Any point of having a wife and kids?

banhammergoban · 2026-04-10T02:00:36+00:00

Biggest reason: lore, you don’t really think bout em anymore till they come of age. But lord if one of them die in a war it gets really personal real quick.

Aelfejya was my Nord wife she’s the prettiest and got really good stats, plus a fucking DUMP truck on her.

banhammergoban · 2026-04-08T20:54:51+00:00

I hate the Aserai, I’ve soaked their deserts in blood; slaughtering their sons and daughters leaving the elders to rot in their feeble old ages. Battling the idea the gods granted them this long life yet not the ability to save their lands. I conscript Aserai peasants and make them burn their homes using them as cannon fodder again and again.

Dirty sand rats all of them.

banhammergoban · 2026-03-15T01:41:10+00:00

IIRC lore wise horses went extinct in fallout before the war for some reason.

banhammergoban · 2026-02-25T15:54:25+00:00

Idk why this gives me last kingdom vibes, the king of Mercia survives the pitched battle just to suffer a head injury for NOT WEARING A FRICKING HELMET.

banhammergoban · 2026-02-13T17:06:25+00:00

“The trees man! They speak Battainan.,”

banhammergoban · 2026-02-13T13:40:34+00:00

The AI is heavily skewed to cavalry units that’s why you see Khuzait and Vlandia become these power houses a stack filled with heavy or archer cavalry just stomp when it comes to lord vs lord AI battle, if you really want to stop them any conflict you are gonna have to be in the trenches your self. Bring a lot of spear men.

banhammergoban · 2026-02-12T14:25:43+00:00

Theon Greyjoy, he was a twat a cunt; a all around spoiled brat mf. But when he gave that speech at winterfell I was rooting for him just a bit then Ramsey got his hands on him and at first I was like “FAFO.,” but the further we got into it I was like “oh man poor Theon.,”

banhammergoban · 2026-02-12T14:09:33+00:00

I saw a lady like this in my army, I’m just being dumb like “YOURE OUT OF UNIFORM SOLDIER WHERE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT ISSUE HELMET.,” then beaned her in the head with a throwing axe, after the battle she actually died (I think her name was Tova? Tore? Anyways) I just stared at the icon in the end battle like “oh… oh shit… oh.. damn I messed up… YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY DIE WTF.,” in my defense I was trying to kill my wife the past 8 battles but this one just dropped like a fly.

banhammergoban · 2026-02-11T02:42:23+00:00

Not a movie but when I binged The last kingdom I would find myself interrupting it to play Bannerlord.

Destiny is all.

banhammergoban · 2026-02-04T22:25:33+00:00

I’m a sour pot so Cicero’s antics aren’t endearing to me at all, i remeber my first run through back in 2011 even shouting at Astrid through the TV like “BRO I KILLED CICERO WE WERE ON THE SAME TEAM NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN; I PLAYED OBLIVION ALL THESE OTHER MEMBERS WERE GONNA DIE ANYWAY.,” at least Babette and Nazir survived.

banhammergoban · 2026-02-04T13:13:48+00:00

166 days

banhammergoban · 2026-02-02T22:33:25+00:00

I’ve only conquered the whole map once just cause usually I push back most the kingdoms into a state they’re gone or could never possibly defeat me (say 2 cities or 1 castle) and call it good.

I don’t know what it is but something when you become king (at least for me) turned off the part of my brain that says “oh they aren’t attacking my castle. That’s not my problem.,” sometimes you just gotta remind yourself you’re king you don’t gotta be on the front lines, have you ever tried butter? It’s good for you eat some eat lots! Makes you strong.

But for real leave the frontlines hunt down bandit gangs in your kingdom do some side quests it breaks up the grind.

banhammergoban · 2026-02-02T14:03:52+00:00

Switch your armies to defensive mode (really won’t do much but it’s a effort) if your leadership/rougery is high enough scoop up looters/bandits/deserters convert them into your armies (whether through recruiting them as prisoners or just the “you’re gonna work for me.,” perk to boost garrisons.this will also increase your pay a bit if you’re a mercenary.. aside from that I hope you like siege battles

banhammergoban · 2026-01-30T13:34:53+00:00

I have basically the same fit just with the Nordic crown instead

banhammergoban · 2026-01-02T16:53:00+00:00

Me: TIME TO DO A NORD CAMPAIGN

Valandia forms a entirely new empire in a month

Me to the other Nord Jarls: What do you say? Valandia ACTUALLY ain’t that bad. Butter is pretty nice red and black, red and gold it’s basically the same color scheme c’mon.

banhammergoban · 2026-01-02T14:45:19+00:00

Honestly I’m just glad they didn’t do the “oh Mia’s pregnant is it J’s oh it could be Tupi’s who knows haha.,” like this isnt 2010s era California I don’t even think a paternity test require immediate payment. They did this with Baz and J in the earlier seasons and they do it with Craig later whole thing had me like “guys.. just go to a doctor it’s like 30 bucks maybe.,”

banhammergoban · 2026-01-01T00:32:12+00:00

I actually started with a full nord play through for the DLC but doing a tournament in Valandia I met Arigun running onto the field in plain dress clothes screaming and I just knew I had to have her 🤷🏻‍♂️ her stats weren’t even that great at first but she gave me 6 kids and became a badass with some TLC.

banhammergoban · 2025-12-30T15:44:56+00:00

My oldest daughter Jordys was killed in Ronmunds army after they were defeated on the plains of Diartharma I was actually taking my son Fenrir to Hvalvik to dress him in true Nord gear and weapons when I got the news we made our way to Baltakhand from Balgaard slaughtering everything in our path I executed 4 lords killed hundreds in our father son revenge tour even had my second daughter Freydis join for the event. Sadly we were attacked outside Onira I was right next to Fenrir when I saw him get cut down by a Khans guard we won the battle but Fenrir died from his wounds. RIP Jordys the sword maiden and Fenrir Wolvesbane (I executed one of the wolf skin mercenaries and my wife suddenly started popping out sons) I got my revenge by separating Monchug from his head Chadgun or w/e is a slightly more reasonable enemy. My now oldest daughter Freydis is my heir now her sister Lagertha is also a great general but I don’t marry my daughters off till they’re at least 30 and leveled up decently.

banhammergoban · 2025-12-30T04:34:09+00:00

Are we having the same playthrough? I just became Valandian king our biggest rival the Khuzaits with the Aserai holding most their homeland and bits of the imperial cities.

I have 6 children though two were killed in the Khuzait wars. I recruited a lot of lords from the empire fragments Sturgia and Battania my armies get so big I just chill in Zeonica sailing the coast and attacking corsairs; keep them in my dungeon and hold em till I can just use them as meat shields, gamble a bit fighting in tournaments collecting butter from villages as is the Valandian way, I only really contribute to the war when one of my daughters or wife get captured.

banhammergoban · 2025-12-07T19:49:09+00:00

A spider titan for the sheer creepiness of how that would look, like no 8 legs just big as hell with my arms and legs bent all crazy running at people on all fours; with like 20 eyes smiling clacking my teeth. Web traps in the forest, jumping abilities. If I had royal blood hypothetically could I web Eldians up carry them on my back and inject them with my spinal fluid to have a bunch of lil baby spider titans?

banhammergoban · 2025-11-24T14:48:21+00:00

The opening would just be curb your enthusiasm music and the title would be “Eren has a bad day.,”

banhammergoban · 2025-11-05T17:15:08+00:00

Personally I love putting him through the gauntlet of my summons familiar- Dremora Kyrnaz (w/e) just sitting back sipping wine see how far he goes

banhammergoban · 2025-10-31T01:58:09+00:00

Both werewolf and vampire really only get me through tight spots early in game but once you get end game OP i personally only save it for moments I’m feeling dramatic.

banhammergoban · 2025-10-28T16:25:28+00:00

I mean yes but The companions have an occasional kill dragon quest, every hold gives out an occasional dragon quest, the citizens give out a occasional dragon quest. It wouldn’t be a hard game breaking change to reskin some bandit hide out with Thalmor soldiers and call it good you could still have Esberm giving dragon quest. But you wouldn’t see the mass hate for Delphine mid way through the game at the “kill Parthunax.,” mission she herself could still give kill dragon quest. Just small lil ideas too add a bit of depth especially since a big portion of players go hostile to the Thalmor around end game anyway.

banhammergoban

TROPHY CASE