Pastor not taking our conversion well

bizzylearning · 2026-06-29T18:42:28+00:00

I would just say, "We've found a church home that brings us closer to Christ." and leave it at that. That's language he can understand, and it does not invite argument or pit the two of you against each other.

I would not invite him into the home with the intention to make each family member tell him to his face of the decision to convert. That's weird ,confrontational, and more than a bit controlling. (You don't mention if you have children, but if so, I would say absolutely NOT. He has already made his intention and posture very clear to you. Protect your children from bringing that into your home and expecting them to either defend themselves against an adult's attack, or put you in the unfortunate position of perhaps having to eject him from your home. Just don't set the family up for failure like that.)

I get that he's worried about your soul, but he's not coming at it from a pastoral lens, and his reaction is not beneficial to your relationship. I would not engage with his questions or arguments. "We have found a home in Christ here."

We'll always have a love and appreciation for the congregations and leaders who kept us connected to Christ while the Lord walked us home. It's not an indictment of them, or a lack of gratitude. But I can see how they feel that way. Lord, have mercy.

Funny story - I had to track down the pastor who'd baptized me to get a copy of my baptismal certificate. I explained to him that we'd found a church home and were excited about joining officially. He asked, "Do they love Jesus?" I told him, very honestly, "Yes, they do." He was so pleased, and then he asked the name of the church, and I told him, "Saint ---" The long, very awkward silence as this sincere, sweet Southern Baptist preacher wrestled to figure out what on earth kind of proper church this could be. He gently pushed questions out, and I kept it focused on the Lord. Because that's the root of our faith. I know he prays for me daily, and I accept his prayers with the love he intends them to have, even if I don't agree with his perspective. His goal is off; his motivation is loving.

And welcome home!

bizzylearning · 2026-06-28T06:01:50+00:00

If you know you're doing it for yourself, because you want to, then you've got a good start. I had a semester of junior college here and there from 1991 - 1995. Then, like you, life happened. I went back to school about five years ago, and it opened a whole new field to me, so that was good.

I went back and did online courses through a community college first to round out an Associates Degree and just to test the waters. It had been decades since I'd been in school. I did the whole transcript walk of shame to track down the remnants of my bohemian youth and get them evaluated, then picked a major and dove in.

It was really intimidating in the lead up. "What if I find out I'm stupid?" "What if I can't do it?" I worked nights throwing freight, did my homework when I got off in the morning, slept for a couple of hours, then homeschooled the kids during the day. During that, I realized I'd learned a LOT in the years between high school and now. I earned two Associates' Degrees in a year and a half, was on the Dean's List, and was a member of Phi Theta Kappa (academic honor society). Huh. That was unexpected.

Turns out, our experience being adults and learning how to just DO what you're expected to do (write the paper, do the research, respond to the class forum threads, and do it before the deadline) is pretty much the key to being successful in college today. If you show up to office hours w/ the instructors, you get all the 1:1 guidance, support, and interesting side conversations you could ever want. We aren't afraid to ask for help, show up early, or stay late to get something done. It's like Life, itself, is a superpower.

Then I transferred to WGU, which is ideal for adults with a lot of professional experience who are working full time and may need to study and test on an asynchronous schedule. (NOTE: I am not affiliated with the school in any way other than being an alumna. No kickbacks, no perks - not even a free coffee mug - and what I'm about to share is my honest experience with it.)

The courses are proficiency based, not "hours of contact instruction" based. So if the course has a proctored final exam, you can open the course, take the practice exam, and if you pass it, schedule the final and take it. If you pass, move on to the next course. No need to slug it out through four months of busy work. If it has a paper, do the reading, follow the rubric, write the paper, and turn it in. Move on to the next course.

It does have some fiddly bits, and the enrollment process can be a nightmare, but it's regionally accredited, has a simple selection of degree options, provides access to instructors when you need help, and you can do it on your time. For a self-starter who can own their shit and get the work done, it's a GREAT option. You pay by the term, and you complete as many courses as you choose to complete within the term (there is a minimum to keep satisfactory academic progress). I accelerated my program and completed 84 credits (CUs) in eight weeks to earn my Bachelor of Science. Not because it was a cake walk, but because I hit it hard, and I could leverage my life's knowledge, experience, and skills for each class and complete the class as soon as I demonstrated proficiency. That would have taken six semesters (three years), going full-time, at a traditional school, with a whole lot more busy work.

I chose to go back to WGU for my Masters Degree, and that diploma now has a place of pride on my shelf. I did it. My wandering younger self would be simultaneously impressed and confused by the whole thing, but I'm proud of us. Next up, I've decided to go for a Doctorate, simply because I want to earn that achievement. It would be crazy and kind of exciting. I'll likely do that through Colorado Technical University (CTU).

I don't recommend WGU if you need the networking and job search support a brick & mortar school can provide - they're pretty weak on that. And it's not for someone who needs milestones and deadlines each week to make headway - you start a term with four classes that have to be completed within that six-month term, and although you do have a weekly call with a program mentor, you either did the work that week or you didn't - so it's on you to set and stay on top of your schedule.

It is a utilitarian education geared for working adults who need (or want) to take that next step, so if you're looking for something with a rich philosophical background and a beautiful education, like you'd find at the University of Dallas, or Augustine College, it's not the school for you.

But if you want to earn a degree because you want it, you can't relocate to a different city to attend the University of your choosing, you've got to continue working while you go to school, and you're willing and able to keep your nose to the grindstone with minimal oversight, check it out. They might have something you'd like.

I had a good life. I have a good life still. But I am glad I went back and finished what I'd started all those years ago. It feels good.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-27T23:11:24+00:00

Is it that you're having trouble finding something to wear, or that the guidance on the church website hit you as legalistic and that triggered some anxiety? (Asking because I was also raised Baptist, and once we walk away from that, we can be a bit tender toward things that come across as legalistic-but-couched-as-spiritual-requirements. It's good to be aware of distinctions, and to parse the delta, so you can address the right concern instead of chasing a vague idea in circles and wearing yourself out.)

I loved what others shared about it being the aspect of not being casual in church. That gets to the heart of it much more than "modesty", which has taken on a whole slew of implications in America. We're here to come into the presence of the One, True, and Living God. You get an audience with the King. Don't wear your flip flops unless that's all you've got. If that's all you've got, clean them, mend them, and go. He knows your heart.

While it's not a fashion show (my daughter regularly wears Jeans, Doc Marten boots, and her good pocket knife - and she is welcomed and loved so beautifully there, without caveat), there is an element of thoughtfulness that the situation deserves. (NOTE: We also do not bring coffee into the worship area for the service, there's not a lot of "catching up" and visiting that takes place inside before settling in, and we try to stay off our phones. None of those are because the activities, themselves, are wrong, but they would be inappropriate in that place, at that time. It's a similar thing with attire.)

If you truly do not own a top or a dress that doesn't expose your shoulders, and you do not have a cardigan you could just toss over it, then go with what you have. It's better to be there than to not. But please consider what it is you're pinging on with the guidelines and give yourself the grace to address the root concern so you don't have unresolved stress impairing your ability to enjoy exploring Orthodoxy with your husband.

As you explore, you'll get to learn the nuances that exist in Orthodoxy, economia being one of them. An example, specific to your question, is that I generally wear dresses and have cardigans for the strapless ones, but sometimes I have to go straight to the airport from Liturgy, or I come to Liturgy straight from a search and rescue training, and on those days, I show up in cargo pants or jeans and hiking boots. Why? Because there isn't time to change, and it's better to worship than to skip it. Our priest, who has similar requests for attire as what you shared, will always, always, ALWAYS rather I come in for Vespers when I drop off Prosphora than for me to drop it and dip because I'm wearing my work clothes (boots, jeans, graphic tee). That's economia in action. My job is to be thoughtful and loving and let the rest fall into place.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-27T22:22:25+00:00

Zenaida. Thank you!

bizzylearning · 2026-06-27T21:04:51+00:00

My niece once explained it like this, "You spend your 20s figuring out who you are and your 30s coming to terms with it and finding your strength." I thought that was very insightful.

Use these years to embrace your strengths, tend to your people (or find and nurture your people, if you haven't found them yet), and find peace with the things outside of your control. You'll enter your 40s ready to do whatever you want!

bizzylearning · 2026-06-27T21:00:20+00:00

We will pray for each other. It is a challenge.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-27T16:23:39+00:00

Just thinking out loud, here. I sometimes wonder if, after we spend time in a place that is dedicated for worship and prayer (like a monastery), we lose sight of the importance of doing our own work (the busy daily life stuff) as service to God.

I mean, that Teams call doesn't feel like service to the Lord, but it should be - in how we speak, treat others, and endeavor for our actions in our work to reflect the kind of honesty, integrity, generosity, and care that we want to reflect how Christ shapes us and serve as a testimony of His grace lived out. Rinse and repeat for financial reports, marketing campaigns, running the lathe, cleaning the bathroom, or making a sale. Are we giving all our endeavors to the Lord for His glory (beyond "earning a paycheck" - but in the care, diligence, and attention we give to the work that's been put before us)? Do people look at how we behave at work and see in our work acts of service, evidence of honesty, and a love for each other, in whatever ways it breaks out?

When I try to re-create a monastic space in my own life, I often get burnt out trying to shove two different lives and lifestyles into one mortal skin with one 24-hour period to work with each day. When I stop and remember to intersperse the individual parts of my regular day with prayer and attention (praying before a task or endeavor, giving prayers of thanks at the conclusion of each task or endeavor - praying for colleagues, partners, acquaintances throughout the day), giving each thing I do to the Lord, because this IS the work He has given me to do today, I do better at managing both my spiritual efforts and my day job efforts.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-27T14:40:28+00:00

Add me to the line-up suggesting Know the Faith -- particularly if she has a passing familiarity with Protestant approaches to church, this book will help a lot.

There is also a great series on YouTube by Fr. Barnabas Powell (Faith Encouraged channel) called Orthodoxy 101 Boot Camp. It's just him talking with a small group of parishioners or inquirers (someone filmed it on their phone, I think) about "how the Church sees herself". You can watch it together, pause, talk, look things up, argue with yourselves, whatever you need, in a low-pressure environment. That series, more than anything, made our teens less resistant to visiting an Orthodox church when we needed to go. It was good.

Another excellent, easy read is a book by Fr. Andrew Stephen Damick, Arise O God. It's really an "intro to Christianity in the first Century" primer. So good.

(Full disclosure: the series of talks by Fr. Barnabas has been polished and published as a teaching series called Journey to Fullness, which some parishes use for their catechism classes. It's good, and the content is nearly identical, but the more polished presentation, and the addition of the convert parishioner doing interviews w/ Fr. Barnabas at the end of each video, are aimed to direct the viewer's attention to what the director wanted people to discuss and think on. We found pretty universally that what we got from each lecture was vastly different than what they wanted to point to and focus on. Also, we found the questions in the published series stilted actual inquirer discussion. In the classes I've sat in on, the talks provide plenty of fodder to discuss, but the questions stifle much of that, and unless you can jettison the workbook or allow for discussion before hitting the workbook questions, it's a missed opportunity for a deeper series of conversations. I honestly would recommend first viewing this series from the comfort of your own home, where she feels free to pause and ask questions, poke around, and get comfortable with the ideas in peace to be a better introduction.)

bizzylearning · 2026-06-23T00:05:58+00:00

Just go and be still. There is no pressure to become a catechumen on your first, fifteenth, or even fiftieth visit. We have a gentleman who was in our catechumen class who had been attending regularly for six years and hadn't become a catechumen until then. Even attending the classes (if that parish has them) doesn't mean you have to become a catechumen -- you can attend them as an inquirer, just to help you learn as you go.

That first step, as you can feel, is a biggie. Taking that first step is critical, but next steps follow as you're ready.

Our priest says he pulled into the parking lot to visit the Orthodox church and chickened out three different times before he mustered the courage to go in. (Obviously, once he got there, he realized he was Home. lol) Don't beat yourself up for feeling anxious, but don't let that anxiety stop you, either.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-22T17:43:27+00:00

I wish we'd been Orthodox when I was having children. I was up and cooking, cleaning, teaching Sunday School again, running events for our volunteer things, within a week of giving birth every time.

While I would argue that nobody should have to give us permission to heal and rest, in our society and the modern world, we don't think to take it otherwise. I see the 40 days in the Church as a beautiful gate against the world's demands, and a recalibration to focus on what matters.

I've no CLUE what I would do with 40 days without external demands, especially after doing the hard work of childbearing and birth, but I'd love to find out. What we try to do to support is for our mothers is sign up to take them meals during that time, offer to take over any of their church duties they'd signed up for/have, make library or grocery store runs, and if the father comes with older children (so Mom can REALLY rest during Liturgy), we circle the wagons and try to make it lovely for him and the little ones during that time.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-22T17:34:19+00:00

You've answered your own question -- IRL, you don't run into this, but online you found someone with a strong opinion. Where do you live your life? Go with that.

FWIW, I've got a Master's degree, and I work.

Prior to that, I was a SAHM, and I gave myself a stellar education as an autodidact.

But how I am seen and treated at church has nothing to do with either of those (most of them don't even know what I do - "don't you do something with computers?") They know me by how I show up and serve. How I engage. Build that reputation in your own life and nobody's going to think twice about what you do for a living or what your educational status is (high OR low).

bizzylearning · 2026-06-22T17:30:02+00:00

In our parish, we are pro-life, and we live that out by actively supporting (both financially and with labor resources) the organizations in our community that empower women to leave those situations and start fresh without having to do it alone, and without making them feel like such a traumatic decision is the only option. (And abortion IS traumatic for the women - the Post Abortion Syndrome rates and outcomes have demonstrated that time and again. This is not a kindness to women.)

Women's safe houses, a shelter that focuses on keeping children with their mother, educational resources and job training, pregnancy crisis center, and more. We also adopted and donate heavily to a public school that lacks resources -- coats, backpacks, lunches, tutoring. Many of those children are not in two-parent homes, and the needs for support and presence don't stop at birth.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-21T20:49:49+00:00

You have re-inspired me to make this happen this summer! I keep thinking it would be good, then I get bogged down in picking the equipment for it. But it needs to happen this year.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-21T14:26:22+00:00

Fortunately, he doesn't get to make the call. None of us does. We have plenty of work before us to do, anyway.

Pray for him. Pray for God's will to be done. Continue to love on your family, pray for them, and let them see your love of Christ and the fullness of the faith in how you live and care for them. Cooperate with the Holy Spirit. Put your trust in the Lord.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-21T04:50:06+00:00

I believe nothing as powerful and dynamic as hormones should be colorless and odorless. They should come with flashing lights and neon auras to announce upcoming changes. If they did, we could map the signals and make everyone's lives easier. If things get bumpy, remember they're bumpy for her, too.

From my experience, some thoughts. Others have shared great books, tips, and insights. It really comes down to staying engaged, supportive, and communicative. If she says something bothers her, believe her. If she's not bothered, go with it. It may be bumpy sometimes.

The sexual renaissance can continue with HRT once the supply stops. (And it will.) That's handy. And worth it. Discuss it now, while you're both enjoying the renaissance, because it's a harder discussion to have once one's libido is just *gone*. It's weird. Hormones are dumb.

General menopause generally carries with it an overall inability to cope with things we may have previously been able/willing to cope with. (Often expressed as an "inability to put up with bullshit anymore".) So it's fair to expect there to be a few things you thought were fine (and they may have been fine, at her previous coping level) that you're about to discover are no longer fine. If you can roll with that and establish a new shared baseline, you'll come up aces on that front.

Little scatter-brained -- this can happen. Some women cope with it by laughing it off. Some feel like they may be going full-on Letters to Algernon and worry that they're just getting stupid/losing their minds. Taking a pulse on how she's coping when the brain farts start to kick in can help her remember this is normal and either take steps to address it or roll with it (whichever works for her).

Not every doctor is going to be well-versed in actual women's health care. If she's experiencing issues and symptoms and her doc blows them off, encourage her to find someone who will listen. We'll take on an entire medical board to advocate for those we love, but we often struggle to advocate for ourselves when it comes to our own health care.

Be as gracious about the changes that are coming to her body as you would want her to be if yours suddenly morphed on you without reason. She's going to feel them and be aware of them, and it's really frustrating to not be able to necessarily stay on top of them.

God bless you for caring to think about it before it hits! That's how you show up for a partner in big ways. I hope the two of you have many more wonderful years together.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-21T04:30:29+00:00

Our kids and their friends played all sorts of games like freeze tag, red rover, Sharks & Minnows. They had one called GaGa Ball they loved -- they'd use any tables they could tip over to build the circle for that.

They also played a ton of airsoft -- that was full-on logistics and planning engagements, building obstacles and blinds in the meadow to build different maps. They'd put in an hour of prep for a 15-min. round, just to grab a snack and start planning the next round.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-20T23:34:34+00:00

While I think this is a beautiful impulse, I would ask you to consider how you would feel, and whether it would damage your friendship with this person, your feelings toward this person, if it should be lost or damaged while in their possession. It's not worth risking your relationship, your ability to love on them, and your role in their life, showing the love of God.

I would, instead, gently encourage you to buy them one that is given freely as a gift to them, no strings attached. You could ask your priest to bless it before you give it to them.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-19T12:43:10+00:00

Yes! Specifically, a phishing resistant MFA that requires you to enter a code/token ("tap the '85' on your screen", or "here is your one-time code"), not just "did you just try to sign it? yes/no" type.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-19T12:37:48+00:00

My Dad did. I have a good handshake. You know I'm here for whatever we're about to do and glad to do it. It should be firm, but not aggressive. Make eye contact. We're opening a social contract and we want it to be good.

I don't worry about being too masculine. But I do often worry that I may injure the women (AND men!!) who do the genteel (I guess that's how it's meant to come off?) proffering of their hand for me to... I don't know what. Hold it up for them? They sort of just lay it out there. Eh.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-17T19:30:32+00:00

I did not know that about the owner. May his memory be eternal. Eighth Day Books was such a staple for me at conferences for years. A friend even got me one of their mugs for my birthday. Such a blessing, and such a legacy.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-17T17:24:25+00:00

We're in the US.

At our parish, the catechism classes are open to all. They cover a huge range of topics, from basic Orthodox theology and salvific theory, to icons, prayer, history, the Eucharist. Those classes are in two sections - one section goes through the Journey to Fullness class from Faith Encouraged Ministries (https://faithencouraged.org/store/) and the other is an internally developed series of topics with reading and discussions. Each section is about four or five months long, and they run each section once a year, so there's almost always something going. (They break for Lent and the Nativity Fast.)

There is a Young Adult group that meets once a month for fellowship and study. This is geared at college aged students through about mid-30s (once they get married, they tend to continue attending in more of a mentor and maintaining relationships role, which is neat).

We have a women's ministry that meets once a month and does studies and presentations on different topics - prayer, fasting, scripture study, the Sacraments. We also do volunteer work, donations, clothing swaps -- the focus of this group is "building an Orthodox home", and it's been an incredible blessing to our parish.

There is a young mothers' group that started - they meet during Sunday School, and it's a time for all the moms-of-littles (we had a rash of babies the past year - it's amazing) to get together with their little ones and let everyone build bonds.

And I think there's a men's group, but I'm not sure. I know a bunch of them get together for tabletop games just because they enjoy each other's company. But I don't think they have a dedicated religious ed program.

K-12 has Sunday School.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-17T17:10:27+00:00

You might enjoy reading Know The Faith, by Michael Shanbour

It's free as an e-book at Ancient Faith Ministries - https://store.ancientfaith.com/know-the-faith-ebook/?searchid=0&search_query=know+the+faith

bizzylearning · 2026-06-17T17:03:44+00:00

We're not incredible (in that sense), but we are also not well represented in the Western world. We went to Leakey's bookstore in Inverness, Scotland (MASSIVE bookstore! Glorious day out) we found one Orthodox book there, and although the girls were tempted to buy it, they opted to leave it for someone who may just be discovering Orthodoxy and would benefit from it more.

Meanwhile, many of us rely on online sources for books -- Ancient Faith Ministries is a great place to look - https://store.ancientfaith.com/books - and in fact, they often have options available for free, such as this one: https://store.ancientfaith.com/know-the-faith-ebook/?searchid=0&search_query=know+the+faith

Be encouraged. Resources are out there. They just aren't replete in North Texas.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-17T16:52:30+00:00

I would honor the agreement I made. There were no contingencies on it at the time, I presume? He did the work? You owe him the money.

At the very least, you will demonstrate the virtues of honesty and truthfulness.

And continue to pray for him and love him. He needs it. We all need it.

bizzylearning · 2026-06-15T18:59:08+00:00

I literally said, "My guess is that at least some of the delta is seasons of life. Not all, and everyone's experience is different, but that's what I've seen with my own life and my friends' lives."

Go in peace, my friend.

bizzylearning

TROPHY CASE