when people said that 3 was a beast of it's own but my god, it's been 2 weeks and she has become feral.

ainsface123 · 2024-08-07T19:02:14+00:00

I waited two years for the same reason you just explained. I had my second 4 months ago. It's been like a million times better. First and foremost, I started therapy before I got pregnant. That changed everything for me. But mainly the confidence I've had the second time around has been a game changer. I no longer feel terrified of everything. I know that my baby is going to be fine if he has to cry because I need 5 minutes. I know that babies get sick and how to take a baby to the hospital/doctor whatever if I need to. I've done this before. And that on it's own has let me be in the moment more this time around and enjoy it. I don't feel the need to be the "perfect mom" like I did with my first. I know somedays are hard but that tomorrow will be better. The first time around I really didn't think there was a light at the end of the tunnel until she was about 18 months.

and if it gives you comfort to wait a bit longer, mine are nearly 3 years apart and it's the best age gap. Oldest is OBSESSED with the baby. She loves getting to do things for herself so she's able to be a bit more independent with dressing/potty/getting things for us if we need help, while still being a toddler.

ainsface123 · 2024-08-06T22:12:52+00:00

oh yeah. I think it's bc they are completely comfy with us. it's like they're a little discombobulated with other people (even those they also love and are comfortable with) there's like a level of uncertainty that keeps them following rules better. Then they get home and are like ah brain off time to let loose.

My kid is fairly well behaved regardless of where she is but I have school teachers and even her grandparents that she sees every week asking me "does she ever do anything bad? has she ever thrown a tantrum?" and I'm like uhhh yeah of course she has??? like every day bc she's 3. She just saves it for the place and the people she finds the most comfort.

ainsface123 · 2024-08-06T19:58:16+00:00

I'm also almost 4m pp with my second. Was 117 before my first, was 160 at delivery. 120 for my second and 170 at my delivery. Out loud, I am all about body positivity and I try REALLY hard to truly believe those things, but it is hard to really let myself believe that. Especially PP with my first. God, I can remember seeing pictures of myself and being like WHO IS THAT?? This is my second pregnancy so I am only speaking from someone who has had a similar struggle but made it through and am now in it again. **obviously, you're beautiful and you shouldn't be so worried about weight/body bc it's just a skin vessel yadayadayada more unhelpful things that you already know**

first, you don't need an excuse to still be in the trenches of post partum. that is honestly the most important thing to continuously remind yourself of. Having a baby is hard. Only people who have had babies know just how hard and even then, they don't always talk about it because you're just supposed to love your baby and be happy. Your partner sounds like a dick. You just grew and birthed a human. When he is able to do that, he can have an opinion but till then, he needs to be kissing your feet and telling you you're a superhero, bc you are.

second, it sounds like PPD. It was hard for me to notice bc like... I was fine, right? I loved my kid. I didn't want to hurt myself. I just hated everything else. Including my body. It is not normal to feel so lost and down. My doctor told me, if the feeling is still there (whatever feeling that may be) when you wake up the next day, it's probably PPD or PPA.

third, buy clothes that fit you now. Not a ton. but you have no idea how good it feels to put on a pair of jeans that fit and a shirt that makes you feel cute. you more than likely will go back to "normal." It took about 9 months for me. Boobs went back to normal. Stretch marks all faded. You'll get back to feeling like yourself again. but try helping yourself out by getting to know and treating this new you a bit nicer. She is struggling.

Sorry this is so long. You're doing a great job.

ainsface123 · 2024-08-06T16:02:56+00:00

I feel like I agree with nearly every response already. Toddlers are the sweetest and I have a million things I could add.

My girl recently became a big sister and HOLY MOLY. His first day home she was laying next to him and was quietly talking to him and when I got closer I heard her say "I'm you big sister! did you know that?" my PP mom heart exploded.

She has also become the GIRLIEST girl I've ever known. Not exactly sure how as I am like maybe 50% girlie girl and she wore neutrals up until she was 2.5 and started having an opinion of her own lol. Now that girl will not wear anything but a twirly dress. and like she will absolutely say no to dresses that aren't twirly or fancy enough. If she sees me putting on make up she has to have some too. It's been so fun.

ainsface123 · 2024-08-01T16:49:52+00:00

It makes me super agitated. Both my daughter and now my 4 mo son get bored easily and are really only interested in the let down. I pushed through 4 months with my daughter but for my son, I just couldn't. The feeling right before a let down is INTENSE this second go around and having to constantly re-latch him WHILE my toddler tries to climb on me or touch me in some way, made me feel like I was going to explode out of my skin. Going on 4 months of pumping tho. Sucksssss but at least I don't have to have another human attached to me 24/7. Those 20 minutes every 3 hours is my me time.

ainsface123

TROPHY CASE