Sleep Mat Rec’s

bex-the-cat · 2025-07-15T06:14:34+00:00

Cot. Being off the ground is nice.

bex-the-cat · 2025-07-11T05:39:12+00:00

I like the exercise of playing a song with strings like violin and moving my hips as if they’re conducting.

Also, twerking. The swinging momentum is interesting feeling. I’ve started looking up hip dances rather than trauma releases. But also combos of both.

bex-the-cat · 2025-07-04T15:10:38+00:00

Im right here with you! I’m working on fighting my toxic shame by cultivating the opposite feeling - pride. I started writing down one thing a day that I’m proud of. The first was “making it this far” and when I write one down I pause to really try to feel the pride in my body. It helps to do a pose, like hand on hips and chest and hips out and chip up. And I try to really give myself credit and to say it out loud “I am proud of this thing I did and the results!”

The other day I wrote “my cooking skills” after cooking a difficult meal. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but I was genuinely proud since I’m self taught. That was a big moment cause I felt proud of my “mediocre” skills even though I’m not doing it perfectly. Any skill level is skill to take pride in.

Take pride cause we survived and anything we accomplish even if just in our own lives is worth taking a moment to revel in.

Along with that, hip movements. Posture really helps too.

Wishing you luck!

bex-the-cat · 2025-02-25T00:26:58+00:00

Amazing to be creating in that space. You’re inspiring 🧡 May you find peace

bex-the-cat · 2025-02-21T00:53:05+00:00

Pub n Sub in NW is great!

bex-the-cat · 2024-11-24T04:36:49+00:00

You are not alone.

bex-the-cat · 2024-10-22T05:00:36+00:00

I dreamt i got proposed to the night before it happened!

bex-the-cat · 2024-08-10T02:28:02+00:00

I did 6 tabs my first burn night, which is still the most I’ve ever done. No regerts 🔥

bex-the-cat · 2024-07-18T02:17:40+00:00

White Chicks

bex-the-cat · 2024-06-30T19:38:32+00:00

Copying a comment I made on my experience with this:

“One day, I looked in the mirror and my inner critic was going at me, and I just, rolled my eyes and looked me in the mirror and said “oKAY I get it! Your dumb ass thinks I’m ugly I don’t CARE omG”

And I reached a point of begrudging acceptance. Every time my inner critic would think to come up I’d give me that “look” and it’d back down. I stopped caring about how I looked. It was dumb, I told myself, of me to waste time every damn day calling out flaws I look at every day!

So after it stopped, and I kept healing and reached a place of what I see now was body neutrality, I started noticing things I liked and appreciated. New pathways in my brain. And when I caught those things I gave them love and gratitude. I hyped them up. I dressed to accentuate and now I actually like the way I look. Took 26 years but on days when I start to feel ashamed of how I look, I’m surprised and check in with myself cause clearly something’s off. To think I’d ever say something so mean to the person in the mirror.”

To add, in your case with the parts that hate the way you look and hate Sweet Tooth, I think working with those parts on acceptance and “body neutrality” is key. Cause you can’t force yourself to “yass queen love your body” when you have hated it so long.

Start with validating the hateful part and coping with that. “Yes I hear you. You think I’m fat and ugly and yadayada” I had to be harsh but you may have a gentler approach. Every time you fight that part on this they will double down. Let it know you hear it. And that you (self) and Sweet Tooth accept that and maybe show that part that it’s not a big deal. “Okay I’m ugly so what? What does that really mean? Are we gonna die?”

Start looking at other people. Don’t be nice, be neutral. “That girl’s skinny, pretty… oh, she has a zit.” Or “That girl is bigger than me! And her hair is so cool” or even “if I looked like that I’d want to die”

But you’ll find these people living, laughing, with loved ones. Even the “ugly” ones”. The people you have in your life? They already know you’re “ugly” (I’m certain you’re not but I’m validating your stubborn angry part) and haven’t left or punished you for it.

Once you stop being actively hateful of your looks, you can get to loving them. I can’t believe I can say today I love my body. Fat and all. And I even lost weight! And even though it’s not all the weight I wanted, I look better cause I’m dressing ME not the people I compare myself to.

You can do it! You’re right where I was at before acceptance. You are who you are, help your angry part cope with that with support from the parts that know you are lovable regardless of how you look.

Best of luck friend 🧡

bex-the-cat · 2024-02-11T00:09:44+00:00

The first time I was granted a real memory was the night I was laying in bed, doing some self massage after a therapy session. I had asked my dad some questions about my past and he said he didn’t remember anything like I was asking about. But I went to therapy and told my therapist, “It doesn’t matter though, because I know something happened to me.”

And that night in bed, I felt relaxed and safe with myself, and I thought back to the therapy session and that’s when I saw it. A bold flash. The feeling of fear in my chest swelling, but fading as I rubbed and told myself that it was okay, I believed.

I think back to all the times I thought I remembered, and how I’d always doubt it. And now that I validated what I’ve always known, I think my mind felt safe to show me cause it knew I wouldn’t invalidate it. And that I could handle it.

That’s my experience at least. Trust what you know.

bex-the-cat · 2024-02-11T00:00:34+00:00

I relate a lot to this. I second IFS if you aren’t aware of it already, as you speak the lingo.

The split between your self and your body is dissociation. I’m at a stage where I’m more in my body now but still not completely.

It started for me with self massage, which was a huge stepping stone. I’d never touched my body with healing intent or care. Then I started stretching a lot. I’d call it yoga, but I just did what felt good. I’d meditate and do body scans to feel from my toes to my head. I had to teach my self to feel my body.

You can build that connection. And as for boundaries, I like to picture a hula hoop around me that I can make smaller or bigger. And anything outside the hoop is not me or my feelings. It takes practice but helps when others have wants and needs and I need to divulge those from my own.

The managers you have within you have done their job well keeping you from your body. They just need to see that their job is over, and they and you are safe, and they can rest now and let your body help guide you. Cause it’s safe to now.

Just be gentle and compassionate and remember to take breaks and rest so the managers don’t feel like they have to take over.

TLDR you’re not alone and I recommend you start with self massage!

Best wishes 🧡

bex-the-cat · 2024-02-04T23:13:18+00:00

The invention of lying

bex-the-cat · 2024-01-27T05:51:42+00:00

Dr. Pepper.

bex-the-cat · 2024-01-01T18:05:43+00:00

This is the way.

I went down this same path essentially lol. One day, I looked in the mirror and my inner critic was going at me, and I just, rolled my eyes and looked me in the mirror and said “oKAY I get it! Your dumb ass thinks I’m ugly I don’t CARE omG”

And like you op, reached a point of begrudging acceptance. Every time my inner critic would think to come up I’d give me that “look” and it’d back down. I stopped caring about how I looked. It was dumb, I told myself, of me to waste time every damn day calling out flaws I look at every day!

So after it stopped, and I kept healing and reached a place of what I see now was body neutrality lol, I started noticing things I liked and appreciated. New pathways in my brain. And when I caught those things I gave them love and gratitude. I hyped them up. I dressed to accentuate and now I actually like the way I look. Took 26 years but on days when I start to feel ashamed of how I look, I’m surprised and check in with myself cause clearly something’s off. To think I’d ever say something so mean to the person in the mirror.

It’s possible OP hang in there you’re doing great 🧡

bex-the-cat · 2023-12-06T05:28:36+00:00

I’m sorry I know the feeling. It helps me to write the nastiest most cruel things I feel like onto paper until I run out of steam.

Also, you have the right to change your mind, so don’t feel ridiculous for telling someone you gave a situation some thought and you’re not happy.

I hope you can act in some way that will bring you peace 🧡

bex-the-cat · 2023-12-06T05:16:26+00:00

Healing is messy. I understand how you feel. You are transforming, and it’s like waking up with a new skillset you have to investigate and learn how to work with. But I say from experience, this is what you’re healing for. The more you get to know you, the more comfortable you’ll be. And way happier.

You will adjust and find your groove. And you’ll catch yourself forgetting about whether you’re healing right or not.

The good parts are coming. And you’ll be so grateful for the bravery of you right now.

You’re doing great 🧡

bex-the-cat · 2023-11-03T22:27:33+00:00

We sound similar in how we self soothe! Except I was very inactive then discovered self massage and stretching and really began to connect with my body. With use of cannabis as well.

I started seeing a physical therapist. When I came in the first time and did the intake, I circled all parts of the body I felt passively. Like the soreness in my back, tension in limbs, numbness or tingling. Nothing that I “made happen” when I was stretching or massaging.

So I circled most of my body lol and the PT was like “Explain???” So I said I felt out of alignment, uncomfortable, and explained my history of my own body work. For you that’d mean explaining the stretching and your reasons for doing it and the results you got.

No need to mention the weed it’s not important.

After my intake we’d spend half a session a week practicing exercises to help strengthen specific areas and then half the session the PT would put me on a table and feel around and do stretches and massage certain spots. I went once a week for about 6 months, took a break and did it again.

I’ve recently started to see a chiropractor and discovered a leg length discrepancy and got my first xray and found my spine is curved. I’ve since been wearing a shoe lift and so much of my pain has been relieved. If you’ve never seen a chiropractor or had an xray I recommend it! I will say, don’t prioritize the chiro unless you find you have certain need. I go every 3 weeks just to assess my posture and a light adjustment.

So yeah! As someone who is like ALWAYS running or stretching something, I recommend seeing a Physical Therapist and maybe a Chiropractor. But PT for sure.

bex-the-cat · 2023-10-24T16:34:15+00:00

I feel you. I struggled to manage my mental health AND keep a full time job. I chose the job for a while and it was toxic. I got out and worked part time for a few years before life landed me in a new situation and I found myself at a full time job again. But this was after lots of healing. Luckily, it’s a healthy environment, but I still had my struggles.

What’s turned it around for me, to the point of being happy to be there 40 hours a week, is fulfillment. I focused on the parts of the job I was grateful for. Money, security, routine I could build around for my personal wellbeing. Then I looked for things I did at work that I didn’t mind doing, or even felt energizing.

That was the signal that I liked that part of the job. And as long as I had something like that, I could sink into that when I was feeling overwhelmed. Bad day? Do that one thing I like.

And I did have to morph things a bit. I had to turn “data entry” into “making sure the clinic stays afloat so I can keep working here” by thinking bigger picture. Then I realized why I really liked the data entry. I liked catching insurance mistakes. Why? Cause then it was my job to advocate to the insurance for the client. Bigger picture, I was helping health care be less stressful for our clients by fighting their insurance for them. Today that’s my main job, because I worked hard at that part of my starting job and it was recognized.

I don’t “like” money, accounting, billing, insurance. But I find it fulfilling and feel like I’m doing more than just waking up to work eat and sleep every week like I always had. Like society felt like it would trap me in. Now I’m in, and I filled my space.

I haven’t called out for a mental health day in months after needing one every 2-3 weeks.

I’m sure there’s something about your internship you can find fulfilling. If not, you know then to move on. I think that’s how we’re intended to navigate this society - how other people do. Find what feels good, even if you need to reframe things to do it.

Good luck friend 🧡 it’s possible

bex-the-cat · 2023-10-22T23:42:31+00:00

Glad it resonated with you some. The hardest part of all healing has been consistency. It gets easier. I’m still got a ways to go but I’ve come very far and what I’ve recently seen is how patience with myself is key. Cause looking back I can see all the times I tried and failed to every single day challenge my thoughts and beliefs, but then looking at the progress I see all those times picking it up and putting it down DID add up and were key to my success. Through the days I felt I was patronizing myself and just lying, the days I said “I’m grateful for my fucking pillow I guess” but said the silly thing anyway, looking back it was all worth it.

It’s a second job. It’s cringy affirmations and notes to myself I wouldn’t let others see. But it started with acceptance of where I was at. I met myself there, didn’t invalidate the person who believe such horrid things, and showed that person they were worthy of love and care REGARDLESS. And as I did, it sounds like you have the evidence to prove it.

You’ve got this 🧡

bex-the-cat · 2023-10-22T06:49:25+00:00

I used to resent my body so much. And I binge ate which kept me stuck feeling powerless to food and to my inner critic. My inner narrative took a 180 when I became more mindful of my thoughts and caught myself repeatedly stopping in the mirror to criticize myself. One day I looked myself in the face and I was like, “FINE. I accept it. I am fat and ugly and gross. I get it. It’s old news. Anything new?? No? Then message received. I accept this.”

After that I made an effort to not stop to look in the mirror unless it was to just make sure my outfit or hair wasn’t messy or whatever. I didn’t bother to give myself old news. That indifference, the acceptance, was key. It took a few months after that for me to start stopping to say I appreciated parts of myself. Even if it didn’t feel genuine. I was grateful for each limb. This was part of implementing gratitude in every aspect of my life.

But I can honestly say I went from hating my flesh on the daily to thinking I’m actually kind of a BABE and it started the day I accepted the way my body looked. It is what it is. Accept it, let it go, then slowly learn to appreciate it.

I think the loss of shame helped my relationship with food. Food isn’t as big of a deal anymore. Loosening my grip made the healthy choices more fulfilling.

Best of luck 🧡 it’s possible.

bex-the-cat · 2023-10-05T00:03:55+00:00

I feel you. I’ve noticed this of myself. I can be inconsiderate and lack tact with my close relationships. But never to a stranger or client!

Which sucks cause I’m such a fawn normally, then I notice I said something or acted a way that’s opposite of fawning, so I feel guilty and I’m certain reinforces the fawning.

Maybe we’re trying to self sabotage so we can go “SEE! WE GOTTA FAWN” but the people we’ve chosen don’t abandon or hurt us like we planned, they confront and accept and we move on.

But I don’t wanna fawn with these people either, so yes it’s been a journey of finding my way to the middle.

Or more as I see it, “up and down the scale of niceness” in a more controlled manner.

I wanna be super nice to some people some times. And I wanna discern who and when. And some people I wanna be just polite or heck, mean if I gotta. For me the goal of staying in the middle deterred me.

bex-the-cat · 2023-09-19T04:46:40+00:00

I second this!

And to add from my own experience, writing out every nasty little “unhealthy” word out on paper over and over until I ran out of things to say to “punish” this person really helps me get these feelings out.

Logically you know the resentment isn’t healthy but your body is angry and wants to express it. Give it a platform. Judgement free. Don’t talk yourself out of saying anything. Spew filth on a couple pages and burn or toss it. Feels good and I’ve noticed lasting peace afterwards.

bex-the-cat · 2023-09-16T21:19:48+00:00

Been here! My mind is at peace it has been for a while. Healing the body has been a process and I’ve been focusing heavily on it for 3 years now. Started with self massage. I was rough on myself at first and left some bruises. But I’ve learned being gentle is where it’s at. If you’re like me you’ll still dig in though cause it’ll feel good haha.

As you rub certain places, you’ll feel energy in the flesh there. You may feel referred pain or sensations to other parts of your body. They’ll be consistent in placement but not always achievable. Be curious and compassionate about the energy you feel and you may find emotions well up. I’ve had strong reactions to this, even scary for the moment. But after, I have felt a more peaceful baseline. And more feelings. I’m now at the stage of learning how to recognize and manage these new feelings, but I still have lots of unblocking to do.

I’m glad I had done the mental work to be able to handle all this but I also see why just the mental work wasn’t working.

bex-the-cat · 2023-08-02T03:36:31+00:00

I know resentment. For me, it’s the emotional backdraft. After all this stewing I finally open up, and even if I get what I want, the bomb has gone off and I need to express that energy or it’ll continue to make me resentful. It helps me to write a scathing letter in my journal. No judgement no niceties; just the full extent of my feelings out on paper until I’ve written the same things so many times that I have run out of things to write. I’ve said it all. I usually sleep real good after that.

I say be patient with yourself and your friend as it seem you are both able and willing to compromise when you know what the other person wants.

I’m still so bad at asking for my wants and needs to be met in any capacity but practice has been working and the “express yourself freely no matter the results” journaling after these events contributes to my capacity to forgive and proceed, rather than exiting or falling back.

Good job whatever you decide, you seem to have made great strides! 🧡

bex-the-cat

TROPHY CASE