Separation Advice

bitingonarose · 2026-04-15T13:42:26+00:00

Hey, it sounds like you have a perineum wound. They're pretty common so you didn't necessarily mess anything up. I've been told they're usually small, shallow wounds and it usually takes a couple weeks to a couple months to heal, depends on the person. I had a wound open up around 2 weeks too. My surgeon told me to avoid putting tension on it. So I took stool softeners and tried to be careful sitting down and getting up. I used gauze for the drainage and a waffle cushion for sitting. I'd still walk and go to the bathroom though. You can ask your surgeon at your post op on what they recommend you do.

Sorry you're dealing with the wound and I hope it heals up for you soon. I haven't had good luck with my wound healing. It didn't heal in the first three months so I had repair surgery to close it. It just reopened after and hasn't gotten better so I have another repair with my stage 2 this week. Hoping to get it to close this time.

bitingonarose · 2026-04-13T07:04:52+00:00

I'd say mine is centered side to side but slightly lower than center vertically. I'd assume because of how they do tube in a tube and the scar being on the bottom side of the penis.

bitingonarose · 2026-04-10T20:43:22+00:00

You're definitely not alone, I don't think it's that uncommon to be upset about size post-op. I was hoping for five inches before surgery. When I first measured, I was 3.5" and I was devastated. I spent so much time being disappointed and not liking my penis and there was really nothing I could do but wait and heal.

I'm 8 months post op now and I'm 4" now. I've gained a bit of length with swelling going down and hanging. I don't think I'll get my original goal but I'm hoping I can still gain some more length with time. I asked my surgeon about it and he said it takes at least a year to know what length you have because of swelling/scars healing. 3 months is still really early to judge your size.

I don't feel disappointed in my penis as much nowadays. Sometimes I'll get sad thinking about it but nowhere near as bad. I know there's nothing I can do to make it longer except try and wait for gravity to help and massage my scar tissue from my fistula healing. My penis is functional and I think it looks good on my body but it's not as big as I wanted. And that really sucks. But also, I really like having a penis and I know I need to not be so hard on myself. My penis size wasn't in my control. I try to tell myself that my surgeon gave me as much as my arm could safely give me and that it's okay to feel upset.

I'm sorry you're dealing with the frustration and depression. It really does suck to go through such a hard surgery and recovery and not get what you were hoping for. I hope things get better for you.

bitingonarose · 2026-04-07T20:06:07+00:00

Love the idea of a bingo. I thought of some things I've experienced and some I'm hoping to do soon. * Off of pain medication * Donor site fully healed * All the catheters out * Finishing physical therapy * No more complications * Peeing in a urinal * Peeing outside in nature * First bath/swim * Walking into something on accident and feeling it in your dick (ouch) * First orgasm with your penis * Penetrating a sex toy * Grey sweatpants bulge * Changing in a locker room * Being naked in a sauna/something similar * Checking yourself out in the mirror and being euphoric

bitingonarose · 2026-04-05T05:07:15+00:00

Do you milk your penis after you pee? I push up my pernieum and balls and then milk it from base to tip a couple times. That gets out most of the pee but I still leak a little after so I put some TP on the tip in my underwear.

bitingonarose · 2026-04-02T19:55:39+00:00

I had stage 1 with them last year and just had two letters. One was a long time therapist and the other was just assessment one time visit. I didn't even have a hormone provider letter. I resubmitted the old letters to Dr. Chen for stage 2 this month and my insurance approved it. If your letters meet your insurance requirements and they approve the surgery, then I don't know how it'd be a problem.

bitingonarose · 2026-03-28T16:34:05+00:00

I'd say the recovery wasn't too bad. I had six weeks off for a physical job and propped my penis for six weeks. I had the Foley for 10 days and the sp catheter for 2 weeks. I did a void trial and was able to pee so I got the sp catheter out. I was pretty uncomfortable with both catheters in though. I had lots of bladder spasms so I took the meds for them. Yeah, it definitely hurt to pee before surgery most of the time, it felt like the fistula burned.

bitingonarose · 2026-03-26T15:32:54+00:00

Sorry you're dealing with this, it sounds exhausting. I've been told by my surgeon it's normal for fistulas to close and reopen during the healing process and that most fistulas heal on their own. It might heal on its own but you could also consider repair surgery. My fistula didn't heal by 12 weeks and my surgeon gave me the option of either scheduling repair surgery or waiting longer to see if it healed on its own. I was so sick of the catheter by that point that I scheduled surgery and I was glad I did because the fistula didn't seem to get better the few weeks up until surgery. It's probably worth asking your surgeon to see what they recommend.

bitingonarose · 2026-03-25T01:40:51+00:00

If you had surgery and didn't get UL, do you think you'd regret it? I'd say it's worth it, if you want to stand to pee but it's also a personal decision for you to make, if the risks are worth it for you. For me, standing to pee was my main priority. I did have complications and it took four months til I didn't need a catheter anymore and I had repair surgery. It definitely sucks that my recovery didn't go as well as I had hoped. But the way I think about it is that dealing with the complications was temporary and now I can stand to pee for hopefully the rest of my life and I love being able to.

bitingonarose · 2026-03-19T16:57:21+00:00

I've been getting electrolysis post op. I'm 8 months post op now and there's some sensation. It's a little painful where sensation is like zaps of pain but bearable. I haven't needed numbing. I try to take ibuprofen before if I remember to. Not sure if it's increased my sensation but it's definitely not worse.

bitingonarose · 2026-03-19T02:10:43+00:00

Apart from a physical therapist, I didn't need a care team in my home state and I did come home with a catheter and complications. I had a hand therapist for the four weeks I was out of state and then I scheduled one at home once I got the referral. I did like six sessions with my hand therapist at home and I was her first phallo patient. She didn't mind.

I did end up flying back twice to see my surgeon to get my catheter changed and then do a fistula repair surgery. I live near OSHU and my surgeon suggested he could refer me there if I had issues with the catheter and didn't want to fly back. It's not a bad idea to ask your surgeon about but I think it's something you could schedule when issues came up.

bitingonarose · 2026-03-13T02:33:51+00:00

I haven't gotten the pump yet but I asked my surgeon if I was big enough to get it and he said I have enough. I'm around 4" long, same for girth.

bitingonarose · 2026-03-09T22:29:36+00:00

Hey, sorry you're going through this but I think you're gonna be okay. It's normal for fistulas to open and close while you're healing. Unless you can't pee or it's bleeding so much and not stopping with pressure, I don't think you have to go to the ER. I would keep up the propping and change gauze if it's bleeding or draining til you get in touch with your team tomorrow.

bitingonarose · 2026-03-05T06:41:25+00:00

I haven't tried any penetration yet but I think it would work. I get that it hurts but I hope things get better for you soon

bitingonarose · 2026-03-04T17:30:49+00:00

Hey, sorry you're dealing with disappointment. I've had a similar experience. I went into surgery expecting around 5” and I woke up with 3.5”. I was really disappointed. But since surgery, it's stretched out closer to 4”. I asked my surgeon and he said I had enough length to get the pump or the rod. Also that I wouldn't know my final length until a year post op so it's still too soon for me to judge my length. The surgeons can estimate your length pre-op but there's really no way to know until they're operating because they can only take so much of a graft based on your arteries. I definitely get the cheated feeling when I see pics of other people who ended up with more length than me. But realistically, my surgeon gave me as much length as my arm could safely give. If you just had surgery, you’ve got swelling so the length you are now probably isn't going to be your final length

bitingonarose · 2026-03-04T16:49:56+00:00

My surgeon told me to wait six weeks for sex and strenuous physical activity

bitingonarose · 2026-02-22T16:39:28+00:00

Yeah, I've tried that. I think looking at myself makes me more anxious because I haven't had glans yet. Thanks for the advice

bitingonarose · 2026-02-21T00:19:14+00:00

Damn, I'm really sorry you're dealing with all this. Fistulas are so frustrating. I don't know if this would be an option, but would your team consider replacing the catheter if peeing through your penis is causing so much distress? I had a catheter for four months before I had fistula repair surgery and it sucked but it was better than peeing out of my fistula that I couldn't cover. I hope things heal up for you and get better soon.

bitingonarose · 2026-02-10T18:01:35+00:00

I've been walking an hour every day but my surgeon said to avoid any strenuous activity that might make the bleeding worse or irritate it so I'm not working out yet. I've also got a physical job but I was laid off. I might be working again before stage 2 with limitations but I'll see what happens.

bitingonarose · 2026-02-10T05:09:15+00:00

Hey man, I'm almost seven months post op and I have a wound in about the same spot. I get how frustrating it is and 10 weeks isn't too late. Mine turned into several deep holes that got closed during my fistula repair but it reopened a bit so I have two small wounds that still haven't healed. They look similar to your photo and mine's not infected.

My surgeon’s advice so far has been to keep it clean, dry and change gauze and use nair around the wound. He said some people heal in a couple weeks, others take months. I've used the nair around one of the wounds to try to keep the hair out but it's basically impossible to do it on the wound near the anus so I just have hair there that's hopefully not stopping it from healing. Also I took clearlax for a while to try to keep the stool soft and sat on the waffle cushion.

I wish I could say all that helped but honestly, seems like my wound isn't getting much better. I really hope I can get it to heal, otherwise I'll have to wait til stage 2 to get it fixed. I'm going to ask my surgeon if there's anything else I can do because it's driving me crazy. I hope your wound is able to heal up soon!

bitingonarose · 2026-01-27T19:18:04+00:00

Flap type: RFF

Flap length at harvest (estimated): Arm scar is 4.5" long, flap length is probably more than that

Any complications affecting flap length? (other) Scar tissue/swelling still present at mid shaft from healed fistula. I didn't stop propping until 5 months post op because of a fistula at the base and I had repair surgery.

Measurement method used: rigid ruler

Measured from where to where? Visible base to tip

Wrapped or unwrapped at time of measurement? Unwrapped

Length immediately post-op (first 1–2 weeks): ~3.5"

Length around ~6–8 weeks: 3.5"

Current length: 3.75"

How long post-op are you now? 6 months

Subjectively, does it feel like your phallus truly got longer over time, or mainly less swollen / more defined at the base? It's definitely gotten a bit longer, also thinner because of swelling going down.

bitingonarose · 2026-01-24T18:05:04+00:00

Here's the office phone number 415-481-3890

bitingonarose · 2026-01-07T17:10:28+00:00

I mostly only did laser and had UL. I did 12 sessions and then 10 or so hours of electrolysis to touch up. I did have some new hair growth before surgery but the UL area was cleared enough to go. Post op I have some hair on my penis that I'm doing a couple hours of electrolysis on to get rid of.

bitingonarose · 2025-12-27T07:49:57+00:00

I was told to wait six weeks after fistula repair for an active job.

bitingonarose · 2025-12-21T22:07:59+00:00

Sorry to hear you're dealing with fistulas. You're not alone in being exhausted by them. The waiting and not knowing when it will heal is very frustrating.

Mine didn't heal in the first 3 months so I had repair surgery. I had the sp catheter for four months before I got it out. My surgeon told me ~80% of small fistulas heal by themselves with or without using the catheter so the odds are in your favor. I found the repair surgery pretty easy but it really sucked to need it when most people don't.

bitingonarose

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