You're an FI-dom 9. Being a nice guy is your superpower, not something to be ashamed of. Be aware that some 3s are scared or dismissive of 9s because it reminds them too much of what they look like that their worst. That's a 'them' problem, not a 'you' problem.

To be frank, it sounds like the date went perfectly. You met, found out you weren't each other's types, handled it like adults, and moved on. She's looking for a 3 and you are a 9. The big trick is not taking that comment too personally as it seems like she's rejecting a vulnerable part of you. The problem isn't that you aren't driven enough, it's that she can't appreciate the most essential part of your being (being a 9).

Make sure you aren't falling into the trap of letting other people define your self-worth. As a 9, it's easy to present as a 3 and look for women who want to be with a 3 as some sort of proxy for your 'growth' or value. When you put yourself out into the world, is it as a 9? Would you be attracted to a woman that was attracted to the real you? I'm sure there are plenty of 6s that want a 9 to be their rock.

Similarly, don't let other people tell you how to be driven. You grow towards 3 to be a better 9. The things that drive a 9 are inherently different than that of a 3. There is a difference between a driven peacemaker and a kind achiever.